Are You On the Team? 6 Ways to Show Up for Your Teens

THE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT TEAM "WHY" Every so often, I like to circle back to why I created this podcast and everything that Team In the Middle of It is all about. Keeping focused squarely on the WHY of In the Middle of It guides everything we talk about and create around here. If you've been around a while, you might know what I'm about to say. If you're new here, welcome to the party. And I want you to know what I'm all about on In the Middle of It. My goal, in practical terms, is to equip teachers and parents with the ideas, strategies, and resources to connect with their teens. GOING DEEPER But deeper than that, I want teachers and parents to connect with their teens because teens need meaningful mentors in their lives. People who love them and influence them and want to help them become the best versions of themselves. Part of that dream includes something I've touched on before, and today I want to go more in-depth with it. I believe that teens thrive and step into all their potential when they have meaningful connections with parents and teachers who are working as a team. WHO IS YOUR TEAM PLAYING AGAINST? I feel that all too often, the fact that we are all on the same team gets lost. Our teens face so many obstacles and challenges on their way to becoming adults. You know the obstacles I'm talking about. Figuring out who they are and who they're not. Navigating the expectations placed on them, learning all the things they have to learn, trying to figure out the direction they want to go in life. Dealing with their changing bodies, minds, ideas, beliefs. Accepting that the adults in their lives are humans too. But instead of viewing the opposing team as those obstacles our teens face, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of looking at each other as the opposing team. WHERE IS YOUR FOCUS? It can feel like there's a line or even a wall between these 2 groups. I get that there are lots of reasons for that. We live in a litigious society and everyone has to cover their bases. There are educators who are weary and frustrated because of parents who don't show up and advocate for their teens – and fearful and resentful at the ones who DO show up and don't give teachers the benefit of the doubt. There are parents who have taken their teens' word for it that the teacher is out to get them. And parents who are frustrated with some teachers' lack of understanding and compassion for the circumstances their teens are experiencing. I'm sure you can all add your own items to that list, but that's focusing on the problem, not creating a solution. It's insanity, and it's NOT. SERVING. OUR. TEENS. ARE WE ON THE SAME TEAM? I envision a future where teachers and parents are a solid team, working together. A tight-knit community whose goal is to win by empowering, supporting, and loving our teens. These team members are characterized by 5 things: We know they're playing on the same team. Cheer for each other – a win for one is a win for all Rally around our mascot (aka: our teens!) We give each other the benefit of the doubt. That means when in doubt, we assume the best about each other We ask good questions before we make any judgments or decisions We communicate regularly, with vulnerability and compassion. Being on the same team gives us a safe space to talk about the real stuff Being on the same team gives us confidence that our voices will be heard We're playing from the same playbook. The team knows the goal and has mapped out a way to get there – together There are "rules" in place that everyone understands We keep the main thing the main thing – showing up well for our teens. The focus is always on working together to win There's no "I" in team – we check our egos at the door Each of us takes personal responsibility Even if my teammate isn't showing up, I still put my heart and soul into winning the game Doing my best doesn't involve pointing fingers at teammates I believe are slacking off or not qualified to be on the team PLAYING AS A TEAM In THAT world, it's much more difficult for teens to fall through the cracks. In that world, teachers and parents are showing up as the grownups. Setting aside ego and staying firmly focused on what served their teens. I can see this happening to some degree during the pandemic. It's forced parents to get more involved in their teens' education and made teachers become more aware of their students' circumstances at home. Students and parents and teachers are literally inviting each other into their homes. Even virtually, that's a pretty big deal. Whether you are a parent or a teacher, it's our job to come together as a team so that our teens thrive. So that they are empowered to step into all their potential. PLAYING SOLO OR JOINING THE TEAM My question for you today is this: Are you trying to go it alone or are you working to be part of your teen's team? Are you playing in the wrong game, one that pits you against those who are also working to support your teen? Or are you working together to empower your teens and focus on their potential? Equipping them for all they need to overcome in order to become the person they're meant to be. Which will it be: playing solo or joining the team? You get to decide.