Advice for Songwriters

Advice for Songwriters You can't write a song In a comfortable, air-conditioned room With plenty of time on your hands You can't write a song In a happy relationship Or in a rainforest, with friends you love Because you can't write a song When you're happy, and everything is going your way Or when you've just won an award... Even if it's an award for songwriting By the way I just bought a vinyl record of Beethoven, played by the Berlin Philharmonic for one dollar That's what you're up against You can't write a song Sucking on a menthol Or chewing gum Or if you just brushed your teeth You can't write a song At your parents house Unless they abused you And they're not there And you still hate them for it You can't write a song When you're getting paid good money Or when you've just bought a new car Or after listening To an inspiring Ted talk You can't write a song At a music festival Or on a holiday Or in a swimming pool You can't even write a song When you paid for your own whiskey Or if it's your birthday Or if there's a rainbow in the sky Strangely, you can write a song When you've given up on writing songs Or when you're meant to be doing something else Or when you walked home from the party because you were too stoned and you got bitten by a dog You can write a song in the in-between spaces Like when you've run out of time because you need to be somewhere else Or when you're just jealous as fuck Because someone did it better than you With that in mind Take no notice of these instructions They are a ruse Because the world doesn't need any more songs We have enough already Thank you.