Are You Defending Your Way Out of Relationship?

from Life in Transition Podcast · host Art Blanchford

"Have you ever wondered if that family relationship you've given up on could still be healed?"Dr. Joshua Coleman shares his devastating personal journey through years of separation from his daughter. His initial defensiveness and need to be right nearly destroyed their relationship permanently. "I'd like to talk about a particularly challenging case today. It's me," he told his consultant. The breakthrough came when he learned to stop explaining and start empathizing. This painful transition became his life's mission: helping families bridge seemingly impossible divides through curiosity, vulnerability, and authentic connection.Coleman reveals the critical difference between modern psychological parenting and previous generations. Today's parents face higher expectations but often lack the emotional tools their children need. "Life is much more fragile than I imagined," he reflects, describing how estrangement changes your entire worldview. His practical guidance centers on "letters of amends"—finding truth in children's complaints rather than defending against them. For adult children, he emphasizes starting with connection goals, not blame. Can broken family bonds be repaired? Coleman's work proves healing is possible when both sides choose curiosity over being right.Dr. Joshua Coleman is a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area and Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. A frequent Today Show and NPR guest, he's appeared on Good Morning America, Dr. Phil, Sesame Street, and 20/20, with features in The New Yorker and TIME Magazine. He's authored four books including "Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict." Coleman writes for major publications like The New York Times, The Atlantic, and The Wall Street Journal. Interestingly, he also composes music for television shows including Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Chicago Fire.About The Show: The Life in Transition, hosted by Art Blanchford focuses on making the most of the changes we’re given every week. Art has been through hundreds of transitions in his life. Many have been difficult, but all have led to a depth and richness he could never have imagined. On the podcast Art explores how to create more love and joy in life, no matter what transitions we go through. Art is married to his lifelong partner, a proud father of three and a long-time adventurer and global business executive. He is the founder and leader of the Midlife Transition Mastery Community. Learn more about the MLTM Community here: www.lifeintransition.online.In This Episode: (00:00) Navigating Life's Fragility and Family Estrangement(03:03) Art's Personal Journey: From Estrangement to Authentic Relationship(07:21) Learning About Defensiveness and Self-Awareness(12:06) What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?(14:50) Midlife Transition Mastery Ad(16:41) Developing Compassion Through Curiosity(24:26) Life's Meaning Through Painful Transitions(27:11) Tools for Estranged Parents: The Letter of Amends(32:35) Transition Mastery Coaching Ad(34:09) Guidance for Adult Children Seeking Reconciliation(40:03) Connecting with Dr. Coleman's WorkLike, subscribe, and send us your comments and feedback.Resources:Dr. Joshua Coleman LinkedInRules of Estrangement: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/622584/rules-of-estrangement-by-joshua-coleman-phd/Email Art BlanchfordLife in Transition WebsiteLife in Transition on IGLife in Transition on FBJoin Our Community: https://www.lifeintransition.online/My new book PURPOSEFUL LIVING is out now. Order it now: https://www.amazon.com/PURPOSEFUL-LIVING-Wisdom-Coming-Complex/dp/1963913922Explore our website https://lifeintransitionpodcast.com/ for more in-depth information and resources, and to download the 8-step guide to mastering mid-life transitions.The views and opinions expressed on the Life In Transition podcast are solely those of the author and guests and should not be attributed to any other individual or entity. This podcast is an independent production of Life In Transition Podcast, and the podcast production is an original work of the author. All rights of ownership and reproduction are retained—copyright 2025.

What this episode covers

Dr. Joshua Coleman shares his devastating personal journey through years of separation from his daughter. His initial defensiveness and need to be right nearly destroyed their relationship permanently. "I'd like to talk about a particularly challenging case today. It's me," he told his consultant. The breakthrough came when he learned to stop explaining and start empathizing. This painful transition became his life's mission: helping families bridge seemingly impossible divides through curiosity, vulnerability, and authentic connection.