Being Broken Open By Love

Today, it has been a year since I pushed Maya out of my body and into the world.To be completely honest it’s been the hardest year of my life.I took a dive into the deep end of motherhood by having two babies in two years.It’s felt like I’ve mostly just been under water, only getting the most necessary gasps of air before I’m resubmerged in and under a new wave of new phases of development and new things to learn.Motherhood is on the job training at its most intense.I’m not sure there is anything that could have prepared me for this last year. Motherhood is one of those things you just jump in to and learn as you go. Thank God that’s how I prefer to do things.It has been and is messy.It has been and is painful.It has been and is the most exhausting thing I have ever done.It has been and is relentless.And yet, even in the darkest moments I always cling to this anchor that I feel in the deepest marrow of my bones: I was made for this.I am proud to say that I believe that being a mother is one of my highest human purposes in life. Not my only purpose, by any means, but one of the most important acts of service I will preform.To shepard these precious souls into the world is the highest order of work.Mothering matters to me and being a mother, with all its hardship and sacrifice, is the most enormous honor of my life.And so, this has also been one of the most satisfying and fulfilling years of my life.I’m not sure there is anything like motherhood to make you aware of what really matters and the truth that to touch the highs we must experience the lows.We do not get the good without the bad. In fact, maybe the bad is actually part of the good and vice versa.The times when it gets the most difficult are the times our potential for opening expands. Becoming a mother means your heart expands to touch some of the most tender and unselfish aspects of yourself. Motherhood shows you the pure nobility as well as the darkest shadows of your true character.We require a certain kind of breaking open to touch the softest spots within us. And only the softest spots are the spots that can actually experience the level of sweetness we feel for our babies. We need to be broken. In fact, the breaking is what allows us to be rearranged in such a way that our children fit in our lives.And motherhood can be the source of so much breaking and so much softening if we allow it shape us and move through us. It is our opportunity to transform ourselves. It is our opportunity let ourselves be broken open into more love.Motherhood is one of the hottest fires I will walk through in this life time and I’m sure it will continue to burn away pieces of myself the deeper and farther I go in it. I pray it does. I pray I let it. I pray these little humans I get to spend so much time with continue to teach me and show me what it means to love unconditionally and stretch me in every way they possibly can. If I accept the challenge, I know motherhood can be a perpetual process of change and transformation—a dynamic experience of being broken open by love.There are three ways to work with me right now: * HOME BODY sessions | one hour with me guiding you into your body as your home. 2 more at $111, then they go up to $222. Message to book. * FED | 6 month container where we will have a feast for the mind, body and soul and explore deep nourishment. | Message me to book a free connection call about this.* 1:1 Alchemical Journey | 12 months with me connecting to your most resourced self during times of navigating big transitions. | Message me to book a free connection call about this. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit clarabelize.substack.com/subscribe