Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Well, you spoke, I listened. And thank you all so much for your feedback.
A comment that many of you made is that you would like to hear more parent consultations. So I'm doing one for you today. It's with a parent who reached out to me in a message on Instagram. She said she's started my no bad kids course and has a question about her 1 year old who's already showing a lot of feelings about small things that she's trying to do with him, like pick him up or change his diaper.
And she's worried that this might be too early for him to be showing this kind of behavior and maybe she's doing something wrong. So I'm looking forward to talking with her here today. And she agreed to be reported. So thank you to this parent.
Thank you all again for your feedback. And here we are. Hi, welcome to Unruffled. Thank you for being here.
Thanks for having me. So you sent me a message and if it's okay, I'd like to read that and then hear any updates that you have since then because I know things change quickly with young children, even though this is only probably a couple of weeks ago. So here we go. My one year old son has been crying screaming whenever we interrupt or pick him up.
When he's doing something or wants to go somewhere he can't. Hard not to wonder if it feels early for this. He has fought diaper changes for months and does the same with the high chair and car seat. But in the last week, he loses it anytime he's picked up and moved to do something else or is told he can't go somewhere.
It's been getting worse since I left town for three nights and we weaned night feeds. Not sure if it's related. That was it. Anything you want to add?
I know, I remember. Actually, I started listening to your podcast and realized you did repeat the messages and I'm like, oh my gosh. I would have maybe tried to sound less stressed in the message because I was a little anxious sending that because we were in the thick of this all day screaming thing. But yeah, I think I'd add to that question just what's the best way to respond?
You know, in hindsight I was, you know, worrying about is it too early for this and all that. And I think there's no to anything. Right. I think it's just trying to accept our kids as they are and then figure out how to respond to them.
Exactly. But I can Tell you from my experience that definitely not too early for this. And it's actually great for you and for him that he's showing himself early, you know, so you can start to get the hang of who he is and how he reacts to things and what kind of voice he is in the world. Just in short, it seems like he's.
He's a strong, vibrant voice in this world. Indeed. And that's a really positive thing. That's only positive.
So I want to take that worry off your plate and I appreciate that. I think as a parent and first time parent, you tend to kind of go into the like, what does this mean? And did I do something wrong? And you can make it about you sometimes rather than just accepting your child as they are and not looking for like a fault or something wrong.
Or does this mean it's too early? You know, 100%. And that's so important for us to be able to calm ourselves enough to meet our child where they are and to see them. He's giving you a big glimpse into him now and he said he's done this for a while now.
How many months is he exactly? He's officially 13 months today. So. Yeah, he's taught the diaper changes and things since maybe like 10 months or so.
It's been a while, but it depends. We've found different ways to make them less painful for him because I understand. I'll put him up on the change table. I'm like, I get it.
I wouldn't want to be up here either. I wouldn't want to have my diaper changed either. Yeah. So being able to see from his point of view, also really important.
He sounds like a child who. What sometimes people confuse with high needs. Not always, but a lot of the times. Children that are very expressive like this, we worry that they're in terrible pain or they're really disruptive.
But what it sounds like he's doing, since it's coming up in all these different instances, is he just wants to share. He's very expressive. He's expressive. And so what that usually does is turns into a child who talks a lot, has a lot of words, is very articulate.
So it's interesting how we can see something that's so positive as a worry. We'll worry about everything with parents, especially first time parents. Absolutely. You're always like, am I doing a good job?
Am I doing it right? Like there's all this fear of I don't want to screw my kid, I don't want to do anything Wrong. And, you know, you try to find the million things, like, okay, I traveled, I left town. He hasn't been sleeping.
Is it that? And then I kind of just realized it's probably not helpful to do that. It's just let it go. Try to find ways to let him be himself.
And he is the most chatty. Like, he is the happiest, most social little dude. Like, if we bring him out and he sees a stranger just babbling and just full gibberish, just full conversations. So definitely he's very chatty, very expressive, super outgoing, super social, really happy guy.
So, yeah, you get fearful. Like, when he's screaming half the day, you're like, oh, I left out for three days. Is it that? Is it cutting my knife feeds?
Did we do that wrong? You know, you're always afraid you've done something wrong. And there's all these different opposing schools of thought, how to deal with sleep and eating and behavior and everything. And it kind of can make you feel a little nuts.
So, yeah, I've just been trying to let that go. And any kind of crying or screaming. As parents, we tend to see that as we're doing something wrong instead of, well, he really doesn't have words yet. And yes, he can babble and all that, which is.
Which are words. Those are words that he's communicating. But oftentimes he doesn't have the words to say with emphasis, hey, I didn't like that. Or, I don't want to do this, be in this car seat.
Why are you putting this thing on me? I don't want to be tied in. I want to move. And he just needs to be able to be emphatic.
But it can be seen as, oh, gosh, this is bad news, instead of, again, that this is good news. So that's why it's so important to try to work on right from the beginning that crying is just another form of communication. Sometimes it does indicate pain. But oftentimes, especially with a child with this kind of temperament, it just means he's a sharer.
He's telling you. So that's the way that we want to respond, receiving that message, so he doesn't have to keep telling us and telling us and telling us. And that can be hard to do. And that's why I want to hear more about how you're responding now, because maybe I can help you respond in a way that's even more encouraging to him, that he feels like he really shared it, that he got it off his chest, that you got it, you got Him.
You weren't trying to push back on it or say, oh, it's okay. And instead, you're really allowing. This is the challenging thing for all of us, allowing the full message that he's giving you so that he doesn't have to keep giving it. So that could be why there's a repetition.
Yes, the screaming, crying has mellowed out since I messaged you. When I messaged you, I, you know, followed a few different kind of behavioral specialists on Instagram, and there was one particularly that gave kind of the message of. And it didn't quite resonate with me. And I'm realizing, especially hearing your responses and going further into your no bad kids course, maybe that wasn't working, but basically, like, respond to favorable behavior and just ignore problem behavior or bad.
And I, you know, I'd messaged this other person on Instagram, and they were giving me all these tips about, like, giving them sort of an item to transition them all the time. I was like, why don't I have to, like, manipulate it or have, like, a bribe every time I got to take you to the car seat? That didn't feel right for me. And I was kind of doing that.
Like, if you would scream in the high chair, I'd kind of ignore it and not give it any. You know, like, I said, well, that's him trying to get attention. So, so ignore it and I'll stop doing it. But, like, that wasn't working.
And so what I started doing since even just hearing you say, like, it's a really positive thing, and I was like, yes, this is a good thing. He's got a voice. He'll. He'll be a strong person in the world.
I started being like, maybe. Maybe I just let him feel heard and validate what he's feeling. So what I've kind of been working on is I lay him down on the change table, let's say, and he's streaming and twisting. Sure, I can give him, like, an item to play with, but lately he's just been throwing it.
Like, he's like, mom, I know what you're doing. It's very smart. And so I've kind of just been, like, putting my hand on him and saying, hey, but I get it. It sucks to be up here.
I wouldn't want to be up here. And I kind of look at him and whatever emotion that he's portraying in his face, I try to, like, show empathy. And I noticed when I do that, he ends up chilling out and kind of relaxing. And then sometimes he'll kind of scream again.
And. But I've been trying to say, like, hey, I get it. If he's, like, at the park and I. And I take him from the blanket, I'm gonna try to ease the transition a little bit.
Instead of just picking him up in the middle of, you know, playing with a ball or bubbles or whatever on a blanket, I'll find a fun way to transition him. Maybe piggybacking him or something. He loves the car. But if he is protesting or screaming and letting me know he doesn't like it, like, I'm trying to just make him feel heard and have a conversation with him, and he'll kind of talk back in his own way.
And I've noticed things have gotten better. And it could be because of that, or it could be because I've been home for a few more days, you know, I don't know. But I've been trying to make him feel like we're in a dialogue and he's heard. Because I was like, I think that's probably what I would want if I was feeling feelings and having an opinion about something, not to just ignore it.
So I'm curious your thoughts on that. Because, like, my pediatrician was like, okay, There's a difference between validating emotions and saying, I hear you. You know, we have tantrums, let's say, which you'll kind of start to have more of. But then when it's like, problem behavior, you know, I hate that word because I don't think it's problem behavior.
I hate to speak again. And you're probably work would say him communicating something, but when it's like screaming or anything, kind of to try to get attention, it's like, ignore that. And I was kind of like, I don't think that's working. I guess, trying to find a balance.
I'm maybe curious what you think of making him feel heard and validated in those moments, but also not finding a way where he gets juice out of it and does it to get my attention or becomes a pattern or problematic going down the line. What would your thoughts be? Well, first of all, I love this direction that you've gone in. And I, in my view, you are definitely on your way there.
Um, I just want to encourage you to even embrace that more. So imagine that you're him and you're saying something, and I don't know what people are calling problem behavior. I guess screaming is a problem behavior. So the way somebody's expressing something is a problem behavior.
But imagine that you're doing this and you're getting a brick wall in this parent who you feel this is the most intimate relationship you have in your life. This person is a reflection of you in many ways, and they're just ignoring you. That. That is a way that gives it attention.
That's actually fueling their need to keep sharing. So that's why that doesn't work. Because to be ignored is like, okay, what do I have to do for you to see me and hear me? I gotta keep doing it.
I gotta do it stronger. So that's not what I recommend at all. The other thing of just trying to find tricks and things to kind of make it easier. I mean, maybe there's some children that.
That works with. I feel like it's an onus on the parent. That's totally unnecessary. That now we have to think of a fun way to get him in a transition or we have to do.
I mean, we have too much to do as a kid. Exhausting. Yeah. Like, I can't remember a snack to bribe you with every time you go into the high chair.
Like, right. What we need is something clear, something real, something authentic that's going to carry us through not just this time, but your whole life with this child. A way to hear him, to welcome him, to not encourage him to scream in your face, but to encourage him to share it. Because if he doesn't scream in your face, he's going to have to share it another way.
So encourage him to share that somehow with you. So let's say, let's take an example like the diaper change, right? This is a really common one for a child like this. He's not gonna let people mess with him.
That's a really good. That's a good quality. I mean, my kids are like that. It's turned out really well for them.
So, yeah, what you're doing. And I would even go further. So you're saying it looks like you don't wanna be here. You're turning.
Oh, you wanna. And there are actually ways you can work with him on that too, where you're open to, you know, let me try it with you on your tummy. But I need you to stay here. Okay.
I'm gonna have to hold you because now you're moving back. It's a dance. It's like you're working with him, so you've gotta hear his side of it for him to be able to feel heard and that you're in this together. It's not just you trying to do something to him.
And distract him so you can do it. It's. We gotta do this together, buddy. So you don't wanna do it this way.
I'll try it that way. But you know what? Now. Oops.
Now this is gonna make a mess. I gotta do it this way. I gotta hold you. Oh, you really hate when I hold you.
So inst hear you. You're right to feel this way. I would go even more with, yeah, you know, I do get it. Instead of just saying the words.
I don't know exactly how you're saying it now, but sometimes at first we'll just say, okay, I understand, or this isn't good or not. But to really meet somebody where they are and be like, yeah, you're really not liking this right now. I know, but we got to do it by really giving him permission to share that while you're still holding boundaries. You're trying to work with him, but he's got to work with you sometimes as well.
And you are the leader here. So it is up to you to kind of hold his boundaries. So when he doesn't want to get up, like when he's playing or something like that, and you have to pick him up. Yeah, you tell him, because that's polite, Right.
You know, I'm going to pick you up now, confidently knowing that he's probably going to yell at you for it. And that's okay. Like, the more honestly you welcome this, the less you're going to see of it. But he's really in a can you hear me?
Mode. And can you see me? And is it okay to feel the way I feel? All messages that we want to give him.
Right. So you're picking him up. You're already prepared. This is what I call the confident momentum.
That this is going to be a thing maybe for him. We want to get that into us so that we're not so tentative. Okay. Oh, here he goes.
But just like, you know what, buddy? I'm going to be the hero here. I got to pick you up. And then whatever he's saying, oh, no, you didn't want me to.
As you're moving, you're in motion. You're not letting it stop you, but you're fully able to accept that he's really, really bad at you right now, and he didn't want to stop that or whatever it was. You don't have to say a lot of words, but it's that attitude that, yeah, you get to blast me. You know, that's your job.
I want to know how you feel. About things actually, instead of like, I only want to hear good things, you know, this is a relationship for life. That where you want him to share all the times that he's got his feelings hurt, that he's angry about something, that he's mad at you. This is the gift that will only give him more confidence in life and more emotional intelligence and all the things that you want and keep you really, really, really close where he can always tell you those things.
You'll always be the one. That's the payoff we get for this. That's what I would hope for. Absolutely.
And it'll help you to get used to this dynamic with him, that when you set a boundary of some kind, whether that's now we have to go or there's some other thing you need to stop him from doing whatever now you know that you're dealing with somebody that's going to tell you how much they don't like it and that's a good thing and you can handle it. And the thing about ignoring too, just getting back to that, because that's common advice, is the part to ignore is the really irri aspect of the scream, if possible, or the wine, or the words that our child is saying to us. You know, try out different words they feel might push a button in us because they heard it somewhere. And then they find often that it didn't push a button in us.
And then they have to keep kind of going there to see are they going to get over this. So when that comes too, it's not about ignoring, turning away. I don't speak to you when you talk to me like that. What makes it go away?
What gives us what we want and gives us so many other gifts as well in this relationship that we want with our child is to ignore the hurtfulness of that, not give that power. This is a child. I'm a grown up. It's not about me.
It's not personal. I am bigger than this and I can handle this. Yeah. So let's just say with the scream, since you're getting that, it does help to kind of go like, wow, you're really mad about that.
Or sometimes children will just scream to kind of express themselves like they're not even upset about anything. And that happens a lot in the classes that I teach. Sometimes one will scream and then the parents are all reacting and they all want to scream. So I try to encourage the parents to just stay calm.
Let me, let me handle this. To kind of demonstrate and I'll say, wow, whoa. That's a lot. Okay, let's go out here.
Here you can scream. And I take them out to the deck where, you know, it's a little better than the scream out there. Maybe not for the neighbors, but it's very short lived when you lean into it and just like allow it, let it go boom. That's true.
You know, if you're stuck on an airplane with a crying child. Oh gosh, yeah, you're stuck in here. It's a different place. And it's noisy and it's hard to sleep.
It's amazing how fast. Well, you've seen this yourself now. It's amazing how fast they calm down instead of over trying to be like, shh, oh, it's okay. And we're dancing around trying to do all these things.
So it's worry about other people. Like I'm about to fly with him alone and I'm like, I'm scared of other people getting annoyed. And it's just like, you know what? I'm never gonna see him again.
Deal with it. I mean, I think it's good to care about other people, but you're caring about other people by helping your child. Say it. So it's done.
That's how you carry other people. Yeah, of course. Being respectful to other people but not trying to like change him because I'm worried they'll judge or change him in a way that doesn't actually work in the end. I mean, that's the experience I've had with children around me is when we're trying to appease and it goes on and on and on and on and on.
Because the child just wants to be able to say it to you and for you to get it. Nobody's saying the obvious thing of like, why would you want to be here in this strange place. Yes. In this weird tube.
In this weird tube where you can't run. What I'm saying is to help it stop for other people, lean into it and that makes it shorter. And then you have been sensitive to other people, but you haven't done it at the expense of your child and your dynamic. And it's not about right or wrong.
It's about what works and helps us and helps us for life and doesn't teach children things that we don't want to teach them, right? No, I want him to feel his fullest self. You know, sometimes when he screams, it's like pure joy. And even my parents said I used to scream a lot when I was a kid, just in that kind of way.
I don't want to have self doubt. I feel like, you know, I always have a lot of big feelings and I have, you know, some self doubts now. I think because maybe there was no knowledge on how to nurture that. Everyone probably tried their best.
But you know, I want people to nurture him and allow him to just be his full, expressive self and have no doubt or shame around his need to express his emotions or whatever he's feeling. Well, you're on that track. And you know, I would just say like people are thinking this is indulgent or something. If you're in a public place, there isn't an airplane because there's not a lot you can do there.
You do pick him up and carry him to the car or somewhere so that you're not disturbing people and so that he can feel like his privacy is respected too. You know, it's not just about the other people. I don't think my child should disturb other people. Like, and I feel like that is my job to try to deal with that as best I can.
You know, people show videos of their child falling apart and all that. And I don't agree with that. Would you want a video of you falling apart? I mean, not that it's shameful, but it's embarrassing.
And why should we expose our child to what all these people are thinking, you know, if we can help it, if there's something we can do about it and so would you, you know, as he gets older and it becomes potentially full blown tantrum on the floor of the grocery aisle. If they're seeing red and they can't necessarily have rational discussion because their emotions are hard to regulate. Like would you respond in the same way in a moment like that? And is me responding kind of in these ways now, you know, making him feel seen and heard, Will that be preventative to have the full blown crazy meltdowns or is that okay?
It's just a part of it. I'll accept that's gonna happen. Well, I don't think there's a way that you can prevent it from happening sometimes with someone like your child. Especially because he's a live wire in that way and he's intense, you know, it sounds like.
And it's going to happen. So I wouldn't consider that. But I would consider that you get to know him as you're already doing, knowing what is challenging for him and trying to avoid that as much as possible. So if it's a certain time of day, that's in the afternoon usually and you have to Take him somewhere.
Try to be prepared that you may need to leave pretty quickly, that it may not work out that time. You just want to be sensitive to how sensitive he is. So it's tiredness, it's hunger, too much stimulation, which most markets are, you know, supermarkets are very stimulating. So just being aware of that.
So you're setting yourself up for success as much as possible. So I'm not saying now to talk reason to him about any of this either. None of it is about reason. It's about a feeling which, you know, we all know our feelings are not that reasonable.
Sometimes we just feel them. Young children are even more that way. So it's never about reason. And that's why the words that we say when we're acknowledging and welcoming those feelings are not about words.
It's that we have this in our whole body that we really do accept, and we really are okay with him sharing that. And that's really all that matters. If we're saying nothing, we could still have that, you know, looking at him, just nodding our head, agreeing with his right to feel what he feels. But in the market, I would like.
I said try to catch as early as possible that he's going there, he's going off, so you can pick him up and just move him out somewhere where you don't have to deal with, you know, worrying about other people and being in public. But if for some reason you're caught up and you can't lift him for some reason or get him out of there, then, yeah, I would just let it pass. I mean, tantrums are actually a physiological experience that. You know, they've even had studies showing that if you try to talk to a child during a tantrum, it exacerbates the tantrum and it lasts longer, it intensifies it, because they really just need to dissolve and for us to just know it's going to end.
And at that point, there's more of a chance that we can be reasonable or at least just help our child, you know, go forward or whatever. But mostly they just do. Mostly children just come out of it and they're like, do, do, do, do. You know, oh, my gosh, I just went through a marathon.
But that's why normalizing it now for yourself with the screaming and the crying and the. The protesting, it's already comfortable, but you start to see it as less of a terrible negative thing. It's definitely not a sign you're doing anything wrong. It's him sharing it.
It's him releasing some of that intensity this guy has, and you're doing the best possible thing to let him share it. When you're saying talking to toddlers while they're tantruming doesn't quite help. So would you. Would you not even say anything at that point because you're saying sometimes, oh, you know, you're not happy because you couldn't have that candy or whatever.
Would you still verbalize things or just kind of show empathy and get them out of there and let them kind of settle? It depends how disruptive he is. If he's really just crying and crying, then sometimes it's just nodding and, you know, acknowledging is often more for us than it is for a child. Right.
It's to keep us in that accepting place. It's not about, oh, if I just say these words, he's going to stop. But that helps us stay in the attitude, you know what I mean? Got you.
And sometimes they can hear, but you're talking about a tantrum where they're really falling apart and they can't hear anything during that. That's different from complaining and screaming because you picked him up and you didn't want you to pick him up. Or you say, no, you can't go somewhere. It might turn into a tantrum at some point.
But in the beginning, he's just wanting to share something. And anything we do, that's not allowing them to, especially with a child like this. It just means it builds up and builds up. When he said the thing about you left town for three nights and you weaned night feeds, I was thinking there's going to be residual storytelling.
He needs to tell about that. The way children do that is it comes up in all these other things, like just some random thing, oh, I'm just picking him up, like, what's the big deal? Or I'm telling him he can't play anymore. We have to go.
What's the big deal? Well, the big deal is he's finding this outlet right there. Not consciously, but he's sharing when you left and you came back and you know all the changes that he's been going through, and now you're asking me to go through another change that's just as simple as you're not going to play here anym going to hear. It just taps into all those changes, all those transitions he's had to make with the meaning and everything.
So that's why transitions are ripe for children to have a hard time. And transitions are harder for them because their grip on reality and, like, where they are and all that is really important to them. Like, here I am, I'm doing this. I'm playing here.
Oh, I'm feeling on top of things. Oh, no, now I'm not on top anymore. I'm going somewhere. And that's why it's a good thing to get in the habit of saying, in a minute, we're going to do this.
Yeah. And then maybe he'll complain then. And scream then. And then you'll say, oh, you're saying, no, you don't want to, and this is what we're going to do.
You know, and then at that point, you might choose. If it seems like he's falling apart, you might choose to, like, you know, we're going to actually do it now and take him earlier because, you know, he's. He's obviously not enjoying what he's doing anymore anyway. Yeah.
And that'll be easier for you probably, to just move him at that point. So. He's really good at sharing. He is.
And, you know, he's like. He's very sensitive, but he's also, like, chill and goes with the flow all the time, too. So it's really just about, like, letting him be all the things, and he can have many different qualities and just making him feel heard. That's how it all works together.
Like a child that's so engaged with other people like you describe, and so mellow and so in tune with certain things. It's like they have the yin yang of that. They've got. He's a Gemini, too.
He's got peas just like his papa. All the extras. And you say that you can relate to his intensity with feelings and everything, so. So yeah, he's got whatever he's got from YouTube, but he's also his own person.
And he's got all the richness, all the colors of a human being. He just needs you both to keep him safe and keep him appropriate in terms of other people. And stop him early when he's getting into something you don't want to get into or doing something, give him the gift of stopping him early so that he doesn't have to get more and more invested in a struggle around it. Right.
You know, if you see him going towards something that you don't want him to go towards, you know, I'm going to actually stop you here. But, yeah, it's good if he has a safe place, what I call, yes, space, where he can not be stopped. We're still working on expanding his play zone because he's growing out of it. So we have to find a better way to make an extra large.
Yes. Space at the house. That's nice. They don't need a super large space.
But yeah, that's a great gift that you can give him and you. That he's safe and that you don't have to say, no, no, no, no, and that he doesn't have to have that. And then it's very clear for him. You know, children, they need clarity from us so they don't get stuck trying to figure out where the boundaries are.
And he's just coming into all this. He's coming in hot. Oh, yeah. He's got a lot to say and it's going to be so awesome just seeing how that plays out.
So awesome. He develops. One last quick thing I want to ask. When I do put him in the current play area, he often does cry.
And so sometimes I'll come into it with him just to, like, say, hey, I'm not dropping you here and dropping you like it's hot, you know, I abandon you, but I'll go in and play for a second. Sometimes, you know, he'll cry and eventually he'll settle into playing on his own, you know, so, like a little bit of separation stuff there. Is there, like an approach you recommend? The approach I recommend is that there's regularity to it.
So there's certain times of day that he knows it's not the time on the clock, but, oh, after breakfast is playtime. And I think I would always go in there with him at first and, you know, have times when you're sitting there with him when he's playing and then say, and now I'm going to go. I guess it's okay sometimes just to put him in. But kids don't really like feeling like we're dumping them somewhere, you know, and we're going.
So it's better to go in there with him and actually give him your attention for a few minutes before you leave. And then when we leave, it's the same thing. It can be very intimidating. Like all these feelings if we see them as a problem and negative.
And this is the main message I want to get across to. If we see it that way, which is a common way to see it, then you'll be skulking off like, oh, I feel terrible. And that'll be in your whole body language, which makes him less comfortable. But if you can see that as a strong statement he's making of this is my opinion.
You know, he's got opinions, he's got his own Feelings. It's great. It's good. I don't want you to leave.
Why would he want you to leave? He loves you. Why would he want you to separate from him? Children never want that.
Right. Right. So. Oh, you don't want me to go.
And not just you don't want me to go. I have to go. I hear you. Which is not really.
He's not gonna buy that, but I know. Ah. I left, and you didn't want me to leave yet. And I am coming back.
And then if he's crying, we're not gonna take a long time leaving. We're gonna come back. At least in the beginning when we're working on this. And he's in separation anxiety phase, so he's more sensitive to it.
So it does tend to be hard. But you'll come back to show him. Now I'm back, and you come in for a little bit longer, and then you leave again. And just for now, I would do that if he's having a hard time settling.
But really welcome him to tell you sometimes you'll just be on the other side of that gate so you're fully able to see him. And he's still doing the same thing. And that's where we can feel certain. Oh, he's telling me what he wants.
And it's not like he's abandoned and he's all alone and he's so lonely. All those places we go in our mind. Right. He's just saying, hey, I want you here with me and you left.
This is what I want. Right. And that's good for him to share what he wants. And it's also good for him to know, to learn bit by bit that the world doesn't always give him what he wants.
Sometimes the people he's in relationships with have their own wants and needs too. Well, thank you so much. This is great. And I really.
I just love how you actually got on the path totally by yourself. Well, with your help. I mean, listening to your course and little things combo. That and instinct.
Yeah. I mean, the beauty of this approach is that it's a foundation that you can stick with, that you're building for yourself as much as for your child. The way that I respond to emotions, the way that I let him share with me, the way I share the boundaries he needs me to share as a leader. It's very holistic in that it just keeps.
Keeps going, it keeps working, and we're just getting more and more practice. So it gets easier and easier. Absolutely. Well, exciting things.
Practice and see how things flourish because close relationship is the goal, right? Being a safe space and letting them just be their great little selves. Sounds like you have a delightful person there. He's awesome.
He's the best. He's out to him. We're so lucky. Well, keep enjoying him and let him show his dark side.
Yes. He can have it all. Absolutely. You're there for him.
And yes. It's just. What a blessing. Thank you so much.
Thank you. You can find out more about the course that she was mentioning at no Bad Kids course dot com. Thank you so much for listening. We can do.