Till I'm Tim Toge You, dot com, the podcast about pop culture, black history, and spirituality. It's about to be a great part. Doctor Tim, gone and take it away. Till I'm Tim Toge You.
Hey y'all, hey it's your girl Tim. Thank you for joining me for another edition of Till I Toge You. Let me start off by saying I apologize in advance. It is officially allergy season here in Georgia and I'm sure I sound like a well groomed man right now, but that's okay.
I'm gonna get through this. Here's what I want to talk about today. I want to, so today is actually International Women's Day. If you're listening on the day, I upload the podcast.
And so we're gonna talk a little bit about International Women's Day. I want to tell you one of my favorite old do from the old do E-fah, Oce Tour. And then I want to talk a little bit about what I think black women are facing in this particular moment. And I want to give some advice to black women and some advice to the people that love us.
All right. So let's just jump right in. Today is, indeed, International Women's Day. It says something about a world where you need that.
The very presence of a world where international women's day is necessary. Says something about the vast majority of how this world, no, I don't want to say the vast majority of this world. I want to say the vast majority of the Western world treats femininity and those traits associated with women. You know, in a lot of ways, a lot of times we are socialized to see ourselves as lesser day in.
And today is the day where I want all of us to see ourselves in the fullness of all that we are. And to understand that what we are as we have been created to be, whatever that is, is divinely intended. And because of that, it's powerful and it's unique and it's beautiful. And I just want to celebrate every person who identifies as a woman.
I just want to celebrate you today. And gently request that you tap into those parts of yourself that people tell us are weak or that should be shown or marginalized. You know, I was talking to a group of girls last week and we got on the subject of emotions. If you've been listening to the podcast for any period of time, you probably heard me say that people try to get us to run from being emotional.
And I truly believe that they try to get us to run away from it, particularly black women, because our emotions are so powerful. Right? We usually have an inherent spiritual way of knowing things that come from our emotions. Our emotions can usually drive other people to movement.
Our emotions are protective and they're beautiful things that I think we should celebrate on this and every day. And so I want to talk a little bit about ocean, right? Ocean and popular culture is relatively popular right now. Y'all stop letting people with tarot cards tell you you're doing our ocean or sun emotional.
Y'all stop letting you know, pre-sum internet who you don't know from Adam's house cat tell you your head is marked to ocean. It's not that for two reasons. One is because they don't know. If that's how they're doing it, they don't know.
But two and probably more importantly, you don't know what you're getting into. Ocean is a beautiful or aisha. She is beautiful. She's protective.
She's nurturing. Wealthy, compassionate, all of those things. Ocean ain't the one to two with a three to play with though. I think a lot of us forget that she is a warrior.
I think some of us forget that she is serious, right? You cannot be a part-time fan of hers. So let me tell you one of my favorite Pataki or small stories about ocean, sacred story about ocean and how the world came to be. You know, let me say this.
I teach my students this, but I think it's important for us all to remember that a culture is cosmoginy or their creation story gives us insight into how they think things should really be. So saying that we should pay close attention to gender roles and dynamics in this story. So God, its infinite wisdom decided to create the world as we know it. And to do so, it took parts of itself, spirits, and gave them particular powers that would be beneficial in the establishment of the world.
God sent those spirits down. And one by one, they did what they were supposed to do until we had a world in humans to populate it. Because of the sacred violence between the spirits or the only show of Ramale and the in the eye of humans, things were going pretty well. You know, women were having children, families were happy, food, herbs, and medicines were growing.
It was just a beautiful time. And slowly those things started to change. And the crops started to die in the field. Farming, tools, and utensils started to break.
Women started having children because of that people started dying and getting sick in ways that they had never done before. And so the humans went before the Orisha and said, listen, we're keeping a button in the bargain, you know, we're venerating you, we're making sacrifices at our ball, we're doing everything we have to do. What's going on? Why are we being punished?
And the Orisha met amongst themselves to discuss it because they didn't know what was happening differently. And so as you, the trickster, he says, listen, obviously we can't figure this out amongst ourselves. We need to go back to a loafie to die and ask what's going on. Because certainly something is happening because Ogun says he's making the tools the same way he's always made them and they're breaking.
And Orisha Ogun says he's always grown the foods the same way and they're not growing. And so on and so forth, all the Orisha said that they've been doing the things that they were always put here to do. And for some reason, it's just not working anymore. So they agree with that shoe and they go back and they meet with a loafie and they plead their case.
And as they're talking, a loafie is counting. And when they finish making their plea, making their requests, a loafie asks, where's the other one? I know how many of you I sit to create the world. There is someone missing.
And I'm about to laugh because he was the oldest Orisha and he's the one full of wisdom and patience. He looks around and looks back at a loafie and he says, oh, oh, shoe, the little girl you said with us? Oh, she's just a little girl. We didn't think to bother her.
And a loafie, again in its infinite wisdom, turns towards his creation and says, did anyone stop to ask what her power was? I gave each of you a part of me. Did anyone stop to ask what her gift was? And all these male Orisha started looking around at each other and they have to admit that they didn't.
And a loafie says, again, for the gift of making life work living. That's why things aren't working. And so they ask a loafie, well, how do we fix this? And a loafie says, the only way to get this right is to ask her.
I think a long story short, they go to Oshun. Oshun is an African woman. So when they ask her for forgiveness, she doesn't give in right away. But eventually she does because she is compassionate.
She is nurturing. And she did fix things. There's a lot to learn from that project. Again, basic culture says we pay attention to a people's cosmogity because it says something about what their deep beliefs are.
And we see here that they don't about believe deeply the importance of femininity. But feminine is necessary for things to work well. Oshun is what I'm expecting. I'm going to side note here and say compare that to the Genesis story and how today a Christianity often situates the woman is the person to blame.
But that's a side note that's leaving it here for now. For now. But there's a lot to learn from Oshun in terms of as an African woman, as a black woman, what our responsibility is and will we say no? See we are responsible.
I think if we just pay attention to our work over history, right, over the years, we are responsible for making life worth living. We create works of art. We create beauty. We create life.
We create food. We create home. You know, all these things. Not one of them are sole responsibility.
But all of them within our wheelhouse, right? We do all of these wonderful works. But Oshun reminds us that if that work is not acknowledged, it's okay to stop. And that's why I want to spend some time just unpacking just a moment.
At any point, the work that we do is not acknowledged or celebrated. The story of Oshun told reminds us that it is okay to stop. Oshun didn't argue with the other, she didn't argue. Let me tell you something about Oshun, right?
Well, let me say this in general about Oshun. For those of you who may not be familiar with the practice as a cultural religious tradition, my elders taught me that you don't necessarily get Oshun based on your characteristics. For example, just because you're a man who's a little bit of a womanized or very attractive who loves to dance, that does not automatically mean your head belongs to Shango, Kamo Kaji. Just because you may be a nurturer and a lover of children does not mean that you're necessarily a son or daughter of Yomu Jai.
But the orisha that claims you more often than not is, yes, you may have shared characteristics with this spirit, but more than more often than not, it is that you need that particular energy to write yourself, right? With Oshun, Oshun came into my life to help me see myself, we forget it, that her mirror is not about vanity. I don't know where that came from, well I think I have some money that came from, but Oshun's mirror is not about vanity, it is about self-development, personal development. It is also about recognizing your own worth.
See, in the story of Oshun told her, if Oshun did not understand her own power, she may have been begging people to see her and to celebrate her. She didn't. She had so much confidence in her gift that she could withhold it. Do you?
Y'all don't hear me. She had such confidence in her ability that she didn't have to scream about it. She didn't have to broadcast it. She didn't try to beat somebody over the head to understand what she was worth.
You know what she did? She just stood back a little bit. And some of us are in relationships where we are trying to beg someone to see all of us. We are in job situations where we are trying to outperform everybody around us so that we can be recognized so our gifts and talents can be validated by someone else.
But that's not what Oshun did. Oshun said, okay, I didn't work hard. I didn't help y'all run this thing. You don't want to see me.
You don't want to celebrate me. I'm not going to get loud about it. I'm not going to get angry about it. I'm going to rest.
Some of my sisters listen right now. This is the lesson for the season. We need to rest. That's why I like following the Nat Ministry on Instagram.
We need to rest. We need to be resting. I think we forget that resting is a part of activism and a critical part of wellness. But we need to be resting.
Oshun shows us that. We withdraw. Some of us, when we don't feel seen or validated, we try to do even more. That's not Oshun's ministry.
That's not what she showed us. What she showed us was what worked. What's effective is to pull back. To pull back.
And to have faith that your talent is so... Okay. You got to believe that you were so fly that you were absolutely essential. Do you see that?
Some of us don't feel safe pulling back because we don't really trust the gifts. To be missed. Oh, I just convicted myself a little bit. Okay.
So in our relationships, right? In our relationships. When sometimes when we feel like our partner is losing interest or is distracted by someone else or so on and so forth, what we try to do then is buy the extra lingerie. We try to learn the new recipes.
We don't want to so forth because we're trying to overcompensate for what we feel is a lack, right? But if we watch this Oshun, Pataki, what we learned is that Oshun didn't do more of what she was built to do. She withheld from people who were not worthy of receiving it. There has to be a certain amount of hellified competence to say me withholding what I got is more powerful than giving you more of what I don't got.
It is also recognizing that the other person has worked to do. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm going to stop there. But you understand what I'm saying about Oshun?
I want us to really think and reflect upon what Oshun did and why, especially on international women's day. I think there are messages there for women. Y'all know one of my favorite people walking the face of the earth is Dr. Y'all were playing and I love when she says we are what we got.
I don't love that we have to say that, but I love that we say that because we recognize our talent and we recognize who we are and we rely on what each other to see us, even if nobody else does. Thomas and Cara wanted to sexiest African leaders of all time. I probably shouldn't say that. I don't know how appropriate that was by me.
All right. So he says there is no real social revolution without the liberation of women. There is no real social revolution without the liberation of women. If we look at any struggle for human rights, globally, globally, if we look at any struggle for human rights, we see women, women at the core.
There's a reason patriarchy fears womanness. Those distorted, unnatural, man-made systems fear the sacred divinity of femininity. We need to understand and appreciate our power. Some Cara is reminding us.
Ocean Tour is reminding us of women's sacred power. And their role, I think if we look just even politically in the United States in the last what, 10 years, we see how important women are to writing some of the wrongs that have historically existed in this country. We need women. But I want to be careful and balanced with what I'm saying with Mama Zora.
Mama Zora said black women are the world. Listen, yes, we hold this sacred work. Yes, we hold this sacred responsibility. No, we are not nobody's packing.
We are not supposed to do all the work. Ocean's gift was to make the work that the men did more beautiful, more meaningful, more efficient and effective not to do the work that the men were supposed to be doing. And I'm not talking about gender roles. I'm talking about a balance of social responsibility, a balance of political responsibility, a balance of economic responsibility, a partnership.
It is time out for people expecting black women to save everybody. Yeah, okay, y'all celebrate this with means after Stacey Abrams saved the US from fascism for now. Yeah, that was cute and all. But how are you treating Stacey Abrams before that?
How will you be treating her once you've decided she's outlived her usefulness? Like you treat all other black women and when you're in trouble. And then I didn't see the interview last night. I just honestly am not that into what's going on in the royal family.
And that's not a judgment name. I enjoyed reading all your tweets and Facebook. It's been a post about it. But I just, you know, sometimes I can get killed joy with the whole colonialism.
Anyway, there's no judgment there though because I got some problematic preferences too. The Oprah Meghan Michael thing last night and just reading again, I didn't watch it. Just reading your posts about it though. One, I don't know how surprised, why people are surprised.
Why people are white people. I don't know how else to say that. White supremacy is a global phenomenon. It doesn't stop at the US border.
I just, I don't understand how some of y'all are surprised that people were asking about how Dr. Bevain was going to be with your family. They checked the nails in the ears when the baby came out. Why are you surprised that white folk might be doing that too?
We had the whole one drop rule here. Okay. I don't know why you surprised that. I will say this though.
I hope that the conversations that are being sparked by this interview will include her tired black women of the collective BS that we lived through. If Meghan Michael could be as tired as she was, how tired is the sister working third shift at Walmart? Okay. Do you understand what I'm saying?
How tired is she? And that's not to say Meghan Michael isn't tired. And I'm not talking about just physically tired right now. I hope you understand what I'm saying.
Black women that I am in conversation with and me, a black woman, I'm telling you right now, we are tired. It is the sick and tired, tired. We are tired of everybody's bullshit right now. You understand what I'm saying?
We are tired. You're. Now, let's go back to Oche Tuda. Y'all be careful because black women are collectively reaching a place where Oche's strategy is looking hella nice.
And the question that comes, what happens to you if black women pull back? What if we decide we ain't gonna save the election this time? What if we decide we ain't gonna defend the children in the schools no more? What happens when we decide we ain't giving all our money to the church house that don't let us leave anyway?
What happens when we decide we don't want to cook and clean for you anymore? Like what are you gonna do? How is the world gonna work? If we withhold it all?
If we stop praying, somebody will be. Okay, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Some of y'all walking around here right now because black women pray for you.
Okay, what happens when she gets sick of going to her spirits and yours to make sure you okay? Okay, do you understand what I'm saying? There needs to be a wake up call for how you treat us. Sisters, they ask me a wake up call for how we demand to be treated.
Oche, what was it asking for money? Okay, Oche already holds a lot of wealth. A lot of wealth. You know, no, right?
She got a baggy for the money. Oche wasn't withholding her talent for money. She wasn't withholding her talent for an orgasm. She was withholding her talent to simply be seen and celebrated.
That's the bare minimum. The bare minimum is that you see me, that you recognize me, that you celebrate how I come to the table. Some of y'all ain't doing that and some sisters, myself included. We don't move in the world like that, unfortunately.
Some of us know and Oche still reminds us to, what would it be to move to the world and not doubt your birth? To not doubt your worth. What does that mean? To move?
What would it look like? Some of us haven't spent time, y'all know I'm a big, or maybe I've never said that out loud, I'm really big on daydreaming. There should be times in your day. This is the problem with capitalism.
It takes away your time to think. That's another topic for another day. But you know, we need to be thinking about how we move to the world. We need to reflect upon it, to make sure we are moving in 100% confidence of our own worth.
What does that look like for you? It's not called look the same for you as it does, but it's if you, right? What does it look like for you? Have you even thought about what that means?
What does it mean to be seen? What does that feel like? What does it smell like? What does it taste like?
How does it show up when you wake up in the morning? How does it show up when you wake up in the back office? How does it show up in your treatment from your children? We need to really, um, sisters.
We really need to figure out what it looks like so we can be there. And we also need to figure out how joy is centered in it all. That's our charge, right? Um, but we've been like people playing our faces a lot.
I was listening to, in fact, it's about a year today. I listened to this podcast. Um, I can't remember a brother's name. I wish I remember a brother's name.
It's a nutritionist, a health trainer, the mental health, model health fitness, model health, something, podcast, right? About a year ago, he had a scientist on that was talking about, um, telomeres on your chromosomes and how the length of those indicates your real age, right? Because the shorter the telomere, the less time you have left to live. And then about a week ago, I saw a study that said on average, black women's telomeres are seven years older than the average white woman.
And then I think about how many black intellectual giants die early. And it has to be because there is a, a kind of, my sisters understand me. I don't know if men get this. Um, there is a kind of fatigue that can come over you.
It's not just physical because the napping doesn't help. It's not just emotional because the numbing that we do doesn't always help. Um, it's not just spiritual because the praying we do may not always help, but that is a fatigue that is at the cellular level and it comes from stress. And I believe that some of that stress comes from not being seen, not feeling like people see us, not, not feeling like people here is, you know, black women can say, Hey, don't touch that pot is hot.
I just turn the, the man, the child go touch the eye on a societal level. We say that don't vote for this person. I haven't told you, it's feeling a little fucking, don't, but you know, anyway, there's a collective fatigue that I just want to issue that. We are sick of people playing in our faces from the macro down to the micro, stop playing in their sister's face.
Okay. I also think we forget that there are spiritual, I'm sorry, of scientists. Okay. Um, there are spiritual consequences for playing in black women's faces.
I'm just going to leave that there. Y'all do with that. What you will, but some of y'all running around here trying to figure out my best stuff keep happens to you is because you're playing in sister's faces. All right.
I've done with that. So I want to leave out with some just general basic bullet points of things you can do today and every day as a celebration of International Women's Day to do something but a sister in your life. So here's the advice to people who are not sisters, get some therapy, do some self work. It might be a life coach.
It might be a licensed clinical therapist. It might be, um, y'all don't, you got to be careful, but kind of spiritual leader you go to, you know, just use your gift to deserve it. But get some kind of professional help with your personal development. Do some self work.
Okay. That's number one. Because that's how you treat sisters as well is you learn to be okay. Number two, listen, listen to them.
I don't know why y'all want to listen to us. Something about the male ego. You want to hear what your sister's got to say? Listen, please.
All right. Scientifically, we know sisters being here longer. You're supposed to listen to your elders. When we came first, listen.
Okay. Number three, recognize our worth. Beyond it being in service to you, women are good for more than just making you feel good. Recognize the wholeness of our worth.
And finally, give them the care and the nature that they deserve. Physical care, any emotional nurturing. What was the last time you hugged a sister not to try to get some, but just because you knew she needed to be held? What was the last time you gave a woman a hug, a platonic hug?
What was the last time you said, Hey, babe, go rest. When was the last time you took her on a drive just on a very pretty day? When was the last time you made her feel physically safe? Our sisters need these things.
You know, the myth of the strong black woman is one of the most dangerous myths in America today. I just told you women, black women are tired. We're collectively tired. And we need you to, we need you to see us enough to recognize that and do for us what you would do for any other thing that was at its end, at its wits end.
If your dog wasn't feeling good, you're not going to let it just lay in the corner and call it lazy. You're a woman that's coming home from work. She feeding the kids and then she's too exhausted to do anything with you. And you fuss with her about whether or not she don't want to sleep with you.
Instead of you saying, baby, I know you're tired. Can I rub your back and not be trying to get in her drawers? Yeah, women, okay, I'm off that give her physical care and emotional nurturing. Here's my advice to us, sisters.
We don't have a life culture therapist we need to get in with. There are things we need to do for ourselves because I think history is clear. We can't. We have to stand in the gap for ourselves.
Does that make sense? And that doesn't make sense because it doesn't make sense, but you understand what I'm saying. So we need to be connected to a community of like-minded women. I see us.
I hear us. If you need to be seen in her, find some sisters that can see or hear you. Should it only be sisters doing that for you? No.
But we stand in the gap for ourselves. Rest. Rest. If you're like me, you're trying to do too much for too many other people.
So here is a basic strategy. I think every black woman should do. Schedule at least 45 minutes on your calendar just for you. Just for you.
And I don't mean schedule it in such a way that, oh, I'm going to get a pedicure. Or I'm going to- I'm talking about 45 minutes, it just says, rest. Because that might look like however it needs to look that day. Don't pre-plan it as well as I eat.
Let your body tell you what you need. Let your spirit tell you what you need. But make sure you have that time protected. Speaking of which, here's my final piece of advice.
Shonda Ross was very dangerous. I got a lot of problems with Shonda Ross. That's for another day. But one of my problems is the year of yes.
No, baby. We need a decade of no. But I would say yes too much. How about we have a- let's celebrate the no.
Can you have this- on my desk by five o'clock? No. It's for 45. You want to ask me to have it on your desk by five o'clock?
I ain't going to be able to do it. And you want to ask Karen to do it. You want to ask Becky to have it on by five o'clock? No.
I can't do that. Oh, babe. I'm having the- the guys over. Can you do some of those?
Uh, no. I got me time schedule at four forty-five today. No, I can't do that. Um, would you like some next week?
Can you give me some notice? I have- I'll do it for you next week. But no, not today. Me and the girl are going to do it xyz today.
Would you like to take on this additional, um, no. Um, no. I appreciate the opportunity. But right now, with my schedule as it is, I'm going to have to say no.
But I would be interested in you circling back maybe sometime next month. Can you write this for me for- can you help me write this? Um, I'd love to. I'd love to.
My rates for that are. But at this time, I'm unable to do it for free. We've been a- have a decade of no sisters. We tend to celebrate to know we're going to take OCHE to it or to heart.
And if we're not being compensated, in the way we want to be compensated, whether it's time, attention, validation, et cetera, we withhold. We don't overcompensate. We withhold. Alright?
Nond sounding that too. Me too. Not just you. I think that's all I wanted to cover today.
Happy International Women's Day. Love a woman today. Love a woman today. Everyone.
Love yourself a whole lot. And Nick today, everything you do for a degree. Tell us what you're doing. Bye.
Bye. Bye.