Big Feelings

Years ago, when I was selling TV advertising, I came to work one day, and my key card didn’t let me into the garage. I’m leaning out of my car in the rain, frantically waving the card in front of the reader. The TV station was in Seattle, parking was a mess, which was why the company parking mattered. I had two young kids, I was a single mom, and I carried a chip the size of a washing machine on my shoulder because everyone else that I worked with had lots of money. Or so I thought. They’d chat about their second homes when I didn’t even own a first one. Even after my car was parked, on the street, far away from the station, and I had walked, on my uncomfortable high heels up to my office, I was still steaming mad. Because I was afraid. Did the key card not work because I was fired? My boss couldn’t stand me because I made more in sales than the rest of the team combined. That’s not hyperbole, that is actually true, and she did end up firing me. But the key card was a glitch, not a termination although I didn’t know that at the time. I carried a briefcase then, with my company laptop in it. I walked into my little office. My office mate was out on calls, so I had the office to myself. But the door was open. I threw my briefcase across the room. It landed with a dramatic thud against the opposite wall. The rest of the office, outside the door, got very quiet. It's no surprise then that I write a lot about Big Feelings. How to deal with your emotions and those of the people around you; how to manage your own emotional ups and downs. Basically, self-regulation. I write about feelings not just because I am a reformed laptop hurler but because navigating Big Feelings is an important part of emotional intelligence, leadership, and not being an a*****e. Anger, shame, fear, conflict, the ups and downs of any creative process can buffet us. How we manage those storms in ourselves and with others can determine how strong our relationships are. Get full access to Fierce Grace at speirolo.substack.com/subscribe