Being a Leader in a Faith Crisis | Guest Post & Interview With Tom Tolman

Tom Tolman teaches leadership to future military officers as the director of the Army ROTC program at James Madison University. He has served in two branch presidencies, as an elders quorum president and as a missionary in Japan. During his military career he has led and served in a variety of units including the 82nd Airborne Division, U.S. Special Operations Command, British Army Headquarters and the United States Military Academy at West Point.  He has deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. Tom lives in Harrisonburg, VA with his wife Erin and four kids – Emma, Mary, Bennett, and Connor. Be sure to listen to the attached interview where Tom and Kurt talk in detail about what led up to Tom giving this talk in sacrament meeting.  Enter Tom… I like to run.  A few years ago I was training for a marathon.  Every Saturday I’d go for a long run – sometimes as long as 20 miles.  After the run, I had a particular craving for and would usually eat a large bowl of ramen soup.  After one run, a friend pointed out that the raman soup I was eating was terrible and contained high levels of sodium increasing my risk of high blood pressure and other problems.  I stopped eating the soup. As it turns out, because of the long runs and the physical activity, my body actually needed the extra salt. Thomas McConkie, author of Navigating a Mormon Faith Crisis, used a similar metaphor to talk about our spiritual needs.  He wrote: We have similar cravings spiritually. They feel counter-intuitive because in our mind, we know what we need for spiritual nourishment. Our culture has taught us what a proper diet looks like: read scriptures, go to church, pray, lose yourself in service to others. Repeat. Of course there is true sustenance in this formula. In Mormonism, it’s a bit like the spiritual food pyramid. And yet, we know more about developmental nutrition now than ever before. There are modifications in our diet that can lead to exhilarating growth spurts. There are different kinds of nutrients that we crave during different phases of our spiritual becoming. There are foods we need that we might not realize just how much we need. We all need different food. We all know members of the Church who aren’t attending regularly.  Or at all.  A close friend.  A family member.  Well over half the members of our branch don’t attend and that’s pretty normal across the Church.  Why is this?  Sometimes we are quick to propose reasons – perhaps they were offended; maybe they wanted to sin; maybe they were misled by some anti-mormon material or they just weren’t diligent enough in their scripture study and prayer. Perhaps, in some cases, despite our best efforts, everyone doesn’t find the spiritual nourishment they need at church.  When we, in well-meaning ways, attempt to force others to follow the diet that has always worked for us sometimes the consequences aren’t what we hoped. Now, I’m not speaking in some hypothetical or theoretical sense.   I’m going to be very candid.  About two years ago I had what we often call a crisis of faith.  Many of the things that I had regarded with great certainty I was no longer able to view the same way.  I had questions about seer stones and polygamy.  And dozens of others.  Nothing seemed to quite make sense. In the midst of my questioning, I felt alone and like I was suffocating.  Although I sat on the stand each week and was surrounded by loving and well-meaning friends and family I felt like my questions weren’t appropriate.  That my questions might be contagious and cause others to doubt – an outcome I didn’t want to inflict on anyone.  That my questions, if verbalized, would cause others to question my dedication or worthiness.