Now he's got like lyrics and melody and stuff, but if you feel the need to chime in we're empowering you to do so. Hey I'm not cool. You said are you easy going? Yeah?
No Yeah, I would say you're a very particular fellow You're just you're just finding out that you're like high-stronger. Did you know that there was a torture in many evil times where Medieval or so many I like what I like what you say so it's medieval then you what I am not easy going to tell you oh my god Oh Hello everybody welcome on the other side of this political smoke is our guest this week dreaded Mitchell from alien aunt farm I'm sorry. I brought my only family with me everybody That was pretty good though everybody close your eyes is a dragon in the room Pretty cool, right? I was a impression a dragon a hovering dragon.
Yeah, obviously. Yeah, he's clearly just he's staring you down He's a deputy right before he lands yeah and burns us all you know when I'm in everyone like a loud nightclub in What's what's my name? And I say dried and I was a dragon said yeah, bitch my name's dragon It's tempting like when you're a dude. It's tending to just be like yeah, sorry I called the imaginary person a bitch.
I'm sure they were you sound like a family name How does one end up with the first name like that? Dry didn't I don't it was my grandfather's name He's Canadian. He hated it so he changed his name to Ken my mom So she was naming my naming me Dryden. He I think he begged her not to know you feel about it.
Well, it's better than Kenneth Maybe I don't know I don't know I've never been a kid. I know offense the Ken but dry and sick Ken Dryden I know I know it's a goalie. It sounds like a breakcard I'm a 15th century poet named right in that makes sense now I'm just some dude calling girls bitches in the nightclub who call me dragon calling them that is you got to really know them You know I only call my best girlfriend's bitches if I don't know a girl and I call her bitch I it's kind of like the C word it is rude So an Irish guy explaining the C word the other day and saying stuff trying to check me for saying the C word because You know, we're not we don't have we're not allowed to have guns We're not like they got a lot of rules in Ireland where they can't have certain things that we can in America But don't you dare take their C word from them and then he defended Scottish people obviously Irish people Yeah, and some other maybe yeah, yeah, yeah, and then Australians He let us he said we deserve to have it too because he did explain it in a way where he's like in America You're pretty met your mean when you're saying it you're like that you're when you're a sea bomb you're bad But in Australia or Ireland or Scotland you can be a happy sea bomb You mean you can be a silly sea bomb you can be all these other things. It's actually quite jolly and it's a sea bomb So it's like not offensive it when he said it I was I don't know maybe because I'm from Australia, but it made a lot of sense I was like yeah, that's the thing we don't you like silly sea bomb Sorry, I wish I could say it YouTube is so bad But if you can try to picture me saying that is it offensive if I say you're a silly sea bomb No, you sound like the tricks rabbit of Australia all of a sudden, right?
You've been doing serial ads Yeah, it just seems delightful and approachable. You know silly sea bomb funny and you know, can I do that? It's not what you say it's how you say it's not to do it tell you do it Walk it on the line. We'll see man.
I'm walking I swear the robots the bot whatever the the man the thing with the thing in the community with your your money and your Pushing don't say this don't say that. I just want to smash you. I just want to get you and smash you out You don't need to be around us anymore. Yeah, we're born.
Guess what we came out of it vagina So he stopped me from coming out of a China I want to guess how we came guess how we were made in the vagina Yeah things with big Phoey thin out and then Blue jeans no don't say that that's where we are. We came from it's what I am. I'm sploose it came out of it You said it's getting big. Let's get up to first ten minutes getting big down.
Should we just start the show over? I'm gonna sing a song again. I just can't It's kind of handling ridiculous welcome to show me thanks for having me. I saw the other day on the Poly Shosho That was weird.
Yeah, I was it was intense. I had like silly string I didn't know had a I don't know if it's just straight rubbing alcohol But I remember turning to you and I'm a big fan and all of a sudden silly string alcohol right in my eyeballs at the same time No, I did it somehow went through and weirdness. I got you in the eye I have somebody wasn't me because I was definitely trying to knock in people in the eye Maybe it was me silly string burns eyeballs dude. It was nuts.
I suspect myself in the face with it Well, you're a different breed. I closed my eyes off. No, maybe that was what it was I'm glad that's a crazy show Michael is it yeah? He does a lot of weird stuff and he has a lot of people on at the same time It's kind of like having him on and then all of a sudden I have seven special guests ones like a once like a only fans yeah lady and then this choker and then some comedy guy That's not gay, but I think he is thing.
I thought she was a comedian the only fan She was she you're a comedian ever say that she was tall like she had her silly C was right in front of my face It was a silly C. But she she was being nice to me and I'm really bad with women Like I don't understand what's going on and the ones I like I don't really like and then I figured out afterwards But I thought she liked me you take any term like you take any kind of positivity is and like she wants to I think Anybody wants to be one step sexy me. Yeah, yeah I think it's from like childhood damage way, but anyway, I mean how what is your batting average on interpreting things that way are you're Right, oh I was telling you that I am two out of ten. Yeah, which tells me that I I've got it mental problems Mm-hmm.
It's tough I was thinking about that this morning actually that like women are we don't we want women to be friendly and we criticize women When they're like not cool to people but then when women are friendly very often or like oh she must just only be nice to me She totally wants to sleep with me and that would lead women to go Maybe I should be selective about who I'm cool to which would make us think that a lot of women are bees who aren't really She was talking about because Polish always questioned me about my sexual in We got all day baby Why that word go into into windows in your windows in vuendos and bananas is it an empanada? Your promiscuity your window window. Okay. I mean that's the word, but I don't think it means what you think Inclinations now, what was the other way you said promiscuity?
Yeah, promiscuity your inclinations inclinations. Thanks for stopping by Sandy I go nice try Brianna wait Yeah, but she said that she thought it was hot, huh? And that's what made me think that she wanted to sleep with me Yeah, I think when girls when you say this is what I like sexually and a girl says that's hot Yeah, unless she's parasiltin. There's a pretty good chance.
She wants to sleep with you right Well, she might be a bit of a parasiltin because I hit her up afterwards on Instagram And I was like maybe we could go out and she was like yeah, that's maybe I would love to see you two together would have been cool build something special Oh, I would like to you know what she's real she's got a million followers a million followers girls don't go out with guys She's like it all started when I blinded the singer from alien and farm on the shore Yeah, that's a romantic tale. Yeah, you two could settle down get a quiet place somewhere in suburb I could have worked man, right? Yeah, right? Yeah, we couldn't yeah, but we could have got to the gym together and stuff sure I don't know it doesn't work who cares, you know like seriously.
I wanted to hear her jokes. She's not a comedian It's not I don't that's not true I don't she say that well She told me my wife and I that she was a comedian and then I don't know if she just didn't want to come out of the gate with the Only fans but I don't know I don't think anyone was gonna be bummed if they knew that she was only found I'm pretty sure that's her job I think she's not paying her bills exclusively with native comedy look as a professional comedian who is just recently discovered that he's a monster And comedy I don't know I don't know the cat out of the bad, but holy crap you guys. I'm a demon You're about it you're about ask you got to go home two weeks ago I would have said man, I dabbled but now I'm like holy crap. Sorry everybody.
I feel sorry for everyone Don't make it a race because I'll crush you but check it out now that I've said that you're headline feel bad I am headlining material. Thank you There's a lot of pretty girls and I blame Whitney Cummings for this She's cute Whitney Cummings who else do I want to blame because I don't want to put it all on her because it's not in a hundred percent her fault But it's like eighty nine percent her fault and then whatever the rest of that math is like Annie Letterman and some other people's faults So it's cute girls that are very funny and then cute go cute girls that are in LA go to the comedy store see that and go I can do that. Yeah, it's easy But but because this is gonna be tough for you ladies pretty ladies You listening with all your only fans stuff and all your followers because you show your abs and stuff which is great I respect it I think it's great other respect your hustle, but you don't know what it's like to actually because you were born that way This is gonna sound very I'm gonna sound like a male chauvinist right now But I'm digging in because I feel like I'm correct you were born that way and it's working out for you But to be good at comedy skateboarding music lifting weights Microchip technology just to spread my wings a little bit all those things your dragon wings your hovering wings do it Listen to me close your eyes now close your eyes and listen to the dragon You guys are not you guys haven't dug in yet And you haven't put in the work and when you put in the work You're gonna fail and you're gonna fail over and over and over again And you never give up until you become a shining diamond and until then you're just a poopy rock All right now listen to the dragon when it's talking to you And that's why you say you're a comedian But you don't actually go to the comedy club and do comedy and fail and fail for ten years until your comedian you say I'm actually a comedian and you haven't gone yet. You haven't actually gone yet.
I know I now know I hit so much at five I five really pretty girls that I've met in the last two years that are dabbling in comedy that haven't done comedy They just tell people they're gonna do it. I'm like what are you doing? We could do it open mic tonight Yeah, I'm gonna get to it. I've been working on it.
I'm like working on it like where I've been writing some stuff down I'm like say it say it to somebody They're just they're tightening it up because you're scared of failing and if you go listen I'm supposed to make it listen to him listen Bruce Lee wait He died but seriously he's on video you you've got a fail failing listen to listen to the What's my favorite movie besides John Wick Uncle Bunk? Uncle Bunk? No, no, no, no, no equalizer his name is There's a Washington John Candy and never learn anything from success I've learned from failure So you have to fail you have to get up and you have to fail over and over and over and over again And that's where the lesson is and that's where the gift is that's where God exists not in success in failure You know because you're a great musician you weren't great when you started were you? I'm still struggling on great now.
I'm still struggling and what is he doing? He's got a new album coming out because what is he? I'm a failure. He's a I'm a successful failure.
Yes. That's the key. You missed that one bit at the start. Yes He's a successful failure because that's what it takes to be good is to fail and not quit Rocky Balboa He beat Ivan Drago on steroids and at the time Rocky Balboa was completely natural and he won he beat Drago Sure, he got incredible amounts of brain damage from that But he seemed to bounce back like 20 years later.
He was like running that restaurant and stuff He helped create one if you fight even planet Oh Okay, stay with me. I'm sorry Rocky Balboa the man like imagining the world rock about ours real Yeah, when he like he gave his kid a Lambo and that robot he gave his kid I know how's that's how cool that's holy he died right? Probably died. You know they removed the robot.
They read the directors cut of the movie and they cut out the robot Hey, they're against gays. I heard the original movie was called cocky, too, but that was gay also Okay You see cocky three like yeah, I've seen it all Hey everybody's Jason else with a JSL show talking about my favorite sponsor no exaggeration blue chew if you think he talks about it a lot on the podcast You could you should hear him not on the podcast? They call me the blue tongue lizard now because my tongue is always blue because I'm always on blue chew because I'm always Give it to him Michael. He's got boners even when we wish he wouldn't sometimes I do it and I just go to the gym the best part is you can go to the gym with your boner You don't need to go to a doctor's office.
They're lame. They smell weird Yeah, and they're all old and stuff some guys are weird about like oh I can't get boners anymore Well, you don't have to have that conversation with some weird old creep Yeah, you can have a discrete anonymous online experience and then you can get some raging in discrete boners If you're not like me and you don't want everyone to know that you're taking blue shoes it comes in a discrete package So nobody knows as well, that's right when I get it at the door I go I got blue shoes who wants a good going over attention all neighbors. I am rock hard Thank you blue chew hey neighbors Look how many towels I'm holding up with no head blue chew wants to help you have better sex and bigger more raging or boners Yeah, discover your options at blue chew calm chew it and do it and here's a special deal for our listeners come closer friends Try blue chew free when you use the promo code Ellis that check out just pay $5 shipping That's blue chew calm promo code Ellis to receive your first month free visit blue chew calm for more details and important safety boner information And we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast Give up and all you guys out there that want to be whatever it is you want to be don't talk about it do it Stop talking about it and get in there, you know dive into the deep in and drowned That's great advice. I think it is good advice that pull 10,000 hours thing You can be awesome from the gate get go But you still need that that simmering time and you have to deal with a lot of people don't know that entertainment wise how How much a part of the people in front of you are to that evening?
Yeah, it is it really is all about them You got to remove yourself You got to be a bad-ass and then kind of forget that that you're you're facilitating a Cool night for somebody whether it be musically or comedically so I think it is good advice Yeah, I think it's I think it's a curse to be incredibly talented because hard work There's more glory in it Like if you just get there and you're really good straight off the bat You can't appreciate it as much if you start and you suck and you're like man How do they do that and then you become that thing that you were like that seems impossible to get to it's an even more glorious feeling Absolutely, I mean I've been talented at something and I've been really bad at something and I got good at both of them And I can tell you that the first one where I was really untalented and I got good at it There's far more for filling. Yeah, there's a reward there So I'm under the impression that we are in the midst of a new metal revival I saw the release of your bands new album couched as you guys are part of the new metal Yeah, I've always wondered what I know what new metal is and we came at that time We're such a hodgepodge of influences that I never really accepted that or maybe just never wanted to be part of that gang Even though I do I guess quote unquote like new metal bands But I never felt like we were heavy enough or whatever it is that but yeah, I guess there is a revival and I'm happy that we've Kind of stuck together and long enough to Create something cool a piece of art that we that we appreciate as musicians. Did you ever break up? Yeah, I mean it's such a weird You know, it's like a marriage with four dudes and and all kinds of things happening in between I would have been into that a couple years ago for but not the marriage part though.
Just four dudes No, it sounds like a pretty like that's a real cool hug I mean you want to Netflix and chill that isn't the ultimate chill because I think of the shakur Yeah, but you know when you learn when you learn everyone's tricks. It's not as cool. It's it's more romantic on paper, right? Yeah, fair enough.
Yeah, yeah Yeah, you break up and then you go back together. Yeah, I think for sure, you know musical differences in the past I don't know if we maybe just called them that, you know, just differences in life, you know We we saw a little bit of start-up in the early years and then you add heaping amounts of Alcohol and cocaine and all that Yeah, I love I love that stuff. That's why I don't do it. Yeah, it's a couple three years three years.
So we're now coming up on I think Nice Yeah, I feel like I can relate when it comes to uh Being successful and getting caught up in in the bullshit and and believing your own hype and then Fading away and realizing that you are just a man and coming back to earth And then staying in the game fighting you way to stay in the game and having a different appreciation for everything now that you've been through these Different it's very odd to see rock and roll through my lens as opposed to my lens when it was 23 years old that that's for sure Yeah, there's days where I I don't know what is exciting about like traveling and like with with the dudes You know what I mean? But there is that music like that thing that unites us is just our love for music But yeah, the the what I thought was a good time and all that travel of trying to you know find who you're gonna Who you're gonna bone that night what drugs were available all that now that's off the table again romantic on paper That's like man. This flight's pretty long and yeah, is this really dinner or is there any food? How long is it actually fun for because it's gotta be fun for a good long if you stay on I see why these people die sometimes if you stay Kind of boozed up and oblivious to the the realities of the world.
It's fun forever until until you're you're fat and wasted and over So I don't know there's healthy distractions now I just again like so so little bit of a day Seems like there's any music involved or any comedy involved. You know what I mean? You're your day from start to finish you get you know These healthy distractions like this podcast is badass when I get to do 45 minutes to an hour of stage time is really really cool All the extracurricular is like how is that worth it? Yeah, I think like I've only just because I'm still new at comedy and I don't get to go on the road like a proper comedian But I did recently this weekend and I felt like I'm in a room by myself And then I go to a place where everybody laughs and everybody loves me and then I walk out the door and go back to the room It's quiet and by myself and nobody cares and it's over and then I go on a plane or it's all mellow It's all normal or you don't even talk for what 22 hours a little bit Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, and I feel like wanting to communicate with other people when you're pushing yourself musically or telling jokes Whatever it is that it is your career you want to switch off after it So like having an engagement with like having a really interesting conversation with somebody the next day doesn't seem that appetizing to me Because I'm kind of like you know what I kind of need to save it for later on today Which makes me feel like I'm dark and boring Yeah, well and there's a lot of feasting famine like feast or famine in that like you just said a lot of quiet And then there's a lot of chaos and for personality like mine.
That's already like almost a dual personality It can I don't know it turns a little fuzzy and weird on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it gets it gets a bit sad I got home yesterday and I was sad. I have a I love laughing at your side Barely know you I'm just trying to be funny. I just felt like I don't know what to do with myself I don't know.
I don't really want to say anything. I don't want to talk to anybody But I do want to and I felt like when I was telling jokes everybody thought I was real cool And then afterwards when someone once told to me I remember thinking Have some energy for that because they're very excited to see you and and your response to them saying that you know They thought you were great needs to be respectful of that, you know like they've had a few beers and they're like man That was awesome. You need to be like, thank you, man. I really appreciate that and it's cool that you gave a shit Enough to say something to me So you kind of pour everything you've got out and then when you leave you you say nothing to anyone You just be lying for the uber or the after-show food and then hotel not even that I didn't even do that I saved some donut holes so when I got back to the hotel room I had four donut holes and those every one of them was glorious that sugar that come down That's why you got all sad.
I think maybe you think it was the sugar donut holes or sad little balls Dude, you know I discovered a twinkie defense. Yeah, I don't think they're sad little balls I think they're happy little boys balls of joy. I mean they bring so much pleasure to yeah I enjoy sucking down a good munching I do think that if I start to do it enough and figure it out I would like to go to like a cake store in the daytime and then get them put them in my hotel room And then I know when I get home when I get back to the room, it's a little party for me You know like I get like like I want like donuts that have custard and stuff in them So you're like eclairs and yeah, clairs are a bit basic for me I like surprises that I bought into it and squeeze squirts jam all over me and say a gay But you know I mean something polywogs yeah things that pop and then another taste comes flying out It sounds extremely gay, but it's not gay complete sense to me just for the record. I mean look I'm into gay candy, but I'm not into gay men.
Are we doing the segment now feels like we're yeah We should do a second right. I think you used to listen to our show back in the day I listened to your serious show I first even when you probably something when you mentioned Whitney coming coming too like the first time I ever heard of her Obviously she's uber famous, but uh was on Howard Stern and I think my at least around about I think I knew of you before Howard But when you on Howard was just amazing and then from there I just I got I got to listen to this guy on serious Yeah, how it's done did me a favor super super dope shows back then I thought there was a few people maybe in my head But I always had a feeling that you could have filled Artie's chair. Yeah, you could have been that guy I think that maybe a little too outspoken though. I think you could you're your own dude.
Yeah, I think Artie's he's undoed too That's why I ended up exactly there. There's also a certain like they're very different people But there's a certain blue collar east coast thing to everybody there and you'd be a bit of a sore thumb if you couldn't default back to that It's weird though when I listened to them it you worked on that show pretty badass. It just was pretty pretty good Yeah, I felt like I was more of a person to be laughed at not laughed with but I also was but I mean yeah I was okay with it because it was the Howard Stern show exactly I'll go on it I mean for price aches I got on there because I pitched putting M&M's in my foot. Yeah, you want to show the dawn your tricks And you're yeah, like I remember the first time where he thought I was good was when he was like do you want to let uh what's his name?
Take the the nipple clamps off your privates and I remember him looking at me gone Do you want to let him take them off and I was like yeah? Yeah? I'm okay with that and he went this is gonna keep you just you and I just came up with the thing Like you agreeing to this is going to be a home run and I remember the joy that I got from Howard Stern thinking that I was a part of Something that was good. Yeah, so yeah, I don't regret it at all as a matter of fact.
I wish I could do it again I thought it was great. I still think he's great. I think you could stuff like another M&M or two Then would you do like 40 something or I don't know I did 50 he did 25 and I did 50 Yeah, he had a little one so I made it easy. Yeah Hey everybody this podcast is brought to you by factor the meals that are ready to go you see this it's a sandwich I made it for lunch and it absolutely sucks boy I wish I had a meal a chef driven freshly prepared meal to eat for lunch But who's got the time luckily with her friends at factor you don't need the time They've done all the work for you if you've got a microwave and two minutes You've got a menu of 35 options comes with its own plate So you can just eat it and then put the thing in the trash I got on the other day and I just saved so much money for the whole week because I just ate factor breakfast lunch and dinner And it works man.
They're really tasty and now Taylor to whatever you're doing diet wise You're leaning keto if you're a vegetarian or if you just want to eat decent Healthy delicious food factor it's everywhere You want to be your solution for fast premium meals without the need for any cooking at all Just have it a couple times with the fork in the plastic and you are all set Head to factor meals calm slash Alice 50 and use code Alice 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box That's code Alice 50 at factor meals calm slash Alice 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box All subscription is active So you mentioned that one of your favorite segments on the old Syria show was the the is it gay is it gay dude? Is it gay? Which is not I mean, it's a segment that we used to do routinely a very a very long time ago Um, the world has changed a lot. Yeah, I was kind of on the drive here thinking like well, maybe it's too Everything seemed cooler.
I'm feel like such an old guy to say stuff was cooler back then At least more like off the cuff it wasn't so like completely like ridiculed if you said something so bad when you were talking about Magneto possibly being gay. I wanted to say you know magneto with an F But I thought yeah, that would be geez dude. Yeah, can I can I say it? No?
Can I say it gets a cut off the podcast? Here's the thing in the 90s kind of I have already couldn't say that can I please say no you cannot say that don't say that I can't say magnate a magnino with a gate no then no please no anyone please. Can you not okay? Magneto.
Thank you. Hey, well you guys figured that out as long as we're talking about making you in charge Yeah, we don't have the old one to be second. I want to do this anyway This is as good a time as any as long as you're talking about inappropriate stuff that maybe used to be okay That doesn't fly like it used to I feel compelled to ask you about the crotch incident on stage because do you remember? We talked about this at the time.
I mean a neutral observer saw guys in the crowd going Yeah holding their hand up and you grabbing a guy's hand and guiding it to your And I did not I don't think anybody judged that to be like oh man He was trying to get a hand job. Yeah, it was like ten thousand dollars later, too But it was it was inappropriate and the guy his story was and I can't see into the heart and soul of another man Was like I was okay with the time and then I went home and thought about it And I realized that it was really deeply uncool and I found a very unsettling amen. He literally said wait So we're getting flaked when that was news you I'm reading a statement from you to the daily mail I want to tell my story, but I have to listen to my lawyers I'll be more than happy to speak later I do want the story out there because what happened was not right is it now time for you to clear the air sure But I never said that and that it sounds good sounds like something maybe I would say wait you're saying you didn't say that I never talked to the day. I never felt the need to clear the air about this particular subject But he's not here so what I'm saying speak for him.
I feel like the victim man A thousand dollars or some crap wait just for over the pants. Well, I don't know if I had to pay him But you know we were the pants are over the pants over the pants. What the hell you remember the video? Here's we watch it.
We watch it with super sexy here. Here's the deal. Oh, you know how many shows I've played where Yeah, exactly. You do that a lot.
Let's go. Let's play tonight. Let's do a show tonight. You know Gallagher with the watermelons That's it Gallagher with enough It doesn't work with Gallagher You can say that guy's a piece of shit you can say what about Gallagher the fowlager What is fowlager take that?
I've had people like take my watch off of my wrist when I go into the crowd kind of seeing a chorus and have people come in People like kind of pulling on your shirt trying to get you in a damn headlock I'm like what is this guy? There's no like vibe of fun is here I can't recall the incident per se with that specific dude. Oh here it is. It's showing right there memory lane It had to have been a sin.
There he goes. That that was the whole thing. That was the whole thing. That wasn't even palm on generals That was not cool.
Yeah, come on. You had to pay that guy. I think great. I want my money back Yeah, that's fair or at least to go further.
Yeah, I was like that. I got to that to me on the subway one time Yeah, 1986 maybe. Yeah, you think I'm a lot to how come you get to say I'm gay. Ah, that's what you said with zero Be quiet.
I bid a dong You can say one I bid a dong. That's why I was in the IP meet and greet. No, it's our drum tech He was sleeping and I said I gotta get him somehow getting kind of get him You know how to shock value the cameras on so I you know I pulled his little three-inch or out of the boxer hole And I just freaking hack that I mean that's what I should have got sued for that's funny though So somebody called I'm assuming they wanted to do dude is a gay it's possible Do we have music to try to tell you I just emailed you a bunch of links with free play music if you want to play that out If you got a guitar I can just write the dude is it gay song right now. Can you give him a guitar?
Thanks dude You guys only big time. I'm not gonna eat $10,000 I'm not joking you off either. We might bite your dick Well, you see it play your country That's cash money right there. All right.
All right. This is do's a gay the soulful sound driving Mitchell with a new intro Yeah, you sing it up with it my mind. Yeah, now I gotta do like do something just say do's again Okay, and then you say hell yeah Hell yeah, yeah, I think it is Thank you All right Not my best work. That was way more work than the original one.
I'm gonna call this guy back as I'm assuming he was calling for do's a gay Hello. Hey, man. You're on the Jason. I'll show welcome to do's a gay Awesome.
This is wolf knife fancy anus good to tell to you fancy anus. You might be gay. Yeah, so far so good. Yeah affirmative already Go ahead.
Tell us your story and we will judge you on whether you're gay or not All right, so my wife and I are swingers. Yep, and the other couple the dude is like a really big power lifter guy And I got really bad knees So dude is it gay if I'm glad that he can get my wife a real good going over because you can't because your knees are bad I can I can give it a little bit, but he just has so much power Man, I think I think this is like false Is this real? No, this is real dude. It's just a game.
It's an lying and dude is a gay. Okay. I didn't know the rules Can you squat? I was in one squat by yourself and stay back up dude with your bad knees.
You should just stay down there So I'm not gay. It is a little bit. Okay, there's an angle Let me ask you something Michael has a question off the top of your head What's your favorite thing that you ever watched him do to your wife? That's a good question Top of my head is probably He was going at it pretty hard.
Uh, they're over the couch and I was in front of her getting the old two-sided action going Oh, yeah, that's the uh, what does it call when you? It seems like a reverse-life attach. She's on her back over the couch. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Time my percentage of time my percentage of the time where you make a contact with him It would have been under 10% but that entire 10% was gay I'm gonna go ahead and say Really the only gay thing to me about his comments were like that he's nieces or two week to To bony's wife or they all yeah, I don't think that the act was gay at all I think that you're just you seem so like impressed with the powerlifter in the beginning, right?
It did say that you seem like you're into it more than she is No, what is what is his most like impressively defined feature? Uh, probably the quads booby trap your gay You got a favorite part of a dude. We got you I got a singer for a farm manager number now That was gay. I think I have text messages so I can read these text messages People don't want to call like they used to but you can if you want to wear live show This is a podcast that is free and available everywhere, but people don't know this We have a patreon patreon.com slash elismate where you can be a subscriber and you can listen and you can call in texas live Because we do many shows all week for to be exact Um, I wasn't accepting a great show point.
This is not someone just likes alienate farm That's not a gay don't just skim past the arm farm line Alien I was great. Whatever. Jesus did dream like doing world's greatest one of your neighbor's house Did you like to have a podcast? These questions are not gay liking alien affarms pretty gay.
Is this I think so really? Hey, dude. What do you think the f stands for? You know, we were really we were considering but calling masters of the universe and it just reminded me of like the power lifter dude So maybe that would have been like a terrible name.
I loved he-man Yeah, I know I didn't realize until I was older. Did you know I didn't know boy George was gay when I first saw him on tv? He's not he totally is practicing homosexual practicing He did but didn't he tie some people to his basement and escort I think was Um probably consented to initially being handcuffed to something and boy George's I want to say like a townhouse or apartment, but then boy George neglected to release him when uh the pre agreed upon I remember reading that kind of odd. It sounded so odd that it was like wow he looks trippy I thought it was like Maynard from tool or something boy George is on this rad prog ban now Yeah, if you told me if you told me the guy from disturbed had done that to a male prostitute and that was the picture I would have bought it Yeah, I would not because I figured you could get away from him.
What are you like three feet high? Hello, oh you gotta turn the show off Welcome to do the game. Allie. Hi I was a little bit afraid to call because I don't really want to know the answer But you've also had this same kind of situation come up before but it depended on the person so Uh, I've been married for 13 years to my husband.
Okay. He just walked in his eyes are wide because he knows you're doing good. It's a gay Are you married to boy George? No, okay.
No, I'm married I've always been attracted to men and only men, but I only like watching female porn And at first I thought it was because I just liked the style like the romantic aspect of it more You usually find that with lesbian porn. Yeah, but then it's kind of like you watch it You're like well, I kind of like also it's like the sensations that would feel better for me I like watching people do I also am not a big fan of penises I knew that was that was gonna be my next question. It seems like you're grossed out by penises. Yeah, someone get on the other line Is that is that all it is?
You should I go? No, don't I know screw him screw anybody who's calling right what I'm taking a dude is a gay focal Just wait your turn wait till molly's off and then cold Ludwig van hand. Yeah, check off call that gay dude back Okay, I feel like you could make the case that for a woman to be disgusted by penises is a little gay good old The mind I think you just I seriously there's some good looking penises out there I would say on average that it's more like 65% of penises are pretty ugly. It's pretty rare It's kind of like vaginas like I like all vaginas because you know, I like everybody but there's some ones all right some vaginas are not as good looking as other vaginas and if I was like if I was like a vagina Nazi You got wheezy jefferson's snatch on your on your wrist right now.
That's my cat ate my hand and it's scabbin up It's not a vagina, but yeah, I think that it's I think that there are some terrifying Terrifying penises out there I've seen people saying dick people saying dick. This is a crazy thing God send photos of their penises without asking for it and they're not pretty and it's like If I had an ugly one, it'd be like if you if I was going over somewhere and they're like come on send it to me I'd be like okay, of course but to do one without asking and it's not a good looking one the nerve of some men It makes the rest of us look bad. It gives me nightmares sometimes It's been a long time since I got it so so Molly liking girl on girl porn. No, it's okay I mean wait that is gay, but what if what if what if her secret email is muth murdering Molly?
You know, it's not it's really close though. It's very close No, and I've never wanted to and by the way, I love my husband's dick and I'm not just saying that because he's sitting right next to me and he's disappointed in this Well, look is it disappointing look the question is obviously not are you fully straight or are you fully gay? There's no way that you're fully gay We're just trying to determine if you might be more than a little gay if you had a gay act What's your what's your number one female fantasy? What do you look for when you look up lesbian porn?
I mean, I think I just like them going down on each other. I think to me That's what I like I like being you know, someone going down on me So if I watch it it happens more often than lesbian porn too, and that's kind of how it got started So that's what I like but I've never wanted that from an actual person I've never been attracted to another woman and yeah, I've just I mean I've always known that I've been attracted to men but as the years go on and I watch more and more lesbian porn It's like whoa, it's up at this. This is kind of weird. That's okay But like girls always look each other when they're together because they don't have any options, you know It's like what are you gonna do to that vagina?
It's like well, not what I get it Yeah, I think part of it too is most most more often than not lesbian porn is more romantic and that's what I like I guess is Yeah, when they do the scissor kick cookie wiggles what I like to call it I don't like that and I've heard that it's not that good I thought that a lot of girls when they do that for a video they do it for video and they're not really enjoying it Yeah, turns out women don't actually enjoy riding each other like pommel horses Molly, I think the gayest thing you've said so far on the phone was that you're scared of penises All right, great. Thank you. So not gay. Thanks for calling Molly.
I appreciate it. I think you can call it wait I'll call you back there you go I feel like there's also women that like watching gay porn But when it comes down to it, they'd rather sleep with straight dudes than even if gay dudes were willing to have sex with it So like what you're into in porn in that sense doesn't always have to line up with what you're actually really wanting to do it in your actual life Sometimes it does so of course sometimes it does yeah, but it doesn't always or it kind of is there It's there you just if you're not like a little scared to ask maybe or you know, let me fan hand job Welcome to the Jason Elshow do this again? Yes, sir So I only called just to be clear and I'm sorry and interrupted that gal when you said to call in I hung up Looked up your phone number and called it in between that time and when she called is when it was going off So I apologize for interrupting this excuse and apology is gay as hell. Yeah, so my friend who I Really, you know believe said in confidence that he was out drinking when he was like, you know, 25ish with his buddy and a girl He's on a date and the dates going well and his buddies kind of be in a pain You know kind of how buddies are in a third wheel anyways, they're taking a cat back or some car back I don't know the whole 100% story and he starts taking out the girl Well, it starts going well and she's getting a handy by The what he assumed was this girl he's making out with he looks over and it's his buddy and he goes just go with it And someone said dude Dude you go with it.
He wouldn't answer me and I said it doesn't matter to me I don't care one way or another and he's like, yeah, well, it's okay You finished anyone answer so do to the gay if your buddy kind of pulls a fast run on you and gives you an old hand You just help you out with an old fashioned. Thanks for the call. I think we will discuss Um, I think that um it is not ever a swifty I believe that when that hand goes in there, you know that that was your buddy pulling the fast one I don't think it's a fast one. I think when you're making out with a girl in a car and somebody else reaches into your pants You gotta know it's not that dainty girl's hand You know, it's not goals right.
So I think um is that gay to let your friend jerk you off while you make out with another girl I mean, what are we doing? Yeah, this sort of thing must happen all the time in the tour bus We would use like other bands crew buses as the debauchery bus Yeah, you know what I mean kind of kind of just line up girls and fans and then maybe like some dude would only let the girls in I that sucks to imagine being like one of the boyfriends that like watched your girl go into that bus Okay, is that okay? No, I never thought of that You know one time that happened to me after an elis mania where there was a girl that was very Flotacious and she had a friend with her And they went back to I had like a big room and there was like a after party in my room after the party And she was in there and she was really hitting on me and at one point I taught to my wife at the time and she's like if you wanted that's cool And then I realized that her friend was Displate was sad like emotional and I was like what's going on? And then I figured out that it wasn't a friend she had lied and that would they were they were they were either still dating or at some point had Dated yeah, and I remember going why are you doing this to him?
And I made them both leave because I've I think I was already a little bit older and Maybe I was you know, I was still drinking but I just I've never been into vindictive Just I just immediately felt bad for him And I don't think he liked me for it for my part Even though I didn't do anything but I remember being mad at her I was mad at her for trying to lie on his behalf so that he could be witnessed That something that is just straight up mean and disgusting. I think that's pretty gay of you to be mad though I agree. I'm caring about another man's feelings when you could totally Super gay when you get ran the puss. Yep.
That's I'm okay with that. I'm okay singing ever did no It's kind of nuts if you think about no It's not just from your band like all the bands ever the number of Relationships that could have totally gone the distance would have totally gone the distance if the girl hadn't managed to just get on that tour bus That do you think they would have got the on the distance ago with the singer of alien answer? Here's my story. Here is my story I don't know if you're baseball fan Derek Jeter of the Yankees.
Okay. Good looking good looking guy. It's not good looking but anyway professional athletes Okay A lot of people a lot of people considered him a lot of people considered him among the more eligible bachelors Of athletes one time for reasons to born to get into he came to the shitty little bar at my college and every single Girl that was like better than a four in my entire all the hoes and all the girls and I was like she would never do that All the sudden we're all dressed up. I didn't even know that chick.
I thought she was like a super nerdy student I didn't know she owned heels those heels are this high There are so many people who would never ever ever cheat on a boyfriend or whatever but the allure of celebrities And it's like if they didn't get tickets that night like yeah, maybe they would have gotten married They would have had grandkids So I found a list of things that Straight people have accused other straight people of being gay for over liking or doing or whatever I thought it's kind of interesting to run through these and see where we stand I think our answers to a lot of these might be a little different now than they would have been you know 20 years ago for example Some people some straight guys have called other straight guys gay for singing Totally gay now we all know right like I'm not saying that you're a professional singer And I don't judge you to be a gay man dude. I went pro in 2000 Yeah, but what is the line where it is? Maybe if you like go maybe if you like are in choir through middle school and high school and you're like early all the time and you only hang out with the girls But that's not really singing. That's all the accoutrement.
That's choir like if you uh at the end of a long hard day Just say long hard day. That's gay At the end of a long soft day want to get in your car and just be alone with yourself So you can blare obba's greatest hits and belt along with it. Are we getting fruitier? No way Singings awesome.
Well, I disagree. I think if you know all the words to abba is pretty gay Yeah, I think we're in that ballpark. Yeah, well, it was the trick question was thrown in the band I think putting a man's hand on my dick over the pants is not as gay as singing abba in your car Yeah, no, I tend to agree with it and and I did it in front of whatever how many people were in that club I mean, we're pretty big. So it was probably 30 people there You were there was a lot of I saw that video.
That was a lot of people you were on fire. Thank you I feel good. I'm not going your neighbors Is the power of making you aggressive? You would aggressive person when you when you were like when you thought you were a big rock star Before I was I was agro before I went pro.
Yeah. Yeah, I sense that I've calmed down since I saw you recollecting the day And you're like getting angry like you were gonna I do have a I do have a heavy brow. I think it's just because that what it is Yeah, yeah calm down, man. Sorry.
It's a comedy show some men have alleged that it is gay if you're out on a date to order dessert Oh F you dude Dessert like okay. So god made fruit right fruit is sugar And then man tried to make an improvement on natural sugar by making some other cool things mixed together Chefs are not gay and they make like cool pastries. You know what is gay as hell. Yeah, it's gay You know to desert you're gay and you're awesome But if you blow a banana split at the table, that's not gay Enjoying it only a straight dude, but do that.
Yeah, yeah, you're right. Right. Yeah, actually being a pastry chef is a man is suspect Agree. Yeah, there's an exception every rule, but I love them.
I would that that's as close as I get to having a relationship with a man That's what I'm saying I mean not just like he makes sausage rolls or something I don't know how it makes it so I went Australian everybody but if he makes top notch like fluffy fruit pastries with like custard in him and stuff I could maybe marry that your straight ass needs to marry that they do I could do that and they like we go on cool vacations Where we go to like fancy restaurants and he knows all the other chefs because he's one of the greatest pastry chefs in the world Right and they have like all these little tasting This is okay, but they have like tasting menus and I just get to taste all the different desserts Hell yeah, how about watching the sunset? That's awesome I hate that that's even a question that it could be gay like it's beautiful And if your man thinks something is beautiful, it's questioned as if he might be gay like and I don't it's so gay is beautiful So is love watching the source sunset. We're not saying gay is bad, but when you start saying stuff like gay is beautiful You're arguably getting into gay territory. Yeah, I guess I am Sunsets are so straight only men should do them together without women.
Wait. Yeah, that's gay It sounded cool though. Yeah, I wanted to join you and say no women You cannot watch this sunset But I think I see what you're saying and I like it but also you know what men every now and then deserve a sunset with no women around and Let me finish. I believe the ladies deserve their own vagina sunset as well But they're all just like you shouldn't they you know, and then they enjoy a sunset and no dudes are allowed to be there They'd be like whoa look how badass the sunset is brother, you know, they just like I think that's kind of a point Is there's not a ton of dudes who are barging in on ladies sunset parties go whoa dude That's I blame their parents for that because shit Corona.
What's a Corona? I thought it was a beer isn't a corona the top of it Yeah, oh no my gay now, so I know that yeah, that's the gay thing that said so far today. All right, so yeah I'm a you're gay to me, bro. Hell yeah, I thought a corona was a beer and it was a gay beer But like bud like wait, no, but wiser because Bud lights gay.
I forgot. Yeah, uh-huh. You're gay or the Jason Ellis. No one is this gay is kid rock I concur it has been alleged that it is gay for a man to like flowers.
What flowers living? Yes Dead flowers gay. What about plastic flowers? Oh plastic flowers suck.
They're super straight, right? Yeah, good. I guess here's the thing Real talk is it okay for a guy like anything? Yeah, of course it is that's ridiculous, but if you're A lady yeah, and you start dating a guy and he presents a straight, but you're like, I don't know I don't really know this guy.
I haven't been on like three dates and then it turns out He is prone to bursting into song loves flowers me again never misses a sunset. Yes owns a small dog I love daffodils. Do you start to add all of those things up and go? I suspect that this guy might be gay Cuz I mean, I guess I could see it.
He says he's straighted and I said I'm doing it with me But like it's not it's not like a randy macho man savage the way that he presents a man savage said it's okay to cry He did. He said it's good to cry. Yeah, he did. Is that gay?
Not when he said it. Oh, so it's how you say it. What about this? I'm watching the sunset Elizabeth's good out of here Oh, I'd flowers are looking pretty good.
Is that good? Is that not gay? I think macho man probably like flowers too Right, so it's not gay. It's just how you say it.
You can find the exception to any rule Now I want to be very clear about that I'm not just saying if I if you meet a guy and he's into all of these things and I go Do you think that guy might be gay? He really loves flowers and boy is he into ava? Is it crazy to use these things as context clues to suggest that maybe he those things don't make you gay But very few straight men like all of those things here's how this makes no sense because of me and my If he side but a guy like me that hasn't had any gay encounters that likes flowers It's not gay like if he likes flowers. It's not gay.
I'm like flowers I do but I mean like once I'm talking about some just for you for myself. Yeah. Well, here's the thing I I'm married I'm married, but also I raise panther chameleons and I keep their enclosures like bioactive with growing plants and orchids So it's pretty gay. It's chameleons are the gayest lizards.
Oh my god. They are for sure pretty rainbowy Yeah, then that's a sign some people that gets people mad. I know somebody who's super into chameleons She's my five-year-old daughter. Right.
That's gay. Yeah. Nobody is gay or the five-year-old. That's right.
Our favorite color is rainbow. Yeah That's the gay center. Oh my little gay boy. No.
Oh my god. Yeah. Her second. It's my innovative gay answer for color ever Favorite color is rainbow or second favorite color is sparkly dude.
Oh my god It's like the gay shot just blew up. Yeah, so if you but if you buy yourself flowers and you're a man is that gay? Here's the thing let me explain my It is but let me explain my complicated relationship. I don't know why I'm down about that It's just I should have you proud of myself.
It's just interesting to get to the bottom of it. My own complicated flowers. It's any consolation. I even had a job of opposites.
They had their They suck. Yeah, you guys are dicks for saying that. You like Abba. Yeah, you really like Abba.
What's your favorite? What's your four favorite? What's your four favorite? What's your favorite?
What's your favorite? What's your favorite? Opposongs top your head. Yeah, smart eyes shot at the devil.
I knew it. You don't like Abba. You just saying I just love their harmonies, okay? Oh shut up fucking social distortion.
Can every jerk off with their harmony compliment? I hate socially deep. I'm just hearing people talk about their harmonies. You know the Abba just bought the rights to kiss They're launching like the virtual reality kiss show cuz I was already got one kiss gay I mean the one guy's definitely suspect for sure, right?
Yeah, I think he's really would have been gay if he hadn't had done heroin That's why he did so much heroin. You think are you talking about Paul Stanley? He's just we're talking about Paul Stanley. He's the only guy you've seen decline the western civilization part two, right?
Who can actually seem gay or laying in a bed full of like women in lingerie? Yeah, right? It's an amazing it's amazing that he was like at one point the like the cliche womanizer rock and roll star and then you hear him talk And you're like wait like he could just he could like if he like moved in with kid rock and shot bud like cans 24 hours a day I'd still be like you're gay. Yeah, he's a complicated dude cuz he like he was like a New York City taxi driver in the 70s.
He's a liar too He's a gay liar. Yeah, it's entirely it's entirely possible. Yeah, he's like I'm straight And I was a taxi driver when I was in New York. I'm like no and you actually an old black man on stage I mean that's pretty gay.
He did say that you're so straight that you didn't do a very good version of it But yeah, I respect your effort. Yeah, I'm spot on actually we saw him like a couple years ago. Yeah, it's okay He's kind of doing like a sex kitten Dave Mustaine Straight with that you won't get kissed. Yeah, it should have been a little more demure.
Oh, you're married to a woman that'll do it So the new album where you go where you go from here on the road? You're gonna have a blast on the road. All right, you know what healthy distractions is what it's all about I got to make my own heaven inside my head inside my hell head nice But we got some some warm-up shows before we leave. I'm not sure when this is shows gonna air So probably right around when the album comes down.
Yeah, okay, so those will have passed But throughout late spring and summer we're gonna be all over the US. We're talking about doing a run in Australia in Europe Have you been well received there over the years? Yeah, for sure New Zealand, Australia was really some some some some cracking little gigs We just I don't know we had a obscure song became like number one for a while there was so weird in random Of all the pockets that for for that area to take to the song called glow So even just for that it's kind of cool to any time you get a song from from a band like us who blew up on a cover Some criminal whatever when you see radio activity that isn't that it's wonderful. Oh, that's so rad Would you be a song that would like to get in your set here?
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, that's just so funny That's something that doesn't get invites first of that can happen. Yeah, it's on the doesn't it's for sure Well, what website you go to get to get information alien out farm calm alien out farm store calm and then obviously we We have three songs out on all the music platforms right now the fourth song and the album will be released April 26th And that's kind of we're excited about it. We're happy to push it and play the game It's weird.
We really do we again in the past with maybe if we didn't have like breakups in the band We were dormant and just kind of taking from our booking agent We get you know one-offs little weekend dates here and there to keep us kind of going and But now we do want to like throw our chips in a little bit You know and we see how much work is involved in that when you're stoned and drunk in the past and had managers doing almost all the legwork And now you're doing a lot of that work is like it's cool And it's also like jarring to think okay This is like a machine where how little of my day has to do with music is alarming unsettling It's nice to be at home with my laptop in my gear and a nice little mic like this and just kind of That was the fun of it for me is creating all this stuff making something out of nothing and then it's cool It's same with comedy I love that medium as well, you know just just building a set of material to to change the room Yeah, my dad my dad was a musician and I watched him at old parties and stuff Just change the vibe of a room and it used to just turn me on I know it's kind of gay and I don't think there's anything gay about being turned out by your father Changing that room the environment making everyone at ease I've heard that the people start to congregate and talk because this dude kind of broke the ice with a song or something I always thought that was cool, and maybe that's probably why I'd still do it before we let you go I wanted to ask you one time you had a meal with James that field. Yeah, pop a hat took me out to dinner Yeah, that was pretty nuts. Whoa. Yeah, what's it like was weird with him?
He was sober at the time and I was getting pretty hammed at the time He probably was not impressed with my I wasn't being crazy or anything But he had his he had his guy with him, you know what I mean? Yeah, and we had become friends playing some shows in Germany and I left him a he even said I you know He said I saw I never I couldn't believe you played a shaw day song in front of a German metal crowd and they actually dug it He's like I got a lot of respect for you for doing that shaw day song That's all I gave him an album with my number in it and said do you like me check this box? That's pretty gay Months later, he texted me on New Year's Happy New Year. We're playing a show in Arizona Happy New Year's pop a hat I knew who pop a hat was but I didn't believe it and I mean was it was him We developed a little text thing going on here and there back and forth.
He invited me to dinner I was in Vancouver visiting my parents. He said we'd like to go to dinner I said man, I would love to but I just I'm visiting my parents and I just got here today Yeah, and he hung up and he called me back. He goes dude. You just turned me down for your parents That's pretty badass.
Would you like to bring your parents and that's and then I brought my parents to you That was pretty cool. So my dad was like hey, oh James. How many records have you sold? James goes James goes a lot and I'm in the bathroom with my dad another gay moment Don't ask him ask him about his kids don't ask him about records and shit.
Yeah, what's cool though? That is fucking awesome, man Man, that's the coolest story ever. Thanks for asking that Michael had no idea. I'd be so nervous Yeah, it was a little weird, but again, I don't get star struck with me for him I did a little bit I can't feel like anybody else I'd be cool I just don't really I kind of know all the tricks in a weird way They don't they don't amaze me comedians.
I do get a little weird about I remember kind of friending up with Mitch head bird before he died Yeah, we pout around a little bit. No way. It was I remember I drunkenly told Him that his wife was not funny because she opened the show and he loved that We're outside of the will turn. There's there's these trees outside of the will turn You know that they have those big thorns on them Yeah, and I remember just kicking the tree in my leg stuck to the tree and I remember Mitch is like who the fuck is this guy?
You know, like what's wrong with him and then we ended up becoming kind of buddies a little cool because you're because I Yeah, you are cool, man. Thanks tree kicker for life. Yeah now if you kick the tree and I was there I would leave immediately. No, but I understand that younger me would have thought that was bad So I get it there was a time man Mitch head back and you're stuck Thanks for being on the show dude.
Thank you. See you ourselves next week. Don't die