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So head to squarespace.com.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use GoDax to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. Oh, do we have a juicy one today? Tell us about an unexpected orgasm.
Yes, we're fun. Yes, we're fun. This delivered, and not only did it deliver, a question we were asking ourselves midday was, could there be a boy with this story? That would just be a wet dream.
That would even be a story. Yeah. And boy, were we wrong. Yeah.
Delivered, delivered, delivered. Please enjoy unexpected orgasm. Hello? Hello, hi, can you hear me?
Absolutely, how are you? Good, how are you? Good, are we using your real name, Amanda? Yes, that's great.
Wonderful. You can use my real name and Monica's real name. Yes, we'll allow it. Where are you at in the world?
I'm in Buffalo, New York, in my very dingy, dark closet. It's nice. And is spring in full force up there in Buffalo? It sure is, and I can't breathe out of my nose.
Everything is disgusting. My favorite time of year. Oh, okay. And you're wearing a tank tub.
It's cold here in LA. Okay, what is it, like 60? Yeah. About 60, yeah.
Actually maybe even 65 or 60. It's basically the perfect temperature. Erin Linkley and I threw many, many, many hours of debate, concluded that 67 is the perfect temperature on planet Earth. Not for me.
You could get by without a coat. You're not going to be too hot ever. You're moving around a little bit, Monica. I guess if you don't have tropical lineage.
No, if you don't have anemia, which I don't, but still. But still. Still, just making that point clear. It's 85 years.
Really? It's a little much. I was talking to Erin. Yeah, Michigan's getting blasted as well.
Speaking of getting blasted. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got a good segment? Oh, I'm so nervous about all the segments today.
You were the lucky recipient. We'll find out if it was lucky or not. Unexpected orgasm. Please walk us through this experience.
Definitely unexpected. So this was about five years ago. I was 22. Fresh out of college.
I had found a new love for fitness. I was really loving the results, but I had no idea what I was doing. I was just kind of going in there and playing with stuff. So I contacted a friend who had a friend who had just started his personal trainer journey and he was looking for people to take on.
Wonderful. So she gave me his Instagram and I looked at it. And I mean, I'll be completely honest. I hired him for more than the fact that he's a personal trainer.
He was gorgeous. Yeah, I think it does not hurt to be gorgeous if you're in the personal training space. I booked a consultation. So we got to the gym.
It was going great. I mean, in my eyes, we were flirting the entire time. Okay. I felt like the tension was palpable.
I was like, this is going great. Not only am I learning things, but this could lead to something. Oh, wow. I got to the point where we were hearing the engine.
I was like, okay, I got to think of a slick way to last this guy out after this. This is going way too well. And at that moment, are you thinking, well, I'll have to fire him as a personal trainer to have him as a boyfriend or any of those. I'll take the loss at that point.
Yeah, of course. But for his point of view, he's starting this new business. But it's a risk reward for everyone involved. It is payoffs, tradeoffs.
I think I could have found another personal trainer, but this guy. You wanted more. Oh, yeah. Really quick question before we launch in.
Do you have any insecurities? I get with a personal trainer. I'm on day one of my physical journey. I'd be a little nervous.
Like, oh, this person's so into physical fitness. They're judging me maybe. They're judging me. Do you have any insecurities on those lines?
Well, I knew that I was one of his first ever like actual clients. My friend said he was just getting into this. He is looking for people to take on. So like, why don't you disagree to a consultation?
So I wasn't super intimidated right off the bat. Okay. I was a little unsure, but I don't know. I was 22.
I was using that. Oh, what does this thing do to my advantage? Sure. I've lived and learned.
So he's like, I just want to try one last thing. And then we can talk rates. And if you want to continue this and all that. And I was like, cool.
Oh. Oh. You're standing with your back against it. You had your forearm sitting on these two little pads and you're holding onto little handles at the end.
And you're going to lift your feet into the air. Yes. Do you know that thing, Monica? You're kind of suspended in the air.
You're being held up by your elbows. And then your feet are swinging and then you pull them up like 90 degrees. Oh, okay. Lower abs.
Yeah. I hadn't done this before. I started to do it. And it's incredible how quickly I started to feel like something weird was happening.
I was having a familiar sensation. Oh my God. And I was like, that's weird. And I pushed through it for a second.
I was like, that's just a weird coincidence. But then I realized like, oh, no, like if I continue down this path, we're going to end up in a risky territory. Oh my goodness. So I stopped.
I just let my legs angle. And in true personal trainer fashion, this man begins to encourage me. And so you've been doing so good. Like you've got this.
Like you can get through this. Just keep going a little harder. So now he's essentially talking me through an orgasm. He doesn't know I'm having.
Yes. So that makes it the fact that now I've continued because I didn't know what to say. If I was to know, I really need to stop. Okay.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
I keep going because I think it's only a couple more and it hits me like a brick wall. And I let go and it's like fall to a complete crunch on the ground. Not before, of course, like groaning very loudly. It hits so hard as I know it.
I flat out quite a noise. No build up. I guess there was a build up this whole time. Well, right.
It was like tension between us and then now he's talking me through it and now all of a sudden it's just like. I have, I was gonna say my only pervy question, but there might be more. Did it cross your mind? So in order, he's like, come on, you got more reps.
And then you're like, okay, I'm gonna do more reps. I'm likely to orgasm because I almost did before. Do I embrace this and just look him right in the eyes and let him know I'm letting it rip? That's where I'm considering, did you think like, fuck it, we're gonna just explode in front of him and might as well connect with him while it's happening?
I don't know that eye contact crossed my mind. However, I did think I could maybe sneak by without it being noticed. Right. You thought you were gonna be able to hide it.
Cause you could be panting because of the exercise. Exactly. Can you imagine she had said, I can't continue. I'll come.
He's like a new trainer, so he doesn't even understand the captain's chair might cause this. He doesn't know that, but he's beginning to get so excited about his career choice. Maybe he's like maybe on the fence driving to the gym that morning. This is really what I want to do.
And about this point, he's like, this is the career. Oh my God. This is, oh, yeah. Okay, so you crumpled down.
I crumpled down. I definitely make some sort of guttural noise. Out of 10 out loud is the guttural noise. Like I know that passersby have stopped and looked.
I mean, I did just fall to the ground, so that could be why, but people have definitely noticed. A lot going on, yeah. Like I was seen. I take a minute and I very quickly realize like, oh, this is not possible.
You have done it and you have not passed. So I look up and immediately I'm like, I got the craziest cramp. Does that happen for people? Oh my God, you're just covering.
He is white. Like he is staring at me like, I don't know what just happened, but I think I know what just happened. Oh, and there was no banter after this interaction. Oh, very quick to say, well, that's kind of what it's like.
You can message on Instagram if you want to talk about rates and I'll see you around. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's a problem. Wait a minute, wait a minute. As a trainer and a lover, that was a bad, bad move on his part.
You want you hit me up sometime. You fell with a gun, you should have said, did he help you out? Or he was afraid to touch you at that point? No, he stood back and looked at me like he had no idea what just happened to me, but he didn't want to be a part of it.
Oh my God. I'm not going to ask you to do it, because I assume it would be too embarrassing for you. But can I give three different levels and you can tell? I need to know how loud this was.
Sure, absolutely. Okay, it'll be one, two, three. That's how we're going to identify these. Okay.
Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, that's one. Here's number two. Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, that's number two.
That was worse as far as saying. And now here's number two. Oh, what answer? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, wow. Can you imagine three? I am ashamed to say that it was pretty close to two, though. Oh, wonderful.
Thank you for doing that with us. Yeah, because that was actually good. I was really scared. One could easily have been passed off as, yeah, or just working out sounds.
Yeah. Two. Yeah, a little more. A little more obvious.
Three was outrageous. Yeah, three was, are you being filmed? I see that you disorgasm. But are you being filmed?
Why was it so theatrical? You couldn't orgasm that way without other stuff going on. Okay, sure. Well, we don't know.
This is the captain's chair. Oh my God, the captain's chair. That's true. Well, it doesn't get worse from there.
So he wraps up very quickly and leaves. It sounds awful because I just said I'm flirting with this man and want to ask him on a date. But I did have a date that night, not with a boyfriend, but with somebody I'd gone on a couple of days with. My early 20s were a whole thing.
I went on the date with this man. I'd seen him maybe twice before. We were sitting at a bar. The same day as the training session?
Same day, yes. Later that night. We were bantering about something. And he wanted to prove me wrong about something.
So he wanted to look something up on my phone. So he took my phone and opened up the web browser to look something up and stopped and stared at my phone very curiously for a moment. And then loudly read the last thing I had searched, which was, can exercising make you come. Oh my God.
Because I was so shocked that it happened that I needed to lift it up. And then he was thought I was into some weird kinky gym stuff and I don't know what he thought I was doing. But that relationship also didn't happen. Wait, what's happening in Buffalo?
Because if I'm the trainer, we're talking about what just happened. This is so exciting. If I'm the trainer. And then I'm on this date and I read that.
I think, whoa, yes. Yeah, this woman. Awesome. I agree with Dax.
These men are weird. Yeah, honestly, I like that conclusion better. That works for me. Did you then have to tell him the whole story?
Yeah. So then I, of course, was like, I had this personal trainer this morning. I did an exercise I'd never done before. I think that this is not a relationship.
I would have wanted to continue anyway. Because he was very like, well, that can't happen. I think his first response was actually, well, your ab muscles must be pretty weak if that's what happens with that. Oh my God.
He's nagging you. I hate that guy. He felt intimidated that you were too much woman for him. And he would not be able to satisfy you.
That's true. And so he went on the attack. Yeah. We're very insecure men.
When it comes to that doesn't take much to. Oh my God. Wow. That was a whole journey.
What a day. Also, hey, dude, why don't you fucking look the thing up on your phone? Why do you need my phone? I think my phone was just out.
And then judging what's on there, we hate him, Amanda. He didn't last. So it's okay. Okay.
My last follow-up question is, have you had any exercise related orgasm since? So because it was very intense, I have avoided it because I don't want to do that at the gym. That being said, if I were to figure out a similar contraption at home, I can't say I wouldn't do it at home. Yeah.
So watching a romantic scene on television, maybe? It's like a two for one. You can exercise at hand and orgasm. I've been dying for that to exist.
Well, maybe hit up some ab exercises. You never know. I've ridden that captain's chair a few times and I unfortunately didn't. I just felt agony of that exercise.
It's just not the easiest one. Some people are luckier than others. Some people are blessed. You're blessed.
Hashtag blessed. Well, Amanda, so nice talking to you. What an eventful story. I'm so disappointed in both the man in your life on that day.
Me too. A lot of lost opportunities there. I appreciate it. Yes.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. Thank you. So nice meeting you both. This is awesome.
All right. You too. Take care. They're all women.
Hi. Is this Hannah? This is Hannah. It's nice to meet you guys.
We were just discussing how exciting it is that you're a human palindrome. Palindrome. My mom literally said that's why she named me Hannah. She loves palindromes.
It's very cool. Oh, what an interesting gal. Where are you at in the world? I'm going to be a little vague just for anonymity reasons, but just Midwest.
Okay. Midwest. I'll take it. Do you want me to change your name?
Okay. It would be so sad after we had all this great main talk. Yeah. That was a nice piece.
You can't manufacture shit like that. You can't make a new palindrome. Okay. I think it's as good a place as any to have an unexpected orgasm.
The stage for us. What happened on this fortuitous day? This is like 2013. Oh, wow.
I was 16 at the time. Okay. I mean, now I'm 26, obviously, but yes, at the time 16. Okay.
I was really obsessed with this band. Here's the veil. I know the singer. Rob knows the singer.
Rob knows everything about music and all the people. And I bet in her region as well. No, they're San Diego guys. Oh, they're San Diego.
Cool. Okay. I kind of like scream. People don't like the word scream.
I might get in trouble for that. Okay, punkish. Okay, punkish. Emotional punk rock music.
Yeah. I like that. Okay. You love this band.
My best friend and I both love this band. And we decided to go to one of their shows. What kind of crowds does this band generate? Like a thousand or they in a stadium, they in a small club.
I went to a couple other shows. They had like a stadium show like a year later or something. Wow. All right.
Yeah. This was at a music festival. So there were a lot of people in this crowd, but they're all like people might. Like probably other teenage girls.
The lead singer was super cute or what? He's a cutie. He was. Who was like the hottest member of the band?
Was it this lead singer or the drummer? So I'm a lesbian. So for me, this isn't doing anything. Okay.
I was like obsessed with their guitarist. I thought he was so cool. Yeah. I just loved everything about his vibe.
But also don't you think even as a lesbian, you can assess who the sexy is. I certainly have opinions about what guys are the sexiest and I'm heterosexual. Oh, yeah. I think so.
I think the dude I liked the guitarist was cool. Yeah. Okay. So you go to the music festival, chock full of fellow 16 year olds.
Right. Everyone's like frothing at the mouth. Just waiting. We were like those fangirls who would get there early, like we got in that crowd hours early so we could be right at the front.
So me and my homie were right at the front and as it's like getting closer to the time that the show actually starts, the crowd's getting bigger. So we're getting kind of pushed into that barricade. Yes. It's kind of scary feeling.
Yeah, not super fun. But you know, like those metal barricades, how they're set up where it's like every maybe six feet. There's the little like posts that go down and then at the bottom, there's a really big flat square metal base. Yeah.
Okay. Where I'm standing at the barricade, it's right in front of that part where there's the metal base. So I'm kind of standing with my feet on that. Oh, okay.
And that isn't important for the story. Okay. The concert is starting. So the band's coming out.
I'm like losing my damn mind. I'm so excited. Yeah. It's like the adrenaline's rushing.
I've never felt in your life. At that point. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I'm like, Oh, I'm alive. Apex life experience right then. So at this point, I was 16. I have had orgasms before manual, you know, no like fancy toys involved.
No vibration. That shit. Basic classic. Classic DIY.
Use what you got. Real do it yourself. The concert starting. I'm just living something about the way that this barricade was set up was different to any concert bench.
Where the barricade was vibrating. Oh, because of the sound probably being so loud and cool. Yeah. And like it's a band that's a little more kind of punk metal core.
So like it's a lot of bass guitar drums. It's a lot of sound. So the first song that's playing. It's my favorite song too.
So I'm just being so excited. So I'm standing on the barricade. My entire body is vibrating. Oh my God.
What a time to be alive. I'm so jealous. Yeah. I was seeing my favorite band and being vibrated.
Oh my God. My favorite professor. Oh, giving the best life career of his career. Yeah.
I'm into this first song that's going. The excitement's ramping up ramping up about three seconds before this happens. I realize that the excitement is that kind of excitement. Sexual.
Yeah. Yeah. I have about two seconds to go. Oh, I'm about to organ.
Yeah. Yeah. I realized what kind of excitement's happening. I had not experienced that vibration.
Right. So I just realized there's nothing I can do about this. And I had literally two seconds. I had what happened.
Like a minute into the first song. Oh. And were you like audible? No.
Although I could have been. Yeah. And it would have been fine. Screamo.
Screamo. Screamo. Right. That is screamo show.
I haven't put that together. Oh, wow. Oh my God. Okay.
So follow up question. Obvi. Three songs later. I'm like, let's do that again.
Did you go hunting now for some follow ups? No. I think I had the opposite reaction where the second that was done, I push off the barricade. I go, get me the fuck.
Oh, okay. Okay. And my friends looking at me like, we wait in line to get in the front. Why are you like going behind me?
Oh, wow. You should have stuck her. Well, it's intense. It's intense.
That's why I said three songs later. I didn't expect you to want to get back on that horse. It's on me. But song four.
Yeah. You think I'm going in for more. Seconds. Oh, man.
I can't imagine seeing like my favorite band at that age where it's like I'm an adult who goes gets to do what I want that feeling. That's really intoxicated. Yeah. And then climaxing in public.
I doubt even when I smoke crack, I've ever hit the level of elation you must have been at. Yeah. That is fun. I'm so jealous.
It was a moment. That's for sure. The female body is so amazing. We can organize them through our feet, basically.
That's what happened. Yeah. After that, I had to tell my friend what had just happened and she could not stop laughing. She thought it was the funniest thing she's ever heard.
I'm very impressed. You told her. Yeah, I agree. Right?
I wouldn't have. You wouldn't have, right? I would have done. Oh my God.
I would have been all out of swords. You'd have been back up for song three or four about this. You wouldn't have been talking to anybody. You would have been riding that.
And whoever was up on that stage next. I don't care who it was. I want to stick around for this. It's people too.
I love bluegrass. Oh, there's bluegrass next? I mean, sure, I love screamo, but I also love bluegrass. Well, Hannah, thank you so much for telling us that story.
That was incredible. And we're both very envious and jealous. Yes. And congratulations.
You got real lucky. Yeah. Thank you guys so much. You were my quarantine buddies in the thick of the quarantine when I was living by myself.
Oh, it's really cool to meet you all. Thank you so much. Yeah, it's really nice to meet you. Take care.
Take care. Bye. Okay. I thought of something because of emotional punk rock.
John, are you going to start? Yes, yes. You can call it emo puro. Emo puro.
Yeah. I like it. I do. Does it sound like Japanese somehow?
Yeah. That's fine. I don't know. I just wonder if people will be like, are they in some how appropriate?
Emo puro. Emo puro. Emo puro. Oh my God.
What island are you from? No, no, that's just the music I'm really into. Emo puro. Oh, is it Japanese?
Yeah, there might be some Japanese bands that are emo puro, but it's not a Japanese. They're presumably emotional and punk rock. Screamo specifically has yelling. Sure.
Yeah. This is not screamo. This is emotional punk rock. With or without screaming.
Yeah. Sometimes they're screaming. Sometimes they're not. Depends on the emotion.
I thought of another pound drum. Anna. Oh, it's inside of Anna. Hello.
So you really think of it. Hi, Olivia. How are you? I'm doing great.
How are you? Great. It's nice to meet you. Where in the country are you?
I'm in upstate New York. Oh, no kidding. I'm in upstate New York having these unexpected orgas. In the air.
It has made me want to relocate to upstate New York. I'll tell you that much. What year did this happen? And did it happen in upstate New York?
No. This would have happened where I was living at the time, but I was in the eighth grade actually. Okay. They're getting younger.
Hold on. I just want to say literally it went 22 to the 16 that were at 12. It's better for Dax because it happened. Rain them in.
I don't know if I can talk to someone if it gets younger than this. Since I was already active in eighth grade, I'm going to continue. In eighth grade science class, we had this assignment where we had to send a potato chip through the mail to the school. I don't really remember.
What we were learning about at the time, maybe something with physics. What a fun science class. Yeah, it was very random. But basically the objective was for the chip to arrive completely intact.
I needed to be packaged in a way so that it weighed the least amount possible. So we sort of had to think creatively about how we were going to package it. Cool. And so our teachers explaining the requirements and she tells us that if our chip breaks, then we are going to lose a bunch of points on the assignment.
But on the other hand, whoever figures out a way to send their chip with the lightest packaging will get like extra bonus points. I was known at the time for being like a pretty good student. I wanted to do well. So any time there was extra credit opportunity, I was like, yeah, I'm doing it.
So I'm intrigued by the challenge and I start thinking about how I'm going to do this. And we had to do the assignment over when I break. I'm talking to my mom about it, explaining how it works. And she goes, well, why don't you just find like a small potato chip that's kind of flat.
Like if you use something too large that has all the curves and the ridges, it's probably more easily breakable. And then just like wrap it in a ton of bubble wrap and put it in a letter envelope. And initially I'm like, I don't know if that's going to cut it. And she's like, no, no, I think it'll be fine.
And even though I'm a little bit skeptical, I kind of go against my better judgment. And I go with this idea because my mom seems pretty convinced that it's going to work. And I'm very focused on getting those extra bonus points. So I want something that's going to be very light.
Looking back, if I had a little more common sense, it's like obviously it's probably not going to work given how like things are handled in the mail. But I convinced myself it's going to be fine. I get everything together and I send my package out to the school. So we come back from winter break.
We head to science class. Our teacher has all the packages up at the front of the classroom and she's going to go through them one by one. So for each package, she's recording the way and she opens it to see if the chip made it to the school in one piece. You want to hear what I would do?
Absolutely. And then I would hollow it out. I would have made a box. I would have made a styrofoam box, put the chip in the styrofoam box and put that in an envelope.
That's a pretty good idea to fit in an envelope if it was a box shape. Because you only need to make it like that big. Do you think the styrofoam is thick enough? Yeah, as long as you just carved out the middle and all the edges, there's no real give in that styrofoam.
So I think that could have been really light. And you would have built basically a little cabin for the chip to ride in. Will you do it and send it to my apartment? Okay.
We can test it out. I've got to go to Michael's. Is that where I get my supplies? I need one of those razor knives.
Sorry, I just wanted to get that out there in case you tell us that the big breakthrough was that design. I wanted to get credit for it if it comes our way. I only wish I had thought of that idea. Maybe I could have avoided this situation.
Okay. So she starts going through the various packages and we see all the cool ideas that kids came up with. I remember one person put their chip inside of one of those like plastic Easter eggs. Oh, yeah.
Other people are using all these random objects to protect their chips. So there's some very creative stuff happening. Yeah. As we're working our way through the packages, the whole class starts to get like really into it.
And everyone's getting like real competitive about it. Like who's going to have the lightest package. So far nobody's chip has been revealed to be broken and my teacher is pretty impressed by everyone's work. I'm shocked.
Yeah. And at this point, the class is getting pretty rowdy. Like everybody's saying who they think's going to win and people are choosing sides and cheering for their person. And then my teacher finally holds up my little envelope that I sent and this stops everyone in their tracks.
Everyone is like, Oh, no way. That is so small. That's going to be like practically nothing. She's going to win for sure.
So the pressure's on and everyone is on the edge of their seat and I'm like, yes, let's open this thing. Then my teacher opens the envelope and does the bubble wrap and huge shocker. My potato chip is not just broken. It's obliterated into a million little crumbs.
Yeah. In the envelope. Exactly. Let me surprise.
So it's just such an anti-climactic reveal and the whole class just kind of goes into this awkward silence because everybody knows I'm getting a bad grade and it's like, Oh, damn, that's kind of disappointing. So my teacher just goes, Oh, that's too bad and just kind of quickly tries to move on to the next one. But I can kind of tell by the look on her face that she's like, really? I think she kind of like expected that I was going to do something a little bit more than just using bubble wrap and putting in a little envelope.
Meanwhile, everyone in the class is staring at me and I can feel my cheeks starting to get really hot. And I'm sure my face is probably like red as a tomato. I'm just really unbelievably embarrassed that I'm the only one who had a broken potato chip in that I've like disappointed my teacher and I wish I could sink into the floor and disappear. And at this point, my head feels like it's on fire, like my heart's beating super fast, clearly exhibiting some classic signs of like stress and embarrassment here.
Like looking back, it's not that embarrassing. But in the moment, I was just very mortified. So all of a sudden, I start to experience this strange feeling in between my legs while you're dealing with all of this embarrassment. Yes.
Maybe because of. So I'm getting this feeling between my legs. It's like all tingly. I can really feel like the blood is pumping and it all happened like so fast, but in my surprise and confusion as to why I was feeling this way, I sort of shifted in my seat and contracted my muscles.