Adoption with psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy

I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side that I hear from (and often a voice which is missing when adoption is discussed). When adoptees write to me, they often talk of constantly looking for something, as if something is missing, or they feel 'unlovable', no matter how much they are in fact loved. In turn they feel they can't talk about this for fear of upsetting their adoptive parents. And there's a narrative that adoptees are 'lucky' and 'chosen' which makes voicing any negative feelings very hard.In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy who once said that parents who adopt children often have a 'three course meal of love prepared for the child, but the child can only handle a teaspoon at a time'. This phrase really resonated with my readers.Alison's book is called A is for Adoption and it's a highly recommended read. She also recommends some other resources:Books:https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/oct/22/top-10-books-about-adoption-chosen-by-adopted-childrenAlison’s book A is For Adoption:https://www.routledge.com/A-for-Adoption-An-Exploration-of-the-Adoption-Experience-for-Families-and/Roy/p/book/9780367439477It Didn't Start With You - Mark WolynnThe Primal Wound - Nancy VerrierWhy love matters by Sue GerhardtThe Red Dust Road by Jackie KayParenting Matters: Parenting a child with difficulties in learning caused by traumaRespark by Dr Graham MusicThe secret garden by Frances Hodgson BurnettHow are you peeling by Saxton FreymannWhy be happy when you could be normal by Jeanette WintersonChildren and young peoplefeeling different - bullying: https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/54964969Books about adoption for children/older childrenThe Unmapped Chronicles and Sky Song - Abi ElphinstoneDragon Rider - Cornelia FunkeThe Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson-BurnettThe Northern Light Trilogy - Philip PullmanThe Polar Bear Explorer’s Club - Alex BellWebsites and useful articlesHow to win an argument with a teenager https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/07/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-teenagerCoram BAAF https://corambaaf.org.ukAdopt UK https://www.adoptionuk.orgMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.