Angel-Ass Booty Holes, Piss Kinks, and The No Pussy Pledge

On today’s show:💋 Hand Pussy & “Podcasturbation” Guy ReturnsRichard is back with a fresh episode of his masturbation-only show, complete with “hand pussy” talk, baby voice humiliation, and a formal “No Pussy Pledge” for self-described beta male wankers. Tim reads the pledge, riffs on the mantras, and imagines Mr. Rogers calmly guiding you to your next sad ejaculation.🕌 Valentina Gomez vs. Everyone (Including Piers Morgan)Congressional hopeful / professional Islamophobe Valentina Gomez storms a “pedophile church,” calls for killing gays and tearing down mosques, then takes her hateful catchphrases (“don’t be weak and gay”) to Piers Morgan’s show. Tim breaks down her Texas campaign, her obsession with Muslims, and the moment Piers pretends he’ll never book her again (yeah, right).🤮 Drive-By Puking in the Club BathroomA TikTok bro camping in the restroom entrance gets exactly what you’d expect: a stranger’s full-force vomit blast down his back. Tim critiques bathroom doorway loitering, fuzzy TikTok mics, and the idea of starting a fight with the guy who’s actively mid-puke.🚒 Paramedic by Day, Piss Vandal by NightA Baltimore County firefighter/paramedic allegedly films himself masturbating and urinating on shared station gear, food, and iceboxes for paid adult sites. Tim goes through the tags (“co-worker,” “vandalism,” “marking”), the hazmat cleanup, union outrage, and his annoyance that officials are still protecting the mystery perv’s identity (and making it harder to find the videos).🇺🇸 Trump Revives the R-Word for Minnesota’s GovernorTim dives into Donald Trump’s Thanksgiving screed targeting Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz with an old-school slur, sparking “drive-by” hecklers yelling it outside the governor’s home. There’s talk of Somali refugees, fraud cases, Republicans reluctantly criticizing Trump, and Tim’s own long-running, deeply conflicted love of certain banned words.🍑 Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Booty Holes & Horror VocalsA genuinely catchy ode to booty holes (brown like Toblerone, pink like bubblegum, halo-having “angelic” asses) impresses Tim too much to fully mock.Then, a woman shrieks, creaks, and yelps over a bowed instrument while a live audience applauds. Tim dubs it “Tourette’s-core,” invokes Yoko Ono, and feeds the track into AI to see if the machine can make something even remotely listenable. It kinda does.📻 Sponsor DJ & the Golden Age of PodcastingListener DJ sponsors the show and asks Tim to reminisce about the early podcast days:Meeting PK & J in Columbus and guesting on their couples podcastHanging with Don & Drew, Madge Weinstein, and other indie weirdos at the first Podcast AwardsWinning multiple “Best Comedy Podcast” trophies and being exiled to the “Mature” categoryEarly cross-promo days with shows like Nobody Likes Onions and Red Bar, Flash-based web players, and DV on MySpace🔧 Voicemails: Kitchen Chaos & Freak MeetupsA listener with IKEA war-story experience begs Tim and Lord Douche not to DIY their new kitchen cabinets unless they’re ready for a months-long relationship-ending nightmare.Another caller floats the idea of a full-on DV Freak Fest at a hotel, Freaksgiving-style, with listeners flying in from around the country.Plus, a classic food-service revenge tip involving eye drops and weaponized diarrhea.🎄 Sideshow Deals & New DV MerchHoliday Sideshow sale:Monthly memberships: $6.99Yearly memberships: $66.99Lifetime membership: $350Thousands of past episodes, exclusive Sideshow shows, and a special Patreon voicemail line for $5+ pledges.New DV gear in the store, including Tainted Broth band merch (shirts, hoodies, drinkware) and new Distorted View phone cases for iPhone, Samsung, and Google devices.Support options: Sideshow at distortedview.com, Patreon at patreon.com/distortedview, and $25 episode sponsorships via PayPal ([email protected]).