“Am I Destined to Be Alone?” Let's Break That Down, Love Bites with Lifestyle Coach Francesca Luca

Love Bites is a weekly segment on The South Shore’s Morning News with lifestyle coach Francesca Luca. You can listen for advice every Wednesday morning at 9:10. The Francesca Luca Show airs every Wednesday evening between 8 and 9pm. Every now and then, I get a question that hits deep: “Am I destined to be alone?” If that thought has ever echoed in your head, pause right here. You’re not alone, and no, that’s not your fate. But  can we talk? It’s not about destiny…  it’s about patterns. I hear from women who say they want a healthy relationship. They long for someone who’s consistent, emotionally available, and genuinely ready to love. But when they actually meet someone who is those things? They get... uncomfortable. Suspicious. Distant. Suddenly, they start noticing “issues” where there weren’t any before. Let’s say he’s kind. Checks in regularly. Follows through. Wants to build something real. Instead of feeling safe, you start to feel suffocated. You question his motives. You wonder, “What’s the catch?” Before you know it, you're pulling away, or worse, pushing him away. Sound familiar? Why Peace Can Feel So Unfamiliar Here’s something we don’t talk about enough: When you’ve experienced emotional inconsistency or chaos in past relationships, calm can feel threatening. Drama may have been your normal. So now, without it, your nervous system doesn’t know how to rest. The truth? You might not be afraid of being alone. You might be afraid of letting someone actually stay. Because if someone stays, you might start to believe they matter. And if they matter… they could hurt you. That’s the heart of it. But constantly testing someone, starting fights, withdrawing love, sabotaging connection—doesn’t make them prove their loyalty. It just creates exhaustion. And resentment. Real Talk from Love Bites: It’s not love if you have to create chaos to feel connection. It’s not chemistry if it only burns when things go wrong. You’re not “hard to love”, you’re hard on love. So… What Can You Do Differently? If you see yourself in any of this, start here:  Pause before reacting. When you feel the urge to stir something up, ask yourself, “Am I protecting myself or avoiding vulnerability?” Name the real fear. Is it abandonment? Rejection? Fear of losing control? Get honest. Once you name it, it can’t run the show. Let calm be okay. Healthy love might not give you a high. But it will give you peace. That’s what you’re craving, even if it doesn’t feel familiar yet. Stop writing the old script. If you keep rehearsing heartbreak, you won’t recognize love even when it’s front and center. The Bottom Line? You’re not destined to be alone. But you do have to choose differently if you want different outcomes. Let love be easy for once. Let it be soft. Let it be boring in the best possible way. You don’t need to manufacture a test to see if he’ll stay. Let him show up. Let him love you. And if you’re always dodging the good stuff, maybe it’s time to stop chasing love and start preparing for it. Missed this part of the show? Don’t worry, I’ve got you. You can always catch up with my blog and clips over on social media.  Follow me on Instagram @francescalucashow or head to Facebook for your weekly dose of Love Bites.