Acceptance Is Not Agreement

Much of the heartache I've endured as a caregiver results from my unwillingness to accept things as they are. Fighting to change things I remain powerless to change has only made it harder for me – and sadly, others. A friend once told me that acceptance doesn't mean agreement. I may not like what I carry or witness, but I can accept that it is what it is – and be calmer while enduring it. That's not defeatist, just realistic. My wife helped teach me this when she lost both of her legs. She didn't like being a double-amputee, but it became her new reality. Watching her process significant loss and the new challenges, I witnessed her make peace with new and painful circumstances. While she still periodically experiences moments of grief – even decades later – her resolve and acceptance help dry the occasional tears. As caregivers, acceptance connects our brains to our hearts and allows "what is" to mingle with grief. In the process, we can live more peacefully with the often-chaotic events in our lives – and our resolve to do so can also help dry the more than occasional tears. Tears come from the heart and not from the brain. - Leonardo da Vinci