AT THE LAST BENCH

What this episode covers

Hey... Welcome to THE TEENAGER'S DIARY where you hear the different feelings, thoughts, and emotions of the teenager. Well, this is your host, SHADOW SPARKLING. I'm a different teen of 14 and I hope to enlighten you by sharing everything I have. Well,... Today, we are going to talk about "AT THE LAST BENCH". And like always, I would love if you keep an open-mindset while listening to this. THE STARTING. Wow! It has been more than a year and a half since I saw my whole class. Our school though partially opened before the annual exams of the previous class; I didn’t have the clear look as I did now. It was just a week and most of the students wouldn’t be present. And during the exams I could barely focus on anything else. Well, this time, it opened and now everything is in black and white. No, actually that’s the color pattern for our school uniform.... FIRST DAY. Well, I wouldn’t say it was not well, but something was missing. Or was it me realizing that I’m a little bit of nihilist myself. “Not everything has a purpose” isn’t my motto but it’s that “not everything is worth it”. Our class’s position has been changed. It’s a little too close to the teacher’s staff room. The first day I went and sat where I was back in the previous class. That day I got up early. Like really early. But when I was being ready, I couldn’t find my black and white uniform and hence I have to wear my sports cloths. It’s red and blue. And still that combination makes me nothing. SHOWING OFF. I thought that I should wear the school dress of my previous class, which I had outgrown. My veins would look amazing. I will have everyone’s eyes. But showing off hasn’t been my thing. It has never been since I learned that THE TOP OF EVERY MOUNTAIN IS A NEW BIGGER MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB. I measured that it took me approximately 4 minutes to go to school from home by cycling. And after that I feel like my time has got wasted standing in the assembly, not understanding the blurred pronunciation of the girls who are more than eager to stand before the steel rods and speak before the mics as MISTRESSES. My second crush is one of them too. She is the same except she has got fatter and her tits are small but her butt is decent. SITTING DOWN. Well, that day and it has been quite a few days, since I go to school, enter our classroom in the 1st floor and put my bag in the nearest bench to the door. That’s the last bench. I did it in the previous class too, when the school partially opened. Why do I sit in the last? Why would the topper of the class sit at the last? Well, for the first question, you have to sit at the end to understand the different feeling. And it doesn’t matter if I’m the topper because frankly I don’t give a shit. I didn’t have anyone honestly. Anyone to share my stuffs with. Not of the same mindset. I do call all my peers and everyone my friend, but something has been off since… I don’t know. Just not feeling it. LONELY? For those who think that it’s lonely at the back… Well, I’m not all alone there. I have been there for me when no one wasn’t. And I would always be there for me. It’s not a over exaggeration and I would tell you that I kinda don’t like, no, I hate using my TIME, doing unproductive things. The last bench, not the second last or the third last bench, takes you to a different level. It’s a different energy all together. It’s dark at the corner but I don’t have a problem because I have spent a lot of time crawling out and yet enjoying the dark nature of my abyss. Most of us have. WHAT IT GIVES. From the last bench, you can have the entire view of the class. Like the leader of your army. It’s all visible from there. And it saves you from the glares and eyes of the teachers, thereby not being the TEACHER’S PET. And there is PEACE in the middle. A SILENT SOLACE could be found there if you get detached. It’s not something you get everywhere. I personally crave for the peace because it gives you a different way of thinking. A different way to see this world around you. A different way of telling the stories you tell yourselves. Meditation in the morning is the common way I find this peace. It’s cold and dark yet my Artemis shines bright most days, during DAWN. There’s freshness all around. And it’s like begging you to have some of what it has, PEACE, SILENCE & DIFFERENT VIEWING CAPABILITY. IN THE END. For people who are thinking what is there at the end, it’s a different world to inhabit. This is not so bad at all. People think, no, they tell themselves stories that the top boy/girl should sit at the front. Then those stories stay with them till they are parents themselves and after that they tell their children that they must sit on the first rows and input in their mind that the bad boys sit at the back. I am kinda glad that there isn’t a SEAT ROTATION, because I honestly don’t want to exit my dark abode. It’s just like how I want it to be. I’m grateful for what I have. IN THE END, THAT DAY. That day, I felt a sudden chill running through my spine. I don’t know why. I was there doing my things in the last bench, when I felt a presence. It wasn’t not the usual one. It’s a different feeling and after that, I kinda think… It was not the something normal and I felt it. It was probably the loneliness taking it toll. I listened to The Search by NF that night before I went to slept. The Search is the most relatable song to me. The link to listen in Spotify is here. And now, I just tomorrow a new sun would rise out of the night’s shadows. Some days, I just go to my roof during the night, and touch my shadow formed by my Artemis’s bright light and say, “I WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED THE MOST. I’M GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU WOULD NEED ME THE MOST.” It’s like telling to someone, whom you truly love. But still, everything’s fine. Well, that’s all I had to share. Thanks for listening. That will be all . Thanks for being till the end. Sign up to my weekly newsletter , where I will remind you about the things you might have missed. It's FREE and will come on SUNDAYS . You just have to scroll down to the footer. I would be extremely grateful to you for doing that hard work of scrolling . Check out my INSTAGRAM & TWITTER accounts too. And also, you can get to know me at my FACEBOOK PAGE & PINTEREST. They too are at the bottom . Or you can simply click at the three lines at the top right. Goodbye, till we meet in the next entry . This is Shadow Sparkling signing off.

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