Alyssa Mairanz on How Grief Shapes Your Decisions During Divorce

Your brain on divorce doesn't always think straight. Beneath the legal paperwork and custody schedules lies a deeply physiological reality: intense heartbreak, anger, and grief can completely hijack your nervous system, driving you to make choices you’ll later regret. In this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Katherine Miller speaks with Alyssa Mairanz, owner and executive director of Empower Your Mind Therapy, about what happens in your brain and nervous system during a separation. Together, they explore how grief, anger, and shame can shape your decisions, and how to navigate these emotions with awareness and intention; offering a roadmap for emotional survival and genuine resilience. Through Alyssa's insights, learn how emotional dysregulation and the "fight or flight" response impact your ability to make clear, grounded decisions. Alyssa shares practical tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help you stop reacting out of impulsiveness and start responding intentionally. They discuss the messy, non-linear cycle of grief—including the heavy roles of anger and shame—and how to separate your ex's reactions from your own self-worth. If you are struggling to find your footing while navigating a separation, this conversation provides the actionable grounding techniques and self-compassion needed to move forward. In this episode, you’ll learn: - How your nervous system responds to divorce and the effect on decision-making; - Ways to recognize and manage emotional reactivity versus intentional response; - Practical grounding techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy to regain clarity; and - How to separate your self-worth from your external reactions and rebuild identity Highlights: (00:00) Meet Alyssa Mairanz (02:40) Divorce and Your Mind-Body Connection (03:18) Understanding Anger, Shame, and the Grief Cycle (07:22) Emotional Dysregulation and Decision-Making (09:01) DBT Tools for Intentional Responses (12:01) Grounding Yourself and Checking the Facts (18:34) Keeping Focus on Your Goals Amid Divorce (22:18) Rebuilding Your Identity After Marriage (24:06) Navigating Grief and Building Resilience (28:37) Self-Compassion and Recognizing Your Strength About our guest, Alyssa Mairanz Website: https://eymtherapy.com/about/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alyssa-mairanz-lmhc-cdbt-b4ab8a39/ About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/ More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/