BICKERING: How to Stop Having the Same Argument Ep 140

What is really happening when you keep having the same conversations and arguments over and over again?My husband and I spent an entire day bickering last weekend. I could finally choose to change the conversation by recognising the patterns of victimisation, judgment and control that I was bringing to the situation.In this episode I take you inside the conflict, including the moment (or should I say moments - there were a few!) I caught myself going into what I call “schooling mode”: patronising, explaining, judging and trying to make my husband understand exactly how he was wrong.It felt like I was taking control of the situation but in reality, I was trying to control him. His emotions, his behaviour, his life. And in doing so, I was escalating the conflict and making it impossible for him to hear me.When I stopped focusing on HIS behaviour and put my attention back on caring for myself and using my energy to build up my own resources, things began to change. And when I was faced with another moment where I could have gone straight back into judgment and victimisation, I was able to choose a different thought...and a different outcome.Changing the way you respond does not mean staying silent and tolerating bad behaviour or giving somebody a free pass.It means being able to discern what's going on and communicate honestly and hold somebody to a higher standard without approaching them from superiority, judgment or the need to be right.If you’ve ever:Had the same argument with somebody repeatedlyFelt responsible for managing another person’s emotionsFound yourself explaining somebody’s behaviour back to themBecome patronising or condescending when you feel hurtWanted to address bad behaviour without escalating the conflictChanging conflict does not begin with finding a better way to explain why the other person is wrong.It begins with recognising the pattern you are bringing into the conversation, cleaning up your side of the street and choosing how you want to respond.You can find out more about working with me at www.kayaramjee.com