Angela Oberer - It's a Good Idea - Big Cup, Little Cup

I am in the middle of a really nasty divorce. We have 2 young children, alimony, a house, two cars, and a beach property that we are fighting over. I am at my wits end and don’t know where to turn for help. I can’t even think straight. Mary, there are lots of places to go for help including friends and family, your pastor, support groups, and professional therapists – just use your common sense. When working through personal crisis - especially an emotionally charged predicament like a divorce, remember the theory of “big cup, little cup.” You can take a big cup and dump it into another big cup – no problem. By that I mean, you can share your anxieties and frustrations with someone who has been through similar experiences and has the emotional maturity to help you. Use your common sense, and resist the urge to dump your troubles on your kids (or a smaller cup) who don’t have the life skills to be able to process what you’re going through. It’s like the woman who was so excited about giving birth at home so her five year old child could watch – Big cup, little cup. Too much information too soon can be damaging. Giving birth is a beautiful and sacred experience but to a five year old, it would be horrifying and traumatic. Just don’t dump a big cup into a little cup. By the same token, if you’re going through a divorce, you wouldn’t go crying on the shoulder of a friend who has never been married. She might be a good listener, but without experience she probably wouldn’t know how to process a messy divorce. Big cup, little cup. And be careful of over dumping on another friend who is going through a divorce of her own. While she might be sympathetic – it might unravel a lot of the emotions she’s working through, and derail her progress - or she might derail yours. Rule of thumb when seeking answers, is to double your cup size. Go to a bigger vessel, someone who has the skills, the experience, the training, and the capacity to help you. Big Cup, Bigger Cup. Double your cup size – it’s a good idea. (From the Relationship Wellness Collection.)