Avoidant Attachment, Dating Patterns, and What Changed My Love Life

In this episode of Note 2 Self, Saskia maps a dating pattern most people recognize but rarely name: the people who feel chemically intense and exciting, while quietly leaving her anxious, confused, and spinning. She uncovers a decade of patterns starting in New York with the first wave of ghosting that trained her to chase intensity, then moves into Sydney, where a second cycle confirmed she was repeatedly attracting emotionally unavailable men.From there, she gets practical. She shares how attachment theory and therapy helped her rewire the script from “high and crash” to “clarity and consistency,” and the five red flags she now catches earlier. Saskia also gets specific about process: she built a list of what she wanted to feel, not just what someone looked like on paper, and kept revising it until it gave her a new standard for love.The turning point came in New York with two dates that made the pattern impossible to ignore: one familiar, one calm. She chose the uncomfortable calm over the old high, and that choice became the foundation of the relationship she has with Jeffrey today. The lesson is direct: anxiety can mimic love, but calm is often the truest signal of safety.Tune in now.