Avoidance, Husbands & Fear

There’s a sense of “edging” that I am experiencing with so many women – desperately seeking change yet when they come 'too close' to the bone, pulling back.    I wonder what it might be that women are so afraid of? What do they believe they are going to discover if they were to pull the veil of illusion off and face the truth they carry in every quantum particle in their body head on?    There are so many conversations that women are terrified to unpack, because they know if they do, they no longer could tolerate the lives they are living.    Ah, the dreaded “husband” conversation.    This is one of the conversations the vast majority of women around me seem to really want to avoid / ignore / dismiss / defend. So many women are having significant and often violent issues with their husbands and they still choose to stay and put up with it. All I can do is wonder – at what cost?   It isn't that the men in our lives are bad or wrong, it's that we are consistently settling, diminishing our fire (as a metaphor for ourSelves) in order to be able to tolerate our intimacy-free lives ... desperately seeking not-that, clinging to anything to just “keep it together”.   If only I try harder. If only I was different. If only I was more patient / loving / caring / compassionate / generous / giving / virtuous / kind / nice.     Maybe things would change. Maybe not …    How much evidence do you need that giving up more of yourself will never get you the life you yearn for?    I really don’t know … and I know that I trust what it is. After all, who am I to say it should be anything other than exactly what it is? All I know is that *I* am unwilling to die with my life lived for someone else ... I don't see a reward at the end of that carrot ...    The only place I see a reward is turning inward. I am much more afraid of the consequences of settling than I am of discovering that which I believe I am afraid of. In fact, for me, settling is categorically not an option.    I choose evolution. I know, I trust, wholeheartedly, that if I'm not in WEL-Systems based conversations, I am in the default ... and the default is debilitating, and it is killing us.    The default teaches women to want is wrong – never mind to reach for and take (that’s just rude!). It teaches women to put up with what is. A strong woman is one who finds ways to stay and tolerate the intolerable. And in her doing so, she teaches her daughter how to tolerate misery, also. Yikes!    The cultural conditioning that says tolerate mediocrity and be happy with it is what traps so many women in the cycle of start-to-evolve then stop. Or a cycle of curiosity edging, and then stop.    Start / stop is no way to live. It demands so much from us because we start from stop all the time. Imagine seeking to drive somewhere with one foot on the gas and the other on the breaks, alternating between the two with no momentum. How far would you get?    Seeking clarity of vision in our own life will set us free. Yet to gain clarity, we must not only seek, but also give ourselves permission to stay in the process long enough to discover.    The dredging we do in the conversations I facilitate is not for no reason; it's not just to stir things up and then back off to 'let the dust settle' ... it's for a higher order purpose – the purpose being Self-discovery! In the process of Self-exploration we discover that there is treasure at the bottom of it all, but you will never find it if you're too afraid of what you'll discover ...