Since he got out, bad things keep happening. Kate Fear, a new series, he's now streaming on Apple TV. Why when I want to hurt you? Why?
Starring Academy Award winner Javier Bardem. Why? And Academy Award nominee Inyanums. He is coming after my family.
Why? Why? Kate Fear, now streaming on Apple TV, subscription acquired for Apple TV. Do you keep hearing podcast ads?
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Get started at acast.com slash advertising. You should resolve to resolve something. Anything. Oh, what?
Oh my God. I resolved to pick up my guitar if I just dropped it. That scared me. Oh, Lordy.
I resolved to play the wrong note. I resolved to... I know this is running now. Ugh.
You're going to need that later on. You're going to need that to taste. The two are inextricably linked. Taste and smell.
What's happening? It's a new year. Today is the first day of the new year as far as I'm concerned. Okay.
As far as I'm concerned. I was born by you, you. I'm a little... Who was Christmas's?
Who was Christmas's? Who was? Okay, so, Fort Track Man made this episode yesterday. I cannot zouch for what's going to happen as this episode unfolds.
I'm a little apprehensive about it. Okay. I'm actually a little... I don't know exactly what's going to happen.
So, just be flexible. Be flexible. Okay. And be positive.
Okay. It is the first day of my new year. Okay. January 5th.
Okay. Yep. What does that mean to you? I don't know.
Well, it means that it is actually a time to start again. Start fresh. It feels like a new year. That's good.
I did not make any resolutions this year. Not yet. Not yet. I didn't do anywhere.
Yeah. You know, there's a lot of things that I'd like to do different in this year. Right. Oh, this is a little...
Everybody's scared. This is the last year of 2025. Everybody's happy. Everybody's scared.
This is the last year of 2025. Everybody's happy. This is the last year of 2025. This is the last year of 2025.
This is the last year of 2025. This is the last year of 2025. This is the last year of 2025. This is the last year of 2025.
Everybody's happy. Everybody's here. This is the last year of 2025. This is the last year of 2025.
This is the last year of 2025. This isn't what you just did. No. He recorded that on the last day of 2025 while we were packing to the leave to drive to the airport and come home.
He recorded that upstairs in like... You had a guitar? Oh, that's right, you had a guitar. Sorry.
I'm just trying to like... what? Where was I? I don't remember this at all.
That's a... Words by Izzy. She was singing this. She was singing it and I'm like, oh I gotta record this.
So yeah, we left like early afternoon on New Year's Eve day. New Year's Eve day. This is when we were packing. Was I there for this?
I just like blocking this out. I don't have any memory of this. It's not a big house at worst. I know, it's...
How did I not do this at this? I feel like I'm in some weird alternate reality right now. Yeah, and then we went home. And then we made it home just in enough time for Izzy to see the new year.
Yeah, we literally drove into the driveway at 11.30 p.m. Eastern time. Quickly dragged our suitcases out of the car, ran into the house. I...
No resolutions. No resolutions, eh? You might want to rethink that one, but oh. Like I said, I can't vouch for...
I don't know what's gonna happen. It resolved to resolve something. Anything. Anything.
Come on. Oh my gosh. We watched the ball drop is what I'm saying. Oh.
Oh. Bam. I'll just... I'll just...
I'm gonna call. Oh, come on. Do you wanna get that? No.
Absolutely not. And complete. And repeat. You fall off.
Like I am interested in a $70,000 loan. I'm interested in $70,000 loan. I'm interested in $70,000 loan price. Oh, we need a loan.
We need a loan. We need a loan. You fall off the cliff. You need a loan.
It's a crisis right? A crisis right. A crisis right reference. Oh.
Yeah. But anyway. Yeah. Yeah.
You can finish your sentence. Can I? Can I? Probably not.
Podcast is... Yeah. I think... What's happening now is that Fortrak Man is going to berate me for the rest of the episode about how little...
We've done the podcast for three years. And we... Right? Right.
It's not right, Pumpkin. We've done this podcast for three years and still there's no real like regular segments. The first episode was over three years ago. Oh my gosh.
Over three years ago. On the second episode, you had the dry erase board and you were meant to write all of your ideas down on it. It was the dawn of organizing your thoughts. The podcast itself.
It was almost... It could have been a self-help podcast. It could have been something that did improve your life and your organizational skills that you shared with other people. You're journey.
No. You've never used that dry erase board again. Well, that's not entirely true. Izzy did a great drawing of us on it that we took a picture of and made into t-shirts and stickers.
And we had a little list on there for a little bit. Yeah. But that went away. Consistency has been difficult for me.
And me too. Me too. I don't know if I've ever done any... Well, I have done things for three years.
But not regularly. You know? Like I do... I tour.
But then I go on the tour and then I come home. Yeah. And then I go to the studio and then you finish the record. And you don't go to the studio.
Like it's all different each time. I've never had... I mean, I did work normal jobs for a bit in the 1980s. But I would quit those jobs to go on tour.
So then I get a new job when I got home. So I have no... I don't have any experience of doing something regularly. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. And that applies to almost anything. Yeah. Yeah.
So a friend episode you did your first unsponsored local ad. Great idea. The CVS. The CVS.
Oh, great. That was good. Repeat that more than once a year. Good.
Yeah. But you rarely do them anymore. The unsponsored local ads. Oh boy.
I know I feel guilty about that because I have so many that I want to do. And it all kind of comes down to me. It comes down to me bringing it to life. Sorry.
I mean, you're the music man. Not your fault. And I... You've got ideas.
Great ideas. Thank you. And it's up to me to try to keep up with it. I think you're dumb.
I think you're dumb. All fifth episode you did your first toy commercial recreation also. On the fifth episode you did your first toy commercial recreation also. Hey, those are genius.
But you don't keep that up much. Oh my goodness. I'm feeling a little bit changed. But you don't keep that up.
Well, that's not entirely true. I came off life commercial but you did recently. The game of life. Yeah.
I did that one. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.
It's okay. Oh. Okay. Well, that's harsh.
I... I do those. Oh my gosh. What was that?
Did Pumpkin do? Pumpkin cat is in here and he's looking beautifully naughty. Oh, Pumpkin. You have a good formula.
Complete and repeat. No. Twop. Well, I mean, I would talk a little bit more about this.
I don't know if I'll have an opportunity. Am I going to interrupt it? I can't tell the screen is black now. So it's just like I'm in the dark.
Yup. D. Well, we did. Did you know the interviews are the life blood of any successful podcast?
I know they do seem to be the... Choose interview? Yeah. Maybe five people.
Three years. I'll be a warm-up. Three years. Five people.
Life blood. You don't have it. Come on. What are you afraid of?
Lose afraid of talking to people. Don't tell them that. Are you still there? Are you feeling less like...
Who cares? I'm building up this. I'm building up the mode. I'm afraid of interviews.
Oh, yeah. That's true. It's true. I don't really feel afraid of them.
You would be great. You'd be a great interviewer. Is there a name for this? Name for what?
Lack of focus. Rather the hyper focus. The temporary allegiance to something that quickly dissolves into indifference. Resistance.
Worse. Worse than indifference. It's resistance. Resistance to completion.
The complete and repeat. Don't thank you. Don't thank you. Don't thank you.
Don't thank you. You know I was... My arm. I'll be perfectly honest.
After doing some of those commercial recreations. I'm gonna be honest. Okay. I thought that they would go viral.
I thought that I would be celebrated in the streets. I literally thought that I would be lifted, hoisted onto people's shoulders. Incredible. Yeah.
Like carried through a parade style kind of like a crowd that's cheering. And yeah. Wow. Can this be reduced to an acronym?
I'm not trying them. Can it? I can't it just almost I'm feeling very nervous. I'm conscious and nervous.
I thought I would be written up in the Guardian. Oh my God, I would have been great. Lou Barlow's quirky podcast. Lou Barlow and his wife, of course, is incredibly charming wife.
Lou Barlow's wife named was an easy musician. Barlow and his inventive podcast with his wife, Adele. Charismatic wife. It's an adorable Midwestern accent.
A adorable Twin Cities accent. I really thought that the commercial recreations would take off. I did. Yeah.
I feel a little sheepish about that. I feel a little embarrassed. You know what? I like that honesty.
You're being raw. Let's just face it. Aww, you know, I know what you mean. I think that I have more of a fear of the viral thing.
I'm more of a... Slow and steady. Yeah, I am a bit of a tortoise. I'm definitely a slow learner.
But I do think that there have been moments where I think there are moments and things that should have been celebrated, if not in the millions in maybe even like 100,000. That would be incredible. I do. I think that 100,000 people should have known that you did some commercial recreation.
It is amazing. I think it's amazing. I'm your number one fan. We're each other's number one fans.
That's why we're here. I so Fortrach Man said a little something there. I don't know if anyone caught it. I guess I'm a year later now.
Boy, I'm feeling very nervous even talking about it. So nervous. I'm not sure why you feel so nervous about this. I'll be honest.
Really? Why? I don't know. I don't think it's embarrassing.
I don't think it's a shameful thing at all. I don't think it's like... I don't follow through with continuing to create a mess. I like that.
You follow through with continuing to create a mess. I like that. Well, there's a lot of shame associated with it for me. For you.
Yeah. So that's why. I mean, it's personal. Those are, I guess, those are things that people don't know.
They wouldn't know why they're ashamed of it. You know, so it's like... Some people are seem almost proud of their diagnosis. Do they?
Diagnosis. Mm. I don't know. There's a lot of them.
I don't know. I think people are in the last... I've sort of noticed in the last little chunk of my life here that people are pretty like, diagnosis. Like diagnosing themselves.
Mm. And then embracing. Yeah. It took to explain things and also to like, you know, to begin a journey of healing, they would say.
There's a lot of... You know, and I resist diagnosis. I feel like I don't want to diagnose myself with anything. I do not want to say...
So I guess maybe we're the same. I don't want to say that I have ADHD. Mm. Although I seem to like really represent it in almost every way.
But I always blame it on just being a stoner. It's a reusable, rambling mess. Yeah. I'm just a stoner.
A close, a lack of focus. Mm. Yeah. I thought to me, well that's because I have smelt.
I'm not making a resolution. I have... Okay. My resolution will not be to be bad at...
I will not resolve to eliminate THC for my life. However, you know, I am an astoner. I'm like, you know, knocking things out here and there. Mm.
And to moderate basically. Mm. And to find. But I haven't.
Since the big ADHD, since that concept has entered our life, it has kind of forced me where I have really sort of re-evaluated myself a bit and then like... But it's in... Yeah, so maybe I do understand why. Because there is a...
Yeah. Yeah, I mean... I wish I was... I wish I...
It is sort of... It does seem a little sad to me that I have had such a difficult time focusing on things and keeping consistent. And you know, I think that there is a part of me that really feels a bit, you know... Right.
Sure. I think. Yeah, so I have hesitated to talk about it on the podcast for a variety of reasons like explicitly say and it's been almost a year exactly for me that I realized I had ADHD and then I was diagnosed. This isn't a self-diagnosis.
I went through a whole process. And it's been a... It's been a while since... I remember all the ideas you had for podcast segments.
Hm, hm, hm. True. All of them. Pretty much one and done with no follow through.
Dear diary, that was a good one. I actually still want to revisit that one. And when you read old fan mail, that could be a regular segment. That's a great idea.
I'm going to sneeze. Oh no. When you played old answering machine messages from the 1990s, it was perfectly fine. Ooh, excuse me.
Perfectly good ideas. All one and done. No follow through. Five quick questions.
That was a good idea. Oh my god, thank you. It's only but for new. Only but for new.
Being afraid of the interview. Since he got out, bad news keep happening. Cape Fear, a new series. He's now streaming on Apple TV.
Why when I want to hurt you? Why, starring Academy Award winner Javier Bardem. Why, and Academy Award nominee Inny Adams. He's coming after my family.
Why, Cape Fear, now streaming on Apple TV. Subscription acquired for Apple TV. Do you keep hearing podcast ads? Like this one, for example.
But always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts.
Choose the shows that match your perfect audience. Set your budget and launch. And if you want to hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers.
Get started at acast.com slash advertising. Come on. Yeah. So I, uh, pumpkin is just hanging out with us and it's the past.
Oh, cute. Oh, just gracing us with his presence. Um, I love how he's just chilling in here. It's just, God damn.
Cats are so gorgeous, you guys. Oh, hi. Hi, hi, beautiful fucking creature. Um, it, it hasn't been like some, yay.
Some moment of pride for me or brag thing. I've gone through kind of like a long, long process of trying to like convince myself I didn't have it or prove that I didn't. And I, I felt very, the opposite of maybe what you're talking about. Like people being like, I've got this thing.
And, um, I felt, I felt like I didn't identify with it, to be perfectly honest. I was like, I had a very specific idea in my mind about what ADHD looked like that was implanted in me somehow, some way as a child. Um, and it was always a boy. And it was always like me observing a boy in class who couldn't sit still, who was maybe like interrupting and getting into trouble and was kind of like, you know, throwing their body around a lot, like didn't have good body awareness.
You know, just all sorts of things that I had this like really specific image and I, it's been hard for me to see things in myself that, you know, some are obvious and some are more hidden. And I think the big part of like the, the painful part of it is that I'm 48 years old and getting that diagnosis so late in life, um, is interesting and hard because I immediately think about the whole life leading up to it and, and seeing things that I did because I had ADHD not knowing it. And also the fact that I did so incredibly poorly like in elementary school and high school and I had no idea, I had no idea. And I really was kind of, it just was not, no one came for me to help me with that.
Do you know what I mean? And so there's a sorrow for that younger version of myself who maybe could have done better at certain things, um, if I had known and, um, and if I'd had like support systems in place specifically for having ADHD, you know, like, they have that back then? I mean, that was, that's the thing is I don't even know if we called it that then, you know, and, uh, yeah, we, I think that the diagnosis thing was not happening when we were kids. I just don't even remember that.
I mean, I'm sure it was, but I just, it wasn't a part of my work. Well, I didn't draw like certain personality types under a umbrella of a diagnosis, you know. When I was younger, I was very much early introduced to depression and, and people talking about depression and having that. Oh, yeah, Ritalin actually.
Ritalin was more for like, you're 10 years younger than me. So Ritalin was not a thing when I was a kid, but it was pretty quickly after that. I think it was around when I was little, but I, again, I don't know if they called him ADHD or ADD, they just, I don't know, you know, I don't know because I had no idea then. ADD.
But I, you know, when I met you, it's funny because one of the first things that you said to me was, do you realize that you are like clenching muscles all the time? Like you're always flexing and clenching and, and I think I don't remember, what did I say? Did I say like, yes or no? You didn't know.
I didn't know. Yeah. Because you are doing like a more internal, like I had a friend who rocked. Exactly.
He was sitting down and he's in a car, he's like bouncing back and forth. He's at lunch. He's like that he's doing that. I have someone who I'm not going to name their name, but that you have worked very closely with.
And, and they would have what I would consider to be kind of like a typical outward boy, like they're fidgeting, they're fucking with their hands a lot. You know what I mean? They can't like, and so it's like that, that, again, it was like, that's it. That's what that is to me, right?
And I didn't know that all of these things could be inside of you. Six. Or more quiet to the world. You can't do it.
So, six. Is that still from when we were packing? Yeah. It's the end of the packing song.
Packing song. In the last couple years of this big shift with my mom and her diagnosis of ALS, coinciding with Perry Menopause, apparently, it, things kind of became harder for me to be on top of. And things kind of became unraveled. And I had a harder time finishing things.
I had a harder time honestly making like simple decisions. And I, you know, would become paralyzed. Like I just couldn't, couldn't decide on things. And, and that paralyzed place would then make me immobile, you know?
And then I would think, oh, this is just the depression. It's just like, it's this whole thing, you know? That was a new thing for me because when we met, you were very reliable. And actually made decisions.
Made some big decisions. And you could, and I really, you know, our house was, our living spaces were quite clean, you know? Like you'd really organize them. And then, but yeah, in the last year or two.
And I've had times in my life of greater success with that, you know, than others too. So it's like, if that hasn't been consistent. Like, because, you know, when I met you, yeah, I was like a little more, I, I, I'm always, I've always been developing systems, right? My own systems.
And that's another. I love that. You were talking a lot about that. That was something where, because you were really using systems and you were using, you were using, not shortcuts, but like, almost like, like you were, you were using self-help in a good way.
You were using, you were using advice that you were getting. And I really, I took that, that changed the way that I, I was like, oh, I should really, there was things that, there's things that I need to change. And I, so I need, and you need some help, you know? I've been looking into that and it's led me down to one book to the other.
And Jerry picked these things along the way and gather all of these little things and kind of try to improve my life and improve the way that I, but man, it's hard. It's really like, I really, it's, you know, like coming to the end of this year and just feeling like, um, damn, I'm still just like, I feel like I'm just crawling up like a sand dune, you know? You know, it's like you're making it, you're making some progress, but it's sand. And you're clogging your way up this incline.
And, uh, you can easily slide down, you can kind of just hold yourself steady. I mean, keep going on, on about the sand metaphor, but, um. I think, yeah, I mean, it's been very eye-opening for me and through, through me going through it and finding a therapist that, you know, I am now seeing a person who actually specializes in ADHD. And, uh, you know, I mean, I'm lucky.
I'm, I mean, I, I chose to, to be a part of wanting to learn more about it, you know? And to me, I was like, I feel like every, I've, we've been through this and I always, I'm not proud of this, but I think when we do discuss ADHD, one of my first responses is everybody, that sounds like everybody I know. Mm-hmm. And it kind of, it's a lot of people that I know.
Could be. And I think, like being a musician. Mm-hmm. I do think a lot of creative people tend to be, you know, they're finding a field where they're kind of bob around and be able to do different things, you know, within one thing.
So it's like, you know, an album is just one part of being a musician, right? And, and you're not always working on one album. You, you finish one. You can complete it.
And then you do another one. And so there is a lot of change with your creative field. And I think that that is appealing for, and same with me with knitting. And I didn't even know that, that it was attached to my ADHD, my total.
I mean, I remember literally saying like, to myself, when I quit working, retail, that I needed to go somewhere, I mean, I was literally saying like, I need to go somewhere where I can do different things multiple times a year. And fashion, I like the fact that there's four seasons. And so it was like, I was literally saying it out loud, you know? But I didn't understand why I had that desire or why I had that need to be in that space, you know, in a place where there was change.
And I could like focus on something very strong for a short period of time and then move on, you know? But now I'm learning about it. Thank you very much for listening to the Raw Empressions podcast. And now you know, a Dell has been diagnosed with ADHD.
No, ADHD, HC. Already HD. Oh. Since he got out, bad news keep happening.
Cape Fear, a new series, he's now streaming on Apple TV. Live when I want to hurt you. Live starring Academy Award winner Javier Bardem. Live and Academy Award nominee Inyanis.
He's coming after my family. Live Fear, now streaming on Apple TV, subscription acquired for Apple TV. Do you keep peering podcast ads? Like this one, for example.
But always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast. And we give you the platform to do it all yourself.
Browse thousands of popular podcasts. Choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want to hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is Podcast Advertising Without Barriers.
Get started at acast.com slash advertising.