Are you a Dysfunctional Decision Maker? I am, and here's what it looks like today. EP 127

Something I talk about quite regularly is, it is not about the decisions you make, it’s about how you go about making them.  In other words, are you making decisions out of fear, shame, or guilt or are you making them out of conviction, certainty, or faith? For me, there is a HUGE difference!  Recently, I made a decision that turned out to be a good one yet, it was deeply rooted in fear and insecurity.  I've been telling you for years that when I grow up, I want to speak, train, and coach.  (Yes, I still don't feel like a grown-up most of the time.) However, I don't seem to make it happen. I have speaking notes for days, I have a short book written, and often, people show interest in having me in to speak to their group and I ghost them (meaning, I don't follow through or follow up). The other night I was listening to the Social Proof Podcast, with David Shands. He was interviewing Jeremy Anderson, one of the top motivational speakers in the country and teaches people how to build a business speaking.  On the podcast, Jeremy pitched a course called, Next Level Speakers Academy. Now, to understand the dysfunction about what happens next, you need to have some context.  I've been on this personal development journey for 20 yrs. Some of the things I've participated in have been free and some, I've paid thousands of dollars for. I am very well versed in the lingo and strategies people use to sell products and services. Hell, I have even been the one pitching on many occasions. I know when something seems like a great value and when it sounds too good to be true. For the record, Jeremy's program sounded like one of enormous value.   In this interview, Jeremy was making on all the right points.  Everything he said hit me between the eyes. He was dismantling my excuses, shortcomings, and insecurities. It is also important to point out, I have a history of signing up for things and not completing them. Truth be told, I'm secretly looking for shortcuts. I want the results of hard work, without doing the hard work. I want to results of trust, faith, and self-worth without doing the work to gain trust, faith, and self-worth. I want you to just tell me what to do so I can go do it and get rich.  Does that sound familiar? So here's where all the dysfunction starts. I made the decision right then to sign up for his course but, here's the problem. The decision was riddled with shame and frustration with myself. I'm ashamed that I keep saying I'm going to start speaking and not doing it. I'm frustrated that I get all excited with something, do it 80% of the way, then quit. I'm pissed off that fear, insecurity, and self-worth subconsciously get in the way of me doing what I've dreamed of for years.  So I whipped out my credit card signed up before I could change my mind. I got that jolt of adrenaline you get when you buy something... my dis-ease was in full effect. To make it even spicier, I wasn't going to tell my wife Sarah that I was doing it. When I'm scared I might not get what I want, I tend to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Not to mention, Sarah and I just had a conversation about, spending money before we have it and how we need to start being more intentional about what we're spending our money on.  I literally felt like I was using again. All the feelings came rushing back to when I would be trying to hide my drinking and drug use. Or, when I was doing something I knew was wrong but did it anyway.  Of course, I couldn't sleep that night. I woke up at 530am full of guilt, shame, and buyer's remorse. I couldn't believe I thought that buying this course was going to magically change the way felt. So I did what I’ve been taught. I needed to pray, meditate, and journal about it. I also needed to come clean with my wife. On this episode, I’ll bring you on that journey. Social proof podcast episode with David Shands & Jeremy Anderson https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/social-proof-podcast/id1374373035?i=1000519888492