Andrea Savage

Hello everybody welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dak Shepherd across from me wearing my favorite hair a kutramal Monica padman miniature map miniature Padman. Yeah, what is that? That's a hairband that has yours on it?

No, I call it a bow It's a bow. Yeah, and what's underneath of that some kind of a clasp. No, it's a scrun. It's like a screw It's a screwed in it's a scrunchie with a bow attached.

Oh, yeah, you always look so much like miniature mouse when you do it Yeah, that's a great look I don't wear it very often I'm said we don't photograph the intro because I'm sure people will be excited about your rain boots You're wearing to it's flooding in Los Angeles. It took me 35 minutes to drive a my all today It was a torrential downpour this morning and I got to wear my rain boots the only good thing about rain Yeah, you and Kristen really will event ties any kind of inclement weather of course with jackets and boots and gloves Mini-tra mouse head screws right well our guest today is miniature mouse is miniature mouse is Andrea Savage who's an old friend of mine and Very very funny comedian. She has her own show called I'm sorry on true TV But the first season is available currently on Netflix. I've ever heard of it.

I've ever heard of it So if you want to binge that I recommend it you will enjoy Andrea Savage. She's very funny and very spunky Yeah, we like spunky here. Yeah, we do we prioritize spunkiness. Yeah, so please enjoy Andrea Savage Andrea Savage so nice to see you.

It's so playful to see your face Occasionally I get an old friend in here and you fit in that Yeah, but I feel like there's been a lot of times since we've been friends. Oh, yeah Well, I almost could say decades definitely a decade. I would think yeah, but when I think of you I'm like oh my friend Dax, but I haven't seen you in so long with the exception of very quickly in the airport And didn't I see you when you did house allies that I come yes You did see me when I did house allies and that's when I fell in love with your wife And she you and what was comical to me was she came home from work Monday and she was like oh my god I'm like I'm in love with this girl Andrea Savage. You have to like look up her comedy and I was like hun Yeah, I've made out with Andrea Savage I would get to an age where you're kind of like like everything's a secret and then you're just kind of proud you live before you got married 100% I feel like that's like notches.

I'm a belt. Yeah, I made out decks. I'm gonna embarrassment because Yeah, we have some way worse way worse ones than you No, but it also is like another lifetime ago. It really is in fact I was thinking knowing you're coming today I was like I was kind of you know really trying to remember the details right?

I will let you know not terribly successful like brain. I'm just suddenly like what happened again my memory is really well You give two kids I've won okay. I'll get swears. I know but now it doesn't sound like now It's just maybe I have Alzheimer's or something anything it's full blown all sign I know but it's a touch of the als.

Yeah, I was trying to also go through like the the chronology chronology I was like I don't know what you're what I was like I don't know no and I guess I wouldn't have brought it up had I had hardwick and I not discussed it kind of publicly on his podcast great. Well, I told you that though. I think you did I kind of warned you did you did I guess I was like wait I also who cares we were children yeah in our 20s in the best part was is when hardwick and I Discussed you it was like you know Rose colored glasses a man and he credits like his sobriety he does yeah, and obviously I will accept all the credit You should be pretty easy for people to get sober. They are told to right that's generally how it works You can't do it and then someone to do it stop stop like I said it emphatically sure I mean yeah But what I got curious about which was really fun as I was like again going through one of the memories I have is going over to your apartment on ecstasy like I just kind of showed up on next you I was somewhere on next we were in groundings together.

Yes, let's start the paint that you were ahead of me at the ground Mm-hmm and we knew each other from there Yeah, and then as groundlings do you go out and drink at bars? Yeah socially? I can't remember how it turned into something I don't recall either No, and it was it's really nothing crazy really happened as far as I remember recall no no what I found Intriguing now 15 years after the fact was so hardwick was in the mix He had clearly a drinking problem by his own admission And then for whatever reason you were you were willing to kiss me and I was on ecstasy Yeah, and what's so curious is you're pretty straight lace Yeah, you know you have your shit together and then I know about a couple other boyfriends I won't we won't even get into for their prize or whatever But you're kind of attracted to the flame a little bit right there's something curious there and by the way This only occurred to me this afternoon when I was thinking about it never back then it like I think why does she even want to talk to me? I'm a dirtbag and drugs and this well it's interesting because And I feel like I've tried to figure a little bit of this out because I was like I might shit together and I never was like taking anyone seriously Who didn't have their shit together right think that was easy for me because I was like I don't think I'll ever get married I don't want to depend on anybody that so if I dated people who were like a little more fucked up than I was disposable It was like ultimately be real easy to say bye-bye before maybe they did right Any addiction in your family like are you hardwired?

No, I tell you that I Chris was the only person I'd ever dated who had alcohol problem or drug problem And then I guess you had access I didn't even remember you were next again like ours was the most harmless of like we made out A couple times like we didn't whatever but I was the only person I ever dated who had an addiction problem right okay Um you had some and I will say that Chris and I thought about it from day one Oh, you did and he and I talked about it before open my and stuff But he was an interesting person in that he wasn't like just getting drunk and belligerent His was sort of like an anti-anxiety thing so it was a very like low-level drinking so it was he was still doing well And he was still like function like he was productive and stuff and so it was just like dude You don't need to have that many beers and I but it wasn't like something where he was like a disaster Yeah, well, okay So maybe not addiction problems, but you've also had some boyfriends with some like Struggles no there was a little pattern there for a while when I was groundlings in comedy where I just got caught in the comedy And I had a couple comedy boyfriends in a while who I'll have issues other than that Like the loves of my lives from like high school or college or post that little comedy period none of them have had Okay, but I did have a period where it was kind of comedian focused sure and in yeah There's probably a inordinately high rate of all those days I feel like it was hard to date a comedian without it. Yes. Yeah, and they're very charming for a while Yeah, but I definitely get lured into the like funny charming charismatic guy. Yes, please give me your approval Okay, I'll give you a little bit of it.

It's like a shit Like a banter. Uh-huh when you're like doing a good banter girl or boy Mm-hmm. There's nothing sort of that makes you feel more like fucking got this and I connected That's how I feel like is my biggest like language that I talked to someone. Yeah, it's kind of like a belt plane Yeah, right.

Yeah, it's like pulling you know pulling the kids hair in school And you do it verbally you do it verbally and kind of fuck with your friends. Yeah, you're in your from Woodland Hills I am so suspicious to me obviously. Yeah, what did mom and dad do in Woodland Hills? Well, my parents were divorced when I was two.

Okay, so my dad is an orthodontist in Orange County This is great. Um, yes because I talked about orthodontia on here because I'm a big teeth family. Oh, it shows in your smile It's very nice. They're perfect.

Yeah, they're perfect. Yeah, my dad's an orthodontist. My mom was a dental hygienist I have a brother who's a dentist. I mean uncle has a periodontist.

Wow deep in the teeth get teeth While you're like third generation in the teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the teeth grind I got a lot isn't I don't know if this is rumor of course monocool fact checks But isn't isn't dentistry have like one of the higher rates of suicide? I believe it does what and drug addiction because they can prescribe their own drugs Yeah, but I will say I'm not sure that you know they have the same discipline as maybe some Also, they're working like a foot away from laughing gas all day long. I will say I've been to the dentist Obviously many times my life.

I've never been given laughing gas or any sort of gas or anything you just have to request it I don't think it's ever been on the table. I just had a wisdom tooth extracted Only when I've had to have extracted only because it broke. I have so much room in my mouth I have a very large cavern in my face Okay, and it was just like kind of broken and it was just like well That's gotta go and like and I needed it done really fast because I had to go back to work or something And he was like oh so you don't want to be put under and I was like wait what you had to know that was an option And he was like well You can't just one I was like why can't he put under can we just do it and he's like alright if you really want to oh Was it intense it was so fine guys it was literally he was like okay 10 seconds later It was out and I was like wait now what and he was like no without oh really I was like I almost went under for that so I did go under I had four we were good for in this was one twelfth grade No 11th 11th grade and this I I tribute my early love for opiates is that experience because they gave me both Vicodin and Percasset and that was the first time I was on like both and I was like oh I would like to feel this way forever I don't wear his name and then I went to a graduation party Yeah, had a beer with that and was like oh no this is how I want to feel all the time The legitimate and this is like getting whatever but like a legitimate fear about my daughter Okay, she has like she has more social anxiety than I ever did and really is a little more shy and and it's confident with me but definitely is very uncomfortable around new people and I truly have a fear that she's gonna hit high school and Have her first drinks and do drugs for first time and be like oh I can finally take a breath and this is what I want to feel so I'm like working my ass off trying to get her Feeling more confident and comfortable with herself before that day. Yes, I am worried that she that is gonna be a great Sensibility no addiction and either my family or my husband's I truly it is something that I legitimately am concerned about that very thing Yeah, but don't you think that's just the business of being apparent because if it's not bad it's a hundred percent something else I know it could also go either way I got my wisdom teeth out and I was on hard drugs too, and I had a friend come over and be watched area Maguire And I didn't after I was like I didn't watch the movie.

I was like I was like I was so out of it I hated it so much that's me that I was like not any of it never I'm never doing that That's not fun. So she could be that girl. Okay, that makes me feel bad cuz it's a haolic though We sure got it high school by the way and if I did choose between alcoholism or drug addiction for my job Which hopefully I don't have to yeah, I would choose alcohol. I think you would I think so Tung and cheek no point some of these things you really got to think through though because I watch a documentary about these doctors in England or me to coalition to try to get MDMA legalized because The rate of emergency room admission that are alcohol related like after 9 p.m.

It's like 85% And they just have the dad on how dangerous alcohol is versus how dangerous MDMA is so I know but I will tell you I don't also see my daughter the ability to drink that much. I think she'll end up having my acid reflux stomach Oh, we hope you know what I mean? Hopefully should be blessed with acid reflux like she won't be able to recover well from alcohol So hopefully that she won't have the like part of her that like handles alcohol well Yeah, so it'll come out of her bones. Yeah, that'll regulate everything.

I can't drink very much at all anymore I hate it like I like having drinks. Yeah, as I recall like not a boozer, but you would have some Yeah, I enjoy it, but now like it takes me days to recover you just you're so long ago I don't sleep and then I feel like shit for like two days So what does mommy do to relax? Well, I was a little helper what do we say never mind the more I say it the closer Do you have anything that helps you I mean going out having a glass of wine or two. That's pretty much my the extent every I would say I Don't know couple months.

Maybe two three times a year. I'll tie it. I'll throw down and I'll pay the price I like to go out for a night. Yeah, I'll give up marijuana Not a big mayor one percent panic attacks.

Okay, it's interesting though because you don't mind. I car now sharing this which is Clearly you don't like the sense of feeling out of control. Yeah What's ironic is that like booz? Can render you unable to walk or like fall down stairs or you can't drive a car So it's what you know, it's a magic you think you think you look great Yeah, you're adorable the way you fell.

Yeah, you're not aware of the lack of control. Yeah, that's maybe and then the next day You're like what happened again. Yeah, like yeah, it also takes a lot to get there. Yeah, it reminds me of that cliche What's that like greatest trick that devil ever pulled was convincing us he doesn't exist or something?

That's basically what alcohol does is it convince you you're in more control and you're fucking someone you hate and you're like your car's in a ditch Yeah, yeah, you just smacked a friend you're in total control I will say I think and again, I probably wrong but I think I'm a pretty fun person when I've had like I don't get belligerent right my body Doesn't vomit so even you have the flu. Well, hold on though. You've raised it so weird. My body doesn't vomit I what I think what I interpret is you refuse No, no, no my body legitimately you're like a unicorn it doesn't my daughter doesn't either So like even if I stomach flu or if I've had like I'll call it literally just doesn't have the reap when I was pregnant Like I doesn't have that reflux I'm jealous.

There's a lot to envy here. Yeah, yeah, is it Julia Robert smile that she has yeah? Yeah, yeah, when I was in my early 20s and she was Wearing her hair curly and I was wearing my hair more curly and stuff I would get it and I was a waitress I would get it 12 times a day You would now not not as much but I used to when I was younger people said I had her voice and I don't know yeah And were you pumped on that I mean, oh good good good asshole would be like oh fuck off I look like Julia Roberts dick I know an asshole and I say this with love and respect to Kevin Ziegers an actor friend of mine who's always gonna tell me what exactly I'm So fucking oh boo fucking who you look like a perfect hand does look like him. I know who can blame about that No, I was very I was thrilled it makes me happy But I was prepared for you to go like oh is annoying.

I just want to be me, but you were Yeah, you were still you just wait your thing now So you're from Woodland Hills when do you decide you're going to get into show business? Did you think I'm gonna get into acting you know? No one in my family is in entertainment business name my parents got to worst my mom got remarried very quickly after my dad left, okay? And my cow quickly that she met my stepdad three weeks after my dad left good for her That bad didn't even get cold.

Yeah, she met my stepdad through her brother and it was just on right away They're still together. He passed away Okay, about 12 years ago and up and he was my stepdad at that point They had me so I grew up with him mostly as my main father figure right yeah, you adore him right? I remember yeah, yeah, and I would imagine rare for someone to meet some of three weeks after divorce and then go the whole distance And somebody who'd never been around children before he was an only child and my mom had a two-year-old and a five-year-old That's a he's an incredible person. Yeah, so he took it on like took responsibility on and all of that Yeah, and when you like me and that like I had friends whose parents got divorced and they desperately wanted their parents to get back together But I didn't want that at all.

I was like, oh no I like living with this lady and when I go see this man, it's chaos and yeah, yeah I a hundred my whole life. I was like I'm happy they got divorced because like it worked out better for me And I don't want them to get whatever all of this it's only been as an adult Dealing in my own marriage where I've been like oh that maybe fucked me up a little bit more than I've given it credence Yeah, yeah, but no growing up. I was like no Well, let me ask you never remember them together couldn't even imagine them. How long have you been with Jeremy?

I have been with Jeremy for 14 years. Okay, right? So and I've been with Bell for like 11 yeah, and do you ever go? Oh no shit my parents didn't make it they were 26 You know like when I think about that they have been together as long as Bell and I like 26 or 7 I go There's a winner.

Yes, of course you're eating. Yeah, yeah Also, I will say I think I grew up a little too cavalier of an attitude about divorce Like I was just like well, yeah when things don't work out after a little bit you should bad week You get out that's right you pull the report So that's where I feel like I've had to really be like oh I have kind of too cavalier of an attitude about divorce But then also the other side of me that's very grounded and stuff and goes fuck you stopping stupid in your head But they're kind of in your brain. Oh, I It doesn't marriage to me wasn't something forever that was never something that even occurred to me because it was not in my reality I mean he is well And then also like if you grew up as your example is like they end and they don't just the the yeah the severity of it seems I don't know I just like like people be like I couldn't even imagine getting like oh my god I was like yeah, everyone moves on to life. You call it a lawyer and you're three weeks later You're doing a nice gentleman that will raise your children You have a really funny bit the engagement ring.

Oh my god. That's a link to remind it has to be shiny to remind you not to fuck other people It's gonna like a defensive a good engagement. Yeah, that's the thing that's gonna snap you back You need like a strobe light at all times I thought you were gonna say another bit that you reference a ton I do and you know what's funny as I was thinking again about you coming here today I was like is this one of the bits that has aged well enough like I wondered so my favorite bit of yours And that Kristin and I's together is and I want you to tell it because I'll do a bad job But how we talk about little boys being a heartbreaker I put it in my show last Oh, you did it. Okay, okay.

Um, so it's what stood though. It's just what stood in it played very well Yeah, basically just about the double standard of sexualizing little boys like oh look at him Oh when they're babies and they're smiling and you're never like oh he is flirting with you Yeah, he's gonna be a heartbreaker. What's up with this guy? Yeah, he's a sharpening it around on someone's little girl.

I'm like well look at this cockties She's gonna really throw it around you better watch out It's hard to beat that I know why I'm saying for one second how impressed I am and you've always been like this though I feel like you're you've always been so attuned to detail and memory like things stick with you in a very impressive way Like the fact that just listening to your pockets of but just knowing you too You've always been able to like recall little moments. I don't think I can take that compliment I think it's a survival mechanism of being dyslexic and not being able to read and having to literally memorize everything the teacher said if You had any shot of getting something right on the test Several dyslexics and they all seem to have that a day you listen to people and then you pull it back later and fuck you over I Remember this from back when we you know we're friends and hung out more like you say something like you pull it out like a year later And you're like remember that thing that you said or that bit and it was like wow you really were listening like well I think I was listening to you. Yeah, so you had my full attention, but still I'm glad you're here saying this in front of Monica's Monica's very critical of my current memory at 43 and I get that and I don't think it's a bad memory I'm gonna say it bad. Well if you're gonna call my memory bad, what fucking adjective if you reserved for Kristen you can Well hers is she apocalypse it even called a memory doesn't have one you have one.

It's just poor I don't tell you to screw it I think mine's still in the like 70 percentile, but it did used to be a lot of my mother's one of the happiest people you'll ever meet Okay, ever but really the secret to it is she doesn't remember anything bad that ever happened or anything bad that really anyone ever did It's an asset like from my dad to any person like she's like I don't really remember that I just remember that like and honestly she's one of the has happiest people you ever meet Yeah, just do a data dump every night and you hit your head hits the pillow Just let it all out and then start I mean if people are aspiring to live in the present I guess what used as a memory serve you'd be an insane person I think the more content you are probably the worst your memory is yeah I agree with that. When you're like trying to get things or you want something or somebody like your brain is working overtime And it's like collecting all those things but then if you if you're content you don't care Yeah, thanks for a little number for everything by the way content is what we're aiming towards but it also is the death of everything Yeah, but bad right now. I'm in a level where I'm like I like a little bit more calmness and just time Yeah, so here's what I want to ask you so I'm forte was just in here And I was kind of asking like where you bombed that last man on earth was canceled and he was basically like no I would have died doing even probably another year and I have been so jealous of that show and how perfectly it's executed But also aware of how much attention to detail that takes and mildly aware of what his life probably look like but until he said I was like I'm not just I'm not jealous of that. I want to like yeah, it's really hard because it's like my dream come true I get to do the exact show I want to do it's based on my life It's based on true stories from my life It's the exact show I wanted to make like truly like very little parameters and I was able to do exactly what I wanted And but that being said to do that you have to be involved in every Molecule of the show.

Yeah, I can never stop you be shocked how easily things can take a right or left turn What you think you'll just tell yourself like no, I guess I'm gonna the prop master's good I'm gonna prop master decide what you know fucking plates and then you get there's go goblet's and you go wait a minute Why are there go in you know, it's gonna be a control freak in that and when it's a show that's so personal And it's all told through my point of view and my I mean it's the log line is like any show That's that sort of first person point of view and so all it is is in the execution Mm-hmm So every joke has to be built in the edit and it's not like big punchlines are broader anything So it's all timing built. Yeah, it's all subtle stuff All based on real stories. It's like I know how things are supposed to look and it's all my voice So it has to come to me so these kinds of shows like 14 so you don't get any reprieve and I have a child yes And your daughter she's nine nine. Yeah, okay, so she's in fourth grade fourth grade things are really starting to happen things are happening They're happening right, but they people have boyfriends and girlfriends in fifth grade right?

They do she's a very she's still which I love just more imaginative boys not I was so boy crazy at her age and she's just she loves to read She's really imaginative and her friends are obsessed with cats and they make up whole stories Yeah, no joke. Yeah, like all it's all cats all the time Wow when I tell you this actually something that happened last night We have a cat candy purple and she named it she did name I Ever wanted a cat in the name of candy purple so we have a cat in candy purple and she's really sweet cat But not agile or real smart like just a loving sweet cat. I never liked cats my whole life Yeah, I was one of those jerks I was like fuck cats. Yeah, me too And then I found that rescued a cat whatever and like fell in love with this fucking cat anyway So we live in the hills and our cat sometimes is indoor outdoor and my daughter and I we were out and my husband's home He fell asleep with the back door open and it got dark and we came home.

He was like outside I was like what's happening? I was looking for the cat. Oh boy. Oh boy.

I was like what and he's like it's in 10 minutes and she'll Whatever, but she always comes when I call her so I was calling her and she wasn't coming and then right at the back of our gate Coyote's yelping attacking the name. Oh no, and the dogs are barking at the house next door and I'm like oh my god And my daughter her whole world is our oh best friend like and I am like that cat's not coming back and she's like what's happening? Oh my god, you know and I'm trying to And oh yeah, and I'm like oh my god get her in the house She's sub I mean I was talking her through the beginning of grief and just going oh my god She's personality of the week this week in school starting today and most of her pictures she was bringing oh geez Literally like we're moving in three weeks now Just like what how is this happening and we were I was crying she was crying two hours of this of just this is our life now She might not go to school today and that cat comes strolling in two hours later Casuals all hell fucking here in the world you would have thought fucking Elvis Presley come back from the dead And I was like an 18 year old girl in 1952. Yeah, all three of us Jeremy stream just celebrating Candy purple walked in and was like why are you all so fucking excited to see me literally it was like I've never felt Quite to be honest that level of like relief.

Oh, right? Sure cuz you're a child. Yeah, yeah, because it was literally like okay I can get over pedal cry on this whatever It was this is going and we were like I was talking to Jeremy is she was the other one I was like she's gonna remember the state for the rest of her life Oh, and she was saying stuff like I shouldn't have come with you to get your hair cut This is all my fault and then going all I can do every time I close my eyes is imagine her getting ripped up by I was just like oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm similarly. Yeah, Christine was I mean 9.9 months bright She's gonna be more bright and we're laying in bed in our bedroom and we hear this Rageously terrible.

Yes dog dying sound right? Oh, but it does not sound like our dog Lola So we're like all right. We even say like oh coyote got a dog. We can hear it right?

It's gnarly and this is going on for like a Minute and a half two minutes finally Chris is like I'm just gonna go check and make sure it's not lowly No, it's not her voice So she waddles down the hallway It takes her another minute to get to the front door and then I hear it's us I run down the hallway Lola our dog who's only this big by this big but she's half-chow she has a coyote on its back in our yard with with its neck in her jaws That was the coyote crazy noise and I like run out and I like scream and Lola That's the coyote go the coyote jumps over a six-foot wall I run out the pedestrian gate. I don't know what I'm gonna do this coyote, but I want to kill this thing So I'm not chasing this coyote and the coyote runs directly across low-speedless boulevard and rush hour traffic somehow doesn't get killed It's the other side and then it's just panting and staring at me go back inside Lola is like total adrenal dump She's in a coma. Okay. She's just fucking spot a coyote in the counties three times the size of her It's a bad Fucker and she's the nicest sweetest dog she'll be baited at any other dog But I also she fought a pit bull under our table one time because the pit bull attacked a littler dog in our house And she she took off the gloves and got me in love with all she's the greatest Longer than sure she's not really that into boys yet or I was like say or girls Yeah, I say it too much probably because if she's not but crazy at all you don't really have any sense one way or another Do you yeah, I get the feeling You said was gross when I cute yeah It was day that when Jeremy when she was like three or four and they were in the bathroom He was peeing she was like daddy.

Why is your what did she was like? Why is your tushy so long and what's appointing at? Our daughter is very fond lately of and she says it with all sincerity she's five and a half it started with christened We call it genitalia birds boys or girls. I mean we also say vagina, but it's I in my family We always heard bird.

Yeah, like why is you bird? Why you're bird? You're bird it's bird bird bird bird bird Yeah, and so she like christens peen and she stands up. She's about to all of her pants and and Lincoln goes mom Why is your bird ugly and christened goes?

What do you mean? She goes? Well is my bird gonna get ugly? So christened goes well Lincoln thinks my bird's ugly and then sure enough like two weeks later.

I was peen She said daddy. Why is your bird so ugly? I don't know she's upset that there's hair involved with I think it's the hair things are saggy. I don't know what it is Yeah, testicles are sag.

Oh, okay. Sorry. I was thinking my bird is ugly. I don't like I actually keep referencing my show But there's a scene in the first see episode back of the season that's a conversation my daughter and I had where she Started asking about people care.

Am I people care and she and she started getting here and was like mommy, you know I'm getting here and I was like well, yeah, you know what everyone gets you know hair on their privates at a certain time and just like mommy You're gonna get you know people care and she was like I don't like mommy's do it care Am I had of course, I'm just like first of all you don't even know you don't even know how good how aspirational this is So first of all, that's another conversation and then she was like do boys get pubic care and I was like, yeah, of course Everyone gets pubic hair and I was like what? Yeah, he does. She was like no, he doesn't like yeah He does and she just dug her heels and was like no, he doesn't interest and I was like daddy's got pubic hair I'm not gonna argue with you about this. It's good day in there And that's what next I saw Jeremy that I was like well just you know next time she might be like the head in the face You know, just the head right there.

I think what it was is the pubic here is it's not on the yeah Right now on the penis exactly so I don't think she's noticing or she's thinking it's not on And that's the private that makes sense. I don't think she's the base knows that much about balls, right? She probably doesn't even realize there's balls. I don't think she's a big yeah.

Yeah, yeah now you were a fantastic student Do you like that transition? Yes, okay, you were a really good student. It was a very good student. Yeah, you went to Cornell I did go to Cornell and you majored in non-actory stuff.

You I was the coconut pre-live was a government major I grew up in LA. I was a very good student. I did theater the whole time, but growing up in LA I had no one in the entertainment industry. I went to an all-girls school here that's no one at all girls It's Harvard West Lake, but it used to be West Lake.

Oh It's a very good school. Very good school. Yeah, and we were not super fancy So my parents really scrimped in scrapes for me to be able to go to a really good school Did you have you must have classmates that have become Jason prezily didn't go to your school or anything exciting? No, Tori Stelling did she didn't go either would be somebody from the night.

I actually have a scar on my my knee from a party She had at her house. You went to that fucking house as a kid? And if you don't know it's famously the biggest house in Los Angeles Yeah, yeah, it was yeah, I went and It's gonna still make me sound like I have an alcohol problem, which I believe really I did but I was in high school and I was very drunk and There was this like wall like I was walking in the yard And I don't know why I was like away from people and like the wall just like dropped off Okay, and I fell and hit my knee, but I was wearing black jeans So I thought I'd fallen like in like wet grass. Okay, so I pull myself up and I walk over to my friends I'm like, oh my god, I really just hurt my leg and they were like whatever And I was like no seriously like my leg really hurts And then I went to the bathroom with my friend Caitlin I think it was And I pulled down my pants and it was just blood everywhere just blood soaked through everything but I was drinking But I was and I couldn't tell my parents like so it was one of those things where I was like Why can't tell any adult or anything and we were at a party at her house?

There was some sort of I want to say butler, but I don't know it's what I imagine a staff person where I came out of the bathroom was like And so they put band-aids on my name They have everyone I wish because I ended up going home and I was like I'm out of another room and sutured you They have everyone I wish because I ended up going home and sleeping a bunch of us went to go sleep at my other friend This guy friend's house that night. Yes unsafe And I think at that point I was had I wasn't super drunk when I hurt myself But I think I had a couple more drinks at that point I was 16 Yeah, and was like I hurt myself. I'm gonna drink went there I'm gonna thin out my blood And I just remember like lying on my friend's bed and my friend Caitlin was gonna like change my band-aid And everyone's talking and then she took it off in the whole place just went dead silent Because it was so gnarly and I was like what? And I was like everything's fine everything's fine and then I drove home the next morning and my mom wasn't home But my stepdad was there and I was like kind of hurt my knee and he looked at it He was like getting a car and we went to the ER And they couldn't sew it up because I waited too long.

Oh geez you have a big So I have kind of a big scar and I had like an open gaping wound for like a month I took forever for it to like anyway, sorry spelling so Yes, so let me ask you because that's so completely outside of the realm of anything that would have happened to me in high school to go to To tour is she already on 902? No, she's so but let me say I went to this fancy school. Yeah, my family's not gonna be my friends We're not fancy that was an anomaly like that even but I'm saying even then I was like this is crazy Well, that's what I want to know when you pull up. Yeah, it was like what the fuck it was yeah So it was not lost on me like this is bananas.

I didn't know famous people I didn't know people in Hollywood like yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, and was it like just anything goes? I mean you're all 16 I just sound like there was a ton of parental supervision there was definitely no parents there But you know, I think it was just a lot of drinking. I'm sure there was drugs I was not like a big drug person so I had friends who didn't stuff, but I wasn't doing so but it wasn't anything like Less than zero.

Yeah, it wasn't like were you friends with her? No? No? Yeah, she invited most of the school.

Yeah, I think it was just like a party. It would have felt probably it would have felt very awkward if you invited less than 100 people Yeah, it would have been very embarrassing. But you went to Cornell and was that like a way different Yeah growing up in LA and being an always in New York and it was definitely like culture shock when I went there But I loved it. I loved it.

It's snowed. I loved it. It was cold. I love that it was this little small town I yeah, I like studying I liked academics.

I was like I would never be an actor I would it was it was a frivolous endeavor. It was frivolous. It was irresponsible It was vain vain. It was also just inconceivable.

It was like like no, that's just silly It just was yeah, and also it was like no, I'm an academic person. I'm not yeah, right and you did you have it? You had the intention of being a lawyer your aunt a lawyer I have a lot of uncles that are lawyers I probably live up off the 405 on the right side of the 405 That was my uncle who was a lawyer. Damn.

God. How do you fucking remember that? Yeah, I lived in there guests like they had this little like room that I lived in for a while and not even when I know like No, no, how did you fucking remember that? I don't know.

I had the gender wrong. I had the gender wrong. I had to beat myself up. Yeah, you should be wrong.

You were wrong. So what shifted? Why did you do you love comedy? Did you watch?

Sorry live. Did you like I came to comedy for musical comedy? Okay, musical theater. So I did musical theater.

I have like the lead lamest like way I got into comedy Wasn't like I like followed like cool comedians were like really stayed up late watching ethanol. I love musical comedy I started in that when I was in high school. I was maiming and maiming and I was the lead in all the musicals singing singing singing And sing you know what I could fake it pretty well and I was like in the singing groups and I was in all the Acapella groups, but I had to work really hard for the singing part That's why I got into comic and I was you know what? It's weird I feel like cuz I had four brothers I don't I went to an all-girls school But I had a lot of male friends and being funny and like Bantry was like my Language and so I knew I was quick and funny and like sharp like that way, but it was like well That's in life.

I wouldn't I didn't know being a comedian was a thing to be honest There was no improv group on my campus. It was like there wasn't sketch comedy like I wasn't introduced to any of that until after college Yeah, so I really the only way in was through musicals No, I want to ask you a few questions that I do recognize are getting more and more outdated in the more I listen to stern zero And on this topic I can tell that it's updated but regardless I can't resist but you're super attractive you're just bonafide attractive and if you were super funny on top of being hot Do you have your pick of the litter was it just shooting fish in a barrel because to be super hot and funny? It just feels very unfair to everyone else Hard to answer without something like a dick I did well. Yeah, I was popular and you were boy crazy.

I was pretty boy crazy Yeah, I had a pretty serious boyfriend at the end of high school through part of college Yeah, but we were allowed to make out I don't know like whatever but I was like a serial was that the rule though? Just make out basically. Yeah, that's a hard thing I've had an easy go of that in most of my life. Yes, so what's interesting is like In again, I really run the risk of going like are you really gonna try to get me to feel bad for someone who's attractive?

Everything comes with a new set of challenges So if I had my pick of the litter it would well and even in my limited pick of the litter It was very hard for me to stay with somebody like I met people and I'd be attracted to them And if I thought I could be with them like all that stuff was very it was very hard for me to not pursue that right? I just think with more options. You have a different problem on your hands. It's like well, that's kind of taken care of but now It's like any moment you could maybe meet someone I think I could be with that guy Yeah, it was like I can't possibly make it sound like Well, here's the part where I'm gonna say for you that is gonna sound like people are gonna go fuck you But I'll say it for you would never say but I would say being as attractive as you are was actually a liability at the groundlings I would I would say I would agree with that and I would not only to me that was definitely I think Caitlin dealt with that definitely and there was a series there was a period where every woman Was cut for a while that was pretty good.

Look. Yes And I told it going in and I will say the one thing about my youth is I feel like I had a freakish sense of confidence that was Unfounded early on yeah way before you know I had braces and all that stuff I would do stuff at school where I look back and go what would have ever Possessed me to think that that was going to be a cool move right like that You're basically would do the amfricant and enter dance like I'm you love Yes, just commit like show to chemistry class and like an alvira wig do my report as a character like Navigate through yeah partially cuz it was my girl school. So it kind of took some of the Whatever away. So I have never meet my best friend Nate talk during it.

I know I heard you talk about speak of him and stuff But I don't know and he did level one and two with we that's where we met was yeah But he just has a best story like his his apex in life was he was in a fraternity at You see us being he was just crushing and they hosted some you know one of these mixers with sorority and he was on the dance floor He was doing some move, you know He felt great the whole night and then someone had been recording it and then like two days later They were playing the tape and he goes oh my god. What am I doing? He was like doing some weird thing with his hands and like pointing to do I wish he could was here to do it But you know objectively a super embarrassing move that he was just in the moment fucking feeling it and no one's really objecting And there was no cameras. I'm telling you my life would be so different if there had been people able to film The stuff I did and then I would have had to have lived with it and see what it looked like after the fact I couldn't agree more Yeah And as much as I lament like it's harder It was harder to get into comedy and harder to start your career when I started because you had to go through the ground Wait for industry night wait for it to get somehow get a job to sort of get a reel So you could kind of get an agent like now you can if you don't have Like an hour's worth of kick-ass comedy material that you have produced edited put together that you can send when you're like 21 Yeah, to an agent and put it online.

What are you doing? Yeah, but on the other hand that part I'm envious of me too But the other part of oh shit. I would have posted shit I would be blacklisted I would be I would have just been like what the fuck is wrong with this person if you gave 16 year old Yeah camera in my room and oh my god you guys there be because I had a confidence sure I would have felt real strong about my choices and really like people need to see this. Yeah, no god No, so how do you go from you do you get your degree and you would naturally now start up take the LSAT and play the law school?

What happened in between when I went to Cornell getting away from LA I think I still did theater while I was there and I still loved it and was not in the theater part But was cast in a lot of stuff and doing well in the program and I did study abroad for your where okay? Yes, yes southern Spain, okay, and while I was there I was like I don't want to admit this to myself let alone my parents or anyone else But I think I need to try this and even if it's stupid and even if it's irresponsible I need to do it and came back and Told people and was ignored kind of and just sort of not taken seriously. Yeah, but we're kind of stuck to my guns We're a bizarre mix of your kind of type a mm-hmm and yet you're not it's you're an interesting mix of like You did everything by the numbers and then all of a sudden you decided not to do that and some I would say like I only started going to therapy like within the past real like five years And I would say that's the number one thing where I feel like I have these two very different There's like the carnyside and then the very grounded like Responsible side and they really yell at each other and I head do you think the responsible one is trying to appease one or your other parent? Yeah, mom or dad my mom Dad was the one who walked out and was more adventurous and has lived this sort of wildlife But then my mom was the one who was left behind and had to deal with kids Yeah, I don't want to end up what you know I mean and it's it's those two crazy voices and someone put it to me But I'm a very disciplined wild child, right?

But it's always fighting in me. Yeah, and it gets tiring But I didn't realize how tiring I got until like really about five years ago well again I can also back to the it wasn't really it was discovered It wasn't really the pattern I thought it was but even maybe you're willing us to get close to the flank What's some people that are probably more yeah indulgent of their yeah crazy side probably attracted to bored easily I like things that are a little create shaky or a little writing the line but to a point right because that you know I mean safe like I don't like to jump out of airplanes But it's the same reason like getting up in front of 10,000 people you know I did this tour and getting out with Yeah, yeah And you know I get out in front of the audience and just improv with him and just get out there and just fuck around in front of 12,000 people you know or whatever it is which is crazy Yeah, and I can't believe you know there's times where I go that's so crazy But that to me is like I like I like a little crazy and I like things to be a little wild But only to a point and then it's just always fighting. It's very German I read this fascinating piece and bandy fair about the German character the national character It's like they have this they're drawn like moss to a flame to like they're very rigid and type a it just says a national character It was all about them getting involved in the subprime mortgage Yeah, like their other side my side was closer to playing yeah, they started But just the fact that they're fiscally they're the most responsible country on the planet yet They were buying all these subprime mortgage backsecurities billions of dollars which they knew better, but they wanted to have their toe in some Naughty, it was just a very fascinating story, but So after a year of top was in Spain you come back and you go yeah, I'm gonna go to New York I'm gonna be a see I'm gonna go do theater in New York. Okay.

I'm not going Hollywood. That's That's cliche embarrassing Being wanting to be a TV there's something lofty about doing it New York Yeah, it seemed like almost a more responsible way to be irresponsible So I was like hedging my bets a little bit I told my you know Department counselor that I was doing it literally just got the dead stare and just like 10 seconds of silence and then just like okay Well then after that which applications do you think but yeah? I mean literally was just like I was speaking another language and my parents my mom was my parents were hesitatingly encouraged But I think they were just like you know what she'll take a year off and then right relax for a year and She'll crawl back to church Yeah, so I went to New York and stayed with friend of mine for a couple months and then tried to meet like you know Agents or whatever like through my theater program or whatever and everyone there was like Everyone in New York trying to get del a so if you can start there go home right live it home And bye-bye. Yeah, like being a theater actress like the only way to get on the theater is to become successful in Los Angeles Right and then come back and get a role.

Yeah, because that's the only that was basically what they said right which was probably good advice And so you came back home So I came back home lived at home and then literally started from the bottom like submitted backstage West Sure, I did that and did the blind submissions for commercial even 11 and pick up that backstage West and there was another one to Convent yourself you're right for everything Okay, it's a 42 year old home janitor I have a turn all younger siblings. I can use her diapers I can yeah, like so you're every part and I and I submitted myself to like student films and blind submission for commercial agent And I got a job in restaurant like I mean like just fucking did it. Yeah, I thought you meant through all those submissions I ended you a job in restaurant. Yeah, what restaurant did you work at?

I worked at 17 Street Cafe on Montana And sure and works there for many many years on and off I ended up on a kids show called Sweet Valley High relatively quickly. Yeah Um based off the books based off the books which I had been obsessed with love with child's I played Renata Vargas the Brazilian exchange Oh, yes, just read this. What are you doing an accent? I did an accent I'm not in Brazilian accent.

No, no, and in fact I asked I was like do you guys want me to actually like learn the accent? No, we are so it is just a back here I'll tell you right now that character would not hold up today. It's the most I had fruit on my head a perfect Shacha I talked about burrows and tacos, but then also the Amazon jungle and voodoo It was every stereotype was thrown into this character and then into this one Jewish lady Which briefly from with a nail who was should have been in law school and so but I loved it. Yeah, how many I did 22 episodes of their last season So I was like a series regular.

Yeah, I made money I made money and I did it and then I got off that was like well I guess this is where it all happens now because I show I did well everyone's gonna be pretty excited You're a regular for the next 40 years. Yeah, no, no then I had to go back to working a restaurant Uh-huh now was a real that was a real pill just well, okay, and how did you find your way to the ground? So you know what I was taking a cold reading acting class with Brian Reese that was like an audition workshop class I took a couple real acting classes and was like this is not for me. Yeah, I didn't know now and And so I was taking that class I got a couple guest stars And I did those like casting director workshops Uh-huh where you pay to like auditioning by the casting director and I actually did really well in those and I got some jobs from those So, well, yeah, I know I actually like did well in those and I was getting work here But not enough and so I was taking this acting class in Chris Parnell was in my class Oh, we hit it off so funny and great and we hit it off And you know I did a comedy in there and you know comedic scenes whatever He was like you should audition for the groundlings I legitimately didn't know what the groundlings was even grow up here like that's how not Plugged into comedy.

I was I wasn't plugged in on any level in comedy. I went to another place Which is when you're there drinking the Kool-Aid. I thought the entire world 100% yeah, so to hear you say that so I didn't know what it was and I was like oh I'll go see a show there and I saw show and I saw Jennifer Coolidge perform and I was like These what yes Thank you And so I like immediately auditioned and got in the program and you know and then as you know like went through it And you know went through it relatively quickly and then that quickly becomes through everything Yeah, I worked less professionally while I was in the Brownlings than I had worked in my career since basically I started because you're so focused on the Brownlings Yeah, and I think that's what Caitlin ended up getting up against like she was working a lot as an actor Yeah, and to have to I'll then write six sketches a week was like impossible But I will say and all three of us have the same ending at groundlings where we were all cut and we all were good That's what was frustrating. Yeah, I don't think I can see it in myself.

I can see it in you guys Question your own evaluation yourself or at least not trust it of course But you also know how many sketches you get in you know there are certain just sort of you know how you know how you know how you Exactly and I will say that I attribute my ability to work hard and be able to turn out comedy when there's a deadline and To not have to wait for the inspiration to hit you because you are is bootcamp. You gotta fucking write those sketches every week Yeah, it was crazy. It didn't go my way Yeah, there is nothing for me that was more life-changing than that place. I had never acted Yeah, I'd learned to act on that stage.

I'd never written sketch comedy I had I started directing things there to put on the TV, you know, I do video I learned to edit because of that place like I wish almost everything I've Improv has gotten me almost every job. I've ever gotten a little improv here a little improv there Yeah, a little something has gotten me almost every job. I've ever gotten And then you and I were almost on a show together right when I right after I got punked There was a show that had like four people on it and it was all improv in fuck I can't remember the name of it and I got offered it did I do it yes You can others yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was for NBC and then it ended up being on Bravo for two seasons Yes, yeah, and that's right. We've couples and therapy was a little ahead of its time It was partially improvised and yeah in my agent you was here horror stories But my agent talked to me out of it.

Mm-hmm. I tried to and I was like no this show is gonna be good Also, if you're an improv I could see how those the setup was gonna lend itself very well to you You're gonna improv you're gonna shine on that show yeah, and improv though in a specific way improv not to ground it improv Yes, and that's what I think groundlings if I again had come through comedy at a different time when you see B Was in Los Angeles, it probably would not have done groundlings I would be honest because I wasn't the big I was a part thing I were in the same group together Yeah, Melissa can do no wrong I mean even if you were mildly good at it if you were in with her you'd quickly go why am I gonna fuck with that? And there's people who are just fucking amazing at it You know in other people like Steve little and just like these people who are just characters And who are just so good at it my stuff I was a good writer and when I could kind of play myself and then do the funny bits around it or whatever those work But when I tried to put on a wig and an accent and a weird Well Did your school reports and wigs and you started out in with you burnt yourself out really early I was not a sketch I could fake it a little bit sort of like the singing early on But it was not my yeah, you're right and butter and if there had been another option that was more improv and improv in your own Body like improv in your own skin that would have been more and that's what my career has ended up being more into is living in that space That's been the biggest asset for me working for you know Oh, yeah, a long time. Yeah, that's very better for worse than some good you here's about your Monica did all of you Yeah, she's 31 so of course when she got here She had that option and she was yeah, I was allergic to that care I was very like roundlings is characters and I don't want to do I don't do I want to really quickly go back to the Brazilian Yeah, you play because I don't know about you But I have audition for things that have accents But now I have the asset of YouTube what I just go on YouTube I watch some things and I do it my car right before I walk in and I can do it long enough in the audition But the Brazilian accent you're just probably completely I spoke Spanish fluently, but they speak Portuguese in Brazil.

That's right So it was like like it was just like it's not Spanish. It sounded Russian. I would say if you were giving any Categorization The potion But it was big it was big because who am I thinking of that was the Chiquita banana girl chorro? Maybe That's what you do that?

Yeah, she said yes, who she could you? Yes, you go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to the Sweet Valley Twins wasn't sweet Valley high. Hi, sweet Valley. Hi.

Hi. I called you girls momentarily Just because that's when you loved it. We're back. Yeah, I'm talking to the girls and girls and girls Yeah, Elizabeth Jessica Wakefield Thank you when I got that role.

I was like This is everything. Yeah, I'm stepping into books that I loved my character Exist in the books, but I was still like Todd and that was Elizabeth's boyfriend and then Jessica and it was literally like Stepping into like your favorite book. I would have given a love to do that It was it was special it'd be like me getting on Duke's a hazard first job. Yeah, like oh my god I'm in the world.

Yeah, yeah So you left girlings did you take it bad? I took it quite bad. It was I would say it was a real blow to the ego Not gonna lie. It was really just it was yeah, it's fucking son.

It hurt. It hurt your feelings. It hurt your ego It also was like that was my life. It was all my friends to me.

It was more like leave. Yeah, it was like leaving a cult. Yeah Yeah, like my whole identity was that all my time was spent there all my time and I had also Convinced myself that this is the only avenue towards where I'm trying to go I want to be on Saturday night live or whatever mad TV whatever I wanted to do comedy interesting And so I was like well, that's over that just ended because how else do you get there now? So it was very shattering in that my identity and plus now I'm never gonna end up anywhere all those things were very frightening for me It was really scary.

It hurt really badly I remember my mom though saying I know like this is awful and it you know Deserved or not deserved whatever it doesn't feel good. She was like I've never seen you more stressed and unhappy Then the past year that you've been in the Sunday company Yeah, cuz it was such constant stress of how many sketches did you get in? Why did that person just oh my god? Well, no, I need to write another I don't know that one didn't go well This one it was just oh you get Maccobellin about like oh everyone needs one sketch this person can't write I'm gonna write with this person I'll get in their sketch and I'll get in this loser's sketch I mean it's good It just became your whole life and all you want to sketch in the show But then once you get those sketches now you've got a shot for three days for all these wigs and bullshit Yeah crazy and then you put it up and you're like oh that sucked in Easy but I will say one thing that I think has served me well is I am one of those people that's like alright You got it.

This is where you show yourself what you're made of savage You pick yourself up and you fucking go harder. Yeah kind of a thing and you started doing stand up after that I started doing stand up pretty quickly after that which I thought was I remember being like kind of impressed that you Shifted that quickly into that year stand up I was like oh this is what I should be doing right because it was not the wigs and it was doing a version of yourself And it was just straight from your mouth to the audience you can control it was you have to go through a panel of people To know what you wanted to say but the equivalent of like being able to shoot my own stuff Yeah, that wasn't available early then. Yeah, so I love doing stand up. I just didn't get I just didn't do it very long Right a couple years or something I did a couple years and then and cannot complain started getting or quite a bit work I think someone from stand up and also I think because I was out of groundlings It could focus on my career again, right?

Because literally like I was doing well before groundlings and then pretty quickly after growing started working again Yeah, and started to do so. Yeah I was like oh maybe if I actually have energy and time to focus on this instead of all the wigs and the shopping and the Things and whatever and got on a couple shows and then got on a show called talk by it's man Which I became a writer producer on and that was on Connie central and it was Zach Alvanakis Matt Walsh 80 miles myself And it was the guy who did Borat Dan Maser It was kind of before its time and it's kind of a call-all star And that's where I first became a writer producer on a show But it's also right when I got married like yeah How did you get that those guys because we were improvising on it and there were a couple of the writers on the show But we were playing characters based on ourselves as this faux news team And from Spokane, Washington and it was sort of in the Borat world We were playing characters, but everyone on the show was real and it's yeah I've got a lot of mixed feelings about the show, but it was a really cool very funny weird show It has like a weird cult following it. I don't know. I think you can find it It's not easy to find but you can find it, but we had to trick real people which I did not none of us enjoyed that So it was a real that was the part but working with those guys like the four of us and we'd go We'd be on the road for most of the year It was crazy, but we basically became writer producers because we were writing on like we were that and then it's just the way it happened That's when I started the writing producing side in my world and realizing that you should be creating That is yeah, and that's really when like everything shifted But around then I also so we were working crazy hours and we were on the road and then I got married and so nights I wasn't gonna work all day and then also go out to stand up five nights a week to stand up It's like it's your every night of it when you really commit to it you got to go you think some I don't know about for you, but for me, I met Bell when I was 32 and There's an entirely different thought process It makes me think that had I approached any other relationship the way I was at 32 I was like the next one I'm having a child All these other things I might have like let myself be annoyed by someone else or I was like no I found someone with good character that'd be a great mom I will make this work in a weird way, but also well I think I was still like a little like I don't know if I'd ever get married and dud-ud-ud-ud-ud But then we met and I remember driving home after like one of the first days and being like I think that's the last Person I will go on a date with right?

I was like what the fuck was that thought and then just kind of knew but it was that kind of thing it wasn't like I was like Oh, I want kids right away, but it was like I've seen how other relationships I've been through another enough long-term relationships Yeah, this is a good person and this is a person of quality My stepdad was really sick at the time and was had just been diagnosed with cancer Uh-huh and that shifted my whole perspective also in a relationship and what you look for is I was watching someone begin the end of their life Yeah And it really shook me and made me look at Jeremy in a completely different way and was watching somebody How they live the end of their life and what is important to them and what isn't and Really was like oh, I need to stop fucking around And this is the quality of person that you actually want to make a life with yeah You well a couple things I too was but this was recently was kind of fucked up by watching my mom care for my stepdad in just going Oh, I hope I deserve that like it's so profound when you witness it It's and to go like god I hope I hope I can lay in bed and let someone care for me feel like I deserve that I've earned that because it's so I'm so I hate anyone to help me I hate I don't want to favor for anyone so to be in that position you better feel like you deserve to be there I don't know that's what I walk away with is like I Yeah, I think I walked away with just going he was sick for a year and a couple months And when I tell you that he gave me the greatest gift in terms of watching somebody Get diagnosed get sick think there's some hope the hope's taken away and then know that the hope is gone and then still have a little bit of Couple months yeah to watch someone go through that he modeled What I have to mention is the most noble way that anyone could go through that experience and taught me the morbid but like when it is my time that's how you do it for yourself and for your family and And His he was so still concerned about what our life was gonna be after he was gone Right and my mother and me and just all of us and that was a big priority for him And he was obviously not ready to go but sort of took it and stride it was incredible Yeah, but it was watching it was watching his respect for my mom and love but also it was just all of it It was just like oh, this isn't just like oh this is my boyfriend and we like have fun together and we make jokes Yeah, it really knocked me out of that comedy Right, right, I was in a little bit what's the longest you had dated a guy prior to German? I had like a series of a lot of year and a half relationships Like probably four or five or six like I was a serial man. I'm going right. We got a serious girlfriend Well, I was a briefer nine years before I was with Kerry for five years so I went five years nine years now 11 years Yeah, but I had a which I've talked about is I had a very liberal arrangement and both of those so it wasn't like Weirdly, I knew I would I kind of gone nine years my 20s.

I just knew myself I was like this is an expectation so it's not gonna happen In any way though when I was 32 I was like I kind of flipped if I had if I had given you a top 10 things I was looking for in a partner at 29 that when I hit 32 I almost like flipped it upside down I was like okay hotness fine mind you christen's always a question is I You know and I'm not I'm like I laugh at that. I'm not a false compliment ever ever I when I worked with your wife. I literally was like this woman is like so smart so funny But down to her so grounded I live and I worked with a lot of people she I don't know And it's she's someone like we just hit it off like gangbusters Mm-hmm, and we've only hung out really briefly on that we really bonded in the will still be the first to tell you she's really Attracted to alphas so like I think she was very drawn to you because she's like oh I get okay great She's in charge. I can't really isn't her but when yes when you see Kristin on a set you almost think oh someone this nice Isn't supposed to succeed.

There's almost been like a glitch in the matrix. You can't be kind can you and instill End up somewhere and she just had yeah She was just one of those people that was just like she has everything and is still just a cool normal person She is but but when I met her there were things that had I still had the one One ten it wouldn't I wouldn't have picked her but I flipped it and then the bottom half of that list ended up increasing over time You're not ironically incontratively, but it's just fascinating how you end up getting the priorities You should probably always have but whatever I get something But I think in my case like I took like a jarring life event to put some stuff in perspective And I say this openly my son like I don't know if I would have appreciated you Out of that in the beginning out of that context because he was more straight laced more you know I think in my head I was like oh he wears a suit to work. He's more straight like I'm more well Let's be super honest because I have this we have a girlfriend that we talk with a lot of her relationships And she'll go oh that guy's not funny enough or whatever and I'll and I'll just ask the question Is it truly that he's not funny enough or is it your own ego needs the approval of someone you respect? Like is it is it really just I've identified this person's hysterical So if I can make them laugh I'm valuable and that's just probably not the greatest approach It's not something sustainable.

It isn't no and also I found that not again every funny comedy There's amazing very well-adjusted and great comedy people that I love and I will bear all you mentioned But there are there are people I know and love but also there are and I definitely there is something enticing about that being on that banter The roller coaster ride where it's just like you're so you know making a lot but the lot comes with that too Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's you know it took a brain adjustment. Yeah, and you know sometimes there's only room for one of those people And well, that's the other thing. Yeah, you know you can't both be like there's only one spot I know people who are both legitimately hilarious who are in wonderful relationships like they've made it they make it work somehow Yeah, my thing was it was the baby clock was ticking I'm gonna have a death I was were you certain like I will have a kid before I leave or would I know I knew I wanted kids, but I will say I was like, okay I worked really hard to get my career going like it was very much a scary like fuck well I'm just like I had just a dog rights man I just like after that sold a bunch of projects and then I did step brothers and step brothers was coming out And I was pregnant and kind of had gotten brought into the Gary Sanchez They liked you and as you said you went out on the road with them. Yeah, I did a comedy tour with him Yeah, that's a Flattering yeah flattering group to be accepted into yeah, I'd be kind of wanting to ride that out a little bit And it was it was just like how's my identity gonna change and there is that fear?

You know I did come up through comedy in very much Which I'm trying to change in my head now of that like compliment of like oh you're like one of the dudes You're like the thing and I sit there and I am trying now to go that doesn't have that be the highest standard actually You know you're kind of like a guy that I always took that as sort of a compliment And then if somebody would call you feminine it was like fuck you Uh-huh, you can actually still be funny and still be feminine and still be a woman and that doesn't mean that you're lame Yeah, doesn't the raising a daughter kind of put it into perspective in some way? It's like no I want her to be celebrated for being exactly what she is not 100% but I was weirdly I went to a feminist all-girl school and I considered myself very strong feminist But it was through a lens that I didn't quite Well, so you know they are holding the position of power so if you're being told you're like them you go well Then powers the next you know whatever yeah, and it's accepted and you're accepted by the cool You know it was inevitably that was the cool crowd and there weren't a lot of money or than win I think No, and in my world there weren't as many women growlings the shows I got on the movies I did were primarily all men So it wasn't until kind of later that I started to get a group of really funny women in my life But it was not until the past like eight ten years And did you in general get along with women all through your monies and there yeah, but they just weren't around that much They just weren't at the commie clubs as much. It was mostly men. Yeah, I was probably one in ten or twelve One in ten or twelve, you know everything I did I had girlfriends and lots and I always got along with women But it just wasn't there weren't a lot of us around me and then I think right after me like in New York at UCB There were a lot of amazing hilarious women.

Yeah, like polar let a movement she did I really do and I feel like now I have a lot of contemporaries were like five years younger than I am three years younger than I'm and below who are fucking hilarious women Who I am very happy to call my friends, but I didn't have that so it was very much like I'm gonna have this baby and Then what's gonna happen and part of it can true uh-huh part of it I will say after I had my daughter it was suddenly all my guy friends that I would shoot the shit with and hang out with all the Times suddenly like how's the baby has my hands been cast as a regular in something then you got pregnant during it and then you got Bumped to whatever I can do a party down party down. I done the pilot when it got picked up We had like we had done this little pilot for Rob Thomas And it was kind of like he'd done it on his own because he wanted to like do exactly what he wanted to do And then shop it around and it was being shopped around and then in that time period between that I did step brothers and had just sold I think to other shows like projects whatever and then I just got my And then he calls like oh my god, I got picked up and I was like I'm pregnant And he was like when are you do and it was like oh, I'm doing March He's like we don't start shooting till January and you're the love interest So it was just like can't do it and then of course I show ended up being like the coolest best show and that was like Okay, it was like okay here we go and then here we don't go here We don't go and I will say it was hard suddenly I was not thought of like the funny Girl to hang around with anymore. Yeah, and it took a lot of work to recharge recharge back How many years was that a two-year thing a one-year thing? I'd say longer than that I kept working and I kept selling stuff Like it's the kind of thing wherever you're I'd sell a show to develop and then I would do and be in a pilot and go And go so it was a lot of like those heartbreaks over and over of putting your heart and soul into something I'm in and not going and a lot of seasons of that and I also you know Love being a mom and my daughter's like I know people say but truly the best thing that in my life and all of that But it was hard.

I was feeling like okay. Well, I guess I'm now It's just mom rolls coming my way. Yeah, oh yeah And they're not well written and they're not nuanced and they're not gonna drive someone else's drive someone else's story And it was that or like a cougary boss, you know, and it was hard. How did you get your show?

I will say I After I think I think my seventh show that I'd sold didn't go Yeah, I was like you know I'm not developing another script and I was like I'm gonna do a show where I Placically I have funny stories that I want to tell and I have a certain tone and it's edgier And it's a version of me that shows a nuanced mom who's still dirty and edgy But also trying to still be a good person But has a good marriage like all these things and I'm gonna shoot something and I'm gonna shop it after the I'm gonna shoot it And I'm not gonna develop a script and I just sort of willed it kind of happened And I you know called on a lot of friends to be in it So Judy Greer was in it and Jason was in it was in it was in it was in it and he was just in here and boy You have a crush on him now. What a piece great. What a sweet yeah, and he's you know You kind of call in all your favors and then June squib who I didn't know I wrote her like a blind letter Uh-huh and she came and did it like for the present like just for something I was you know Judith light did the same thing and they came and did it for free and shot 14 minutes of of what ended up being a lot of what the first episode was and then shopped it around once it was like you can't buy it and then try to turn it into something else you can't Whatever this is yeah, what it is now. This is a dangerous question and I asked this is the last one I'll ask you So knowing that we were one time under the control of a call Really and happily and by the way my happiest of life in that call yeah, yeah Do you have a question that we're still in one like when I hear you say well?

I have the thing I dreamt of And it's incredibly time-consuming and it's a ton of work. Do you ever sometimes go like oh boy? I guess I'm still in a cult because what what is that? What am I doing?

I don't think I do okay? I don't think I feel like I'm a cult I do feel like I appreciated season one to such a high level even though I was Tired beyond I've ever been tired Cuz I was like you know what I've been on the other side of this and as someone when this is happening as a woman and you're when you're over 40 Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're you're aware of how special it is. Yeah, and it's been so it's not been a big show It just came out on Netflix recently and it's really like launched again And it's been like in the top 20 shows every week on Netflix Oh, that's great Even though it's not marketing so it's really getting a big word of mouth and the people who know the show like love it And it's it's just been like so affirming of going this doesn't people sort of it was the idea of like if you haven't really made it By the time you're 40 as a woman like okay, you'll keep working But nothing that exciting is gonna happen yes and to have like that I was able to do this and really it is my vision and you're 62 Yeah, no people don't realize it.

I'm actually actually 63. Oh, you just turned 63. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Do I guess what I do I see what you're saying I guess what I meant is and again I've had the great fortune of getting to make three movies that are exactly what I want them to be I did that That's great. I now the the ego has separated pretty I think healthily from the dock It's kind of like oh The idea of needing to be on a show that people talk about or that my peers watch all those things are starting to mean less and less As I see the end approaching and I have two little kids So for me, I guess what I'm saying is my own self-inflicted cult of prestige Recognition cache all these things that I definitely coveted and valued I have in the last three years kind of started to look at carefully and go like What is that?

And then I die and then yeah, you know, what is all this is it all it as important as I do it is And I don't know if I don't think that's what drove me before like fame or recognition That's not why I got into it. I can truly honestly what about cache being being respected by my peers Yes, that has been a big thing for me Yeah, because I felt like behind the scenes I was always very respected by my peers and then I had that instance where like oh I was maybe ahead of people working more and then stopped and had my baby and then all these people who were sort of not as Advanced in their career started skyrocketing past me. Yeah, and then suddenly it was like oh her. Oh, yeah I remember she used to be fun like it just because it was like oh, I know I worked just as hard And so that has driven me some but honestly it really I think because it happened later in life when I was doing this It really was like I just want to make the show.

I'm fucking proud of I think the one thing that I am realizing is Contentment is not for me like I do get driven by being slightly agitated And like well, no, I want to fucking show how this is done like it Contentment doesn't breed Happiness necessarily right or feeling productivity Yeah, I definitely am more productive when I'm a little angsty and a little feeling like I'm not getting to do what I want to Do and stuff you did just make me think of something funny Which is what I did this movies at there and there's a cute little boy Josh Hutcherson and this cute little girl Kristen Stewart No one either of them. Yeah, four years later. It's like sweet. So she's got this vampire franchise and he's got this hunger game things Great, this is good for them.

They're both making 30 40 million this year. That's great those little kids that I Yeah, but at least when they're that young you're not that's different But when it's sort of like you're here and I deserve it and that kind of stuff But yeah, I would say that's sort of my thing is I'm not probably meant to be but like Contented just like it's just a good thing to know about yourself and about yourself Yeah, so when does season two come out January 9th January 9th? Yeah on true TV. Yeah on true TV.

It's streaming on Netflix Season one right now and season two will come out after we finish airing it on true TV Well, Andrea I love you and I'm delighted that you have continued to work and get to do your own stuff and kept writing and just We did not let it kill us and again It gave me a tremendous jolt of joy to bump into you the airport I know in a time where you were not having a lot of joy right? I was in route to something some ugly business But it was so nice to see you and I hope I bump into you more and more and Any airport around the country? I'm happy to It's really weird you expect to see someone at JFK or LAX but to have been walking through the food court of import Let me just see you as it was really yeah, it was like it really I was like wait. I almost felt like am I seeing a famous person?

This person but in fact I knew you yeah, no, I know that yeah, that was nice It's very nice to see you. Yeah, nice to you again. You're holding the gangbusters. I'm a lot of that for you 63 You don't look at it over 38.

Oh, try and hold it together. All right. Good luck to you. Everyone watch.

I'm sorry Netflix catch up before January 9th and then you know hit the ground running. Yeah, all right And now my favorite part of the show the fact check with my soulmate Monica Batman oh Won't you check my facts tonight? Oh Won't you tell me if I was right? Oh?

Making sure it all checks out fact checking girl. You make the armchair world go round Guess who's that's from who give you a hint? He's a perfect fucking town Charles Curtis submitted that Charlie that was my favorite one it was yeah, I knew you guys were circling each other. Oh Charlie I love it.

I love it. Thanks Charlie. Thanks for taking the time to send us some Perfect 10 level facts on it wouldn't expect anything left. I want it.

Mm-hmm. Great great great great. So let's talk How's your day well it was long as I was just lamenting god? I have a gratitude problem sometimes you said it you said it You're new your resolution is gonna be to stop complaining.

You're right in 2019. I'm gonna try to stop complaining Yeah, it's a problem for me and it's very we are now that I've assessed that it's an issue and of course I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I do it First of all, I think it's just a pattern my family has yep, you know and then the other aspect of it is I think I feel guilty for how lucky my life Is that's what it is? Yeah, it's very lucky. So when good things happen to me I'll try to put like a negative spin on it.

So it doesn't seem like a good fucking brat. Yeah All that ends up doing is making my memory of things tainted it also doesn't achieve the thing that you think you're achieving It doesn't make people think like oh actually that does sound kind of shitty. They're like oh this person is not grateful. Yeah.

Yeah, it's it's all together counterproductive, but it's also sometimes necessary to complain It's not good to keep all your complaints to yourself and let them fester What if I just assign a pillow at home and then I put my mouth in the pillow and complain for like 10 minutes Well, that count is not breaking my resolution. Yeah, you can try that. I don't think it's gonna work What I thought of an interesting tool to help me achieve my resolution is I thought every because I'm gonna complain There's just no way so I was thinking every time I complain I have to put like five hundred dollars in a jar Okay, and then at the end of the year I donate that to a good cause oh, that's a great. That's a good idea, right?

Every time you complain you're gonna put five hundred dollars I do not like partying with five hundred dollars So I feel like it'd be a great motivator for me some charity's gonna get a lot of money Oh, you think so you don't think I think you're gonna do a great job I think in a year you're gonna at least complain ten times. Oh minimally, right? Someone's getting five grand 19 for sure I'm saying a question about that. I once knew an agent who he had made a New Year's resolution I think it was when he not to talk bad about people here By the way another great resolution.

I don't think I can tackle that in 19 and not complain It's a lot but when he did it he had a rubber band on his wrist and he would transfer it to the other wrist And I don't know what the end goal was just it really was a visual indicator They had done it and then he had to move the thing over the hand. That's interesting. I was interesting Did the hair tie have spikes on it? No, it wasn't a hair shirt hair tire anything like that But the hair shirt is this shirt they made in medieval times that was made of course boars hair And when you put it on it cut you and scratch you and it was just all together torturous to have the thing Oh, I didn't know that and that's why Nate tuck made a movie called hair shirt.

Well, you're right I was gonna say no, he made a movie called too smooth, but they actually changed it from hair shirt to tooth right I'll never forget that you'll never as long as you live never yeah, oh wow, okay I just meant it he have spikes on his hair tie kind of like a In like old biblical times where they had to like flagellate is that what they call it? Yeah, I think Flagellate flagellences is we know that I think oh, logging is maybe what I mean Yeah, but I think you're right flagoration flak. Yeah, there's something Yeah, it's a scary word to be saying over and over again because I feel like you could trip up and say the FAG word Oh, that's what's making me nervous. I'm nervous about the accidentally just saying farting.

Oh, that's fine. Okay. Well, anyway That's a good idea. I like that resolution.

I think you're gonna do a great job. Oh, thank you My resolution is sort of similar. Oh, it is. What's yours when people say how are you?

Things to not respond with that great. I'm the I'm really busy. Oh, but yeah, so that's a similar thing It's similar, but it's it's not I mean the reason I'm stopping is because I'm afraid it's coming off similarly But that's not what I mean when I say it. I'm not saying I'm never like Right like you're not complaining.

No, I'm just saying like oh, it's great I'm it's run really busy and I mean that like in a good way because being busy is good And I always make sure I say that in the sentence like really busy doing this doing this it's all good things Mm-hmm, but I just want to like a complaint. No, I mean, right. You could think it is people could think it is And I just also aren't that busy. I'm not No, I you're quite busy, you know, let someone else say it for you Now on wherever we're together and some says how you know I'm gonna know say I'm doing great now She's busy.

She's busy. She's busy to answer that Also, I lost my leg less we can I love it. I'm so much lighter That's the other thing like you're allowed to complain a little bit. Okay.

I guess there's I know what one is a little bit pathological Or destructive. Yeah, because if I get like a speeding ticket on the way home. Yeah, I'm gonna have to say that I'm gonna just hide all the I do think it's gonna affect my thinking though in my perception of the world I think if I'm always like if something good happens to me my instincts to almost figure out some little bad thing about it So that no one thinks I'm too spoiled. Mm-hmm So I'm really just looking for the bad thing and everything's I don't have to repeat it.

Yeah, that's not the way you do it Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I think that's a noble cause I'm it when I say I'm busy I'll put $500 in a jar and then at the end of the year I'll donate to your noble cause Complaining oh my goodness. Yeah, maybe I should give you the money I maybe we can get out of this with a net zero loss and still put $500 in a jar often I'll call you and be like could you say you're busy a few times cuz I really just I complain quite a bit this weekend I found a brick of gold in my ass and I just told everyone how uncomfortable it was Andrea Andrea Savage. Yeah, would you discover?

So she said well we talk about dentistry and do you claim that it has one of the highest suicide rates and then she said Also, she thought maybe one of the higher drug addiction rates in professional Doc out of all of these professions Okay, the dental field is considered extremely competitive and requires significant technical skill to deliver optimal oral care like doctors That is working to feel that is ripe with stress when working long hours and complaints from patients Researcher suggests that dentists are nearly 1.67 times as likely to commit suicide compared to an average job My problem is twice as like what's an average job? Like actor director writer. Yeah, that's your average job. Yeah, I think it on this It's a doctor's or even above dentists for suicide.

Yeah, but I just have like all this research I was doing. None of it felt very conclusive to me because like they're not saying like compared to Construction workers are compared to like what are they comparing it to lawyers? Like I don't know Well, do you think they just took the suicide rate among dentists and then they took the suicide rate of the population? Maybe and it was 1.6 times higher maybe they just know those other people have some other occupation So let's just call it your general job.

Yeah, then they should say then the general population because that's not really correct Right. Anyway, it seems like I can imagine people who are habitually unemployed kill themselves often as well I would think so. I mean I'll just guess I would think so. Yeah, yeah, yep My thought about why dentists kill off themselves with such frequency and regularity is that they are both doing a job That's incredibly tedious.

Mm-hmm. Like what if your whole workspace for that your job was three inches by four inches You sure just think about that. Do you really get off on that sexually? Yeah, no, yes No, like bondage people no people get a high off of that of like completing something your sister has that I think she really She's a picker.

We call her picker growing up and she went if we have like knots in a necklace something She likes getting the mouth. She's the first stop for that. She's a maybe be a dentist. Yeah, I'll pitch that to her when we get home Great, but yeah, just to have your whole world your whole professional world exist in this tiny little cave Mm-hmm.

It's poorly lit generally smells people aren't there because they're you know their teeth are fucking great Well, yes, they're not there to be judged for a great teeth contest. Well, it's like what I say about proctologists It's not only just that you look at butts which is a bummer, but you also look at people who thought I need to go see the proctologists It's not like they're just looking at healthy butts all day and then you know one in ten has you know, that's a fissure I'm right one of these a do dad. You know, you're seeing people that have a broken rectum or anus or something That's you double whammy I would say the dentist is not that because people are supposed to be going to the dentist regularly They are but I would like to know how many people what percentage of the populations just there for their yearly checkup? And what percentage is like oh my god, my mouth hurts so bad.

I can't even think there's this weird smell in there I mean, just got to imagine it's not great one of my theories was that just that the workspace is too tiny correct Then secondly in general people hate what you're doing to them. That's true That's what they say here patient complaints from patients Yeah, but that to me complaints from patients felt a little misleading like like malpractice like complaints for errors But I think people just in general didn't want to go see you. Yeah anxiety about it They're mad to see you. Yeah, and then they hate what you're doing to their mouth the whole thing's bankless But to me this is dentist privilege cuz You can check your dental privilege But actually like dental hygienist are the ones doing all the work And it's always a woman And then the man Dennis comes in yeah for three seconds.

She's done all the work He says bite down and he takes all the credit and then he kills himself like he did something crazy Well, that's maybe a new element is that we didn't even think of is that he feels Rod joint because he's not even doing anything where what does want to say we're in dangerous territory because if we go to the Dennis and the dentist has heard this he's gonna fuck our mouths up and he's gonna poke well He's gonna do that scale not worry. I don't go to the dentist nor do I? No, do I Do you really not cuz I really don't okay? I used to go twice a year as you're supposed to go and then I moved out here and I didn't go right I'm like carried on just fine, right?

But for a few years. I would still go when I went home I would like when I went home. I would like make the appointment and go Yeah, I'm almost like you need to just get a dentist in LA. I was like fine And then I didn't so and that was a lost her yeah, you want well I think I told you know this story that Christian was really on me you got to get check if you got a check it Well, I'm like my teeth are great and I finally went it had been I think eight years since I've been prior and I promise I did not lead the witness.

I said to the doctor Dr. King mm-hmm. I said doc if you had to guess when my last checkup was when do you think it was and he said well? You know, yeah, my old tartar build up and he goes I don't think you were here with six months ago, but I also don't think it's been a year Wow And I was elated and I came home and bragging so much rubbed her nose in that sure There's another thing that's gonna really gross people out and lose me a lot of friends Hey, and you know this about me.

I don't floss I know that about you and I'll tell you why well in your rationale is all wrong. It is not all wrong I when I do floss. There's nothing there. I see other people floss and there's there's junk on it that they need to floss There's de Briss floss and Jetsam.

Oh, and I have very tight teeth. They're very snug It's like the bricks of Machu Picchu that they don't even understand how it's sticking together without mortar That's my teeth Monica. I can barely get a piece of flossing that and when I do there's nothing in there It's a waste of everyone's time the floss is time at least time my time. No, yes No, you're wrong.

It's not about get it is about getting stuff out. It's about gum help It's not about just getting the plaque out for your gum right but but it's for your periodonal health But but what's causing the the regression of the gums is a lot of bacteria build up gunk flossum Jetsam and de Briss And so I don't have that to cause the the gum issues. All right, okay I don't have ginger vitis all these things you want to accuse me of yet. Yeah, you know who loves dental health who my father?

Oh He's very into dental. She'll loves dental. He's very he's very disciplined Well, he would have got along great with my won't that's weird my father said at least twice a week be true to your teeth And they won't be false to you and you didn't listen. Well, no, he he had a veneers So he had no business saying that well, no, he's he is he doesn't have a business He's saying look at what happens if it's not an air tail It was never phrased that way.

I was more like if you want to set a shiny early whites like this be true to your teeth And they won't be false to you he mostly said it to children when we met children because it's gonna be a plan words. Yeah, it is So anyway Anyway, also, there's no evidence that there's a higher rate of drug addiction others not I looked at multiple things No, that would be hard to know because they would have to admit to that and I would imagine that puts their license and jeopardy So they're very incentivized to lie about that as our most people to be honest. Okay, super actors you said I was an alcoholic Speaking of addiction. I'm not we don't think you think I am no, I think you're right on the edge But you certainly like it more than most I don't think more than most do you yeah, I think we were looking at a bell curve You would be in like 70 percentile.

See I think this is a symptom of this thing what you do We're now you've you created a narrative about me where I like Moscow mules and I drink wine and I do all this up That's like fun for us to say and do but it's not like that true I'm basing this solely on what you've told me like you'll go. Oh, I drink five nights a week No, not you said that to me in the past and I thought oh, yeah, that's someone who likes drinking like let's just say maybe the Normal person might drink one of the nights on the weekend. I don't think that's true. You don't know I think I think your average person has wine at least three times a week really I think so I'm look again I'm all for I think what you're doing is fantastic.

I'm not accusing you of judging me I'm just telling you and I want you to even drink maybe a little more I think you can get away with a little bit more drink if you really thought I was an alcoholic you or On the edge. No, no, no, no, no, I don't think you're an alcoholic. I don't think you're on the edge I think you enjoy drinking above the mean average of people who enjoy. Yeah, I don't think so.

Okay, I think I'm probably dead average Okay, definitely not below average, right? I don't know. I mean it's hard to say like if I'm just comparing to my friends That's what my life that's hard to know. Yeah, it is It's how for years it didn't well, I've also been in different groups of friends like if I'm comparing to my friends from home And then my friends here.

I feel like it's all the same. Yeah, you know, I think because five nights a week is on the More enthusiastic end of the spectrum, but it's not see yes, you're right and that sounds like a lot But it's not like I'm drinking a lot every time It's like one glass of wine one night one night one night one glass the next night two glasses are not great Saturday five One or two glasses of wine. I don't really drink liquor anymore really unless I'm a bar, which is very rare, right? Whatever, I feel like you're not you're like tight-lipped over there really yeah, that's all in your head I I tell you everything I think within the bounds of law Why what do you want to tell me that's not something I want to kill you?

Oh, you know, like sometimes I want to you Wrote that in your journal that you want to get you at a nightmare But yeah, sometimes I think about killing you and then role-playing with your corpse Oh putting you in funny costumes tiny to a chair on railroad tracks, you know the general stuff normal stuff normal stuff. Yeah, normally Ideations something like that. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. You said that you watched a documentary about doctors in England Trying to get MDMA legalized because the rate of the emergency room admissions Were much less than alcohol and then I asked you what that documentary was and you didn't know no clue So I couldn't substantiate that no well, you just came to trust me on this one Oh, hard for me to do I know cuz I've been wrong several times and I'm so definitive You know I was listening to a bit of the cone in one and I'm so definitive about that canceling thing I even convinced myself that I canceled day of for a day. Oh, I know I know I know I know I knew it I knew it as soon as you said it Because I also knew for sure that he would not have said that if he didn't know for a fact Yeah, like you don't accuse someone of something like that unless you know for a fact hopefully yeah, okay, where he's spelling's house He said was the biggest house in LA maybe not anymore it the manor called the manor has a name Also known as spelling manor is a mansion located in the homebie Hills neighborhood of Los Angeles, California That's where the playboy mansion is by the way Oh homebie, you know, it's weird cuz it's home. I know but you kind of just swallow that Constructed in 1988 for television producer Aaron's spelling.

It's the largest home in Los Angeles County Oh in the whole county in steel. We have a square footage on that brick. Uh-huh I'm 56,500 square feet. Oh my goodness 123 rooms 14 bedrooms.

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness So even you know, it's funny as I said like where were the parents they might have been? Oh, they were definitely in another way. Yeah, you wouldn't even know 127 bedrooms Like you don't have to sneak out of your house to sneak down one of the hallways and goes down and you you desire that right?

Cuz we kind of talked about it before that sounds good you right? Um, no, that sounds crazy, okay, but but I it sounds crazy I I would never do that, but I I do kind of like the idea I'd like to go there. Well, listen, they had um, they had rooms for all these specific purposes That is a dream of mine. So they had a humidity controlled silver storage room a flower cutting room This is actually my dream multiple gift wrapping rooms.

Oh, yeah a barber shop. Oh my goodness in a room exclusively for Cause a room exclusively for candy-spellings doll collection. Oh, yeah, but you don't want to grow up So that candy was the mom. I know oh my gosh guys guys if your mom is a doll collection, just watch your back Anyway, isn't that cool though?

Like if my mother-in-law had a doll collection absolutely not I was sleeping the house with the girls That's really weird double standard, but for me, but the fact that she's a lady it doesn't gross me out as much I know that's bad. Yeah, it's like a guy with a dog collection Yeah, imagine a guy a guy with a doll collection Yeah, I don't like that a guy with a teddy bear collection. Yeah spending a lot of time in the room with teddy bears Yeah, it's a boy like putting in pattington bears rain slicker on him. Oh, yeah I don't want that person around your children.

I don't I don't but I do want a gift wrapping room That's a dream of mine. Yeah, it's called a fucking garage. No, no, no, no. I put a space heater in there and get to rapin Like a caveman.

How dare you No, your rap jobs are above the bar. Yeah, they're they're pretty exceptional my W. G. That would be more like I wouldn't even call if you had it I wouldn't even call it a gift wrapping room.

I call it your art studio because that's your art is your wrapping That's true. It is my art. I don't love that you do that because it actually makes the gift recipient feel guilty Like when I get one of your beautifully wrapped presents. I go I can't tear this open this she's been an hour on this Your issue not mine.

Okay, you're a she for feeling guilty when somebody else is getting joy And what about when I'm tearing it to smithereen. Yeah, it breaks my heart. I thought so I knew it did now It doesn't I love it. There's a store in Venice, California.

Okay called I forget what it's called go on It's on abbakini and it's a beautiful store. It has most incredible wrapping paper and like pens And oh, it's gorgeous in there. That's what I want in my house. Okay.

Okay was charo Brazilian Mm-hmm. And did she say hoo-choo-choo-choo? Mm-hmm. Okay, no she's from Spain.

Oh That's a bummer she's from cuz baby what she's saying is koo-choo-choo-choo Which is pussy pussy no, so okay, so people think it's sexual. It sounds actually it does what koo-choo-choo-choo came from is such a Just this is her talking charo. What koo-choo-choo she came from a such a disappointment for everybody when they know because everyone thinks that it's sex koo-choo Knife in Spanish that was the name of her dog. Okay.

Okay. He was a mix between a sta-nart and a pit bull. Okay, and She called him koo-choo-choo-choo. But you've heard women refer to their vaginas as their koo-choo-choo-choo.

Yeah, I think that maybe came from this Oh, okay. Wow. She started a movement. She's not a word.

I have to find out the first reported case of someone saying don't grab my koo-ch It's a little skeptical because I guess there was also like a pelvic thrust when she would say it. Oh, gosh course in reference to her dog Yeah, but she says okay. She says you have a problem in the back. It's like having a saying three blind man is like a cocktail he stab I'm not I'm calling bullshit.

Yeah, the dirty the dirty triangle or something devil's triangle The pelvic thing also had to do with the dog and that thing to pick enough of what she said she is full of Fair she's saying that when she would fucking jam her pelvis forward it was somehow a nod to her pit bull St. Bernard mix something about you go go she go she and pump her hips back and forth something about the dog wiggled or something And it wiggles in that way and so she had to do that so she's what she's saying is that her entire public persona is an imitation of her dog And you're saying you believe it you're on record. Yeah, you're famous. Listen, I don't buy it Okay, I don't know what I don't know what I think yet anymore anymore information.

Is she with us? No? Yeah, oh, oh, yes, I did a commercial years ago a burger King commercial Like when we auditioned we knew there was two commercials We were you know you get one or the other and they were very similar but they had different celebrities Mmm, and my commercials with Snoop Dogg. Oh, right and the other celebrity was charo.

Oh and you got Snoop Dogg. Yeah. Yeah, did he give you any rhythm? I don't think so.

No, I don't think so. No, you're not great at detecting when guys are giving you rhythm I don't think he was he was in and out quickly. Okay. He had a lot of his friends there He's so tall.

Yeah, he's very tall and and I found him charming. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a real swagger to go. Uh-huh.

Yeah Do you like how charming do you think like I'm kind of attracted to Snoop? Sure? Yeah, I don't know if I thought that far But I yeah, yeah, you had an availableness to you maybe Maybe we were in a working outfit. Oh, that's rough.

That's really rough. That is incredibly rough because it's really hard to flirt I wasn't flirting. No, I didn't know but don't you think a lot of it was impacted by the fact that you were wearing the I was wearing yeah, probably like a black polo and probably a bad hat. Yeah, yeah Yeah, name tag maybe I just you know when we talked about those times in your car where the right song comes on and you're in the right mood and you feel so sexy This is not this is the opposite of that.

Yeah, I mean tag ill-fitting pleated pants But you should feel good because you are in a convert you're doing a commercial, but yeah, no No, but you're in that outfit and you start feeling the way the outfit makes you that's kind of the magic of Hair makeup and wardrobe working from the outside in yeah, they teach you that acting school is a trick Oh, I wouldn't know. I have no education. That's it. That's all hoochie coochie.

And the koochie coochie. That's it though. All right. Well, I love you and thanks for that education on chorro