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Probably the worst. Too different type of find out. So bad. Too bad.
But it's over now. Am I ready? I'm ready to go. All this total even out there we get back I've got the heart and desire You're a boser of fire You're ready to take us to the top Welcome to the show Yeah, well, yeah, yeah Yes, I am aware of that Hey everybody, thank you so much for joining us here for another week's episode of the Jason Ellis Show This week we got a special treat for you Bonus!
Two episodes Enjoy this episode then Go to our Patreon where you can exclusively enjoy episode two of the week Our guest is comedian Handran C.B. talking about his brand new special Eleven years Don't go anywhere Enjoy this Like and subscribe Then when you're done Patreon.com.com. We got a whole other episode waiting And free for everyone to enjoy And after that Watch Handran special on YouTube Nothing's cool Yeah Really? Cause you're really cool No, no Oh yeah, I hate you I was hating you That's how cool you are I see you at the event of my many so much cool to me And I know that you're a podcaster And I'm like, are you hanging out with Pwn?
So I like Pwn, I mean I know I got Pwn friends but my Pwn friends don't even really like me I don't really have that many I feel like I'm like old man creepy guy at this point now Like people are like, man, easy on the old guy trying to hang out But you're one of them I don't think so I'm more of a comedian I believe No, I've seen So But yeah, you're really cool You're really good And you're pretty cool I think you're really cool I've known who you are for probably 50 That's because you're Canadian That's right Yeah, so it's not really your fault Viva la vam Oh yeah, when I ate a booger I had this nose Yeah, yeah Desperate times But that was, I was drinking and doing drugs back then So eating a booger was Like if you go to 8-ball in your pocket What's a booger? You know? That's true That was probably like sustenance You know, I think I'm the only person in the world who's never tried coke game Yeah Only one Wow, that's crazy I think everyone's done it Cause you're a bit Like a bit degenerate Like you like I've done everything else Right, you're very Like you're not important, right? No, I'm not important I wasn't blessed like you Jason Ellis But you get, dude But you get I mean, you know what, at this point it is true I get flat Security hits me out for it normally So I'm not ducking it anymore It's true I've just put a piece of metal in my foreskin Every time I get three gussons Beep beep Oh man, it's my huge Goddamn this anomaly A blessing and a curse That's what I say I actually put a cucumber I was wearing a speedo to a Halloween party And I put like a baby cucumber Just a like fake half-and-day caterer A gherkin?
Yeah, a gherkin Like a Persian? Yeah It was a Persian gherkin Yeah Wait, what's a Persian gherkin? And what's the difference between that one and a regular gherkin? They, it looks like a penis more Nah A gherkin's like the one that you'd stick a toothpick through and put on a tiny little finger sandwich A Persian is at least like Like 24 inches It'd be a respect to imagine that I had to pretend I had a 4 inch penis Wait, do you really have that small of a penis?
No, it's not that That's gonna say, that's gonna be a bummer Because you're like hanging out with all these adult entertainers Your girlfriend's hot as hell as well That'd be weird to not have like at least just a regular penis Personality guy Yeah, but you've got a regular penis I've got a regular penis The most regular You know, if you Google it by the whole Canadians, Canadians are bigger than Americans on average You know what? All my friends had not I believe it I mean, this was back when I had a show that you probably heard and think that I'm cool for that We did it on there where it was like Canadians have a roughly a little bit bigger penis than Americans I remember that I think my parents had me on a vacation in the US Oh, right See, I have a stock American I have an average American Right, and you're a Canadian It's very successful in America You live here, you have a green card, all that stuff I'm getting it in a month So you don't even have a green card? No, I'm on the other six month bullshit thing Oh, wow Extension as you apply for a thing Wow, my girl, I told my girl Do you feel nervous when you're going through customs and stuff? I want to kill myself, I forgot Right, because I remember those days where I was an athlete visa for being a pro skateboarder and it was still legal But because it was an athlete visa, customs all and I know because I'm young as well I dressed like a skateboarder and skateboarding back there and probably looked more like a drug dealer than a skateboarder So they would always harass me and say more than one time I'm going to let you in for this amount of time and I'm not going to say it, but there's a visa in my passport that says how long I'll be here You can't tell me that I can be here for two weeks With a work, I have a green card, a permanent work visa So that's like, don't you love those guys at the border They're just awesome Yeah, let me throw But last time I just left Canada, I went to Calgary and when I went through I still can't shake the nerves even though I'm completely legal, legitimate as hell But when I went through the customs thing and I'm like, oh the cop This is the bit where the American police officer goes So what does it that you do in my country?
And I'm like, oh dude, like, harsh It's mine too, like I got kids here And I've probably been here longer than you now because I'm old, I've been here for 30-40 years Yeah, I got some anchor babies, I have some respect Yeah, that was not what they were You know, people say they're racist at the border I think they're like, closest Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I was black He was doing it because I wasn't from here You dressed like a bomb Oh yeah, you're right I thought about wearing a suit I thought about wearing a suit but You're good, you're good It's just so uncomfortable in the plane You're like tattoo You might be a little too far gone for suits at this point Right, you're the rest You just got a promotion at the corner I'm a Russian moustache Like the guy, I'm a post-doc You're going through The guy asked me about podcasting and comedy and writing books and to the point where I was like, well, okay I'm gonna get on my plane And he's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, enjoy your day But it was like a long conversation That didn't involve anything about me being suspicious It was a long conversation about what a great life I must be living And boy, would I like to be what you're being And I was like, yeah, you should check it out Seems like you're pretty bolted in right now though, you know? You're safe and you're a little cubicle You know, you can sit but I'm just saying He liked me, we had a great interaction And then I left and I'm like, did I just have a stress-free, great conversation I mean, maybe it's the wrinkles You must have been dressed like a dad Or like a little class I still have a swim, I had skates There's a special place in hell for security at clubs I know your show is doing really well The pillow talk and you've probably got a lot of sponsors Right, a lot of reads Yeah You monetize your business, yeah? Yeah Has that... Has that...
It's going... You know what? It's going really well Oh man, that must feel good Because we don't make any money, we've been demonetized Because we're so offensive Oh, I make nothing on YouTube Right? YouTube hates me TikTok hates me, I get my counselor lead it every 10 minutes Yeah, I got...
I was getting my post now, it's gone Oh, I get to get a million likes Yeah, I get 3000, I'm like Wait, Seth Rogen is 3000 likes? What did I do? Yeah So, they released this and it's proven facts And I have someone on the inside that couch They have buttons as you would imagine to go We don't love him right now You're playing with your kids doing do it yourself legos Let's give them 10 billion views And they actually have these buttons And they... Sometimes they forget about you down there And that's a fact And they go, oh yeah, yeah, he's been nice They do that That's a fact, I TikTok So what should I do, Ryan?
You should harass them by email So there's like seven, eight help emails And be like, listen, I know we didn't get along earlier You know, crawling back to an x-type vibes Oh, maybe I don't like that Yeah, but for business, I'll do it No, you have to You have to And say, listen, I'm very sorry And is this content okay? And just Kiss up to them, they probably won't answer you But it'll get put on someone's desk And it'll go, he's been a sweet boy And they'll move your buttons Because I really have Yeah, like on TikTok, I know what's going on there Even though I do see videos of people being Like fully switched off with like bricks And people ganged, like jumping on a guy Stumping on his head And I'm like, wait, what was it that I did? I said the word CUM And now we're done for three months Obviously, I would even You know what I mean? I know why I'm The word CUM Because there's all these words that'll trigger them I had to say some other words we can't say Yeah I'm so glad you said that Because I was just about to say I heard that this other podcast got flagged for this word And this one I was really gonna do that Let's do a whole show on this It's great So we did yesterday I know Let's just Set it on fire It's not a podcast, it's just three dudes hanging out Under a lot of lights Oh, I was going on here I'll keep it But I make no money from monetization Because of that So sponsors, we love our sponsors Right That's what we're trying to get Yeah, you know how we know It's expensive to put on a podcast So for a year and a half I was just paying out of pocket That's okay That makes me feel better Because Tony and I have Only paid for the last two years Of podcasting Like you're paying for it for last two years It's expensive Yeah The most expensive thing ever Everyone wants one So they're like, oh, oh It's a little, I don't want to Do that But you know what I mean?
Tony's like, oh man It's like It's costing this money And I'm like, yeah, you've got my I'm like, man, it's costing me the same And I'm like I don't have much more time before I'm like You gotta call X game something I'm tapped They called me Yep I can't believe that So was a big fan of you from people of BAM and then started watching Hey, how's that be on the hit like? Tick-tongue No more than that, more than that Really? Yeah A few episodes Okay And that's where like, oh Jason, I was cool And then we started playing Tony Hawk And you were in one of the games American Wasteland Yeah, yeah, yeah So Wait, you had the hidden character Yeah, dude You know Here like three other players And then that's how we've know Jason Now that's like You've been all over the place I grew up a skater Yeah I still kind of dressed like a skater Yeah I was never very good, wasn't like you But skater kids look up to their skater Dude, I was your friend, I loved you And you're an idiot Yeah And you got all these opportunities That all of this would kill for And you're just gonna You know, me and Ate a burger And do a bunch of drugs You're so stupid, you know You should have been in that last talk Come over here and we'll go to the gym And actually, no, I forget about that That's bad idea Sorry, it's hard I can barely take care of myself Don't do it It's hard for me to understand like I've never had that level of addiction issues But I can remember times when I'm like Man, I don't totally remember Everything that happened at the end of the night Last night That's happened like a couple times this month Am I an alcoholic? Like once you've been on TMZ Like four times in a month For the most extreme behavior ever I feel like in a weird sort of way It should make it easier to at least accept That yes, this is most definitely When the comment section is you not an animist?
What about just when you see a video of you Like ballistic Yeah And then you're not intoxicated Hopefully just for a few seconds When you wake up Right And you see that video With a coherent brain or half-coating You go, whoa, whoa, dude I was flipping out right there That's not a good look But that's probably someone else's fault Right That's the only way you can jump to it And still reach for a beer You know, I look at my Instagram story Afternoon, I don't do this Oh my god, just from singing I mean, idiot, I'm never drinking again This guy's got bad stuff up there You're not a great singer like me You're the best singer, I didn't know I didn't know this I did a lot of stuff that I can do I can sing in the same key as Red Hot Chili Peppers Why would you? All of them sing, sing, sing, sing He can't sing But they can't sing They can sing Under the bridges is a very good song That is auto too I would love to hear your rendition Okay, ready? Yeah No, there's just one part that I can sound like a You're using his mind, it's better Okay That's what he used to do Standing in line to see the shorting night And there's a ride on That's Red Hot Chili Peppers No, it's like he's here It's only key I can sing You are in key-dest That scared me Thank you Thank you Thank you Don't ever do that again Ha ha ha Hey Pick another take next time Ryan Panell from the Pillotog Podcast Do you introduce your guests every time Because our listeners keep telling us We need to do it every time But we're like that Or just you can just read the title I do I do I go in Raw Dog I don't prep much Yeah, but I prep my intro That's what you do Yeah, I always try to give like a really I hype them up as after Jesus every episode Alright, this guy walks on water He doesn't have sex with porn stars But they have sex with each other on his show Yeah And he has tons of sponsors And everybody pays him Here's why I'm lucky Yeah I'll tell you why I'm the lucky guy You know what it is, I watch your show And it's because you love it Yeah And you're very excited about it when it starts And that's half the battle You know what I mean like If I'm like hey welcome to I could give a shit Then how do I- Why are you watching when I don't want to be here? Right I can tell you like Yeah Also though If I had your booking people And it was like So and so is coming in She's gonna get upside down And take her pants off I would also be a little bit Jumping into the show No I'm also lucky because that Porn Stars love podcasts Because they don't really get to talk much And get their story out So they love to do any podcast It's easy to book porn stars podcast Yeah I know People my fans are changing But for the SiriusXM people They hate that Thought the porn thing Yeah Like it got To the point where I also think that people get stuck in a little rut Of like Bitching about The same thing Without even really measuring it in any way Like it's like oh another porn star And I'm like Well No I mean like I'll be the first to admit When it's a bad one But like Arabell the other day I think it was a really good interview She's a very smart lady with a lot of cool stories I think she was one of the better interviews I've had regardless of what kind of Talent you have outside of the podcast And aren't they the nicest people in the world Yes the nicest You know but I've also had ones where it's like oh god You know me and I think Some of those ones The hard call listeners like Dude Enough of like somebody that comes in Talk about sucking dick Because some girls think that they want They think that we only want to hear the fantasy They're going to realize that my show is I want to hear the reality Yeah Like what is the real like I know it's bad but What's the story that like really freaked you out And what are the worst things you've ever done Because I feel like the people need to understand the streets Right Like you think you just like And action It's the time everybody I hook up with It's super sexy and it's always fun No they have that deal Yeah Like I'm still new and I don't get a lot of people to work with So I don't think I've ever had one where I'm like Oh god Absolutely not Because I kind of No they would all do if you'd be on them Then I'll do your show That's not sure Oh yeah the show maybe Yeah I'm trying to bang them on Oh you want to have sexual intercourse with them See that's the one thing Only fans Only fans make money They would do that then But that's my biggest pet people to what I do Is all my loser friends And I say loser friends Or I want to come to that I'll see if I can fuck her Oh yeah that's not gonna work Hey man Yeah What you think they just People I podcast their friends You mean they have That's what everyone thinks of them Yeah they said he's using that word again I'm so sorry You're only up to like 29 Sorry But people have this big month Because they're sex workers That they can just have sex with them And it's like hey No they actually want to have less sex with people Because they just had sex for work Exactly Yeah Like the slut in one where it's just a free one with no camera Like I can tell like if I have a lot of Like if I'm seeing somebody shooting And then I'm seeing somebody shooting When I get home Do I want to have sex?
Probably not If you build bridges all day You're gonna go home and build a bridge Right I don't know what your buddy does for a living But like if you work at an adult day You don't ask that guy to make you a burger No You ask him to have sex Quite a bit He's a him a burger Because he's been making everybody else burgers He wants the sex That's right That's right And he probably doesn't get much if he works in an adult I still feel a bit awkward about the DMs To some of the talent What is this? Just asking him like hey Like I just got tested and I'm like oh god Like it's like in uh In Fight Club where the lady that's got cancer And she's like I've got pornographic films and videos And start dating the smartphone Because nobody will have sex with her I think the success of why the show works Is I made a rule with myself Never hit on a guest Never try anything never even work They respect you more for that 100% Because they're predictable People have this idea So hard not to They're talking to somebody She's really hard She's like I like this position Dude say it and I'm like what? Say what? I take like a reverse thealis before every other time So I look around and I go She's a friend She's a friend She's a friend Is that ever failed?
Well here's the thing I have made the sweet love to pornstar Yes But never once on the show Not a show guest Exactly that's the rule What about after they were on the show And then you went to like an after party Never never What about comedians That are like what about like one of the hottest comedians No Incoming You never have a better If ever I've worked with them No flirting That's my rule Oh I've seen you flirt with her I flirt So you just lied right there Well I after were filming I do it on the show for fun I was like recently Where you were flirting with Who I think is the most attractive comedian To ever leave When you come? Yeah It looked like you could I was like He passed it Probably because you got hair You know I was adding you up I was like This is the son of a bitch You know what? I'm so glad She likes you That's very nice Her episode comes out Tuesday And I have to admit She's beautiful and successful She's funnier than all of us She's funny Well she's She's a person She's How was that a surprise? Because she's I know she was I know she was like You're big at both And all of us That's surprising That's actually the first hot comic And very connected Everyone loves her cool girl But I just She's right She's right She's right Written for like Everybody Like she's got so many jokes That she can fill Everybody else's material Well she's the funnier than us ever She's so funny And it's like We're bad at And she stopped That for kids I'm just saying that Because I don't think I'm ever gonna Do you know who she's dating now A super fan That's stopped her for three years So you're saying So you tell me I got a chance Damn it like that You just gave so many creeps out Yeah So if you have a dream girl Stop them Yeah Yeah Never done that Yeah It sounds No but it looks so fun Does it?
I think it's a great name On Netflix Where he stalks the girl And he's a creepy guy That looks like just like a fun pastime Break it down Yeah Kick your stock You know it's fun to be passionate about something Yeah okay So now you're obsessed with a girl who would never talk to you That's not fun I've done that It's so fun I'm currently doing it You know if you're not It looks like it could be a fun like month You know I mean you get a lot of exercise I guess Going around and trying to figure them out You're taking notes It just looks like a You know like a You're interrogating something Or investigating you know criminals But really it's a lovely life But it's beautiful For those who don't know what What is your story What is your creation myth How do you go from being in Toronto to being where you are? Oh I was a nightclub guy my whole life Wasn't a good skater like Jason Yeah Nightclub guys Yeah you get a lot of pussy Yeah Yeah I got more from that than anything From the Just promoting club Yeah You're a club promoter Well I owned clubs I had a festival Palooza Beerpunk Festival That was my main thing actually Oh dang Guinness World Record For what? Nah Nah Oh cuz you know what come on Yeah Hey The drop I do yeah that's right And yours is World's largest beer pong tournament Oh kind of the sort Yeah Hey they're both pointless Both formers still They took off all alcohol Oh what? They email me once a month Well mine's only Delete that Delete that It's not a record anymore And I'm like No I have a record Yeah Yeah I'm not Yeah they tell me my records That I record anymore I'd be like too bad Did you post it already?
Yeah Yeah You got the video Yeah Yeah I got it You probably got a scroll or something I want to delete all the press about I'm like I got to make the press No way Yeah So google it It's there I just went on And it's staying there Guinness Okay how big your lawyer budget is I'm not taking the dome I just wish mine was worth Like worth bragging about No you're Just to say you I want to like a cool thing to say to bar I guess it's like Because rubdearic has one for like doing a bunch of stuff that's really stupid on a scape that no one can be bothered doing Right And he broke a bunch of records And I'm like that's dumb But it was funny for the video But as a record It's dumb Like when someone's like I was in the Guinness Book of Records Like what for? It's like I walked on eggshells for three days It's like you're stupid Yeah and it keeps balls And they're not doing what they're doing Mine Mine's cool 4,000 people playing your opponent at the same time Mine was hard to do Like there was only like two people in the world at the time That could do it That's scary And one of them You could have died for sure, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah 100% I mean it'd be pretty odd But yeah No, if you like If I really messed it up And mist timed it Sure Yeah Hit your head From where you were in a helmet Of course Yeah, yeah for sure But on it's Or fake But it was a really bad setup Like they had a stunt coordinator Who didn't understand anything about skateboarding or stunts As I was concerned What did you do at 4? What show was it?
Stunt junkies Okay, they put it on stunt junkies And then the Guinness Book of Records Was tied in with it somehow And the only reason I got it Is because they weren't going to pay Danny enough And then Danny was like I'm not doing that for 10 grand You're out of your mind And then they said You know anybody that would And he was like yeah And Danny called me and said Hey man, do you want to jump off Something and break my record For 10 grand? I was like Oh, they paid you Yeah Because you know what's a corporation Guinness World Records? You have to pay them to break a record That's how it works Oh, I got paid 10 grand to do it So you have to If you want to cite You have to like Submit to want to do a record And then you have to pay them To send that email I think it's 300 bucks Oh, okay And then for them to look at it You have to pay the money And then they say Okay, let's do this You have to fly someone down from Guinness You have to pay this pay that pay for your bike Yeah, it did came in business It did came and did the pencil thing Under my wheels to make sure There was no strings attached And I remember when they Were watching in a bar And some of my skateboard friends Were like he did not Just do that He ran a pencil underneath a wheel To make sure to show that There was no strings attached to it I'm like what was that? How would Yeah, I don't know what But it was just like The pencil test of my skateboard Was the funniest They must be big skate He got flown in And like hit my skateboard With a pencil It was a bit It was a sweet gig But yeah, that was a good time But it was also difficult I didn't realize And they were just doing it again For the show And when I found that out I was like Oh man, because I broke Danny's record And it made it way harder It was like 10 foot So I made it to like 16 And 16 foot above a 24-hour ramp It was sketchy That's scary That's And it was unnecessary Yeah, and I knew Danny was going to break it No matter what, but Sweet, tanger Oh yeah, so I did the clubs and events And festivals Yeah In Canada forever Then COVID happened So I was actually on MTV Canada Way back in day for six months They did cuts that were making money They booted me I did a YouTube I did one YouTube video Interview my grandfather felt sex Called sex in the 50s And now my only good video YouTube's tough And then what insights did you Bleen from talking about fucking He didn't need to ask, right?
No, but I went crazy And this was, you know, 10 years ago Yeah He's successful and he says the F-word I know I don't know why I'm even self-sensory Hey, YouTube will never give us money And that's how it's going to be Yeah, Ryan Sickler was on the other day And he was like You and Joey Diaz are so bad That it gets flagged before When it goes into the lobby That's what it is Yeah, they have meetings and stuff They're like, do we like him? And there's a picture of you on the board They go, no I'm just trying to get everybody to I'm on that board too And I don't know why you're flagging me Right I'm not a negative guy, I'm like, we gotta get See me flag me I'll take the flags Well, you're bad Oh, I'm bad What's your message that's negative? No, no, I just mean for YouTube It's just What are you doing YouTube that's bad though? You know, we'll talk about how like a girl's been got triple anal Oh, yeah, is that bad?
I guess for kids Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, good Why are they watching you? They shouldn't be watching you I know, no, they don't Well, it's just that there's no electric fence around stuff I deleted my kid's YouTube app again today But he'll get it back in a few days And it's just like It's amazing how few skips and jumps it takes to get from like watching lego videos of clone troopers to all of a sudden watching you talking about triple anal And if you realize that that's the company's bread and butter A lot of the things that they do make a lot of sense Man, I haven't even done double Triple seems crazy I gotta try that Yeah, triple Because it's a lot of, you know, coordinating It's logistics You gotta really be in sync, you know? At the same motion You almost need a guy like on a dragon boat One guy has to stay still That's always the case Even for a double One guy just stays still Yeah, well the other one works something Triple anal Triple seems like I don't know who it's had a four It's one of the guys or her Early her You sure? You know what the guys That's what I'm saying man Like to get on an angle where you're And you're like that kind of friction It could be harsh The booty hole stretches significantly more than a vagina Yeah, I know I kicked somebody in the other day What do we mean?
I've footed somebody Am I whole foot went in there? You weren't like, no my heel Paracross You didn't get it in up to the Dude, I don't know I have a size of 11 If my foot is in you, how does it come out? I don't know Nah, you get toot No, you can't say so you put most of your Foot inside someone's rectum Sure, the whole thing now that's ridiculous Was it sexy or for fun? I mean for me it was fun Because I was like wait what?
It was like in an intimate moment or was it like No, I think you want to come over and kick me Oh, it was like the reason you went? Yeah Oh, it's for only fans Nah, but I ended up making an only fans video So that's on the web? Yeah, it'll be out when this comes out for sure I'm gonna buy it Yeah But I just might No, I think I'm gonna dig in it too But whatever, it's still It's amazing So you show the packer I'm getting, I get I get like, I do everything on there So you're a porn star Like just not a successful one Enough to pay some rent You know, that's why I'm trying to hustle I'm gonna, I got a nominated for an award At the old porn awards It's like No way So I was like Good for you I'm gonna go That's good for you You're a porn star Because I'm like, I don't have that much longer to go I'm doing this, you know So I'm like I'm trying to be a comedian And you know, that ain't about to make any money anytime soon Oh, being funny is the hardest way to get paid You know? But that's all I'm having a penis Easy with it And I got dick tricks And I mean I'm not that good at skateboarding anymore But I still have those too The only fans just that money is the best money in the world And so I think It's insane You know, if I could double what I do now I could, I really wouldn't I had to kill anybody thinks I'm like, I'm sorry But that's like, I might get a vacation Yeah You know, I had a vacation in like five years No, just to go somewhere And like, had you for them?
I'm like Show my body Let me show you someone We can't say her name She won't let me But you won't believe this This girl makes 1.6 million a month Was she on your show recently? Yes But let's not say who? Okay, because I already know who it is Yes Yes, yes, yes 1.6 million a month Yeah, that's what I mean That happens Isn't that crazy? This show becomes Michael If I make $1 million a month You could do it at the playboy Like, this show is going Or you'd probably be Give me the Game Boy Mansion Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't get it Dude I don't get it What do you mean?
I'm gay Oh, I thought you meant It's like owned by a bunch of gays now But I know, I meant you would buy it Every branded No, I know that you came up by in 2016 Yeah Oh, you did you Google that? Did you Google that? Yeah, he's 2016 That one was a Google The rest of my stuff was I'm surprised you know Because I didn't know that That's when I came in Yeah Was it, I was right around when Todd met you We talked about it today actually Oh, okay Yeah Oh, yeah Oh, he was going to the building Yeah, the building Oh, okay Yeah, and he said I was wet Then right around the time he came out And he was so cool about it Oh, yeah That was some Tidy Tiggles Yeah, that Tidy Tiggles That sounded like a pretty sweet diddle This I mean, I thought I thought Brum Tickle was the man But I think Tidy Tickle was my dad doing So, yes, I did that YouTube video, it went crazy My grandfather saying how he was having sex with my grandmother How was he doing it? So he said, you know, we didn't do orgies back then, but I love the bush And I'd before eat her out I would spend time just eating the hairs out of her pubes, that's what we did back then What?
And he'd go, there was this Wait, he would bite pubes out? Yeah, it was different types No He said there was like a mallet You're saying no, Michael is in, that's not true Or I'm saying I believe that your grandfather said that Yeah And I'm even willing to believe maybe he did that They weren't trimming back then No, I know, but I still don't think It was sexy to have a bush No, I understand that Yeah, I feel like you're failing to man You're failing to understand the bit that we think is not real That's the eating of pubes Off some out of somebody's vagina Life or otherwise I don't know if you swallowed the pubes I'm not talking about that I'm talking about just plucking someone's vag in the middle of sex I don't think 50s, 60s, 80s, 90s, no one was doing that I don't think in the 20s, 70s people are going to be doing Yeah, I think we're trying to say a granddad I might squeak and hold Was he in an old folk's home when you did the video? Did he go into one shortly thereafter? Yes Is he a gummy shock?
You know, you told me there was this mountain They would go to man They would all have sex around each other but never trade wives Was it Harry Bushman? Yeah, Harry Bushman And he would go out there and pluck him So that video when COVID happened club stuff was done And I was completely poor I thought podcast made money As you know, it's the most expensive thing in the world So I was like, okay, I'm gonna start a sex podcast Like I interviewed my grandfather With some cool people I know And then it just kind of went into Only Fans Girls And then me and my COVID did it, Legend So we started with like one of the biggest ones ever Then it just kind of became porn podcasts And I was just kind of became the porn guy But it was all by accident You've been on porn sets recently for charity? What? No, not for charity Oh man Charity was the beer pong No, okay, yeah I got it as bang for BTS Which demean is behind the scenes Which is...
Okay, I thought it was time I came up here Okay, no So I got invited with bang.com The best porn company in the world Sounds like a good company They're great And I went to do comedy behind the scenes content So I went on 10 porn sets Oh Yeah, you just got to interview everybody in and in between Yeah, before That's during And then I was miked up and I would go like to help direct And it was... That was the coolest thing ever You got to interview people during During and then after with the come shot on their face I would get in there like Joe Rogan would be like So tell me about that come shot Yeah, yes It was the coolest thing ever done Where does that air? Where do you get to go? That's all on bang.com Oh, okay And it's the weirdest coolest thing ever And how many of those did you do?
I did 10 And now we're talking to do it more because it was just awesome Yeah, fun doing it Loved it Did you get to pick the 10 or was it a variety of 10? No, but they were nice They did all the little bit Everything, they did cool names Yeah, yeah And the first time I didn't know to You know porn sets crazy For like a normal Canadian boy You know, you've never been No, okay I didn't know anything about it Even before doing stuff You've been on some sets Yeah, one time I got to be the microphone guy Remember I told you Holding the big boom mic And there was a lesbian scene And one of the girls had Hair extensions on over John hair Well, that's something You got to find one a lot of that I couldn't understand what was happening I thought that it was actually her hair For John hair grow like a head of hair Because it was like that long Wait, it went up the hallway She would like rub it And like pull it so it would like stick up like a mohawk Oh, I didn't know it went that long Well, I think it was extensions Oh, it was no way it was real There was no way it was real It was this long at one point I was looking at it Trying to understand how it's real And then someone's like And I'm like what? I'm dropping the boom into the scene Because my face is I'm like wait And then I saw the connection of the real hair to the fake hair And that's when I was like, okay Okay, so it's extension Yeah, because does pubic hair just keep growing? No It stops But why would it stop?
Because how does the Because your chest hair stops Because your arm hair keep growing See? But why how does the skin know where How long it is? I'm not even talking Here's what I think Here's what I think And this is I've Someone's argued already It's really educated It was like no, that's not true You're stupid But here check it out I believe Depending on where you live And what kind of skin you have Your body will push out hair For me 100% My hair is longer My body hair is longer Because my hair is see through And it doesn't block the sun So my body's like We need to juice you out Make your hair longer to reflect So your skin doesn't burn And you get skin cancer That's why Brown people have long hair That's why a lot of brown people aren't hairy Because they don't need to be Because they've got the pigmentation To fight the sun That's why pasty people Like Russian dudes They have hairy backs You know what they have hairy backs? They need it Because they can otherwise yeah Because if they're out in the wilderness They can probably grow winter coats I believe that That's why when you have the bull spot In the back of your head Yeah, what is that?
God hates you and he wants you to die Because the sun is going to burn your brain You're going to die soon But if you go bald in the front That's because you were born to fight How bald are you? Pretty bald at this point Like what's the bald level? I think that I was You said it was just thin here in the front And I couldn't I was like I will never be seen With any kind of That's what you need That's what people should So I just picked it straight away But since I started doing testosterone replacement I've grown it out a couple times And it is pretty bold You've seen the guys tap to win fake hair On the head Yeah I mean this is what I did But it's like I didn't make it No that's cool I know but it was still like the The purpose of it was And you did that I'm like having a whole skin head It was like I got to room for another face on my head You probably noticed there are strange tall boys of beer In the bottled water section Of your local stores Well it's not beer It's actually a healthy beverage brand called liquid death They've got Mountain water They got sparkling water They got flavored sparkling water And they have delicious iced teas as well Why are they called liquid death? Well because they're tall boys Will brutally murder your thirst And they're identically Sorry they're Infinitely Infinitely recyclable cans Are helping to bring Death to plastic bottles You may not realize this If you don't recycle Then your stuff's not getting recycled If you do recycle There's a pretty good chance Your plastic bottles still aren't getting recycled Sadly lots of places Just throw all the plastic recycling in a landfill Because it's not profitable For them to recycle it This is infinitely recyclable And when you buy this Liquid death Makes a payment To help get some of the plastic Off the mean streets And into recycling plants as well Boy are you enjoying that drink Jason Murdered It really looks like beer You can mess with people who don't know It's water Give it to your kids Drink while pregnant Drink at 9am while jogging Can I say something real talk about liquid death?
I was thinking about something Jason You are the reason why they now sell liquid death At the world famous rainbow Bar and Grill on Sunset Strip Right? Hear me out folks I was in the bar at the rainbow the other day Lemmy of Motorhead went there Everybody knows this For years Every single day he was not on tour Lemmy RIP No longer with us Refused to drink anything that wasn't Jack Daniels There's a story out there I believe it's true Towards the end of his life Doctors begged him to add ice cubes To his Jack Daniels So he would get some water I can't prove it But I have a feeling If they had liquid death At the rainbow When Lemmy was still alive He probably would have drank this water Are you saying we killed Lemmy? I'm saying Lemmy would still be alive If only liquid death Had arrived in time Great story that is Michael to refresh your pellets Don't be like Lemmy Drink liquid death You can get it all over the place at that Amazon you can get it on You can order it Mm-hmm And any retailer near you Listeners get 20% off With their first order Death Death The dogs are excited about it Death Death Sorry Liquid Death Liquid Death apparel Purchase available exclusively at liquiddeath.com Slash Alice Exclusive Ex- Wow Exclusions may apply That's liquiddeath.com slash Alice Everybody listens to the show liquiddeath.com slash Alice Go there Get cool drinks Hydrate yourself and help the show All that the craziest one that you got of your whole body was the heart on your face Was that the most nerve-wracking? No No, I don't know that word about my face Actually I took photos the other day with some really good photographer And I looked hot So I don't think I'm as ugly as I thought I was like a week ago Good Yeah, I feel like I might be a From my age I think I might be like kind of handsome You're a good looking I think it's Guapo You're a stud Spanish Yeah 50 50 learned that the other day What?
51 Yeah Not that great right now No you have a cool life Because now it's cool to be yourself in this and that but before No one was really themselves You had to do like the normal by the book stuff But you always You and your crew always have whatever that you want And that's cool Yeah That's really cool Yeah, well I don't want to die not being me Yeah And back then You know 90s No one was really Saying at this and tattoos and pranking You know You guys are legends for that I'm just gonna say thank you Ryan Yeah and it inspired me Because it grew up Growing up a skater Skaters never gave a hell Yeah That flowed really well Yeah Didn't seem like Like you say that all the time That's how I got my attitude of just be yourself who cares Right From skaters So End of night life Yeah End of night So go ahead Michael Is there a particular reason you never tried cocaine You seem like a natural person to at least Yeah everyone thinks I'm on cocaine Yeah You know Like Whitney Cummings Yeah Exactly She's not She's not Either Exactly Yeah Exactly And you know like doing the clubs my whole life I'm out all the time And people on coke suck How did you stay How did you not get tired? Yeah I don't get From people I get I'm like a super extra If I'm around people I can not sleep for three days If I'm alone I'm exhausted Yeah So if I'm at a club with people I'm wide awake I'm always the last one to leave the after party Don't do any drops No Brad Bull Nothing Just talking Yeah I get energy I feel like that could be The reason that you were so successful Cause to be a promoter You're out there You're late Then you get a little messy You're not thinking of sharply And if you're completely sober But you're full of beans Making it through the whole night Interacting with everybody Then you're running a tight ship And you're doing all the things That all these pottied out people You think of the only people that are doing it Cause how could you be motivated for in the morning To like be like Yeah man totally But for network Or something like that But if you could do that without drugs That's a rare breed I used to be like an alcoholic though For sure Oh okay Yeah I was a drink I have a girlfriend I have a girlfriend like four or five years Cause that because you could always sleep with like a lot of really pretty people And it was like Why would I sleep with one pretty person? When I could sleep with like a lot of pretty people Yes Right Cause that's not a bad person Particularly in a certain age No to be honest I feel like when I'm in a relationship I stop chasing the dream And I just kind of Look at my friends They're just kind of plateau For their best year Right before they go You know And I just have girlfriends And I work hard And when I'm in a relationship I don't You know I'm on a couch watching my show With my mom Finn Rubbing her back What a guy that me That's for sure But when you're single you're grinding Cause all you have is your insecurity of who you are So you're working out You're trying to build businesses You're trying to So I was scared of that To be honest But now you've got to go for it That you still stay on the grind Yeah cause she's so much better and hotter And cooler and richer and greater than me She's richer than you Yeah She's just what's that like She's just better at like By you like expensive things I think now I might have passed her But you know that's the grind I gotta keep this growth Rich Man that's so hard It's probably a cool stuff huh Not really You ever like just throw that Like just throw that Like just throw that Give us money at each other No no no no I'm not rich I'm not rich at all Ship right I'm happy In LA that's rich It's starting to She has like I drive an Audi Q5 She drives a G wagon You know So Q5's a nice car No it's a soccer monkey I got it cause I thought it was cool A German car cool And everyone just made fun of me So yeah Like oh It's not cool Apparently not I thought it was Somebody tried to make fun of my car the other day On social media Like he's like He got a BMW Ha ha ha That's like It's a M3 No that's a nice gift That's a nice gift You're my bitch Everyone is like that Can't beat me Yeah I was like school Lambo's Yeah Can't see that's cool I got to upgrade Let's go get on the freeway But because I'm chasing my girlfriend who saw it at my league I'm actually working harder than when I was single So you're insecure too Cause you're not out of your league I saw you guys It was even savings If I don't want to bum her Thank you You look like harder than not Don't be weird As my sexual man Yeah I know As half a gay You look harder than she did I appreciate that But you're my friend So I don't look at it Don't get weird It's okay You know what? Subture only fenced it's lovely Yeah okay I would Yeah At Baby Brie You know I guess She's you know I get all of them Yeah She just started it three weeks ago Oh wow Wow I can barely set for her to all of a sudden Is she doing like sexual things on there?
So it's as sexual as you can get Without no naps no plus Oh Yeah But because she's super hot You make money doing that Right And I gotta show you the whole Like someone just messes sure Someone messes sure yesterday I need like a dick Like with a camera on the end of it Yeah you were hard for the money Thank you Michael I'm a hustler She's like look my first custom request Someone said Can I give you $500 to shame my tiny cock Yeah man Nobody's What is that? That's a really good deal That's Everybody wants to be to shame their penis for $500 What is that? Wolf mate, oh no they fancy How do they get off on getting shamed? I would want to pay No no no no no Those people It's weird I would want someone to say It's not gonna happen Those people on your podcast Girls tell me all the time They're one of the biggest or anything In small diction Yeah I think those guys that paid for her F***er weird Would you have a guy on there That is a professional shame Shamey Shamey I would love to Cause I found them to be I had a dumb matrix Yeah well kind of I'd have a dumb matrix friend She moved but I would see her every now and then And she would be with me and Touching my penis and all that stuff But then she would talk about these other people Other clients Like successful businessmen That would go in there and be putting a cage Little cage For hours And she'd have an alarm That would go off and wake her up And then she'd wake up going there Pull him out of cage Beat his ass Then put him back in there Lock him up for another like four hours Then like bring a guy To like put his dick in the cage And the guy had to suck him And then once again locked up Shut up To the point where at one point the alarm went off And she didn't wake up from the alarm And he was screaming in the room For her to wake up To come in and beat him again Oh my god And I was like And I was like And okay The kink Cause to me And he's signing the checks after Thank you for your good work I loved when you really punched me in the face And raped my wife You didn't know that They didn't do that A lot of it is rate fetish You know They want to see their wives get raped in a cage This is about Just crushed But yeah You guys wanna watch some snuff-ilps?
Mine But I don't get that And you know Wouldn't you want someone to say The other one? I get it You know I wanna watch you fuck your wife Yeah you're doing so good Or your dick's not that bad Good job Buddy Yeah why is that not at least a big effect It's not even a thing There's something out there for everybody You think of the weirdest thing There's something out there There's something out there that's paying for it I get that But wouldn't there be at least as many guys Like it's not all that great But I've got some disposable cash I'm gonna pay this hot woman to go Solid dick bro How come that guy doesn't even exist I don't got them talking That's not an excess No one's ever paid a girl to say your dick looks Not too bad But they paid us You little humility Wait a minute Isn't that everybody that gets a prostitute? Because think about everybody else They want the girl to say nice things about them And I would say 80 to 85% of the time None of them are attractive It's true So That is true When you're like What are the guys wanna hear flattery things from girls We pay money to have sex with Everybody that have sex with It's like the 1% is that they're like Tell me they're in my picture That's not a regular That's a one-off And it's often very successful CEOs or politicians Yeah because that's what we're doing Because they wanna switch it up I guess Yeah they want to make enough of them Enough of running everybody You wanna be on the other end of it I guess And it's in a secret It's not in front of everybody So you get it out Get it out of your system And then you go back to being the boss I totally understand I know a girl She gets paid 6,000 Canadian months So that gets a big 4 grand And that's all she does I'm like What do all this? She goes if I tell you Someone's there in him But she just goes over to CEO's house And they talk and he likes the company And then he goes under a coffee table And it's right here on his face And she poops on it Right in front of his face And then Boom she gets 6 grand a month And she just goes over once a week And she poops right in front of his face They don't even have sex What?
And he's apparently a big politician I would know who he is apparently He's up with Justin Trudeau I know right He's just got like a Almost poop on me kind of face He does I would like to poop on Trudeau's face Yeah you and me both Yeah That's nothing That makes me want to shit on a face More than Justin Trudeau I don't care at all Yeah That's really no idea what I'm talking about I did say that it would come I was like, I was like, I'm coming the other day And the guy before me was doing some Trudeau jokes And when I went up there I was like, guys Am I right? That Trudeau guy? Like, what a piece of shit You know? Like I don't know I'm pretty sure I know who I'm talking about But maybe not Was it to make some Canadian relating jokes?
It was in Canada the show? Yeah, I was like, boy that guy's racist, right? Yeah People love to hate him Yeah, that's cool Most in the middle they do It's very parallel It's like Trump's first year with the other side Because it was cool to hate Trump Because we did a bunch of radio shows A couple years ago Trudeau was already, I think he had been elected In the last 12 months or whatever And we did some shows We're literally like, we have no idea We're like Borat, we're like Hot Dog She's Burger We're like in Vancouver and we're like Trudeau Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And do we go, like, do you think he has a bigger dick? You were Justin Trudeau I think I do, one of them Yeah, I don't think he's a big packer guy But he's not We've got you out to know that he's swinging dong What does that mean?
Oh, like, it's smashing Hacking Oh yeah, that would bother me Right I would lose one night of sleep Right, that's fair But his dad used to put it down though His dad's a legend His dad used to smash like Well, the apple doesn't, I mean, when it comes to dicks Like that, because I didn't know His dad smashed Marilyn Monroe Pierre Trudeau Yeah, Marilyn Monroe was dead when Pierre Trudeau was born It's one of those ones You're thinking of JFK No, but Pierre Trudeau used to smash Marilyn Monroe or one of those girls We can't do Marilyn Monroe or one of those girls Was that Pierre Trudeau the Prime Minister in like the 90s? No, not the 90s Maybe No, but No, because Justin Trudeau's 50 Yeah, so I would have to be I think I'm completely wrong about this Yeah, no, you are Because he's dead, yeah, he's dead But is that smashed someone really cool? I need to put him in a trunk to get to my security Avril Lavigne Yeah, right John Jet, maybe She's not a twain? Maybe Maybe Yeah, man, you see What's her name, Dodd?
Tina Turner Sad Sorry, everybody, I know this You already know who it is It's hitting us pretty hard over here Yeah, it's pretty shocked She was pretty cool Do you know who that is? Rolling on a river Yeah So you barely know who that is Barely know who that is It's crazy Yeah, she just died by, how'd she die? I think she just could be Oh, fuck It's exactly Was I foot in the river? She died foot fucking herself Yeah, no I had a dime for every movie started Sorry, good musician She was a shot She was a crance, right?
I switched her when I believed You guys are like actually Do you know who Ike Turner is? Yeah Well, who's he? He's a Ike Turner was a boxer Kind of Kind of I mean he's undefeated against Against his ex-wife Against his ex-wife Why do I turn it? Why do I know that?
Because Ike Turner was known for punching Tina Turner Okay, you see the correlation In my school, right? When you said boxer, I'm like, kind of Okay, that's He boxes women Post the right bit They were a musical act together Ike and Tina Turner It was an abusive relationship That she escaped from Reinventing herself As a solo artist memorably chronicled In the Oscar-winning movie What's Love Got To Do With It Where She Was Met by Angela Beth Set You guys are fans Yeah, really? I mean she was Yeah, good point Not really It was just where from An era where she was like You know the queen And so we had to respect her Yeah, now we have Angela White Who's that? My favorite monster Oh, she doesn't sing No, she's some So you really like Pawnsas Like you have your fan of Certain Ghosts Now the Turner relationship Are you still a chronic masturbator?
Okay, great question So my girlfriend thinks I'm Pawn Obsessed And I'm like, I can't I got into this by accident Because I see the other dudes Doing the stuff around it And I'm like, okay He's a business guy, a commuting guy He's obsessed with Pawn You can I'm not the obsessed with Pawn guy I ended up here from Grandpa Eating the pubes It was an accident So I'm not obsessed But I jerked off like the rest of us So I had my top three, top five, top 20 Top five, top 20 You were chasing the creation myth With you and meeting Me and Melkova Yeah, so that was actually really cool How we got our first Pawn star She was my all-time favorite Yeah See my girlfriend hates when I tell The rule is I can't say I used to start the show With I jerked off you with 7,000 50 times You know I make up a number Try to ballpark it But I don't flirt with them I don't say I love her scenes anymore I don't say I jerk off them this many times There's rules now with the wifey I respect them I respect them She puts up a pawn Hey Mary No, okay But we live together Okay Yeah So me and Melkova is my all-time goat though You know we all have our goat Who's yours? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no You don't have that You don't have like your like I mean I guess What's her name? Goth Charlotte Is somebody I've always wanted to Bang? Goth Charlotte I'm more of a tattoo Okay Kristi Mack You must like Kristi Mack No I mean she's really hot Okay so me it's like All the girls have gotten like 500 jerks each Spread out But then me and Melkova was like 26,452 jerks Okay You know she was my main This before I met Melkova I'm like Brie And I feel that's on the story Holy egg show I'm not detecting anything bad here I think you just tell the story You don't have to cover yourself Mary in mind YouTube is gonna bury this episode So hard she'll never see it She's not gonna tie but you're fine Anyway you like this boy it's that I like this boy's that And you know I took a little break from her Because I date them for like You know months at a time Oh my head You know I'm like I'm only on one girl at a time I'm like monogamous my jerky Yeah right I literally deproced It's fun to do it that way You know it's like oh I have a little date with Jessa Rotes tonight Sure This is the stocky thing coming back Yeah what do you say day guys do that You get obsessed with like one porn start you jerk And then you just kind of do it to them And then you move on to an accident I never did that Oh I've never been a monogamous masturbator Yeah I mean either I don't think there's anything wrong with it Do you just feel like Yeah oh well If guys can pay money to get their dicks insulted You can do whatever the hell it is You like yeah So me it was like the girl that I was like On and off with my whole life You know Like between girls that I was like Monognesly jerk off you I go back to the exit felt like you know I mean like oh wow Stop it there for me You know we always look at your Where you are like a real jerk off guy huh That is a lot That's a lot Do you have like a routine Do you have like a particular lotion you go through Is there room where you watch those I only recently started the toy Oh you do this Yo it's unreal It's so like two months ago I started it Never tried it Wait I'm glad I did You know How many times do you use that No now I'm in your chick End use that same day No like I'll jerk off twice a week No it's low Okay yeah Like you know she's out of town Doing a shoot or whatever That often I'll even jerk off to my girl Doing what?
Where she sends me amazing nudes Oh okay then that's So you know I'll tell her like this one I just did for you baby Yeah Dude getting a message from somebody Direct to you of the nude versus like One that's up on Twitter or something It's so hot Like it's night and day When I paint his things of it Yo fat Like people send me photos to jerk off to And then I see that they posted it on their Freaking I'm like oh man I'm pissed off I want it for me Don't worry about it The worst is when you save it to Fucking do it myself Do you know this trick You save it your camera roll And then it'll tell you at the top When it was taken So if a girl sends you a nude And you're like oh thank you baby You know then you save it your camera When it says like August 2018 You're like You bitch Oh wow Yeah And I don't need to know that It's a tough game to play with I'm easily about her It's like rolling the dice You don't want to do that I don't want to find out That it was like Yeah What photo I'm like I'm like Who was this for? Yeah Oh You want a little crazy here Yeah Yeah Ew Can't sin That onto somebody If it's a little like It's like okay I'll take that But if they're doing this Some shit Yeah So she's sitting in a sob in this picture Yeah who tries to say They don't even make those So one day I just threw it back to her It took like a few years off And I was like you know what's been a while I'm sitting in the axe Me and my cold I'm like my jerk off ex And you know Like 18 videos I was like oh I missed you You know And just really went to town that day And what'd you imagine? On that day and hour later I get a facetime call I was able to get TikToks back back in the day We could talk And hey My friend here her TikTok went down Can you get it back I'm like yeah yeah sure Of course Okay you want to just meet her Okay Boom me and my cold Nah Oh my god we just made love all morning Yeah You didn't say that right No I told her later Right but not right then And she goes oh okay we're shooting at this house You want to come talk about it? Crazy thing ever On that day So Drove their help through with her TikTok And then she did the show That was the deal And You did the show In that Like you brought it No we did it like her Okay yeah yeah And uh and then after that That was our first porn star And it was me and Makobo Yeah I think she has the most view of all time Or top three Okay she's big big big big And then it was just easy to get Porn guests after We did Mia You want to come on?
Yeah of course Mia So that changed the whole dynamic of the show Everything That's a You're like that just stick with that Do you ever have people on the downpawn stars? Sometimes Yeah But very rarely now Yeah now and it's mainly girls right It's mainly you know what my audience 95% Men I thought it was girls I thought I had to try to look cute And do like no one cares what I look like That's not true You know So it's all girls I'll try to get on like a big celebrity dude sometimes Not big celebrity But like And they don't care They're like no no They're rather a low only fans girl Then like I don't know You know You know And what is the And what do you think it is That the fans like about it Like the because it's obviously a girl You talking to the girl About the career Is it more about the stories Like how difficult her job is or Day to day What is the thing that people you find Enjoy the most from it Yeah so It's very popular interview porn stars now As you know Like everyone's doing podcasts and porn stars Want to do porn podcast So you know it's very popular But I do it very different A lot of guys will do the whole You know they'll beg to get a porn star on their show And then they'll So uh What's your relationship like with your dad You know the last those cheesy questions Shut up Yeah Yeah I praise them And uh you know It's like a comedy Crazy So it's different than And they all try to have sex with them A lot of them Try to make moves on They're creepy You know I have that rule Don't hit on them Praise them and just Crack jokes with them So that's why we're different I think Yeah I mean I did this like 15 years ago And it was cool for a minute And then it became Not cool I don't know what happened or how it happened But the fans got grouped up And was like they were mad at me for doing it anymore Really? And I remember I was married I definitely wasn't trying to bang anybody I remember a few of them wanted to bang me And I was like Ehhh I want to but no I can't like to please don't offer it to me Just make it you make it my life hell Their stories are just I find so interesting Compared to You know how was the tour Oh it was great We had a couple of shows in Chicago Cool How was your day yesterday? Triple A?
I'll get off it Jason Ellis put his foot up my ass That's fun Like Belladon was always fun She always tells her Where we could all go Oh my god that can't be real I think maybe what you have going for you Is that it's like it's a niche And the people who are going there Are going there for that It's like kind of like you used to talk about Supercross Like on the show And it's like There's people who want that But there's probably more people who don't want that If it was like welcome to the Moto show Great People who are there Some people who want porn all the time And they're there for them And there's some people who just occasionally want porn But when they want porn They come to you And that's why people don't always come to show Well-worth Sponsors because you're targeted Yeah, it's I'm this So sex toys And adult content websites I'm their guy Yeah, no one else really doing it So I'm not going to make Logan Paul money Or anything like that Just having a normal podcast But I'm the sex guy So sex stuff Could be worse You know what I mean? It couldn't be better If you asked me It worked out I was worried the whole time I'm like I'm gonna have to pay all this money every month And get a normal job to pay the podcast every month What's the point? What the hell am I doing? I feel like if you don't think that A couple of times You're not a podcaster Yo It's so expensive And so much work Yeah, it's the most work How many shows do you have?
The actual jobs Mike Quibble with it Yeah, I know I'd say doing a podcast If you do it alone It's like 30 hours a week I'd say If you take account everything Yeah You know? I don't stop You know it's so much work And no one People always start I saw a thing 95% of podcasts Don't make it to episode 10 Because everyone's like Oh, it's cool It's fine Right First you don't get viewers Yep No matter how famous you are You're first few episodes No one is really gonna care Yeah You have to work It works To me, like it reminds me Of when I was a kid I was in bands Like you might tell me That there's 10,000 bands Rock bands in New York But like they'll play shows Like the first three are Pammered on stage And arguing with each other There's not really 10,000 bands There's like 50 And you start to know each other Like, oh, we're the guys Who actually have a half a clue And haven't broken up And sort of know what we're doing And have a couple fans Great analysis The actual number of The number of new pods on iTunes They're Spotify Is totally misleading Right, right There's very few people with the plan Yeah, three million in the US now Right, sure But most of them are Abandoned as soon as they Oh yeah You know, it's like the old Like the blog sites Like GeoCities and stuff That's a whole job Doing a bad job Is very time consuming Like even just doing that There minimum Just having the clip Like did you see that show? Yeah, it sucks Yeah, I thought it's suck too Yeah, it's weak Blah blah blah That takes hours And it sucks That's what we put all of our Focus into is clips Yeah That's on live appearances We just did one live on No, I haven't yet I want to do the Comedy Store It's my dream Yeah, me too That sounds like a fantasy From a man Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah I just wanted to show it The Comedy Store Yeah, that's like a I mean I've done it a few times But it's still You've done the Comedy Store?
Yeah, that's so cool Yeah, it's like a little kid dream I go there and just Standing in the corner a lot I go there twice Two, three times a month I'm a comedy guy Yeah Yeah, but doing your show Would make sense In front of a studio I want to do a big full production Yeah, it's like three hours I'm surprised you haven't I know But you know, it's like I look at it every day Do that every day Do that every day Yeah, I'm always busy with some bullshit Well, I was going to say If you're busy making a bunch of money right now Then there's not really a point Like wait, what about outside the box Another thing that adds more work Like if you're already flat out And well Like I've been trying to launch my merch For a year And I'm like, tomorrow I'll do this Tomorrow I'm like, I haven't even launched it yet You haven't? No You seem like a guy that would for sure have you I know, but I want to do it so cool Like do like a clothing line Yeah But you know, that's a whole other business Yeah, I have one and it's an nightmare It's so much work Yeah And that's the other thing you got to watch is You have that But then you have all these other things So you forget about that For a while And then you go back to it and you're like Dude, I should have been back here earlier Like this is not up to speed Like I'm updating all my line right now And I would say a year ago You're only calling my line Because it was like Let's look at my deck for like three years Like we need to change the face of it And keep up So now you own a clothing line And now you're running that too You know, all these little departments are separate Like the whole sponsor brand you'll think That's the whole business And then booking guests and scheduling And doing the filming That's the whole business Post-production For the YouTube and audio That's the whole And then the clipping And then the posting It's like eight different departments That are almost full-time It feels like It's pretty crazy Yeah And I'm like, oh it's just a very fulfilling I mean, you're talking about doing a lot of jobs That, you know, like Telly was saying There's people out there that work 18 hours And none of it's good It's all bad Yeah You know, you're freezing your ass off Your bus sucks You know, the conditions suck You get paid jack shit Like all those things Because I remember having a job I remember having a job that was so bad That I was willing to go to hospital Four times a year For skateboarding Because I remember saying to myself If you don't become a pro skateboarder And this is your life You won't last Yeah You can't take this Well pro skaters Did you make money as a pro skater? Yeah But I mean, I was top 10 though Okay I was like top five for a little bit So that It's like, if you make it the top five Even in the wall, no There was a bad There was a really bad era Like where Tony was like the only person That was getting paid And he was making About two grand a month Two grand a month? Yeah, and the rest of us were making zero This was early early This was the After the first Hey Day faded After the 80s With the bonus brigade Went off the cliff That's when everybody in skateboarding Was that making nothing Then streets getting kind of got a little bit bigger But even the guys that were street guys They weren't making a bunch of money I can't imagine But then it went back up You know, then all of a sudden There was like action sports And verdudes were getting, you know 10, 20 grand a month from Mountain Dune But once again Only Like five or six of us Were getting That kind of money Right Yeah, so like I was making about Six or seven For a minute And then I started And then I Was starting to suck And getting kicked off people And then I got a gig Being an announcer at the X Games And then I did the Tony Hawk Tour And they were like Do you want to be on the tour?
The whole tour Being an announcer and a skater And I was like Yeah And then that like Brought my worth up And then DC Ken Block was like Hey man we want to sponsor you And I was like But you have Danny and Colin He's like yeah No I don't want to be offensive No this is not really for skating This is more We want you on the team with your vibe You know me obviously Danny and Colin Skater we do all the time but it's more about That's what it was We just want to see The personality I kind of became an influencer That's what it is Right Like man was My favorite skater The money he offered me Was more money than I'd ever been paid To be a skateboarder in my life Because you're scared of the insult Of like we want you to be an influencer Was completely evened out by We're going to pay you This is my money a month And I was like Yeah influencer Yeah Danny's got it I'm cool I bet it also got me On the Mega Ram I was the second person to jump the Mega Ram Because Danny would only let Me go with him Yeah So I got to do things That ran Because a million dollars to build No Can I get the jump? You get paid for a person Like that's the game Look at McGregor He has no business being the High-speed athlete in the world But he could crack jokes It's fair enough You know BAM was not Was he ever a good skater? I mean yes he was a good skater But was he like a high level guy No no no You don't even But he could crack jokes And that's what it is He was colorful Even athletes like Odell Beckham Is he the biggest receiver? No he's just That dude It's a person Dennis Rob You know what I mean?
Well Dennis Roblin was He was good at basketball Really good Speaking of working hard We have to do another show Shortly so we got this way This was lovely Yeah man Thanks for being on the show Jason I'd like to invite you To host a big guest Who's very far away She's in town next week To host Gina Valentino With me She's a big porn star On June 8th at 8PM Yeah I would love to have you call So Okay Are we gonna save a giant? No See this is the people We don't want to have the show Right I didn't ask it on the show That was before we started But we love to have you hosted With me Jason Yeah Appreciate you being on the show Check out all his stuff If you haven't Yeah Pillow Talk with Ryan That's right And I patreon.com slash else mate Cause we do way more shows on there Have a good one everybody Don't die