Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Movie Mastery. Why, tis I, the very host of your podcast, and ours, John, with me, tis Jeff. Verily, we're here. Yeah, yeah, um, forsooth. There we are. Okay, yeah, I did one. Yeah. Hey, what's up? It's me, Jeff. I'm also here. Yay! Uh, yeah, we, uh, you know, we normally watch the movies that you ask us to, and this time is no different, for I have randomly rolled up an extremely goofy movie. Which one?
An extremely goofy movie from 2000. Oh, okay. So I'm going to keep narrowing it down. So Shallow Al? Someone's going to tell me what year that actually was. Please don't. I don't give a shit. I don't know what movies came out in 2000. Hey, no one gives a fuck about anything here. We're all just coasting on vibes. You know what I'm saying? One of my favorite extremely goofy movies is the released in theaters classic, The Goofy Movie. Is that the extremely goofy movie you might be? No, you might also be thinking of a goofy movie. Oh, a goofy movie. Yes. Yeah, the one. One of my favorite Disney movies of all time has a lot of interesting gravitas and like...
dark moments which you would not expect to be acted out by Goofy and Pete, but it is anyway. Is that the movie? That seems like a pretty extremely goofy movie. It's the sequel to that. It's not a sequel at all. It's just another movie from the same fucking franchise. I mean, I guess you could say it's a sequel because it does take place later chronologically because the Goofy movie, a Goofy movie, he is still in high school. Yes, this is graduated. This is Max's off to college. Yes. That said, there is literally nothing in this movie other than the chronological passage of time and one weird choice that was made in both these movies. And one weird trick that doctors hate.
to suggest that this is connected in any way to the far superior Goofy movie. Yeah. God, this movie, I mean, obviously, when we get into the full spoilers, as we are just doing our overview right now, I will have some very specific things to say. Yeah. But let me just say overall...
The problem I have with most of this movie is that everyone kind of sucks and is an idiot. Yes, it's an idiot plot where if anyone actually had a conversation, everything would be resolved right away. But it's also, everyone's an asshole. Like, Max and Goofy are both assholes in very different ways, but both extremely bad. Yes. In fact, basically this is a movie about the B-level supporting characters for Max and Goofy being at their best. Like, you're never gonna like Pauly Shore as much as he is in this movie where he plays a relatively minor character who doesn't do anything stupid. I mean... He doesn't even do the Cheez Whiz thing from the first movie. No, the fact that they actually...
decided to bring Pauly Shore from the first movie back and be like, ah, yeah, we're not gonna, you know, Roxanne, gone without a trace. I got my theories on that. And everything else from that movie doesn't matter. But, by God, we want Pauly Shore back. Oh, are you gonna give him business? No, sir. No, he has like one motivational speech at one point, which he plays completely straight, and it's like, why is he here? He is theoretically, though, the only actual connective tissue between these, because he's the only character that is only in these two films and nowhere else. He's on the series.
It's an interesting choice. Yeah. I mean, honestly, if you aren't Max or Goofy in this and you were one of the like, oh, I was a main character from the show or the other movie, you get nothing. PJ was a major character on the series. There are multiple points about this movie where he just gets batted out of the scene and then just doesn't show up again until he is unmentioned, just returns like three scenes later. Oh, yeah. Hey, didn't you get knocked into the sky? He's like, yeah, don't worry about it. I got a thing. No, PJ in this movie got done dirty. Super dirty. PJ is like window dressing for 90% of this film. He has...
Three lines. And is it me, or do they make him, like, four times fatter than he's ever been before in this movie? Also, yes. Yeah, that was an intro. I mean, I get it. He's a little older. He's off to college. Clearly, they're showing his trajectory is leading towards, like, you know, lifestyle. Just being Pete. Just being another Pete. But, you know, I don't... Let's get my theory on the other side of the break about that. Okay. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Theories are for after the music. That's right. We have post-music theories. Now, I will say this. This movie got, critically, a decent amount of acclaim. In fact, rated better than a goofy movie when it came out. That is insane. Because this movie is... It's not...
terrible. Here's the thing. It's back to school, but shitty. Yes, it's basically just an extremely generic kid goes to college, dad shows up at college movie. There's nothing as poignant or heartfelt as the major scenes from the first movie. And also, I gotta say, switching out Tevin for just generic, or Tevin, the guy who played... Tevin Campbell. Tevin Campbell, the guy who played Powerline in the first one and gave us the amazing I2I song and so on, has been replaced with like fucking Peaches and Herb. They just were like, oh, what if we had some like, the cheapest disco we could get? Oh yeah, the fact that there is a weird...
70s disco underline that goes through this movie for some reason. I'm like, you never paid this off in anything but one scene. And even then, it's mostly just a, it feels very, given that this came out in 2000, like a boomer, hey, disco's still cool, kids. I kind of, my thought on that was... Obviously, this is the movie where they hook up Goofy with a new love interest, and they were like, how the fuck do you hook Goofy up with anybody? He has no traits beyond wanting sandwiches and loving his son. How are we going to do this? And they're like, oh, we'll just give him a trait, and then that trait will be identical to a trait that the new love interest has, and it'll be fine. We will whole cloth invent something for Goofy to care about, and then coincidentally, this other person cares about it. Yeah. To me, it's a severe downgrade. It's shocking it got better reviews, but what are you going to do? Yeah. All right. Let's go ahead, play a little music. We're going to come back.
We're going to get deep into the very disco weeds that are surrounding an extremely goofy movie. But, you know, before we do that, let me say, this is fine. It's fine. That's my generic review. I mean, it's on Disney+, so if you've got nothing else to watch, you can watch it. It is a blessed, like, 81 minutes, so you're not going to waste too much of your life. All right, we'll be right back with a full review of an extremely goofy movie.
We're back, and it is time to apologize to Jeff for stealing his last seven up. That's fine. I'm not that mad. I mean, granted, I'm 100% destitute, so I will not have another one for much time. Oh, much time. But I'll figure it out. But can we just start this one without me getting into my life woes to instead mention what the fuck ever happened to Peg and Pistol? That is a thing that carries over just like Pauly Shore. A Goofy movie decided, you know what? I know that throughout the entire show of Goof Troop, there was PJ's sister and, of course, his mom and Pete's wife. And for some reason...
They don't exist. They're just gone. No, at least in a Goofy movie. It's father-son road trips. Yeah, it's father-son time. And so being like, oh, we're just focusing on the relationship between father and son. Like the entire theme about this is, you know, the wanting to connect, but also growing apart. Like, okay, you don't need to have Peg and Pistol show up. That's fine. You also get the, I mean, the first movie we get this parallel where Goofy can observe Pete, who's got a son who's obedient, but he doesn't care about him in the slightest. He kind of treats him like shit. Where Goofy can be like, I don't want to take this level of discipline that you are with your kid because you don't have a good relationship with him. I want to have a good relationship. So there's a whole.
parallel here they're just gone and they're so gone that Pete's first line in this movie is I don't know about you goof but I can't wait for my fucking kid to get out of the house so I ain't gotta babysit no more and I'm like dude he has a little sister yeah she's like four years younger than him you are not done oh yeah he spends the entire opening barbecue scene of this just being like little goof from now on I've got no one left in the house and I'm like Did he get divorced? Did you get divorced? Did she take one of the kids and just go? Did you have a crazy cartoon judge who just split the house up by gender? Yeah. He was like, all right, Pete, it's time for you to get divorced. And that, of course, means I'm going to draw a line down your house. Now, Peg and Pistol will be on one half and you'll be on the other. And don't let me see you cross the line. Yeah, except for a cartoon judge who probably also was like, also, Goofy has to be your butler for a month. I don't know. Like, why? I wasn't even involved. I don't like your face. Order in my courtroom. So, yeah, I just, I find that very weird. I get it. It's the logic of the two films. They decided that Peg and Pistol were like,
not useful characters. But if you watch the show before this, you're like, what the fuck are you talking about, Pete? You have a family. You are a married man with two children. The idea that, ah, finally, PJ is going to leave and now I'll be free of all children is like, I'm sorry, my man, you have lost your goddamn mind. Notably, the whole point of Pete and his family in the Goof Troop show was that they recommended the Joneses, or they represented the Joneses with which Goofy was incapable of keeping up. Yeah, I mean, they represented the whole nuclear family of like, here's, you know, mom, dad, two kids, you know, one boy for some fucking reason. Yeah, that like upper middle class.
suburban dream. Yes. He's always got a new RV or an expensive barbecue set up. That was his whole deal. He was rich, but we never understood quite why. I always figured Pete was just in some kind of organized crime. I mean, obviously. That just seems right. Maybe he has a car dealership, but it's a front for something. I'm putting drugs in the car.
You want a kilo? Hey, goof. Hey, goof, why don't you come over for a bump? So we open the movie with all three of the remaining kids because Roxanne is just gone. Disappeared, never to be talked of or seen again. That said, she is also in this movie. 100% disagree with you on that. No, I'm not saying that she is in the movie. No, no, I 100% disagree with the whole Beret Girl thing because Beret Girl is a new character in the movie. She's a love interest for PJ and she looks almost exactly like a slightly grown up Roxanne with darker hair. Disagree.
But yeah, we'll get to her in a bit. That's fine. We can have a disagreement on the subject. But the three kids have become obsessed with extreme sports. And so the three of them are rollerblading, biking, and skateboarding, and doing a lot of high fives and saying extreme sports things. And that's an interesting piece about this movie. It is licensed and branded. They actually do the X Games and the ESPN logos and things. Oh yeah, this is an extremely goofy movie brought to you by ESPN and the X Games. Yeah, so that's a weird choice. But the three of them have clearly dropped all pretense of interest and any interest other than going to college, being cool kids in college, and winning at skateboarding. They don't really have any other interests anymore. I do think it's interesting.
At least a decent twist on the normal thing that you would see in this is that, of course, all three of them are like, well, the College X Games are going to be happening at the college we are going to. We want to compete in them. And normally anything like this, they'd be like, oh, the Gamma House fraternity has for six years or whatever been... the top number one competitors in these college x games yeah and instead of going we want to join them they're like nah fuck that we're gonna beat them and that is a nice twist on it because normally the way it sets up is we want to join the gammas the gammas are assholes now our underdog heroes will have to compete against them but instead they from the get-go are like nah fuck those guys the thing that's another thing that amuses me throughout the course of this movie is the gammas keep like trying to add max and then when they can't get max they try they recruit goofy and because obviously it's a story about goofy showing up at his kids college uh but i'm like wait did goofy fucking move in That's a fraternity. You can't just join it and stay in your cheap apartment or whatever. You gotta go live in their dumb frat house now, Goofy. We have no idea what happens with Goofy for a lot of it. We don't know what his living situation is at all. No, we see the dorm room that our three main college student protagonists have. They all have a room together. Yeah. Which is weird. Normally you don't get a three-person room, but whatever. I've seen them, but yeah. Like, normally you would either have a two or a four. Yeah. Because you'd be looking at two bunk beds or just, you know, two single beds. Yeah, no, for sure.
Anyway. So, yeah, the kids are doing skateboarding. Goofy and Pete are getting burgers together because the kids are going off to college tomorrow. Goofy is incredibly sad about it, which, you know, it should come as no surprise. That was his only other family member living with him. He's going to be entering into a new and probably pretty depressing phase of his life. Pete should be like, oh, my kid's going off to college, but at least I've got my loving wife and child. But he obviously doesn't. He lost them in the divorce. No, he is just like, I can't wait for my kid to go off to college, and then I'm going to turn his room into a bowling alley. Yes. And I'll walk around naked. I mean, I always did, but more. Oh, I'm going to hit those pins with balls, if you know what I mean, Goof. Why don't you come over?
Yeah. Do a 7-10 split. Probably of all of the many things, missing between a goofy movie and an extremely goofy movie is that palpable sexual tension is gone now. There's just nothing. In fact, you only ever see Pete in his backyard grilling burgers. He's in two scenes in the movie, and in both of them, he's running around his backyard grilling burgers, I'm assuming because they didn't want to do the animation rig for another outfit for him. Yeah, they're just like, yo, you got an apron on, and you're just wearing this outfit, you're cooking burgers.
Fuck it, that's all. We aren't doing the interior of your house. We ain't putting you in any sort of new environments. Negative. But mostly, this is the only good part of this movie for me, is this sequence where you see Goofy being sad because his son's going off to college. He's desperate to try and pack in as much dadding as he can in the last couple minutes of this phase of his life. So he sits all three of the kids down and gives them a lecture about how life is like horseshoes that they've already heard. He's like, everything is just very poignant for him. Obviously, it's being stewarded in the background by PJ now being the recipient of fat jokes like you wouldn't believe, which is a new thing. PJ's always been a heavy character.
They usually left him alone about it unless it was a very special episode. But here we start right away with him being like, I gotta eat ten of these hot dogs! And someone else being like, PJ, ten is too many hot dogs. You don't need that many hot dogs. He's like, I do! I've literally grown to twice the size I was in a TV show. Food is what I use for love! Have you seen my dad? My dad's a monster and so I eat my pain! So PJ is just fat joke recipient in this movie. He gets a love interest, that's nice, but it's so backgrounded and non-essential as to basically be nothing. It is...
God, everything about the Ray girl is the worst. It's cringe-inducing. But yeah, so basically Max is super excited to go off to college. He feels pretty smothered by his dad. I get it, he's a teenager. But also, you know, he has at least a thing where he's like, it's not just college. He has a...
like very distinct interest as far as specifically skateboarding goes in terms of X Games stuff. But the fact that the X Games would be at the college he is going to, like that's a huge deal for him. Yeah. So he's pretty self-absorbed at the moment. Understandably, it's a big change in his life too. But Goofy isn't quite seeing that and is mostly just afraid of emptiness syndrome. So we get, this is the only part we get any like real poignancy is these shots of Goofy looking in through the door at his son, big watery eyes as his kid picks up his old stuffed animal again. Oh yeah. Cause there's, I mean, there's like the scene where Max is packing and he's just strapped. Yo, he is packing and he is going to kill some other.
Max is like getting all of his stuff together and, you know, he's like, oh, I'm not going to bring my little stuffed bear with me. And of course, Goofy's like, well, you gotta bring your stuffed bear. And they just go back and forth and finally he just like throws it. And that beginning part of this movie, like you say, is the only part where I'm like, this feels like a sequel. Because there's still that, like the two of them, even through that, you know, argument, there's still a tender moment where they sit there and they're like, okay, like he gives them a fucking...
old ass typewriter. And instead of going like, oh, I don't need this. And I thought for sure when he left and he went back to his room, it would be in his room. But no, he fucking took it. He was like, this is a thing that was my dad's dad's. He wants me to have it. I'm not going to use it, but I understand, you know, there's that connection moment. And that beginning part of it is like, okay, that feels the way the tone of this should be. Like Goofy is sad. Max is embarrassed, but still loves his dad. Like he's got that good connection. And then after that.
Everyone just cranks their dumb crap so far up that Goofy's like, oh, I literally can't exist. I'm stalker levels of obsessed with my son. Yes. Like, creepy obsessed with my son. Yeah. Like, even to other unrelated characters, when they ask him what he's doing, he's like, I'm here at college so I can get closer to my son. And he's not. He's not there at college for that. He's at college because he never graduated from college, and he got fired, and then he gets fired from this weird job at a toy factory with, like, this crazy-looking old man running it. Again, because he's having hallucinations about Max, because he is... I need to... It's hard to get over just exactly how much Goofy can't cope. He is... I need to stay...
creepy about it like just like in the way that you would normally play someone who isn't over an ex is the way that they play him pining over Max and it feels weird it's too much especially given that again I hate to keep harping on it but the first movie was a lot about how Goofy needed to learn to trust Max to be independent yeah And now he's like, oh, I trust him to be independent. I don't trust me not to be codependent. So he gets fired from his job. And then in a weird scene, he goes to the unemployment office, which it's the standard movie unemployment office, where instead of just being like, did you agree that you looked for work this week? Here is a crappy check. Instead, it's like, I can't find you a job because you don't have a college degree, Mr. Goofy. Which is weird. You would think most people in the unemployment line would be like, yeah, I'm doing, you know.
I'm looking for a labor or retail job something. So I'll take a job. It's not like he had a high level. He was an assembly line worker at a toy factory. Exactly. I'm sure there's a job exactly like it at the next factory over. But no, she's like, you have to graduate from college and specifically the one your son's going to. Well, we find out that he took three years of college and then dropped out after his junior year of college for just the reason that he was like, oh, it was difficult. I just didn't want to do it. I just didn't feel like doing it. Yeah. Which is the thing I kept.
I was like, okay, what could lead him to drop out from college? Probably his first marriage. How come this movie's not about where's Max's mom? I mean, I know that's an extremely stereotypical thing for this movie to have been about, but it would make a lot more sense than Max is grumpy because his dad keeps getting in the way of his skateboarding. Yeah, let me say how much I miss that they didn't give us. I know that, I'm sure, the Disney people on high were like, you do not ever talk about...
fucking Max's mom. You do not get to ever talk about that except, boy, I sure miss her. And that is it. I know, that's gotta be how it works. I mean, they fucking did it for Chucky Finster on the Rugrats at some point. He had a single father for forever and then they made a movie that was about Chucky's mom who had it going on. But in this, I was like, God, the entire relationship that he has with the librarian of this college that is his love interest, I'm like, that would have gone so much better and felt more interesting and deeper and I would have given a shit if it had been like, oh, we're gonna do flashbacks to the actual 70s when he was in college and show him
like, in this parallel how he found love then with Max's mom and him finding love now and whether or not that makes him feel guilty, that would be an amazing, like, parallel storyline that would... make me give a shit instead of just Goofy randomly like 70s things. And now so does the librarian. They fuck. I like that Goofy graduated from, apparently didn't graduate, but he left college sometime in like 1975 or so. I don't know if the timeline adds up exactly right. I mean, it's somewhere in the 70s. But the thing is, he shows up to college being like, fuck it, I'm a disco Goofy now. Like day one, minute one, he kicks open the door to the same class as Max. I guess he's just in all of Max's classes. Because again, he needs to graduate college, which presumably means he needs to finish the courses he didn't take. You know, not the freshman courses that Max is taking. I mean, here's the thing.
I did have that, like, God, you should not be in the same classes. And there's some real treating college-like high school stuff that goes on in here as well. Oh, so much. But at least with that, I went, oh, I guess he could be taking the same math class as him because he's like, oh, I didn't ever take a quantitative class. He might be in that, I just need 12 units kind of situation. Yeah, he might have been like, I finished my requirements for the degree. I never took a math class, and you have to take a math class. I never took, you know...
something, whatever, I gotta take one of those. But instead, it's really just more of a don't fucking worry about it. He needs to cramp his son's style, which means that he's always in his classes and also in his dorm room and also follows him to the lunchroom and also follows him to the bathroom. Yeah. Just don't worry about the logistics. But we get a great scene where Sam and Max and his buddies take off for college in an old shitty van, which I think is PJ's, and then we get the coolest song in the movie because we have to establish the cool bona fides of our young X Games-obsessed 1990s teenagers, which is, of course, a cover of Future So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades by...
legendary late 90s punk pioneer Pat Benatar. Yeah. What the fuck? The fact that they're like, oh yeah, these cool college-bound kids are... Definitely going to be listening to Pat Benatar. That makes the most sense. At least in the first movie, fucking Max was cool. He was in the local equivalent of Prince in the 90s. Yeah. It was like 1994 and he was like, fuck yeah, could Disney afford Prince? No. Plus it's the mid-90s so he's in the middle of that weird like artist known as Prince shit. We don't want to touch that. Yeah, we're not into that. But we can afford Tevin fucking Campbell and he can sing like Prince. We can afford two new songs. That's what we can afford. But no, here he's got to be into fucking Pat Benatar covering 80s anthems. I don't even know what you call fucking Futurism, right? It's a boring song. But yeah, we also get, again, I like the
the three of them are not underdog nerds to start because when they get to college, they're like, we're fucking skateboarding and rollerblading and we're doing fucking X game shit. And the people who see us are like, oh shit, those guys are rad. Look at them. They can do cool stunts and shit. Yeah. They're immediately very good at skateboarding. And not only that, they immediately attract the attention of our movie's bad guy. Ren the Hoek. Dressed up as Bradley Uppercrust III. Is he actually voiced by? No, but his facial features are 1000% Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Yeah. He looks like he should be voiced by like the guy who voices Yakko.
I forget his name, but he's just got that specific asshole character, like teenage character that that guy does when he plays those. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, Bradley Uppercross III and his dumb cohorts from Gamma House immediately take stock of this guy. They're like, oh, I don't know who votes as Bradley, but obviously his henchman tank is Brad Garrett. That's visible. I love it when Brad Garrett voices like a college character as well. I'm in college. That's me. I'm a college guy. I'm just like Goofy. I'm 46 years old. I got sciatica in my lumbago. My kid's going here too.
Bradley's my kid. Fucking ridiculous. I'm Bradley up across the second. You can call me Tank. Also, we got to talk about how fucking Tank talks exactly. He's doing like an Andrew Dice Clay for some reason. Hey, baby, I love you. He calls everyone baby. Oh, don't throw me that smoke show, baby. You'd be like, what the fuck is this guy? Did they just let you pick your own thing? Did you pull all of your mannerisms out of a hat like you were on Whose Line? What the fuck is this?
But they follow our main characters who are being cool skateboarders all the way to a beat poetry coffee cafe. Again, this movie's got just a wild sense of what the 90s were. Yeah. I mean, the fact that they're like, all right, what are the kids like? Well, kids these days, they hang out at coffee shops. That's a thing kids do. You're like, okay, I guess they'll go there. Do you know anything about coffee shops? I stopped paying attention to the world in about 1970, so no. Yeah. I assume.
They have not changed, and it is just where beat poets go to read their poetry, and shitty jazz plays in the background. Oh, and they receive snaps, obviously. And nothing is scarier to frat house dudes who have a bunch of muscle guys with them than being snapped at by beat poets. I mean, at least then you're like, oh, the entire cafe turns against the gammas, and you're like, all right, I know they're just snapping at you, but they got numbers. Sure, I get it. But when they go there...
There is, of course, a beret girl who does not get a name, is the main love interest for PJ, as well as Bobby, Polly Shore's character. They both fall for her. And of course, PJ wins. It's because he has one... It's fucking insane. She comes up and she wants to sit down with... She thinks Max is cool because Max tells off Bradley Uppercrust. Yeah. So she goes by to congratulate him and he invites her to sit with him. Or I guess Bobby does because Bobby's being a little desperate. But when she sits down, PJ has some line about how people are mean to fat folks, which he immediately turns into an insane elocution oratory on how people are mean to fat folks because I think he's just trying to blend into the beat poetry. Well, yeah. We get the... Ah, yes. Bobby and PJ are both interested in beret girl. But...
Bobby is unwilling to change who he is and just presents, hey, this is me and I like you. Whereas PJ is like, I will pretend to be someone else entirely. I will code switch immediately. Yeah. So he just has this line about how fat people are soulful, but they are never given respect by the man. And she's like, who wouldn't give you respect, big fella? Let's go dance immediately. Yeah. And he is just a fucking beat poet. I got to assume this is how he survived life with his dad, was just like adopt whatever persona his beat currently required. Whatever thing his dad was currently into, because obviously he changed hobbies all the time. Yes. Whatever his dad was into, he immediately had to be like, yes, I'm a thousand percent into golf this week. I mean, bowling.
I mean, whatever the fuck dumb thing you do. Yeah, so on the rare occasions that we ever see PJ again, all he does is come up to Max and be like, Max, buddy, we missed the wholeness of your real oneself with our presence. Anyway, I've got one more line in this movie. Bye. God damn it. What the fuck? If you're going to write him out, write him the fuck out. Don't give me this half measure that makes him look like a turd. I liked PJ. Yeah, you could have just been like, oh, Max goes off to college by himself, and we get a little moment where he has to say bye to PJ at the beginning of the movie. Fine. But instead, they're like, oh no, he drags his friends with him, but neither of them will get any business outside of...
trying to impress an unnamed coffee shop patron who they then decide, Bobby's like, all right, well, I guess you win because I'm not willing to sacrifice who I am for that. And PJ's like, I will do anything. Yeah, it's amazing that it works and it goes unremarked upon. Where you think it'd be like, oh, she's not necessarily attracted entirely to anyone who can affect the Patois of a beat poet. That's not her only criteria for attraction. No, it is. No, 100%. I mean, that's why her name is just Beret Girl because that's her only human or living characteristic. I assume she's some kind of dog. Notably, in order to fit more Goofies into the world of the Goofy movies, they have to...
keep playing with that basic dog profile. And so Goofy's new love interest straight up looks like a dog. Oh, for sure. And it's weird. Everyone else is from the Goofy universe. She's from like rock and roll. Yeah, everyone else is like, oh, I'm a dog in the way Goofy is a dog. And she's like, I am straight up a pedigree show dog. You know the fox and the hound? I'm related to both of them.
It's just weird, man. But yeah, so Goofy shows up to college already being like, well, it was the 70s when I left, so here's my giant afro. Yeah. And my bell bottoms. I'm like, okay. All right. We at least got when he was in the unemployment office. He was like, well, I don't know how to be cool. I stopped going in the 70s. So he's like, I'll just do 70s stuff. Okay. Classic dumb Goofy logic of this was cool. I'll do it. Fine. I don't have a problem with him showing up that way. But the fact that he's like, oh, everyone made fun of me and I figured out that that wasn't a thing. However.
I will stick to my guns. It's great. It's so weird. He does kind of give up on the 70s thing at first because what happens is Bradley tries to recruit Max. Max shoots him down entirely and then the whole beat pro-acher room scares him out of the building. Later, Max is out practicing skateboarding as the upper crust and his Gamma House minion show up to watch and Goofy Goofy's like Evil Goofy and does an accidentally brilliant skateboarding routine entirely on accident with lots of ah-ha-ha-hooies and at one point his hat and bell bottoms inflate even so that he's like parachuting down on the skateboard and it makes Max feel...
embarrassed that his dad is accidentally a better skateboarder than max is on purpose well he doesn't care at that point which is weird to me yeah because after the whole like oh uh goofy you know does his standard oops i fucked around and did something impressive thing he's like oh here come the gammas and they want to recruit goofy because they just saw what he did yeah and max is like yes This is perfect. I should put my dad on the Gamma team because he's awful at this. I'm like, no, he's not. You've lived with Goofy your entire life. You know the second that he tries to do something he can't, he will do it flawlessly. Yeah, remember any single moment you've had with your dad. Hell, just remember the fucking perfect cast. Yeah. That's the only thing you gotta remember. That time he was like, oh, I know how to do a fishing move. And they're like, great. It's an international dance sensation. Everyone fucking loves you forever. He only wins when the chips are down and they will be down at some point. Put them on your team and then don't give them anything to do. Yeah. But instead he's like, oh, this is the perfect opportunity. If we... Because...
Initially, Goofy's like, no, I can't be on the Gamma team because I want to support my son and you're his competitors, so no. But then Max convinces him to join. He's like, oh, this is perfect. It'll get my dad out of our hair, but also he'll sabotage them. And I'm like, oh, you're dumb. You don't have genre savvy, Max. The thing that bothers me, right before this scene, there is a scene where Goofy, where Max confronts the realization that his dad is now attending his college and blowing all of his plans. And he sits his dad down and has a conversation with him. He's like, look, dad, I love you, but I'm trying to be my own guy here at college. And I'm going to lay down some ground rules.
You can't burst into our dorm room unannounced. You can't yell weird shit at me in class. You can't follow me around, me or my friends around, and you gotta just kind of be chill and I'll hang out with you on weekends or whatever. And that's like a mature, reasonable thing that you were kind of hoping would happen. And then Goofy immediately, the next scene, literally bursts into their dorm room at six in the morning. And makes them clean it with shovels. Yeah. You're just like, what the fuck is this, Goofy? I thought you liked your son. Yeah. Instead he's like, hey, it's before six o'clock and you've got to clean your room. And I'm like, oh, what the fuck? The other thing is that that ends the moments in this movie. That's like the last...
That's the line. That's the line in the sand. At that point, you think, oh, well, Max is just going to sit him down again and be like, hey, dad, remember our talk yesterday? You're not allowed to just burst into our room and make us clean it. We're not little kids. We're doing the college thing. And instead, he just seethes. He's just like, I hate my fucking dad. Yeah. Like I said, everything dials up because now instead of...
Fucking Max just being like, oh man, my dad's so embarrassing. Oh, I can't believe he's here. He's like, I hate my father. My father is literally the worst and I would murder him to get rid of him. You're like, what the fuck just happened? Just have the conversation again. Give him a strike. And Goofy, of course, is like, oh, well, I'm going to ruin my child's life. And then when he tells me, dad, you're ruining my life, I'm going to do it some more. If he tells me again at any point, I'll just get big mopey eyes and wander off and then show up immediately in the next scene and be like, hey, Maxie, I forgot everything. Now, Miss Marple.
is the uh librarian yeah and of course she has a mood ring and this is what sets off that relationship because goofy's like oh you have a mood ring i have a mood ring let's be lovers and she's like i've never heard a better argument in my life let's bone down well they immediately started i guess they had the rights to the disco songs they had the rights to which include i'm trying to remember anything besides the one peaches and herbs yeah i mean there's shake your groove thing there's pressure drop nowhere to run yeah but uh you make me feel like dancing But what he says to her is, hey, do you remember the duck boogie? And I'm like, dude, if you can't afford the rights to the disco duck, which is fun, but it has to be like a dollar. They give you a dollar and you voluntarily mention the disco duck. All you need to do is call Rick Dees and go, hey man, I wanted to use disco duck for something. And he goes, how did you get this number? Why do you remember that song?
Yeah, but instead he calls it the Duck Boogie, and the two of them are doing that, and we get, like, the stuffy Dean, who's only in that scene. You really kind of wish... This movie's really missing a crusty Dean putting people on double-secret probation. Well, it's missing a lot of... College shit. College stuff, because that's why, you know, when I would say it's, like, a shitty version of Back to School, it's because they went, like, ah, what if we had the idea of this and then didn't follow through on anything? Like, all right, sure. Yeah, yeah, so the Dean comes walking in, right, as they're doing the Duck Boogie, which, again, this movie does have a single Mickey Mouse reference in it. Would it have been that hard to call it the Disco Donald?
And give a little reference to your boy Donald Duck. Couldn't have done that. But instead they do the duck boogie and they both start dancing it and they're just doing the chicken dance. And then a dean comes in and he's like, in a library? Miss Marple, I never. I'm leaving immediately out the other door. Take these students with me. But now the two of them are in a relationship and that's just going to be way too much of this movie. I got to say, we spend a shitload of time with these two. But in, again, that thing where I was like, God, I wish that we had gotten a little about Max's mom. They go out and of course they have like, they go disco dancing at the, at the fucking.
The coffee shop also doubles as a dance. They were dancing, but it was an acid jazz combo playing. There were four people on stage playing acid jazz, and then... No, there was a DJ. Because he goes and bribes a DJ. I think it's both. The establishing shot is a four-piece jazz ensemble, and then there's a shot of Goofy going backstage and bribing a DJ. What the fuck happened to the band? The band was there for five seconds just to establish that Beret Girl is here. That's what place this is, everybody. All right, that's our time. Hey, we've been establishing shot. You guys have a good one. We've been the Jazz Whalers. We'll see you real soon. And...
He, you know, goes and pays the DJ to play fucking shake your groove thing. And they dance and that's great. And of course, everybody at college is like, hey, disco's great. I love disco now. And begins to dance along with them in a disco way because that's what kids know. Yes, kids all get super. I mean, that fucking happened in Ready Player One. So this movie is just prescient. Remember that one scene? You remember when a boomer writes some shit and they're like, kids love disco. We got to play old music. And then they put on like Saturday Night Fever music or something.
Sure enough, everybody in the whole building is like, fuck yes, I love it when people take over our techno club and turn it into an old disco one. Happens here too. And so afterwards, the two of them go out and they're like sitting on a bench by a lake. And Miss Marple is like, oh, this was the greatest night of my life. And Goofy straight up turns to her and says, mine too. And I was like, the birth of your son, marrying your wife. What the fuck, Goofy? What the fuck? Goofy started existing the episode one, minute one of Goof Troop. And that was the only time. There's no before that.
Because, yeah, when he's like, this was the greatest moment of my life, and I'm like, you said that in the last movie, dude. Well, it's true this time. I can't remember the rest of my life. Last time you said it, it was when your son and you were getting along really well, and it was a really poignant moment between the two of you, but I guess it was just nothing. You were just waiting for a librarian who had one thing in common with you. Well, I'm just saying it. It's not the most important thing in my life, but Goofy gotta get his dick wet. Your son fucks, Max.
Oh, God. Yeah, that moment literally made me yell at the screen and be like, fuck you, the birth of your child. Right? I mean, what are you here for, Goofy? But yeah, Goofy gets, so he gets recruited into the gammas. A bunch of, we're just skipping over a bunch of dumb shit. But you can tell this movie was written by just soulless boomers. Because like, one of the sportscasters for the X Games gets getting talked over by the other one. The one who's doing the talking over is doing Howard Cosell. Because, of course. I mean, I guess because they couldn't find a guy who could do Harry Carey. I'm Howard Cosell. He's like, why? Why are you doing that?
No, because that's the only thing I can equate with sports announcer. This whole movie is supposed to be about a battle between the 70s and the 90s. Why are you doing this Cassell shit? And yet the constant looming X Games shit that is in every conversation. Yeah. Contractually. And there's a weird concept of the X Games anyway. Well, there's the scene is Goofy is, of course, with the Gammas and they're like, all right, we're going to.
go ahead and be competing against. It's the qualifying rounds. The qualifiers to get into the actual X games proper and the gammas cheat by putting a rocket on goofy skateboard, which they will later. cheat by putting a rocket on a competitor's skateboard because cheating is just, we have rockets that do anything we want. When you press the button to make the rocket go, it does a good thing if you press it with good intentions and a bad thing if you press it with, it's a magic rocket button. Rocket's not magic, the button is. It's like a magic rocket button with regular rocket. The rocket was sentenced to be good if we need you to win by a crazy cartoon judge. Look, very popular. I've got a strange magic button, a shiny candy-like button. Bonkers T-Bobcat arrested this button once.
Okay, so yeah, Goofy, and this is another thing that drives me insane. Goofy gets out there because he's like, you're the guy who's going to skateboard qualifiers. First of all, why? Bradley Uppercrust is a legitimately very good skateboarder. Why not just have him win this like he always does? Well, the whole thing with that is we want to embarrass Max. It's not just about getting in there because they're like, no matter what, we'll qualify. It's fine. But they're like...
We specifically want to rub it in the face of our competitor who turned us down. And again, I understand that, but you're like, let's put Goofy out there with a rocket on his skateboard. I'm like, at least these guys are genre savvy enough to know if you, if you fuck with Goofy, if you push the, the scenario that Goofy is in far enough, then he will excel. Yeah. There's a switch that flips it, which Goofy becomes competent. Yeah. If it is just like, Hey, I need you to walk across the street. You're going to fall down and hit your head a bunch and fall into like a sewer. Yeah. However, if it's, you need to get across the street. And also there are sharks and an oil slick and then 50 birds. You're like, Oh, this dude is going to do some shit. Also, it's the last two minutes of the comic or the cartoon.
and he's like oh this is where I come to be yeah that is where he will shine and so they know that that's not what I wanted to complain about what I wanted to complain about is that he starts the routine without the rocket being turned on and falls on his fucking face and then he has to get up and start again and then they do the rocket and he still gets a perfect tan across the board and I'm like what the fuck judges did you not notice the part where he face planted yeah he goes down a ramp falls off has to get back on him like I don't care if the rest of his thing was impressive as fuck you lost a point my dude yeah But Max qualifies as well, even though he's got, not only does he have a real bad case of the yips after watching his dad do his amazing job, but also the blatant cheating is just continuing because they're like shining lights in his eyes and stuff to make him fall on things. He redeems himself with like an extremely slow, but very technically incredible move where he like... He does a skateboard handstand. He does a skateboard handstand on the edge of a vert pipe. It's very impressively done. He even spins on one finger while he's doing it. It's a goofy movie thing, whatever. But he qualifies, but now he like fucking hates his dad because he's like... Yeah, he barely qualifies and when his dad's like, oh, gee, I'm sorry, Max. He's like, fuck you, dad. Never talk to me again. He's like, Jesus Christ, dad. The one thing in the world I give a shit about. You showed up.
You drove halfway across the country just so you could be better than me at it, you piece of shit. And Goofy gets so sad that he stands up his college date, his new college librarian girlfriend. He's so sad that he hallucinates a yellow submarine-esque dream sequence. Yeah, where everyone's yelling at him, including everybody who's been in the movie so far. Yeah, we gotta come on, get happy where he does a little drug sequence. And then, of course, the trip turns bad because he remembers Max telling him he doesn't want him around anymore. I'd forgotten about rainbow-haired dream Goofy. Yeah. But yeah, he stands up Miss Marple because he just forgets to go. And of course...
He's so forlorn and fucked up over Max telling him to get the fuck out of his life, he also just bombs at his midterms. So now Goofy's at an all-time low. He's fucked up his relationship with both his son and his new sex partner, whom he fucks. He has messed up his grades. Repeatedly in crazy positions. He has messed up his grades. The real only reason he's at college, so that he can find a job. Well, if there's one thing these two movies share in common, it's Bobby. But if there are two things these movies share in common... It's Goofy fucks. He didn't fuck in the first one. He thought he might with the lady who was in that big glass bubble. Oh yeah, the large lady at the Powerline show. And I like to think he eventually had a doubt.
and Swither before they headed home. Yeah. But the other thing is when Goofy's at his lowest point, he turns to his best friend, Pete. Yep. And Pete...
Just fucking belittles him, and it solves the problem. Yeah. Except this time he does it without any of the weird hot tub dad. Maybe just this one time, it doesn't count if it's in a hot tub. Sexual tension that made the first movie such a fucking amazing thing. Oh, yeah. There is nothing here where it's like, well, gosh, Goof, why don't you come over here real close? And you're like, nope. Now it's just Pete being like, well, you know, you gotta get out there and throw some horseshoes. And he's like, horseshoes? I remember that from the beginning of the movie. What a stupid lecture. Oh, you gotta stay concentrated and focused. I really wanted the movie to have a hat to hang on this scene because it's just Pete being like, hey, you know, college degrees are for idiots. If you have a college degree, then you're wasting your time. If you know that four quarters add up to a Simoli...
and then you're going to do great in the world. And I really want Goofy to be like, Pete, how do you make money? I mean, that never made sense. Well, I inherited millions of dollars from my parents. I sued Mickey for stealing my steamboat. I've got pictures of Mickey you wouldn't believe. Oh, no, I would. Oh, I've been there. Gosh. So, yeah, he remembers. Pete just reminds him of his stupid horseshoe lecture from the beginning of the movie, and he runs back to do the most important thing he can possibly do. Get his girlfriend back, because that's the first thing he does. He's like, all right, I got an eye on the prize. What I'm here at college to do. I forgot about it. I lost focus. I need to remember it. It's getting my dick wet. Hey, baby, sorry about that. Oh, man. Goof priorities, and I love them.
So he, like, confronts her in the library and keeps popping through the shelf stack to try and talk to her. She's doing the standard any cartoon character that's been stood up and not trying to figure out what happened, but instead just being mad that it happened. So she's just like, don't even talk to me. And he's like, won't you let me explain? And she's like, why would I ever let you explain? And he's like, I don't know, because it'd be an interesting story, maybe. Like, I would love to hear that before I shut someone out forever. It's like, what happened exactly? Before I close the door on this. I would like to know exactly what happened. That's a thing. Circumstances exist. But yeah, he never does tell her. No, she's just like, oh, you're so sad and a sack of dumb idiot. All right, I'll help you study for your test.
And so then we get an extended montage scene of goofy... It's Rocky. Exercise studying? It's a Rocky montage. Yeah. We already did the other, the yellow submarine montage, and now we're doing the Rocky. He even dresses like Rocky does. He doesn't do the going up the steps part. No. But he has the same outfit. He's doing, like, push-ups where every time he does a push-up, he reads part of a page. Yeah. He's exercise studying. Yeah. So he has to be like, oh, I'm lifting weights, but every time I lift the weight up to my face, it's a book. Yeah. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. So he gets really, really well read. And swole. Is there even a scene where he, like, aces a midterm? Yes. I think there's a scene where he goes to take one, but I remember seeing the results of it. The results are, again, this is not how college works, where it's like, ah, goof.
let's see your grades and it shows him and all of the classes that he is in and all of his scores but it's along with every other student the other students and you're like there's okay I've got problems one he's taking like seven courses no wonder this dude is failing yeah Jesus Christ and they're all taking seven courses everyone at the school is taking the exact same number of the exact same classes number two why are there everyone with the exact same class load you have And also, isn't this private information? That one, at least I'm like, I've seen the whole, we'll post test results. Yeah. The fact that it's great. We're going to give you your overall grades for seven different courses just up on a board. I was like, man, what is going on at this college? It's like they tried out for the school play or something. And you know what? I tried out for school plays and I never actually did do the thing where you had to walk up to the board and see who you got on it. No, of course not. I don't know if that's real or if that's a TV thing. The drama teacher would be like, hey, you got whatever role. Yeah. I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. Maybe that was a thing from earlier than me in high school. Maybe it was a thing if there were like...
big cast ones because like my high school was not huge right so you know the drama teacher could just be like hey you got whatever thing but it wasn't like oh we're doing a like a show that has 50 parts in it so i have to post this thing so i don't want to go around to everybody yeah i guess that's fair that's probably the one play i actually was in in high school had like 26 cast members because that's more than has ever been in any play i was in in high school it had a chorus it wasn't it wasn't that it wasn't there were like eight of them were chorus yeah i think the most we ever had in any play i was in was like 12 maybe Yeah, I remember being ultra pissed that the one time I had a chance to try out for a play in high school, they did the female version of The Odd Couple. I did the regular version of The Odd Couple. It has, like, seven people in it, and 90% of it is just two people. And I'm gonna guess you were Oscar if you were in it at all. Of course I was. That's why we get along so well, because we're both Oscar. Everyone knows two Oscars make a right. They just call us the regular couple. We're just a regular old couple over here. What the fuck is this? Spaghetti? Linguini? Who cares and who knows?
Anyway, so Goof manages to ace all of his exams and get to the end of the year, because I guess the X Games take place at the end of either the semester or the school year, whatever it is. Whenever it's thematically convenient, the X Games start. The X Games start when the drama is the highest. And they have started. And again, I'm still like not sure how many people you're allowed to put on your team, but notably Goofy is not, they've cut him loose. He quit. He quit. It was part of his like, I got to focus. But one of his bits of focusing was quit the fucking gammas. And they're like, I don't think you understand. You don't quit the gammas. Yeah, you're in for life, baby. You know, and then when he's like, yeah, but fuck you. They're like, all right, well, you can't quit. I'm just going to fire you. Did you notice that I'm like in my forties and I have a house and shit? Fuck the bunch of you. What are you little turds going to do? Come near my house again. I'll castle doctrine you.
Goof, don't fuck around. I'll stand my ground. I get the lovely idea of him being back at his house after quitting the Gammas, and the Gammas show up in a car, they see Pete, they just keep driving. Oh, oh shit, it's fucking Pete. Oh no, oh god. I buy my coat from that guy. You best keep driving, you goofs. So...
When he gets kicked out of the gammas, he goes back in real quick and overhears that they are going to cheat, which, yeah, no shit. Their cheating conversation, by the way, is hilarious. How are we going to win without that goof guy, baby? We'll do it the same way we've always won. We'll cheat at every event, and then we'll win because of cheating. Because we are cheaters. And we cheat. Goofy's like, gosh, I better listen for a couple extra seconds. Make sure they're cheating.
And the fucked up thing is, he knows that they are cheating. It does not matter. He does not stop them cheating. He does not go to an official to say that they are cheating. He just goes to Max. And Max, who's in full-fledged, absolute asshole mode, one of the things he knows about this movie is they give PJ a love interest. Why don't they give our main character, Max, a love interest? Because it would require him to not be a raging douche for even a second. And he just can't. And that's a no-go on this movie. So he runs in, he's like, Max, I'm awful sorry about everything, but I gotta tell you, they're planning to cheat, like, a lot. And Goofy's like, or Max is like, did they tell you to say that? You piece of shit, get the fuck out of my way. You coming in here to try and get in my head? And I'm like...
He's already in your head. He lives there rent free. You saw him fuck your shit up at the one event you're good at. I'm sorry, dude. Your dad already owns you and your tiny little dog dick. It doesn't matter anymore, buddy. You might as well listen to what he has to say because he's in charge of you. He is full on in charge of you. And Goofy even is like, no, I quit the gammas. I'm not part of this. I'm just telling you that they're going to cheat. And again, he's just like, fuck you, dad. Get out of here. I bet you're just saying that to help the gammas for some reason. I don't think it would have mattered if he had told even one official he was cheating. Notably, the gammas cheating is not discovered over the course of the next season. No, that's what I'm saying. The fact that he knows they are cheating.
has literally no impact on the events. He could have never overheard that and it would play out in literally exactly the same way. Because things like, there is a scene where someone just sticks a rocket pack on the back of PJ before one of the events and just sends him out of the movie. Yeah, it's the same thing where they put the same rocket on a skateboard, but whereas before it just made Goofy go fast, now it shoots PJ into the atmosphere. And he's standing right in front of a referee. There's a referee looking at him and he just goes, wow, that guy flew out of here. Wow, that was crazy. Anyway, game's gotta play as regular and you're like, no dude, that guy's dead. We're done for the day. You saw a guy get killed. You watched PJ from the show die.
You saw a teenager eat shit and die. You need to quit. And in a weird way, like he got fucking raptured or something. You need to solve this mystery. Somebody call in the Scoobies because we got a mystery on our hands. That's one dog that did get raptured.
Confirmed. PJ believes and knows the Holocaust happened. And he's up there just trying to talk like God to get in God's good graces. Thou shalt have no supplicants before, PJ. Am I doing it right? Like me. I'll be whatever. I love Christianity so much, God. Oh, man. Oh, jeez, God. I'm so... Oh, no. That's basically his voice. PJ is essentially Morty for a younger generation. I guess that's fair.
An older generation. Oh, geez, Pete. Oh, man. But yeah, the referee just watches this happen. He's like, well, you got a minute to find another player or you lose. You need three people to start it. You don't need three people to finish it. Yeah. Because as we will find out, you can lose two other people and still win this final competition. But in order to start, you need three for some reason. Yeah. You don't see that many events. This is like.
the cross-country skateboarding event it's a weird I don't think it's the triathlon because they're like oh you have to go like skateboarding mountain biking and rollerblading yeah I think it's the opposite order but yes that's exactly it but those are the three you need to do whereas we've seen rock climbing which Bobby wins rock climbing despite cheating and then Max Lee wins lusing despite cheating and then PJ It's still there. And you're like, wait, haven't they won all the events already? Why are we even worried about this stupid... Does this one just count for all the points? Yes, because the other ones were the qualifier for who gets to the last one. So this is the finals. They were in the semifinals. And now it's just these two teams in the triathlon. Yeah, you're absolutely right. That is how it works. But yeah, they win the first two events despite cheating. Bobby just notices that the... Someone's taking rock grips out. Yeah, which amuses me because once the rock grips are taken out, there's holes there, which are better rock grips, right? But instead, he just climbs faster than they can take the grips away. And you're like, goddamn, they really just... We're like, what should we do with Pauly Shore's character in this movie? Should we have him be all Pauly Shore-y? No, he's just a competent athlete and a person who stays true to
himself yeah he will have one moment where he's like oh yeah cheese maybe because they got nachos and baby that's it yeah honey sweetie Otherwise, there's a scene where Max threatens to quit the college because his dad's too up in his head. He's like, there's nothing for it, you guys. I'm leaving town and switching schools. Yeah, I'm going to transfer to a different college. I can't deal with this. And then Bobby gives him like a speech where he's like, are you going to let these people who are cheating and awful beat you? Do you want to be some other guy's towel boy? And there's no like, I am the weasel or whatever. It's none of that. There's no Pauly Shore business. It's just him voicing of this character. It's so weird. This is like the straightest role Pauly Shore has ever been. And I'm counting that Pinocchio thing. So anyway, yeah. But they're cheating like crazy. Just every event they have. During the rollerblading, they're like.
Throw an old lady out in front. They move the hay bales around. They do anything they can to cheat. And it's working. They manage to get PJ out of the race with a rocket. Goofy replaces PJ on the team, obviously. Yeah, that's because Max goes and runs to a camera and is like, Dad, we need you. I forgive you. Now that I actually need you for something, I forgive you. I require you in order to fulfill my thing that I'm doing, so now I care. Dad, this means nothing. Immediately after the games, I will desperately hope you're gone again. That is literally what happens. Father, you are dead to me except when I need you for something.
Standard college student experience, though, really. If he wasn't on camera, I'd be like, Dad, can you do my laundry and give me $300? But yeah, so Bobby gets knocked out of the finals by having the front wheel of his bike removed, so he goes off a corner and lands in mud. And then Goofy's just doing fine, but he's always behind everyone else. He's just not keeping up. Yeah, because he's goofing around. He's got to do some business in the background. So what happens is it's Max versus Tank and what's his name? Glenn. Bradley. Bradley. Thank you, Bradley. Because the third member of their team, some nobody named Slouch, has also been knocked out of the race. Yes.
He's racing against the two of them, and then Bradley decides it's so important to win that he cheats by sabotaging Tank. causing Tank to go flying headfirst at like 300 miles an hour into a statue of the X logo, which everyone and all the announcers and so it collapses on top of him and catches on fucking fire. And everyone's like, yep, the race has to go on. That's the X game spirit. Oh yeah. The, a giant scaffolded and clothed X falls onto the like trail that they are using to get to the actual finish line. It is on fire. At least one of Tank is pinned under the scaffolding yelling for help. And they're just like, man, you hate to see it. Well,
Oh, hold on. What the fuck? Where's the emergency crew? I mean, I guess they were like, wow, that's two dead teenagers today. I mean, granted, one of them was Brad Garrett. He's probably not a teenager. That's definitely two dead people today. One shot directly into heaven. The other crushed in a strange pre-9-11 prescience. But yeah, Max finally remembers that he's like not a bad person. Yeah, because he looks and he's like, oh, I'm fine. And he sees he's got a straight shot to the finish line. You can hear Tank yelling. And he's like, all right, well, fuck. So he goes back in. And of course, Goofy also joins him there. And they're like, all right, let's.
Fucking help Tank up. Yep. And so they get Tank up. They're skating for the finish. Bradley, who had fallen down briefly, has recovered. Bradley completely ignored them and just went for the finish line. Yep. But they beat him anyway because Max is really fast and wants to win. Yep. And they get, I mean, it's the three of them on a skateboard. They're like, all right, well, you go do it. And Tank just gives him a giant push. Yes, which gets him up to even and then he just wins on his own merit. He gets a big trophy and...
There's a point where they had earlier, as John had mentioned, they did have a bet between Bradley and Max over the loser has to be the other person's towel boy. So Bradley's like, hey, I will honor my word. I will be your towel boy. And Max is like, no, I don't give a fuck. I don't want you to be my towel boy. I never gave a shit about that at all. It's insane you're honoring your word, though, given that you've done nothing but cheat since I've met you. Yeah, considering you are basically a little shithead, the fact that you're like, oh, I was never in writing. Goodbye, fuck you. Yeah, you think that. But instead, Max is like, I don't give a fuck, dude. I've never given a fuck about you. I only care about skateboarding and disliking my father. There is nothing else going on up here. I don't need you to be my towel boy. However, there is someone you should probably talk to. And of
pissed off tank is there and he's just like oh baby I'm gonna fuck your shit up and just fires him into space where I assume he finds PJ and brings him back because in the final scene of this PJ is sitting with beret girl in the back without lines existing just fine the part where he got flung directly into the clouds above goes unmentioned forever I mean I get it it's a cartoon so he probably just landed you know yeah he landed in a pond somewhere and was like oh there's a round circle of smoke that came out from him that's all he was fine but But yeah, that's the way this thing ends. They're just like, hey, we did it. We won. Class is over, but I think we're staying in the dorms. It's not really made clear one way or the other how this is going to work. And then we get, oh, it's graduation day, and Max gives Goofy the X Games trophy because he's like, ah, here you go. I finally learned that I should love my dad, and I engraved it with a, like, two of...
Great dad or whatever. Yeah, and then fucking Miss Marple pulls up. Yeah, he's giving the X Games trophy to his dad. The librarian pulls up in a fucking, like, cherry 70s Bel Air. Yeah. And then he's like, oh, that's my ride, son. And then he goes over and she gets out of the way. And I'm not talking about the car. Well, notably, she gets out of the way so he can drive. Immediately, unspoken. I wanted to be like, son, you gotta start watching some Andrew Tate videos. A man should drive, Goofy.
Max. Max? Oh, a man should drive Goofy. And I am Goofy. I'm going to drive. I will drive Goofy. But then he, like, fucking pranks his son because he's like, hey, you know what would be a good relationship again now? I'm going to fuck with it. I can't wait to poke at it. Because he's like, hey, son, I took a job at the university. Yeah, because, you know, Max is like, oh, you know, it was great that we reconnected here at the very last day of school at the X Games. But, you know, I'm glad that you're done and you've graduated and you're going to go do whatever. And it's nice that we're...
You know, good now, but I'm glad that I won't have to see you. And he's like, please go. I did get a new job and it's here. And I'm going to see you every day. Every fucking day. Do you hear me? I'm going to be up your ass. Also, if you were thinking about changing hobbies from skateboarding, I'm going to be three steps ahead of you. What's it going to be? Magic the Gathering? I've already won six tournaments. Yeah. You just going to give up on girls and date Bobby? I'm already dating Bobby. Oh, me and Bobby got something going on. You got that right, Mr. Goof. He calls this the leaning tower of cheese.
You'll never be free. And of course, this fucks up Max, and then he's like, I'm just fucking with you, bye! And then he just drives off to probably have sex with his photorealistic dog girlfriend. She's not that bad. She just has more of a fox snout than everybody else in this. Yes. They normally tend to give everybody ridges on the nose, which is like a thing about Goofy and the flop ears. But she's got like fox up triangle ears and a fox face. Yep. There's also, I gotta say, you know what, I'll say it on my favorites and least favorites. Never mind. Never the fuck mind. Hey, that's fine. Let's go ahead. Oh, and then everybody disco dances for the credits. Of course. Because, you know, you got it. Yeah. All right. So let's get into our best and worst then.
Jeff, tell me the best moment. The number one thing from an extremely goofily movie. It's the scene where Bobby goes, hey, did you ever notice that we're all always wearing gloves? Yeah. It's the best moment. It's the part where he's like, how come we all wear like goofy style outfits where we're all like wearing gloves and have blacked out noses? What is happening? And you know, it shows him like picking up the glove and being like his own glove. What the fuck? Like they sleep with those things on. Those are just part of their fucking bodies. But notably, none of the women are wearing them.
Notably. Bray girl who was in that scene next to him is not wearing gloves. But every man in the movie is wearing those same plain white four-fingered Mickey gloves that are just de rigueur for Disney characters. Sans Donald, I think. But it's a great moment because you're like, fuck yeah, why are they always wearing gloves?
What about you? What was your favorite part? I mean, the best single thing in this is the Goofy gives the old typewriter to Max. It is the only thing in here that I was like, this had heart. This felt like something from the last movie or even the show. Like, this is what you would want that sort of relationship dynamic to be. So it was the one part of this movie that felt like it belonged. I would have even given it to the scene where after Max leaves, like really early in the morning, Goofy just walks dejectedly upstairs and starts crying in Max's old room. It's a moment. It's like a real moment where this movie feels like it doesn't have space for real moments. Like, that's not what this is supposed to be. No.
All right. Worst part of this movie for you? I mean, it's got to be the scene where Max is like, look, I got this under control. I had a real heart-to-heart talk with my father. He will not be bothering us. He'll be here at the college. We'll be friends, but he will not show up in our dorms unannounced. And then he just does, and nothing is done about it. It's not a scene where he's like, Dad, we talked about this. And that idiot plot framing where he's just like, well, from this point forward, me and my dad are enemies instead of me trying to continue to fix this is the worst part for me. What about you? I...
there are a couple scenes but I think my least favorite thing about this has to be how dirty they did PJ I know it's crazy I mean also how dirty they did fucking Roxanne I want to know what happened to her right she disappears we get beret girl who does not have a name honestly the fact that they don't even give a name to most people in this. Hell, they even set Bobby up with someone in the last movie. Remember, there was like Roxanne's nerdy cheese-liking friend. There was the braces chick who was also a huge weirdo like Bobby. And you're like, great, love it. I get it. They're young high school students. They don't need to stay with their girlfriends all the way through high school. That's an unrealistic thing to expect. I don't expect that. But I would like to know what happened to them. I would like a connection between this movie and the old one. Yeah. But yeah, the fact that PJ is like, look, I'm going to have...
a maximum of three lines and two of them are me obviously trying to get into a girl's pants by being someone I'm not. And I'm like, God damn it, PJ. No resolution, no storyline. There's a point where PJ is in the movie and they just literally physically remove him from the movie because he's temporarily inconvenient. Why wasn't that Bobby? Bobby is your tertiary. Why wouldn't you have him get blown off into the atmosphere? It's so weird to me that they're like, oh, we have three characters and we need room for Goofy to come in. Well, let's get rid of him. And they chose PJ. But again, they had already done him dirty this entire movie. Yeah. Like, fucking...
someone called beret girl has more lines than he does and i'm just like nope you fucked up also he has spent the past year apparently religiously training for the x games and instead of toning up even slightly he's just gotten like incredibly more chunky yep he's just a balloon peat sized dude yeah you're like why did that happen why is he such a strong contender for the x games i'm pretty realistic about whether or not i could be in the x games given my current carriage and you know we see him he's like oh yeah he's constantly on a fucking like bmx bike yeah so he's doing he's exercising he's doing tricks he's exercising he's out there doing that and they're like we have been practicing all year for this i'm like man how weird would this movie have been though if they've been like we've been practicing all year for the x games and like slender pj came in pj just comes in and he's got just loose skin around his neck because he has lost that much weight like god damn what happened man that would have been a weird i would have i would have honestly preferred that just because it would have been sort of an interesting shock moment yeah it would have been something for pj to do yeah all right and then he like realizes over the course of the movie he's not comfortable with this new weight he's like i was happy the way i was i've sold out for the x games I'll sell out for anything. What am I? Oh, man. Jeez, Max, I just, uh, I'm real sorry I'm selling out all the time, but I can't stop it. I don't know what I am, Max. I have no real identity. I have trauma from my dad. You don't know what he does. You don't know what he did to my sister, Max. I had to become a mirror to survive, Max. So let's go ahead and rate this movie. We're each going to give it a score from zero to five to give it a full rating out of ten. Jeff, two.
Not even quite to the halfway mark. This kind of sucked. It has some jokes and some interesting character development for some of the side characters, but that's it. This is a solid downgrade, and really it's almost losing half a point just for being such a disappointing follow-up to what I usually consider to be one of the... I put it in the top three of animated Disney film releases. Oh, wow. It's one of my favorite Disney movies. There you go. It's got a lot to do with the fucking Garrick meets Bashir levels of subtext. Don't get me wrong. I like what I like.
But yeah, this gets a two for me. It's just disappointing. Man, I was going to give this a two and a half, but honestly, you've talked me into the two. I was like, no, you're right. The fact that they didn't just make a movie that was not as compelling as their previous movie, but it just does some of the characters wrong.
it has a lot of weird notions about stuff. So I think a two is honestly probably right. The one thing that I'm happy about regarding this movie is that this wasn't the final curtain call for Goofy from the Goof Troop version. Yeah, they didn't murder him. No, I mean like Goof Troop version of Goofy shows up again on the DuckTales TV show. And I was like, oh, thank God, a proper send off for one of the greatest characters of the Disney afternoon. Yeah, so there you go. Four out of 10. It's not the worst movie, but honestly, if you're already on Disney Plus and you're going to watch something, boy, there is so much better you could do. Tell you what though, if you haven't watched a Goofy movie.
Do yourself a solid, watch a goofy movie. That movie rules. Do yourself a favor. Watch it. Just enjoy it. Enjoy it right from the moment when Wallace Shawn says, science, slumber parties. All right. Well, thank you so much for joining us. I'm so glad that we could entertain you for, you know, about the length of what this movie is. Yeah, pretty much. We will, of course, be back in a couple weeks, but we are not done with the content. If you would like more, we are right in the beginning of our new season of TV Mastery. We have in a...
fun little crossover, a very disco-centric episode of Auto Man. Yeah, it's a combination of disco and smug douchebags together at tonight. Yeah, so disco smug douchebag becomes the crossover event between that and an extremely goofy movie. So... Join us there. You can go to patreon.com slash system mastery. Join us at the $5 level. It unlocks all of our bonus content. You get the TV mastery, which is fucking awesome. Yeah, it's good stuff. You get the Star Wars bonus content, the expanded, expanded, expanded universe, which you don't even need to be listening to that show in order to get, because it's just us going to Wikipedia and finding dumb crap from Star Wars universe. Yeah, and also you get the afterthought and the bonus content for system mastery. It's a fucking great deal. So if you want to spend $5 and take just a huge rip on our... A huge dump. A huge rip on our...
quality content pipe, then, you know, we're offering that for you. Yeah, you're going to be dropping fat content cotton. As long as you buy it from Pete. Don't get in my territory. You goof. The cops are afraid of me. Pete, say my name. You're goddamn right, you goof. Anyway, thank you so much for joining us. We will be back in another couple weeks with more Movie Mastery. And until then, all of you, have a good one.