'Are gender identity and sexual orientation before conditioning' Listener question

I was wondering about gender identity and sexual orientation. I guess this is a big part of the identity. We were talking a lot about identity being a learned thing, or a program. But it really doesn't seem to me that gender identity or sexual orientation is a learned program, but much more like an inner knowing. Is there a step before the identity? Like being born a certain way, and only the step of describing what is already inside makes it part of the identity?(Sorry I think my English isn't good enough to phrase this last sentence, I'm not sure if I'm making sense..)