ADHD and impulse control: The science behind why willpower fails episode artwork

EPISODE · Jun 30, 2026 · 24 MIN

ADHD and impulse control: The science behind why willpower fails

from Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn · host Understood.org

Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?  Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore.  They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work with your brain’s patterns beats white-knuckling your way through every temptation. Plus why some ADHDers end up over-controlled — which comes with its own set of problems.  If you’ve ever told yourself you’re just lazy, bad at relationships, or fundamentally broken because you can’t seem to get it together, this one’s for you.  For more on this topic Listen: ADHD and impulsive spending Watch: ADHD break-ups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode metadata supplied by the publisher feed · Published Jun 30, 2026

Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder? Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore. They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work with your brain’s patterns beats white-knuckling your way through every temptation. Plus why some ADHDers end up over-controlled — which comes with its own set of problems. If you’ve ever told yourself you’re just lazy, bad at relationships, or fundamentally broken because you can’t seem to get it together, this one’s for you.

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This episode was published on June 30, 2026.

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Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?  Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why...

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