Aggressively Yanking On a 16th Century Penis

Episode SummaryFriday’s show is a nice greasy little sampler platter of schizo Sandra Bullock paranoia, Lord Douche mug drama, Mead being painfully based, tranny weight-gain fever, lasagna hate music, creepy toe commentary, racist florist filth, stale Subway bread violence, and an Italian statue penis that just wanted to be left alone.Stacey Kennison returns with another deranged update from the Sandra Bullock witchcraft files, now involving the University of Wisconsin, being burned alive, and ovary sabotage straight from hell.Great Big Pete and Stabs send a replacement-style mug and Canadian candy for Lord Douche, who remains impossible to please and somehow still hasn’t opened his iPad.Tim falls down a weird rabbit hole involving Andrea, trans poly feeder drama, and a Truly episode that somehow keeps getting worse in fascinating ways.A man records a song about how much he absolutely hates lasagna, and it instantly earns Linda Finkel Hall of Fame consideration.The show opens with Sandra Bullock Is an Evil Witch, featuring Stacey Kennison accusing Sandy of rape plots, devil babies, protective-covering theft, and witchcraft crimes while casually recommending hummus and balsamic glaze.That whole segment somehow manages to combine demonic ovary destruction, German identity grievances, and sandwich advice into one cursed little package.Lord Douche receives a sturdy glass mug from listeners, but the sacred mug quest is far from over because apparently shape, size, color, and spiritual alignment all matter.Canadian candy becomes a point of fascination, with Tim marveling that a country one sneeze away from the U.S. still has completely different Smarties and superior junk food.Mead Skelton fires off an email defending his use of the word based, proving once again that no one overuses internet slang more tragically than a middle-aged creep trying to sound young.Andrea, a recurring trans internet oddball, turns out to have appeared on reality TV in a relationship involving feeding, fetish weight gain, polyamory, and enough emotional instability to power a small city.The segment goes from “that really gave me tranny baby fever” to a full breakdown of supersized love, feeder dynamics, and boyfriend procurement with disturbing speed.Russell Brand pops up too, awkwardly admitting he slept with a 16-year-old when he was 30 and trying to soften it with born-again self-help-book energy.Ohio florist meltdown: A Columbus flower shop owner goes berserk on an Uber driver over a returned bouquet, screaming abuse and eventually dropping racist garbage on camera. Yelp had a field day.Florida Subway assault: A man gets arrested after allegedly slapping a Subway employee over stale bread, which is a little like attacking the ocean for being wet.Italian statue molestation: A tourist in Florence damages the 16th-century Fountain of Neptune during a bachelorette challenge that reportedly involved trying to touch the statue’s little marble dick.A deeply committed singer performs I Hate Lasagna with such sincere venom that Tim nearly tears up and immediately starts free-styling his own anti-lasagna remix.A random street interaction turns ugly when a man compliments a woman’s toes and sparks a weird little public argument about safety, creepiness, and who exactly is being a Karen.The toe segment only gets stranger once it becomes clear the toes are barely even visible, which somehow makes the whole drive-by foot admiration even more pathetic.