An Intimate Conversation With A Poop Connoisseur

On Today's Show:Tim’s Rant: Trump’s New HolidaysTopic: Trump’s declaration of two new non-federal holidays: Victory Day for World War I (November 11) and Victory Day for World War II (May 8).Key PointsMocks the lack of days off: “You will celebrate those days just like you celebrate K-9 Veterans Day by forgetting it even fucking exists.”Compares the lack of initiative for military holiday celebrations to the vibrant organization of Gay Pride events.Humorous aside about his dad’s military service and potential infidelity during the Cuban Missile Crisis.Awkward Daddy Sex Talk:Features cringeworthy dialogue, including a misunderstanding where “fucking me like a pussy” is mistaken as an insult.Notable lines: “You’re gonna make me a girl” and “Take that white dick cock. Just kidding.”Tim’s commentary: Advises practicing verbal sex talk or staying quiet to avoid embarrassment.Egg-Laying Fetish:A man, under his mistress’s orders, acts like a chicken and “lays an egg” (defecates).Tim jokes about the man “shitting out a gold mine” given high egg prices.Andy the Shit Eater:A Florida man, Andy, confesses to enjoying scat play, including eating human and dog feces.Tim calls Andy live, discussing logistics of mailing poop (e.g., using Tupperware or Ziploc bags, overnight shipping to keep it fresh).Andy’s preferences: Firm logs, no dog piss, open to live-streamed unboxing of mailed feces.Tim humorously offers to send a “shit care package” with his and his dogs’ feces.Queen Sheba’s Extreme Smothering:Clip from I Can’t Hear You featuring Queen Sheba smothering a man with her weight, bouncing on his face.Tim notes the victim’s flailing and the bed’s strain, joking about the fart-like sounds and the man’s possible seizure from oxygen deprivation.Trump-Themed Eatery Fails in Australia:Bueno Eatery in Sydney closes after six weeks, owned by Mark DaCosta, a former Australian Idol contestant.DaCosta’s previous cafe, Hale & Hardy, was a vegan Donald Trump “safe zone,” alienating its audience.DaCosta blames “snowflakes” and plans a song release to offend critics further.Men Shaving Eyelashes for Masculinity:A TikTok trend where men trim or shave eyelashes to avoid looking “feminine.”Tim finds it ironically feminine, citing risks like eye irritation or injury.Mentions J.D. Vance’s viral eyeliner controversy, “debunked” by George Santos.Meth Raccoon in Ohio:Springfield Township police find a raccoon, Chewy, with a meth pipe during a traffic stop.The driver, a 55-year-old woman, faces drug charges; Chewy’s ownership is under investigation.Tim dubs Ohio the “Florida of the North,” complete with a jingle: “Ohio, land of corn and crime.”Davide:Laughs about accidentally playing a clip of Unicorn Hamster proclaiming “I am the alpha male” at work via Bluetooth.Questions the need to declare alpha status, suggesting Unicorn Hamster has something to prove.In a second call, angrily calls Unicorn Hamster a “dumb fucking faggot” for defending his honor.Lars from California:Discusses the “Hawkeye Suck” video from a prior episode, arguing it’s porn marketed to women, not gay or straight men.Suggests women prefer porn with hot guys, average women, and female domination, fitting the video’s style.Patreon:Pledges start at $1; $5+ grants access to a priority voicemail line.patreon.com/distortedviewContact:Email: [email protected]: 206-666-4463Social: @distortedview on Twitter/Instagram00:00:00 Introduction02:06:17 Trump Fumbles On His Newest US Holidays07:49:02 Awkward Verbal Gay Dad Sex12:01:09 Laying An Egg For Your Mistress12:45:14 Human And Dog Shit Eater Andy Has Something To Say 16:44:03 Calling Dirty Butt Lover Andy On The Phone24:37:00 Epic Face Smothering27:40:01 Sign Up For The Sideshow!29:35:22 Australian MAGA Stores Aren't Doing So Well36:07:13 Male Eylashes As Gay And Feminine. SHAVE THEM. 39:51:18 A Raccoon Smoking A Meth Pipe42:51:23Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending