Battle Magic: Cocaine Diplomacy in 55 BCE

Gaul, 55 BCE. Julius Caesar's legions are marching north. A small Gallic village of thatched roundhouses stands in their way. And Tan has just arrived as "Risky Dave" — a cockney wide boy inspired by Asterix and Obelix, but with one critical substitution. Instead of magic potion, he's brought cocaine. In the Asterix comics, the druid Getafix brews a strength potion. Risky Dave has Colombian marching powder. Risky Dave can't speak the language, doesn't know the geography, and his entire communication strategy is pointing at his mouth and rubbing his stomach. His plan: find the village druid, replace the magic potion with class-A substances, and rally the Gauls to "bash the Roman pigs up." The substitution raises questions that the Asterix comics never had to address, chiefly what happens when an entire war party has access to battle stimulants but zero tactical coordination. And what happens when Caesar himself gets curious about the new magic. Caesar's conquest of Gaul was one of antiquity's most devastating military campaigns — eight years of warfare that killed an estimated one million Gauls and enslaved another million. The beloved Asterix comics reimagined this as a plucky village holding out with magic potion. PastMaster reimagines the reimagining with class-A substances and even less historical accuracy. If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered. Era: Ancient | 55 BCE | Gaul, France Contains: Drug references, Roman military violence, and a profound misunderstanding of Asterix lore. EPISODE LINKS Follow Tan's adventure on the PastMaster Interactive Map 👉 https://map.pastmasterpod.com GET IN TOUCH Sign up to our newsletter 👉 www.pastmasterpod.com Instagram 👉 @pastmasterpod TikTok 👉 @pastmasterpod X 👉 @pastmasterAI Email us 👉 [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices