Asha Rajan: Grief is Love

On episode 12 we’re thrilled to listen to and be in conversation with Asha Rajan who reads her essay “The Smell of Grief.” In this piece she writes about smells she associated with different family members as she sat with them as they died: “Grief smells like over-cooked cabbage, citronella, sandlewood, unwashed bodies, and pages of a fading book, like dying stars.” Asha describes rituals she grew up with around grief. How there are periods of grieving: 30 days of mourning where you inhabit your grief, where you don’t leave the house, where others come to you so the family can focus on grief. One of the rituals is around scattering ashes. Some of the ashes are mixed with rice and fed to crows so the crows can take the soul to the next life. She tells us: “Grief doesn’t diminish over time. We get bigger, more able to deal with grief. Grief is love.” Asha has worked with First Nations Peoples and talks about acknowledging that the land we stand on comes with a brutal history. She shares how land and country have a much bigger role for Indigenous Peoples. How land is built into mythology, religion, daily life. Land is more than a resource. It’s almost another family member. The loss of land is a deep grief. Asha Rajan is a South Indian-Australian writer who lives and creates in Boorloo on Whadjuk, Noongar boodjar (Perth, Western Australia), with deep respect for the traditional owners and elders; the original storytellers of this land. Asha’s cultural heritage and love of animals often find their way into her work, and her favorite bird is the flamingo. She has also been in a torrid, often one-sided love affair with poetry since she was a child. Asha is in permanent servitude to two small dogs and when she’s not shouting at them to come back from the other side of the dog- park, she shouts about social justice. You can find out more about Asha here:  https://asharajanwriter.com Thank you for letting us be in your ears for this thoughtful conversation. Grief and Gratitude is a created by Anne Gudger and Maria Gibson, a mom/daughter duo who talk about grief.  You can find them on Facebook at Coffee and Grief. Please join their private Facebook page: Coffee and Grief Community. You can also email them at: [email protected] Anne’s memoir, THE FIFTH CHAMBER, a memoir of loss and love, is forthcoming September 2023. It’s available for pre-order at your local bookstore and on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and bookshop.org