Welcome back here. We're here on an all-new Smart List, and it's great to have everybody here on the show. I'm going to pass it to one of my co-anchors there. Do we have any news, Jason?
Today, there's a signal alert on the 405. You're going to want to go ahead and take surface streets, try Sepulveda, or the Canyons. Back out to sports with Sean Hayes. This is your sports, Sean.
Does anybody want to guess my male name? What are you doing, dude? You're supposed to be the sports guy. Sorry.
You know, when someone throws you the ball, you don't drop it. Well, I can talk about traffic. I don't know about sports. Well, that's the joke, dingy.
Dallas Cowboys and the Bears are playing this Saturday. Okay, welcome to Smart List. Smart List. Smart List.
Smart List. Smart List. Smart List. Okay, well, we're just talking about how Sean is the problem.
We never have this issue when your guest or my guest, it's just, we always start right on time. But whenever it's Sean's guest, there's always nonsense. But it's not me. I'm always on time.
No, but it's your vibe. It's your vibe for sure. Yeah, things are just disorganized in your life. No, they're not.
Like his answer is just, no. No, they're not. But wait, I want to say, we're all going tomorrow. We're all going together.
Yeah, I heard you. Yes, we're going to. We're going to the Hollywood Bowl to see Amadeus Live. Oh, I'm very excited you're coming.
Are you going to be, no, you're actually fairly cultured. You're sneaky cultured. I was so shocked because it's Amadeus Live. And I texted the wall.
I was like, I don't think I already know the answer. But just so you know, we're all going. I can't imagine you want to go. And he's like, oh my God, I'm so excited to go.
I was like, really awesome. So listen, what this is, is Hollywood Bowl out here in La La Land is this big place where the outdoor, where the orchestra plays. Is La La Land just a fun way you say La La Land? So what they do is each summer, the LA Philharmonic plays the Hollywood Bowl, and then the winter they go inside.
But during the summer, they play the Hollywood Bowl, and then they run three movies each summer, or three or four. And they drop a big screen down, and it's usually some big, huge cinematic film that's got a big orchestral score, and they drop the music out, and the symphony plays the music while they still keep the music, or the dialogue and the sound effects. There we go. They play live the music while we watch the movie.
That's it. God, I mean, no. Sorry, listener. I'll send each of you your minutes back.
That was 17 hours. But what I'm trying to do. Sometimes, it should be, the listener should know that sometimes when we're in a social setting, and Sean, you know what I mean, I'll look over at Jason, I'll see him talk to him, especially somebody who's new to our circle, and I'll see him talking about what they do, and I'll be like, this person is really struggling. But they're also a big Ozark fan, so they're willing to put up with him.
So they're like, Jason's super famous, so I'll just do it anyway. Fuck me, this guy gets to the fucking point. So I'm excited. But Jason, Jason, I should say this.
Also, I'm glad that Jason's driving, because I'm going out to Jason Mendes and I'm driving with them. I'm their kid. Well, you're glad I'm driving. Why?
You going out tomorrow night? You just going to get all banged up? No, just so that you and I can, because I don't want to deal with parking at the Bullock. That was one of my big thoughts.
Well, Sean was nice enough. Now, listener, you should know that Sean has gifted us these tickets. He's a very generous man. And that there was parking with it was another step that I didn't think you had.
No, I'm excited to go. By the way, the other thing I forgot to tell Jason was my massage in the Bahamas. I can't believe I haven't told you about the massage in the Bahamas. Who, me or Will?
Oh, sorry. Massage in the Bahamas. Okay, sorry. Yeah, you said that a little quick.
Almost like you, I'm not going to say. No, but I've never had this happen in my entire life. Well, you've never, okay. So we splurged.
We're like, hey, let's get massages. So I had this woman who was very, very strong, a lot stronger than I am. And she wasn't doing anything crazy or questionable. But she, I flipped over, I'm on my back.
And she's doing my leg and just rubbing right up against my penis and my balls. Well, now, let's be a little bit more specific here. She wasn't rubbing up against me. The back of her hand is on him.
Yeah, she gave you some brush buys, right? She gave me brush buys, but literally, like, no, she didn't give a shit about anything. She's just rubbing right next to it over and over again. And it's growing a little bit.
And so I thought, well, I don't want to give her the wrong idea. But anyway, it was almost like medical. Like, she didn't care. Okay.
Yeah. I think she knew that, and that's why she was giving you the drive buys. Yeah. I didn't get any of that, and she had just worked on my wife.
So she knew that maybe, you know, she ought to mind it. With her, with you, she didn't have to worry about it. She didn't have to take down. Okay, okay, here's what, here's what, here's what, I'm glad you brought this up, because I want to do this up.
As you can imagine, I take issue. I feel like every week's just becoming with my grievances. We are thinking about a new title. The couple, the couple, the couple, the couple's massage?
Nobody wants that. That's the worst idea. Well, no, I didn't, that's just what I set up. I want somebody hearing me, because this is what I do, but sometimes when I'm getting a massage, I'll be like, you know, I catch myself.
What was that? What sound does that mean? Like, like, falling asleep, and like, we're like, and then you're slobbering and stuff. Who wants to do that next to somebody else?
I think the couple's massage is way overrated, and then we offer couples massage. That's a deterrent. It's a deterrent, especially when you're laying next to me, and I like to give a lot of feedback, because I feel bad that they don't know whether they're doing good or not, and so I do a lot of... I can't imagine.
Yeah. Yeah. You do not. No, you don't.
No, you don't. Oh. That's creepy. A lot of stuff like that, and whoever I'm partnered with, oftentimes it's my wife, they get upset because I'm disturbing their experience.
Oftentimes. Oh, that's got it. I do a lot of those. Oh, that's got it.
That's a great transition into our guest. I do a lot of them. I do it like real cutesy, though. Oh, look what you're doing.
Oh. Look what you did. Look what you did. Oh, are you generous.
Okay, here we go. Our guest today is a very close friend of mine, and also good friend of all of ours, actually. She's an extremely gifted actress, having won an Oscar fairly recently. What?
But I swear her voice is almost as busy as she sits everywhere. You hear it in DuckTales, Finding Nemo, The Addams Family, Minions, Over the Head, so many documentaries, medical commercials, her voice is fantastic. Also, it turns out she was actually a very serious figure skater in real life. I can't wait to ask about that.
The first few years of her career was spent with roles in Tiny Plays, and she was ready to quit numerous times. We've all been there. Listener, she's got this great, like, what do you call that kind of hat? She's got a hat with a big feather on top?
It's a pale box hat with an ostrich feather. Probably not a real ostrich feather, so everybody calm down. It's not a real ostrich feather. And a veil.
And there's some netting in front of your face? What's that called? It's a veil. It's a veil with dots on it, so it looks like I have big black acne, but I don't know.
No, like moles. Like moles. Like big moles. Beauty marks.
Beauty marks. I'm so excited. I'm just going to pull these down for a second to pull out my veil and put these back on. I just wanted to reflect you to see what I just came from to come to talk to you, three handsome.
You just came from the spider? I can't hear what you're saying, so go ahead and say something. Nasty. Oh, my God, look at you.
Look at you. You look like stunning. Why do you look at this thing? Okay, well.
Where did you just come from? A wake? Well, very good, yeah. A funeral scene, and I'm doing that.
You had Kristen Wiig on the program not too long ago, and that show we're doing for Apple. It's an Apple series as yet tight. It's an untitled project, and we're doing a funeral scene today, and this is a 1968 Palm Beach. This is what a lady looks like at a funeral in 1968.
Does your character have to cry at this wake, or were you happy about the death? Okay, so that's why I chose to wear these. So you don't have to cry. Actors are lazy, guys.
We're all very, very lazy people. It's hard. I mean, a wool dress. It's outside.
It's hot. It's hard to... Are you in California? I am in California.
I'm right now in a base camp with all the trailers in a party. Oh, you're in a trailer? I'm in my trailer, yeah. Look at that.
She's got a nice one there. It is a very nice trailer. It's the nicest trailer I've ever had. I think when I did your movie, Jason, I was in a honey wagon.
Wow. Hang on a second. It's easy to cut that out. This is a shot that's well worth thinking.
Let's explore Tracy. A honey wagon is smaller than a regular. Didn't you tell me that you took a pee, wash your feet, and brush your teeth all at the same time, right? Isn't that how small it was?
Hey, so are you one of those actors? Have you ever had them blow the camphor into your eyes so that you can get some tears going? Yeah, you know what? After a certain amount...
You know what? I did a movie with Toni Collette called The Way Way Back, and she can bring the emotion like nobody's business, and she had to do it over and over again, and at a certain point, she was like, bring it in. I can't do it anymore. And I was like, thank God.
I was so glad to see someone I respected so much do it, because you should be able to do it. So listen to this little trick here, Tracy, is a tube filled with like menthol crystals in it, and the makeup artists will blow through one end, and it irritates your eyes so much that you start to cry, and then they go, okay, quick, roll it! Don't tell them how this sausage is made. Are you crazy?
I once made the mistake of having them do that when I had my contacts in, and a crystal got under with my contacts, and I mean, literally, the director was like, please, you can't be that emotional. Jason, have you ever done it? Like, have you ever gone and said and actually blown people? Yeah, well, what do you mean?
Sorry, I'm just trying to get a sound bite out of you. I'm trying to get a gotcha sound bite out of you. Wait, Allison, okay, so wait, I did not know a couple things about you, and I've known you for 75 years. I didn't know you really were a figure skater?
I had no idea. I can't believe you didn't know that. That's like, well, how's the guy going to know that? It's never come up.
You probably came up at the Junket for I-Tanya, right? That's where we met. Jason and I met at the Junket for I-Tanya. I mean, not I-Tanya, Juno.
That's where I first met you, and fell in love with you, and Sean, I fell in love with just all throughout our converging careers doing art during, you know, West Wing and Will and Grace. Right. And Will, do you remember where we met? When we fell in love?
You're not going to remember. It's okay. And it may not have been you. I might have been wrong.
It may have been Patrick Wilson. Oh, is that who you get? Do you ever remember? You've been to the Soho House in New York City, right?
Sure, yeah, sure. Well, it was a long time ago, and I met you there at the bar at the Soho House. I was there for my birthday, and you just happened to be there, and I met you. So it was about 20 years ago?
25 years ago? Was he? Probably. Probably 20 years ago.
Not 25, but like, at least, well, actually. 25? 15? 20?
15? I don't know, but I interrupted because we were talking about skating, and I did. I know. Are you sick of talking about it?
No, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it because I really, I did want to go to the Olympics. That was my experience as a young girl. I was a great athlete in school.
I played field hockey, lacrosse, ice hockey, everything. I'm just, I'm very athletic, and I decided to, oh, I know why, because my father was in commercial real estate in Dayton, Ohio, and Kentucky, and Cincinnati, and he owned a building that housed an ice rink. So I got, you know, my little lifetime membership card and got free ice time, and all of a sudden I just became infatuated with skating. It was literally, it's the only time I've ever been, when you're so excited, I was so excited to put my skates on.
It could hardly get them up fast enough to get out on the ice. Really? And were you, I bet you were great. I was very graceful, but I'm very, very tall.
So ice skating, bigger skating is an acrobatics sport. You can't, you know, I can't get this six foot frame three times around a triple, you know, I should have been an ice dancer. That's what I should have been. But something happened when you were a teenager that made you stop, like, her red or something?
Uh-oh, we don't talk about it. I mean, when I almost died, that is how much you were. Well, we talked to her about some of her relationship failures. I didn't know that.
And then we're rolling to politics and religion. Come on, can I talk to you for a second? What is the... Guys, how about the outfits, Allison?
Tell us about your favorite skating outfit. Hey, let me answer this part first. What happened? I'll just say, it's a story that anyone who knows me well knows the story.
So I'm surprised... Well, two of you don't know this, but I... I went through a play class window when I was 17, and I lost three quarters of my blood. I almost died, and it was pretty frickin' dramatic.
How did you get through that? Why did you get through it? Did you not see it? Well, I...
It's fine. I mean, it's those horrible things at a party when someone goes walking right into one, and usually they bounce off of it. You went through it? I did, but I...
You know, the awful part is there was a game going on with... And the girls... The couples and the girls had balloons tied around their ankles, and the object was to pop everybody's balloons, so you were the only couple left with your balloon unpopped. Yeah.
And I was cheating, because I had a strapless long gown on, and I tried the balloon up around my knee, so no one could get popped my balloon. I've been a cheater. I'm such a cheater. Sure, that will take a lot to...
So... How does it send you through a play class window, though? Well, then when someone was trying to pop my balloon, kept furiously trying to step on my balloon, instead stepped on my dress, and it ripped and fell off, and I was there for a party with parents and kids, and everybody was there, and I just graduated from high school, and my dress was falling off. I didn't have any bra on it.
It was a strapless dress, and I'm a very small-chested woman, and so I held the dress up, and I ran to get inside, and there was a porch with, you know, some clothes open, some clothes, and I hit it, and then the glass fell on top of me on my leg, and the band was playing right next to me, and I was like, keep playing, keep playing, don't do it. I was so embarrassed, and then I turned around, and I said, oh my God, I saw blood all over my finger and on my neck and everywhere, and I said, I'm supposed to... Now I'm supposed to scream, and then I'm going to faint, and then I'm going to die. And that's what...
As my actress had, I was like, these are the things I'm supposed to do right now. I'm supposed to scream right now, and then, you know, it was like a Fellini movie or something, being on the ground and seeing all these people come with cocktails and cigarettes leaning over me looking to see what was going on with my blood, and people... It was crazy. Oh my God.
So you didn't skate anymore? No, I didn't skate, but, you know, it was good. I was not meant to be a figure skater at all, but I... Well, but what about that injury wrecked your skating career?
Well, I lost an artery, a cut tendon in my lower right leg, and my foot doesn't work so well anymore. Oh, no. You couldn't work that off. This is why we hired Will Arnett.
It was real, it was cheap, and he keeps it light, and we will be right back. All right, back to the show. Wait, one time, I was... My sister was out here...
It never goes well in search of... One time, my sister... Okay, go ahead, man. We were at a stoplight.
One time, I was with my sister at a stoplight in Century City, and we're watching this girl, she must have been 14, 15 years old, rollerblade, and she was on a long hill, and she couldn't stop herself, and you know when you see something, and she rollerbladed right into a movie poster, and the glass completely... At a bus stop, and the glass completely shattered. No, wait. What was the movie?
Do you remember? It was a joke. It's going to be a joke. No, I don't remember the movie.
I don't remember. It would be better if I had the movie ready, but I think it was like, you know, chipmunks, something about the chipmunks. Shattered glass. So we ran over there to help her, and she was like...
That you didn't? My sister couldn't stop laughing. I was like, oh my God, this is boring. She turned and said, tell the band to keep playing.
No, she ended up being totally fine. Everybody does that when they have it. It's their first instinct is to tell the band. My sister was laughing only because she knew she was totally fine.
My sister was a cop, and she was like, oh, the girl's going to be totally fine. It looked way worse. Tracy was a cop? Yeah, she's a cop.
Yeah, we learned that very late. We were on stage for that. We learned that when she hugged Tied Bateman in the back of a band. Hey, you know, Allison, I don't want to...
I did a little figure skating in my time as well. Oh, here we go. You did? I did.
Well, I did. It was part of the cinema. I did a film. I made a figure skating picture called Blades of Glory.
Yeah, he did all of his own skating. I did do all my own skating. I did do all my own skating, but of the four of me and Farrell and Amy and John Heater, I did the most of my own skating. Wait, did you learn to skate just for that movie, Will?
No, I did. You played hockey, right, Will? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At a very high level.
Go ahead. I'm a goalie, so it wasn't a lot. Wait, isn't that weird that all that figure skating... I mean, I can't be the first person to say this.
And then you win an Oscar for a movie about skating. I mean, it's crazy, Allison. It's nutty. It's nutty.
I couldn't believe it. And I actually got my skates back out and got on the ice, and I thought that my character might... They might put in a little scene where she skated and see yourself. that you know she wanted her daughter to succeed where she had failed and then that part was so great did you did you come up with the bird and the oxygen tank or was which one was because i'm obsessed with that role i tell you i i've never smoked so many cigarettes in my life and uh every scene i kept saying maybe this scene she doesn't smoke and craig gillespie the director was like no you're smoking you're smoking in every scene and then we get to that final scene with the bird and uh the bird handler was like you're not you can't smoke around the bird you're not allowed to and craig was like oh yes we are we're smoking around like there was a huge uh fight about it and i said uh to the prop guy i said what do you do you have one of those those things those um you know things you stick in your nose in the canister the oxygen and uh yeah but what's and he did exactly exactly jason that's exactly what he said and and that's how that came about that of course it made sense that my character would have emphysema after smoking for yeah what about craig gillespie that guy what a genius he's amazing he's pretty he's i gotta say jason you have been one of my favorite directors too you are i there's no one more fun to watch on a set than you you you love i mean at least it seemed to me you love being in that position and just don't i love it so much you just are able to handle anything that comes your way you're such i had so much fun working with you on that listen you guys why don't we all do um i propose that we all do a sitcom i know you guys were talking about sitcoms recently on the podcast great so we just make let's make news right now okay so what would the concept what would the concept be how can we best utilize what the three of us do and you do and what would that concept be um okay well let's let's um i think you're already halfway there with the outfit on right now the funeral okay so i'm a boxer right i'm like a young i'm like the young no i know you know i've got you being a luggage boarder at a hotel that alice owns i own the hotel she owns a hotel and she's got three of us working there will you're just you're doing a lot of luggage care you're in charge of vip relations jason thank you i'm valet you're valet jason's like an energy i agree so then wait listen you're still in the luggage department okay i'm the valet what's the valet do you mean the car parker or the guy that's taking care of the concierge but you fill in whenever wherever it's necessary sometimes you you're on room service duty or you kind of jump around so sean you need to be front desk and jason you're concierge i'm sorry i have to i do like jason's concierge let's put sean with an old-timey operator board we've got to plug in the little we can't get cameras in there i can't get shimata in there wait well what did we decide you were i'm the bellboy because i'm real young seeming just very sort of boyish yeah we're a big background i think i'm cutting people off they want to agree with me go ahead who wanted to no so alice we get burrows to direct it right you think you can make his deal please i've never worked with him i want to work with him so badly you've never worked with james burrows no i've never worked with him i've never worked with him i'm very i'm sad about that you didn't do any moms no no no mom jamie widows the fabulous we love jamie widows he's the best okay so wait i want to talk about your career because like you i've heard you talk about before like the agonizingly long kind of you know slow start in a career what it took for you to get to where you are talk a little bit about that because up until west wing i mean aaron soar can really see you in a play and just go oh that's her for west wing is that how it worked no i think he's you know i didn't i wasn't given that part i was up against a lot of very um talented ladies um but i think what sealed the deal for me is that aaron saw me in primary colors he's such a mike nichols fan as am i and i love mike nichols so much he was always so generous with me and um um he put me in that movie and that crap ball i did was a big that just won me a lot of points um i love that now now did you like are there roles you were up for didn't get along the way or even now looking back you still wish you would have gotten them or does it all make sense now um there's a lot there i mean i was trying to think of a joke like you guys always think of something i'm like no it's hard when sean throws as much crap at the wall um you know oh yeah i know okay so i um i auditioned for the part of ross and um you know fraser my dear friend perry gilpin got that part oh yeah um and then i auditioned for third rock in the sun and kristen johnson got that part so there were a lot of things i didn't get and then i work with burroughs on both of those yeah um think about all the things think about all the things you would not have been available for had you booked one or both of those well i know and you know i think it was meant to be that west wing was the one that was meant for me i mean as my friend dulay hill says uh if it's not yours it can't be yours he doesn't sound right he says it better than i just said it it's yours it can't be i don't know in some way it's just it's okay everything's gonna be all right everything is happening what's supposed to happen this way you didn't have to hear a toss salad and scramble all the time you know what i mean you got you got a freebie on that bonus toss salad and scramble okay so but wait so but growing up growing up your parents when did you go to the royal academy of school whatever for theater i went there when i went to the playhouse in new york city and they gave me a fellow i got a fellowship there to study at rada and it's so funny i go all the way there and my teacher's american and every student in the class is american so it was a great experience but it seemed kind of funny i thought i was gonna be there i did a summer program at rada when i was 18 yeah um uh did you have a lot of americans in your class or was it a dancer mime or what were you doing do you guys want to see my dance belt that's all i'm wearing um no for theater yeah did you do what shakespeare monologue did you do well oh i think i did something uh something from lear i guess wait wait wait from team lear will i'm trying to think sorry what's up jason i'm just when you're done i want to talk about you've done shakespeare question mark well no i mean i did it at two you had to do it at i did she was there for real i was just there for a summer doing a program there no i think it was a summer thing too it wasn't a whole it was like six weeks and you know what here's the thing that really that really stuck out for me one was i had a teacher there who kept saying something something to the effect of like um hit the back row the back row and i'm like okay got it got it so shout and then and then the other one was um what was the guy's name he was a uh this is like 1987 or 8 and i did um all the stage running stuff i really it was that was fun um yeah yeah so which i still do a lot of that so wait but then didn't you do did you do boarding school is that before the royal academy no no allison thank you thank you well thank you well allison is this not my interview no sorry in fact you can go move your microphone just the whole arm of it just all the way to the right there it is so alison you're so you're in boarding school yes yeah but that before the royal or after the royal that was way before that was that was uh high school that was high school man i can't keep track i graduated high school in i mean whatever 77 where was uh where was boarding school where did you grow up um i grew up in ohio but i went to boarding school in lakeville connecticut oh was that fun wait what school was that hodgis oh you went to hodgis i did huh that's where it eventually became like a school for a lot of like problem kids i went to non-hodgkins sean save it for hypochondriac actor okay it was very high level but well above my my intelligence no i knew a couple kids who've done hodgis and like this is in the 80s and my impression was that were they'd been they'd each been kicked out of other like one of them kicked out of the show you know what i mean it was kind of like that really yeah but now alison um i would imagine that you get sent so many tasty tasty things how do you decide what i'm going to really mash this mess out how do you decide what you want to eat you know like if i had chicken last night i want something different i want you know like i just did okay so i finished mom and then what i did was i went to do this movie lou vancouver where i play it's a pretty um different kind of role for me and i i don't want to uh give away although the trailer does have some pretty uh i have to let's just say i had to learn some hand-to-hand combat okay so that's what i want to ask because i just saw it it's fantastic language it was fantastic yes and you and you um it's a role that you've never i've never seen you do anything like this before what do you mean what's that what does that mean because it's kind of like a child like it's the female liam neeson i like to say yeah for sure but guys but guys she's kicking ass like crazy really and i read somewhere that you you know that right and um and i don't give away the ending i won't and and but the last scene one of the last scenes you're on a beach and you're kicking the shit out of this guy and i'm going wait that has to be allison it can't be the sun person and he buries your face in the fucking sand and kicks the shit and you kick the shit i'm like oh yeah what oh yeah i've got a lot of anger i've a lot of anger under here i'm so physically uh violent as you must have hurt yourself just a little bit i did i definitely had some bruises this was something you know it's one of those things you guys have been talking about this when you see a script and you see it's nighttime a storm approaching i'm like i'm out but but i did it this time and this was all this whole movie takes place during this massive storm that hits the lopez islands i mean i thought that too when you were when i was watching it's like it's raining in every scene yeah every single and and wind machines so in every scene i'm like going like you know screaming my lines so i ended up having to um to uh loop a lot of them after the fact because i sounded so i had to sound kind of cooler to have my voice register down you know hey where are you going to be but instead of going so the nightmare continued you're shooting nice you got rain and then you had to adr the whole thing and had to adr a lot of it and uh we also shot it during one of the worst heat waves in canada well i don't know yeah that's terrible it was and nobody in vancouver has air conditioning it's like you don't need it but it was pretty brutal it was brutal it was brutal in the wildlife in vancouver yeah but i worked with jernie similat who was so game and great and um so fun to um act with and i couldn't have done it with someone who would have been you know oh it's so wet and muddy i can't you know she was totally let's get in the butt together and so that was fun to do like a total left turn for me and i've always had to do that and now i'm this lady and you know it's it's fun to keep shaking it up and playing so if somebody wants to wants to grab you just make sure you check out what she did right before and off you the opposite exactly yeah but really i was so impressed it's such a good movie and i was like wow look at you go and now a word from our sponsor and now back to the show what were you doing with mark manchaka my other favorite person down in australia maybe were you no he was in thailand mark manchaka is so i just love him so much my god for listener if you watch uh ozark he uh he played russell anymore the redhead guy with the beard uh that was uh julius um uh uncle yes i think yeah he's extraordinary i went to do this movie called true love with uh john david washington who was just the most extraordinary lovely talented generous kind man and um and manchaka was on it we kind of were a duo two of us and um you didn't go out at night at all with mark did you oh no he hates to have negronis yeah he's going out after work yeah we had highland how was that it was it was also very uh very hot location and we traveled all around to chiangai and pataya i think the sex capital of the world little strange um i think you keep saying i think it is like and then why are your fingers crossed that sounds great i'd love to work in thailand for a while it was it was the people that were so lovely and friendly but it too was incredibly hot what i want to know too i'm gonna go back to the early part of your career and say and ask you um what are some of the earliest things that you watched as a kid and you're like oh man i want to do that you know that you remember carol and carol bernett is on the show i'm doing on this palm beach show and um i'm now world friends with her i'm so excited we do world every day and that's great how is you know will and that's got real strong world skills what are your world skills like i tried to do portal and i can't do it i can only do wordle and i'm not very good at it uh but i haven't gotten i think i've gotten mostly in the the five out of six um we won't even talk to you now let me let me let me just say this because we've talked about a few times i'm on a chain with a couple other people that jason um had to jump on because i get he tell me he's like we and we do a twirtle which is eight boards a twirtle quarter wordle and then we do and then we do the score of all three combined um every we do every day we've been doing it for almost eight months now every single morning and today i had a um 77 this is why i've quit go ahead start which is which is really tell us all how you could have got a 75 or 74 that's why i quit guy i mean this fucking guy oh here's my score now had i done x y and z i had such a 50 50 on quarterland i could have anyway it doesn't matter how long does it take you to do in the morning how much time do you spend on it before you start today about 10 minutes to do all three really yeah yeah wow i think we're ever just do wordle i do too it takes me all day i look at it in the morning i go away from it what takes longer is reading will's excuses why his score wasn't even lower that's what really his first guess was craze and then twice and the word was twice that's that's that's well that's just good guessing good guessing amazing what's your first word well i can't tell you he can't tell you that come on i can't do it no you should go i did vowels for a while i think it's all about consonants you do yeah okay i'm gonna try this one i'll let you know how it turns out twist is a good one twist it's not no it's twice wait so you watched so carol and so you watched her growing up and that inspired you to want to do that or like what made you really well i wanted to have my own carol burnett show when i was watching you know that was my dream i just thought that's what i want to do yeah did you tell carol burnett what she means to you yeah i had dinner with her the other night and i just i told her how much i loved her and i you know is that the first time you met her no i've met her before but i've never worked with her like this and gone out to dinner with her and i had to do a scene with her in this where i guess i can't give it away um i had to do a scene with her where she doesn't say anything and i am the one who talks the whole time so she literally does nothing so you where did you guys go for dinner we went to the palm you did i love the palm yeah we went to the palm and we all had and carol oh my god it's so great she has a specific drink she likes to have and she has these cards printed up with a little a picture of her you know pulling her ear and her drink um the recipe for drink and she gives it i hope she's not mad but i'm telling you this and she gives it to the waiter and so i got a copy of it that's pretty awesome whatever drink she wants just hands it to the waiter the same drink always so wherever she goes oh that's very specific it's like a cosmo but she likes it bubblegum pink colored with a little bit of quantro and it says all these exact amounts and everything you know what you're saying about that if you know what you like yeah you just ask for it this is what i like i bet she's got her uh her cartoon up there on the wall right her little uh i don't have it anywhere i don't have it palm changed owners i changed owners too you know steve martin used to have cards that said if somebody came up to me he just would stop them and hand them a card and say this is proof you've met me are you serious yeah he wouldn't have to take a picture or sign anything he just hands them a card oh my god i wouldn't have that's pretty good and he'd leave the house with just a bunch of those cards i have i had my photo i had one of those um you know those uh drawings on the wall at the old palm on santa monica and um mitcherwitz and i went we used to know we used to go there so much we knew the old uh major d um and we said this guy said we said what we want is because we'd seen one from like the 70s it was buried in the back but we were like we want a version of what we saw we want our heads but on baby's bodies they're wearing diapers and then they're sitting on a cloud and he said where do you want it we said we want it right by the front door anyway so when they closed when they just demolished the old one that's a while ago now that they demolished that um they sent it to me the palm sent it to me i've got it in my office a piece of wall yeah a piece of wall from the old palm with that thing on it i wonder if the new york one's going to because i was up there with i excited nine five with them with dolly parton and we got ours up on the wall there at the palm but i i guess that's going to now but no one sent that to me that was such a good show and you're so good and i love dolly was in the stage version of nine to five she well she she was part of she was collaborator on that version that i did with stephanie block and megan hilty um back in 2010 i didn't know you were in nine to five what a way to make a living i would be so wonderful oh i wish i would have seen that did you guys read about that huge storm that's had in our way wait no well no they didn't say there's a potential for it oh oh right you're talking about yeah the big mother storm that's been for months and months huge like there's also supposed to be an earthquake that's the big big one not just the big one the big big one when is that supposed to happen that's uh we're over you're talking about that article it was like in the early times or the times it was in the new york times it was about massive massive rain coming our way like you know six inches a minute yeah but hang on it's not you keep that's misleading it's not heading our way they said it could that is something that is that is possible within the next like 20 years right yes i read that you may just seem like it's going to look out by thursday don't bother washing your car i didn't mean to do that i am a little bit of an alarmist where would you go if california was no longer inhabitable where would you live um i'll tell you what i get my niece petra and her boyfriend they both fly planes they have their pilot's licenses and they um i wanted to mention my niece's amelia air pet rescue she flies from rural areas to urban areas petra flies pets petra flies pets for amelia air rescue but she's they fly planes so i'd get in a plane with them and we take off and go we can cut that plug by the way it needs to be paid for if i was on that plane i'd be petrified oh my god well but where would you ask them to fly to where would you like to live if it wasn't los angeles new york maybe upstate new york um and you know i like upstate new york very much i love uh burlington vermont area lake champlain um oh way upstate yeah way upstate like adirondack type stuff uh yeah but more on the vermont like grand isle um um in the lake champlain area i like burlington vermont i think that's gorgeous also the lake george area is fucking stunning i watch them i watch this old house every sunday still and they just had saratoga springs on i thought that was real pretty that's beautiful um lake george is a little bit south of that around i mean it's right there and then you go up north and you get to plattsburgh which is right there yes then you can take the ferry across from plattsburgh to vermont that's right oh is that right oh yeah that's my country but um i'm kind of joking about what you do in your days often like i know we let you go but i want to what is it that you do like it's it's friday you're not working you're not working till the next week it's friday what are you what are you like all right this is my plan for the next couple of days other than just getting on the couch and watching a tv show well i'll tell you i do um i have uh watercolors i like to do put a little um like um what do you call it a still life together and do watercolors i have knitting i like to do i also have a full gym i have a trainer i love to who comes over and and we work out together um i did just adopt a new puppy so i have four dogs now and uh that's taking up most of my life is training this new puppy that i got so you're a homebody you love being at home i love i'm kind of but i kind of feel like i didn't think i was i thought i used to like to go out all the time but now i just hang out at home i'm really a very i hang out at home with the dogs and happy um but i want to be invited to things but no one ever invites me will bring his cards and shall we bring some chin chin yeah i would love that i never get invited let's do some tarot card reading we do some tarot wing yeah and then uh my mom does a lot of knitting and she does a lot of uh i've got needlepoint things oh needlepoint forget me yeah i know all about it my mom has bored our whole family for years about it and we have to do yep amazing i have a feeling i will say she's listening my mom says she loves it but uh she's great i have a feeling the needlepoint is something i'd actually fall in love with too like the monotony of that kind of the story about the knitting though is the thing that saved me through many family holidays when i was things were stressful and you sit there with knitting and you could be in a room for it's the most calming thing to do and then those needles are handy in case one of those family members starts exactly yeah um alice and janney we love you you have to go back to work in your trailer i really just let me tell you one fantasy i have when i listen to you because i listen to your show all the time but i have a fantasy of going on a road trip with this review a road trip to anywhere i would just be the best i would just laugh at everything you say you should come on the road with us next year when we go back on the road i want to be if i could just do craft service or something or we're gonna get your knees we're gonna get petra and her boyfriend to fly the plane for us petra can fly us and we're gonna go on a plane with petrol oh my god you're so you guys are so quick i'm scared of you we're having fun we're having fun i'm petrified that was enough she did oh everybody's in um all right we love you honey we took up too much of your time we love you crazy i have to go back to my funeral now i'm so happy and now i gotta go private tell wick are you gonna see wick go tell wick you were better than she was no it's her birthday today not that guess what i got a birthday present for you the guy said i was better than you just say that you were the best episode but play it off just how would they just go i don't want to say let me finish up today there you go oh you how do you know i would do it like do it for real just go how was it just go and just be like so you you know really really lure her in just go i feel kind of bad because they said it was the best and then just that's the hammer you know i'm totally doing that i'm totally doing i'm gonna nail it too i'm gonna reel her in of course you are because you're an absolute killer you're an killer especially in the hat we love you i love you guys i will say happy birthday we love you you're a mega talent it's so great to see you love you sweetie all right we love you bye allison bye love you guys i'm just gonna click out i'm gonna leave leave leave have either one of you fellas worked with that incredible lady no yes many times yeah you have yeah she's just been a friend for a long time like she'll if you want her to do you know she's always there for you if you have like this great part and you just you see her in it and you just like i wrote this for you or i have this for you in mind she's like yeah definitely you know she's always kind of there and she's great she's a good good friend she's again one of those people who is no matter what the thing is she's always great yeah never saw there's only three factors yeah yeah that they always hit it i call it the john goodman syndrome no matter what john goodman's in he's always amazing and then there are a few people now she's in there well let's create a little file um yeah allison was great though and i love that we all kind of know her i know you don't know her as well i don't really but i feel like i know her um she's just a bit there's a reason why she works all the time it's because she's the coolest she's just really down to earth and cool yeah what do you guys got the rest of the day i'm gonna go eat something i had two boxes can we guess what it is yeah but it's 542 yeah here in la um it's going to be today is going to be uh he's gonna make homemade pizzas on a french bread loaf um he's just gonna take some pasta sauce and pour it on top and he's gonna grate the cheese himself to make it seem like he's really doing something he's gonna put it in a toaster oven like i'm really creating something uh-huh uh and while he's waiting for it he's gonna have four bites of ice cream oh my god is that close to what you're doing don't say yet don't say yet okay um you are see now you're saying it's kind of close uh you have leftover pasta from a restaurant you went to and you're gonna reheat it or you you're gonna go pick up from a pasta restaurant you're going to pick up italian food that's exactly right from uh is it marianos or whatever marinos marinos yeah is it yeah is there gonna be garlic bread involved in this absolutely but last night i had to tell you i'm not making this up i had two boxes of mac and cheese oh god anyway craft mac and cheese craft macaroni cheese was it extra cheese no just the regular just the regular you know we had that a while ago we had sorry you can go ahead you don't get it we call it it's called craft dinner i'm not kidding forever it's called craft macaroni cheese is branded as craft dinner so right and the thing i don't understand is growing up they're like it's a family of four and i'm like it feeds i need two boxes it feeds a family of four supermodels hey do you um do you remember we had the debate about the um about the checks mix and the bugles yes and um jason do you remember that no i don't think so yeah look at that vacant look on his face it's just like we get one of those motel signs that says vacant um so we had a debate about bugles and it turns out checks mix and bugles are made in the same factory and then they sent us all the bugles i will say when the bugles are incredible i i can't get enough of those bugles i love the regular and the ranch flavored ones you're about to get a box so i just want to say to all the people of america and canada i guess and uh wherever bugles are available go grab them because they are fantastic okay what if bugles were spelled instead of b-u-g they're spelled b-i-g oh my god oh it's so lazy but we'll allow it smart smartless is 100 organic and artisanally handcrafted by rob armjorf and a barbaco and michael grant terry smartless smartless is 100 organic and artisanally handcrafted by rob armjorf and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a barbaco and a 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