Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

For one last time in 2023, this week we ring out the old and ring in the new with a New Year's Eve-set dad-pandering actioner, the 2005 remake of John Carpenter's crime-horror classic Assault on Precinct 13, directed by Jean-Francois Richet, and starring Ethan Hawke, Laurence Fishburne, Gabriel Byrne, Mario Bello, Drea de Matteo, John Leguizamo, Brian Dennehy, Ja Rule and Kim Coates. I'll be straight up: the movie is not good. It's not horrible either, and definitely has a lot of strong elements, including compelling performances from our two leads. But its grey zone blandness makes it almost the perfect movie to close out the year with, as this kind of bad-good movie is a perfect tonal fit for the weird hazy week that falls between Christmas and New Year's. The perfect kind of movie to watch in the middle of the day when you're nursing a hangover. Plus, we talk the pure comfort of watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy at this time of year, set our movie-watching goals for the year ahead, and revisit America's new favourite podcast segment: Did Hayley Hate It. Other works discussed in this episode include Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Merry Little Batman, Plane, Wedding Crashers, The New World and Unleashed, among many others. If you'd like to watch the movie ahead of listening along, and we do not necessarily recommend it this week, the movie is not currently streaming in Canada but is rentable on Amazon and YouTube for $5. The original Carpenter classic meanwhile is free on Tubi at the time of publication. We'll be back next week to kick off our January mini-series, The Hunt For The American James Bond, which will include The Hunt For Red October on January 5th, Patriot Games on January 12th, Clear and Present Danger on January 19th, and the Val Kilmer vehicle The Saint as our canonical consideration on January 26th to close out the month. Until then, happy new year, we love you, and we'll see you at the movies!