before I go to sleep25(文稿)

更多英文有声读物中英对照同步视频请至www.smuxzlk.com或加V信公众号：yyxxzlk

I take it from him. It is brown, bound in leather, its pages held closed by an elastic band. 

I take that off and open it at random. The paper is heavy and faintly lined, with a red margin, and the pages filled with dense handwriting.

‘What is it?’ I say.‘It’s a journal,’ he says. ‘One that you’ve been keeping over the past few weeks.’

I am shocked. ‘A journal?’ I wonder why he has it.‘Yes. A record of what we’ve been doing recently. 

‘I asked you to keep it. We’ve been doing a lot of work around trying to find out exactly how your memory behaves. I thought it might be helpful for you to keep a record of what we’ve been doing.’

I look at the book in front of me. ‘So I’ve written this?’
‘Yes. I told you to write whatever you like in it. 

‘Many amnesiacs have tried similar things, but usually it’s not as helpful as you might think as they have such a small window of memory. 

‘But as there are some things that you can remember for the whole day, I didn’t see why you shouldn’t jot down some notes in a book every evening. 

‘I thought it might help you to maintain a thread of memory from one day to the next. 

‘Plus I felt that memory might be like a muscle, something that can be strengthened through exercise.’

‘And you’ve been reading it, as we’ve been going along?’
‘No,’ he says. ‘You’ve been writing it in private.’

‘But how—?’ I begin, and then say, ‘Ben’s been reminding me to write in it?’

He shakes his head. ‘I suggested that you keep it secret,’ he says. ‘You’ve been hiding it, at home. I’ve been calling you to tell you where it’s hidden.’

‘Every day?’
‘Yes. More or less.’
‘Not Ben?’He pauses, then says, ‘No. Ben hasn’t read it.’

I wonder why not, what it might contain that I do not want my husband to see. What secrets might I have? Secrets I don’t even know myself.

‘But you’ve read it?’
‘You left it with me a few days ago,’ he says. ‘You said you wanted me to read it. That it was time.’