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Make sure you live your life to the fullest. Don't die old and pissed. Die old but young in your soul with a big dumb smile on your face. FatherGrind.com Don't go on Morgan Wallen before.
I think he's just kind of corny with me and I was like, no, country, I mean some country, but it's not really my thing before I go on a show. He's like, all right. Then we kind of wrap this off and he goes, well, anyway, we'll be right back everybody. This is today's country hits.
Oh, no. Oh, shit. Oh, you're trying to. He's trying to bro down.
Oh. Yeah, we're trying to bro down. I'm like, country, no, you guys are a bunch of hillbilly idiots. Oh, close your eyes.
It's a dragon. It's a fog machine from the smallest of areas. It really did sound like a dragon. See?
You finally got somebody. Finally. Not a fan of Game of Thrones. It's just a total fan and nobody gets it, but that is on.
That's probably all the Foley effects were. That's one tiny little Japanese chick with a fan. I am semi ashamed to how much I enjoy that. I know that I own and enjoy a nice flip fan.
Dude, I'm happy. Okay, so I don't know how to use it and then he invited us on the show yesterday and he did that and I was like, oh, teach me that. And now I know how to do that. And now that thing is way cooler than it originally was.
Big John Bobby Kelly. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Nice, Jay.
I used to watch for a while Netflix had not the main show, but the after show for one of the RuPaul's Drag Race and one of them. And the guy's name was Johnny something. He would just. Johnny Gay.
Johnny Sucks. No. Johnny Homo. Johnny Feltz.
Yes. Yeah. Johnny Feltz. I love that guy.
I like those were all real people and he's got one of those. Not Johnny. Not Johnny. Not Johnny Balls.
But he would do a, I used to love his intro because he would just, he was sexually harassed for sure the male dancers on the show. And it's just good. No, I first try. First try.
I was like, dude, dude's won't get upset about stuff. I guess he would grab the winner. I do all kinds of stuff. He should have ended it with the bloodshot.
But he goes, he would, the way he would send it up. He would go, this is our show. We talk about the RuPaul's Drag Race where we spill a little tea and throw a little shame. Oh, dude.
I love that. Listen to me in the New York that has it. The host. Big guy.
He goes. He's combo. Big. But he's all that.
Yeah. Yeah. He only sweats. So he does it.
Like sweat will just hit the crowd in the face. Just wet. No, but you got to have so the people see the fan art. So you get to walk around.
You're gay that everybody else. I always want to be a geisha. No, I want to be a geisha. And you fluff it good too.
He did like it really. I was raised by women until I was 11. So I've maintained a lot of that. Yeah, that always pays off for something.
Oh, it's, you know what, I love Marylle Manson and musicals. So I'm fine with that. J's a T-sipper. Okay.
DJ, did your pinkie come out when you hold a cup of tea? No. I don't think so. I don't think so.
Not instinctually. I think it came out. It was because you were of English descent. And then I realized, speak as your gay.
Yeah, yeah. Which is pretty much the same thing. Which I've been in my nails for the first time. Me too.
But I only paint two, but the two on the end because I watched John Wick religiously, one through four, and in the fourth one, this black guy called the guy with no name. He did it. And I reckon he's cool. The guy with the dog.
Yeah. He's a good guy. I reckon, and I don't know anything about it, that John Wick five, because spoiler alert, maybe John Wick's dead. Maybe not.
He could come back. You never know. But I reckon that black guy is the new John Wick, which means no one's going to watch it. Which means it's probably a bad idea.
It's not going to be a bad guy. More like John Wick. Wow. John Wickerson?
He's a fan. He's just like John Wick. I'm very, very. So I have to ask you guys, when we see you, how is our job treating you?
Why do you got to do that? I try to pretend that they don't have as studio now money, but they do. That's damn. Yeah, they took it.
We don't have your studio or your money, trust. That makes me feel a little bit better. Yeah, they got what you guys in hired 73 shows, including us. I see how that was a better business deal.
But they spread that money out through about 75 other shows. No, no, it's good to be here, man. I'm saying something interesting about you saw the John Wick. I had that and you were like, it looks cool.
I'm going to do it. It's an easier thing to admit as an adult. I bet if we went through, you can go through everything about your style and the person that inspired you to do it. It's all kind of stolen stuff.
I said the scarf in my back pocket. Little Wayne into 2010 VMA awards. Yeah. Had an after him.
Hang out the back pocket. It's one little thing. It's a little piece. I used to say that about skateboarding.
When I was a little kid, I wanted to be like Christian Ossoi and I wanted to be like Chris Miller and I wanted to be like Jason Jesse. Then I found out Jason Jesse was racist. I was like, whoops, I don't like that. The other guys, I tried to look like them and then when I got better and started doing my own tricks, I turned into me.
But me is pieces of them. I just couldn't do the impression that spot on. But if you are from my era, you know certain things that I do where you could be like, where did you get that? Because there was a total ripoff there.
And then I see it now with the guys that were from my era, the new guys, stand a certain way like some of my friends. And I'm like, you were influenced by Danny Wayne. Like, very obvious. No, you're doing stand up.
Do you feel yourself having to stop yourself picking up other people? No, I'm not. That's the one thing I have noticed from the last because I used to like listen and watch stand up but never as a person that was wanted to be one. I just see that I saw that as that would never be me.
I would never have the balls or I just didn't see myself as that kind of a funny guy. Like that's just a whole new kind of thing where I'm like, I just wouldn't be able to do it. And then now I notice from watching everybody stand up and being friends with some bigger name people that the new guys do certain things. Like I see a lot of Shane Gillis microphone holders now where I go.
Oh, so he's really hot right now. So you guys, because I noticed I hold it like I'm dancing. I'm like, my boy. Oh, nobody in comedy does it.
They hold it very, they balance it on the very end and they like barely hold it. And I was like, oh, holding it down the end is like a professional comedy way to hold a microphone. And I'm like, I don't really want to be exactly like somebody else. But I definitely don't want to be like, Scott, he's going to be doing his hold it like he's got it right on the butt.
Like he doesn't know what he's doing. So I did drop my hand a little bit. So there was some kind of influence there. What's all the face like you're trying to like feign like casual like, I don't even find all the care.
I'm giving shit about this. I hold it like the shame thing is very popular. I see a lot of people doing that. It was like the ship hell would have picked up to drop the mic and slap your leg.
So let the courtiest know that it's funny. The latest audience knows it's time to laugh now. Yeah, yeah. Or walking a lot when someone told me you got to walk a lot and I like because it keeps there your focus on you.
And I was like, I don't think anyone's I think I got that covered. I think I just look like somebody that you're like, why is he what happened to him? Well, if he says keep walking. So gay guys don't look at your ass.
He wanted you to look at your ass and hoped you were gay. That was the one. It's the one in delirious. He goes it's a I keep walking around.
So gay dudes don't be looking at my ass. That's why we're skin tight leather pants. We're skin tight leather pants for that. Yeah.
Let me get the gayest suit I could possibly get. Even at that era was still ridiculous. But I think that didn't stop me from wanting one of those. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, mother Jackson did it first, but he didn't have any meat on his leg. So it didn't really sell. Yeah, it didn't sell. No, yeah.
He was the first black thing you lost was that ass. He was a narrow ass. Right. Someone's like he didn't have one from the get go.
Hey, I'm a professor at Dancer's ass. I think it was narrow. And he had no shirt too. It was just a leather jacket.
He had a good ass though. Fantastic ass. Hey Murphy. Yeah.
Oh yeah. I mean, I can also say people have good asses. Shout out. You're looking at two flat asses right here.
Yeah, I have an awful awful. I mean, look at that. Just like Maris. No, he did it.
He's all thing. That's ridiculous. 19 years old. That's what's most insane about that.
That's confidence right there. Completely. Yeah. I respect that.
And you know that he has got the history of the story of he got SNL because the other black guy they hired just went off the rails. What was it? Charlie Barnett. Who was a guy?
He was in DCC. He was locked in and he went bananas and they fired him. He used to do comedy in Washington Square. And then do a show and make five gallon bucket of what five gallon just empty bucket for money.
For money. Oh, wow. He would do a set kill in the park and then walk around and make all right after that he went back to the park and just started making it. What's that movie about the radio guy that got into stand up and then he was like on late night and he just like told people that he's this is all a scam and it's not going to be just fake.
Right. That wasn't real. It's like a Philly radio guy and like everybody loved him and then he got into stand up as a movie about him. This sounds like I'm getting like good morning Vietnam meets network meets Lady Bruce.
That's none of the three things I just said. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah. That's perfect.
Yeah, I never heard of it before. Yeah, but I think when it comes to stand up I noticed I don't have any influences because I don't idolize anybody and I never did. Like I thought Richard Pryor was funny but I wasn't like man I don't be like him. I just didn't see my guy.
It was feasible at the time. And then who's the stoner guy that OD'd? Mitch Edward. That's the only person that when I was a skateboarder I had his CD and I played it all the time.
That was the only time that I recall like if you said do you like stand up I'd be like Mitch Edward is awesome. He's the best. And if you're like who's the second best? I'd be like Richard Pryor because that was the only other one I know.
You know Mitch Hedberg actually his first special that broke him? Yeah. He bombed. They actually put laughter.
Was it outdoors? No, it was indoors. It was half hour special but he could hate it. And they used it.
And they put they just put laugh tracks in. Yeah. And then because people just didn't get it. And then people watched it and got it.
That's what my next question was when people played that special it's funny when people watched the special right. It was just people there didn't get it. Because that makes sense because the way he his jokes were if you want like trying to understand it and you were not open minded. Because I'm assuming at the time that no one had ever done it like that.
They're brilliant. But you could be like a dull I don't want to say I don't want to label anybody but I feel like your brain is kind of dull if you're like I don't really get it like I get it stupid. Well they film those half hours too they would have other comics on. Somebody probably went up before him and just leveled it.
Oh no way everybody it's Jason Ellis I'm going on tour I'm doing a comedy tour who wants to see me tell jokes hey Tulsa and Appleton Wisconsin and Louisville I don't even think I've been to Louisville but I'm coming to Louisville and I'm going to be an L wait I'm always in LA. But I'm doing jokes there too everybody go to the Jason Ellis dot com check out the dates of when I'm coming to your town to tell jokes to your face. Come on everybody has to go you better go if you leave that if I do jokes and nobody and you go oh man I didn't know you were going to be in Tacoma well wake up Tacoma because I'm coming all over you whoops. Oh I did my half hour special comedy center was me and Stephen Lynch a pretty popular guitar comic and I was essentially unknown.
Wait but it's your special half hours they did. Half hours they would do two and one day and so it wasn't because they weren't expecting you even to draw your audience. Okay but the thing was he was far more known because he was on Opie Anthony. Okay.
I bought Stephen Lynch and so it was his audience he went first and I just didn't go on after like on his audience afterwards. You know you guys always say if somebody does real bad before you it's bad. Yeah that's just what I got before my special my half hour special. The same thing has happened to you half hour special he went on and bombed in front of me.
And is that you would you would have said yourself oh great. Well yeah because I gotta I gotta get the crowd away. So he went out and he had like a map of his where he kept referring to every bomb he would just be like I'm from there and he had the thing behind him and they were just like yeah go fuck yourself. Yeah.
And that was back at the Opie and Anthony crowd so I had a lot of those fans there. Okay. They just weren't having whatever. Okay so they were kind of there for you.
Yeah they were but it was still like a shit. You're backstage is like shit. You don't want the guy to do good. Yeah.
You want to walk out to like a heated crowd. Yeah. The best is getting ready is like I said I like people like I was brought people on the road and especially do well in front of me before I go on because I want the crowd to be in a good mood. Yeah.
And then they're all just like the two people they purposely brought people that would eat shit in front of them because they like the idea of saving the day. But there is that weird middle spot where you're like the showcase shows like you do at the OR the comedy store. So I went and crowd sort of sucks right until the last minute. There is a moment when everyone's going crowd sucks.
Crouch sucks. Something inside you is a comic is going like yeah for you guys. We got there. And it's so funny how fast you switched like if your first two things don't go you go.
Crouch sucks man. It was right with him. Last night I did a show and it was like the back of a restaurant kind of thing. So it's not like the greatest kind of vibe.
And it was when I went in there it seemed like people were upper class people and I was like great because I knew I was going to say it was about second off a trans hooker and I was like oh this is going to go well and then the person that went before me was just a nice lady but she was like a religious lady that said she just recently she's been a virgin since she was 31 because her vagina shrunk from her religious upbringing and I was like I started laughing because I was like I'm next and I'm like this is so bad like you're like I think somebody touched my vagina fine and I'm like this is going to be weird but I had that weird feeling where I was like I'm going to wake him up and I think instead of because I also had that thing where I'm like if I was a seasoned comedian I would say that this would be the worst setup ever but I just feel like they don't know that comedy has started yet yeah that's what I told myself and then I made fun I wrote a new beer because the traffic about cars and how much they pissed me off and I wrote down and I was like all your car every so one of you has at least one of these cars because I was I think it's like eight to nine cars that I shit on and I'm like people that drive these cars that are in the crowd like hey man what are you talking about but I said just we're all consumers right like I put myself on the list because I got a BMW so don't worry about it and then I went into it and it was like okay I'm gonna be okay and then I blew a train so I didn't all worked out I was like the pizza shop and I could feel like boogie nights playing when I left I was like this is what it's like man you won in front of 30 people you're a killer that was the best feeling so it really was like the shit crowd all the way to the car so we'd last longer you know like heroin that's one of the shittiest things of comedy especially on the road I said is that it's I'm sure huge rocks are the same thing on a much grander scale but that switch even from a comedy club like at some point of your night an hour ago you were just yeah taking pictures and everyone couldn't believe it once they were going next in your bow and you're like sorry guys I got to go and then like you know I said like 30 minutes later you're like buying a drumstick at the front of the hotel thing like I'm gonna go lay on my belly and watch YouTube videos and it's a very that's changing like pace I don't know if it's great for you mentally all it does it's very anticlimactic that's crazy because that's like I was telling you that when I didn't come the other day it was the best I've ever done in front of people that I was like this is not gonna go good for me and everyone was like I don't even know who you are you're awesome it was all blah blah blah blah and the club was like hey man we want to like you to come back and headline I'm like really and then I walked back to the hotel because the main guy like gets a I mean a car and all that stuff and I was called and I got out there and I walked and it was immediately dark and empty real quick I could see like half a block and it was like there's nothing it's like I might even get robbed like it's pretty bleak and also calling any of your friends you didn't come through a world of like comics for years and years so there's no one even relate that to yeah I went back to the room and was like I don't even drink with a judge anymore so I was like what they didn't have movies I was like I watched TV and it was like really lame TV and I was like so this is it like this is laptop dude if I keep going game changer your wife laptop I gave up laptops for the show now they're the show my laptops are for the show you take a laptop I don't plug it on the road and it's the best what are you watching oh yeah everything sorry series things that things that Christine will never want to watch long YouTube child predator hunts yeah that's the same crime shit kids if you want to get into comedy this is what you get by yourself on your summer underwear watching true crime on YouTube on my downtime I have gotten mixed up and gone on a couple of these you went with them couple I want to go bad but I think that I shouldn't go because I will wreck you don't go right that's gonna be yeah the cops are I'll be bad for yeah that would work up bad but I know rich guy to go cool it's like some famous the the yeah they just caught them director guy whatever it was um it was things was it was like a rabbit or he was like a he did kids movies and they caught they came in and he was he was a little bit with him yeah and he's like you just know is that the one you talk about this is like two days ago yeah he's like we're just flooding what's the big deal it's like she's good thing to get pizza yeah he's like yeah you can't get a pizza with a 15 year old yeah and they put him on blast like it's getting it's getting out there then they just don't know they they shot the you know the reveal so as he's walking on the street they got a blue and a pink you know you pull it and it just shoots pink gosh yeah so he's walking down the street and the guy's oh that's what he that's on the back of his jacket they shot pinked on him and then they shot blue on him yeah revealed things so they just as he's walking he's just got pink dust yeah that's the guy yeah yeah he's some big time director guy I don't think he's gonna be doing these movies by the way yeah I went with I went with the dads against predators in Detroit how did you get the how do you how do you I talk about him I talk about him on the show and they hit you up and they hit me up yeah a couple of it so the dads against predator guys I went out with we got a guy in a grocery store in a very scary black neighborhood and it was a white guy yeah that's how much this guy wanted child be one of the scary neighbor and I'll tell you what what's dangerous most about these things but the public place one every time I've done one I'd be like oh I'm not gonna be done it three two this one was in a grocery and when they caught the guy this was the funniest thing I did very few Instagram lives do I ever do but I was like I'll do it on this one as I walk by them confronting this guy quietly at first it as they see me walking by because I told the guys I was gonna kind of fly on the wall here yeah as I walk by the guy like you piece of shit you came in a 14 year old girl blah blah blah and as I walk by I got my live on I hear and go you know picture Oakerson is and the guy goes no I go I mean when you think about it that's kind of a good take that's a good thing yeah man I love you stuff but you like dude really like views of you just the end but yes to that but the one we went to a sting house what a girl according Elizabeth she's a female pedophile hunter and her just her and her friend and a camera so dangerous to see me but I go to the sting house in Indianapolis I was out there I brought the other comics with me and they got two guys that day the one as soon as he walked in and she was like you know this is a thing he turned right around left the other guy sat in bullshit for a while and we kind of watch that and then he left they posted the stuff that night and she has moderators for her page that when she puts up the videos randomly the guy who came and ran out when they threw that footage up of him just coming in and out the moderators were brother and sister in the chat apparently go that's my cousin and it was their odds of that it was their cousin got caught on the thing that day what a crazy thing how do they a world I think it was so funny yeah it was so funny yeah it was so funny you don't see the guy did I go to court like you get them after that like did they do you charge them or do you call the authorities like how does it all go I think they try to call the authorities sometimes I don't know the authorities are saying sometimes don't show up yeah it's a dicey business what depends on the thing is there's one that I watch there's four parts where they keep catching the same midget wait a midget that is a but he's not though again the problem with these months where I kind of like have a weird thing I think they're entertaining and stuff but a lot of times you're catching a person and they show up you're like this guy would have showed up if the person was 80 years old six years old like they're retarded oh you know I mean so they're showing up and they're like well oh I didn't know and this midget guy is out of his mind yeah and every time they catch him every time yeah four times he freaks out he throws a hissy fit and then they kind of leave him alone and then as soon as they leave they'll message him again they'll be like sorry about that that was just my uncle and his film crew were like they're so upset but he's leaving tomorrow so like we could totally hang out tomorrow he's like thank God can I put a baby in you tomorrow then he goes right back into it and then they show up again by the fourth time the cops show up and they go leave this midget alone man you know reach out to him this never happens okay so he if you were underage he would he hook up with them yes I do think so 100% is never going to fall on his life she's not actively looking for children couldn't we get him off the like what about if you had a little net like the one that you scoop out the fish out of the sea yeah you know like take him out of there for a myriad of reasons we get fish this guy out of the thing and just throw him off a cliff he's useless he's a broke I was gonna say we'll come and chop children not I think just get social security and has his neighbor gets up off the shelves for him it's like he just like his life is yeah that's the reality TV I watched I like all like let's go find out that your friends aren't as entertained by it as you are like can we leave oh yeah we go here and say you're hanging the steam house all day like don't you guys let that juice when they're gonna walk in like dude this guy's already coming he thinks he's coming the fucking child it is kind of hates it he's the way exciting that I do what I just but I want to beat them up yeah sure yeah yeah and it's like at least threaten them you know this show is sponsored by better help it's online therapy so wake up America it's got a candidate to it does they're also crazy wake up you crazy Canadians you guys got funny eyes if there's any loco or loca mexicans listening you're also welcome to get some help online you don't need to go to my spanyard friends travel the world and I'm here to inform you that therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and you can figure out how to work through whatever is weighing you down if there's anything that you want to be able to do in your safe space in your comfy chair in your comfy pants with maybe you still sleep with a stuffed animal we're not judging you I am but for the purposes of this oh man of this hat I'll tell you I'm not judging you you get to be in your in your own personal space online entirely its private its discreet is convenient if you're thinking of starting therapy why not get better help a try I personally endorse therapy I've done it my whole well not my whole life but the good parts get it off your chest with better help visit better help calm slash Ellis today and get 10% off your first month that's better help he lp dot com slash Ellis you think they can be rehab don't make them a little thing you gotta do you get I think they should be castrated I mean that's fair chemical castration now the old fashioned my cat I haven't had time to cut his bills off and now he's over a year old and he like marks stuff in the house all the time and I'll leave here by myself with five other dogs I ain't got time to clean up little piss stains everywhere and I thought about it I love it he's my best friend like we are seriously like homies for life and a couple times I thought man I just snip him right now like and I'll use it with like a hot knife or whatever and be like I'm sorry but I can't do it anymore and I don't have time to do this professional right I can't play doing it to him I'll definitely do it to those guys no problem that's both before I ain't afraid I can all be handled a rambo knife dude there's a match in there there's some fishing lines and sewing I'm not selling you don't get so you're gonna burn it shut yet nice that's a cat right that's got big balls right I've never seen cat balls that big yeah they challenged me they like talk to me they're like what's up man you want to go I'm like dude I really do I want them off because you can't sleep in a bigger bed than you hear my bed takes off the room you save those balls those balls don't go necklace are an earring is I'm fantastic necklace so those are flicking it's pretty funny do the ball or the balls are sensitive on a camera now now because like just yesterday I was like bing bing bing and he was like what's up I've you did that to me I'm like ah so yeah I think they're pretty dead inside yeah yeah I've never seen cat balls either that was my first gap I was like a lot of gust though they're behind him yeah no they stick out there when he was first here they were like hard and coming right out the back and now they've dropped because he's a man and now they sweat and because he's got little legs there's no room for anything to get in the middle so each back of the hand string bounces it off the other one so it's like a bam bam bam bam when he walks he's a pretty funny guy he doesn't even know it when you were singing earlier I said all these different lives you've had you know pro athlete it was singing ever were you in bands yeah yeah yeah I think he told me that before it was a joke band telly was the guitarist oh really yeah well I started the only band you did oh no I was in a band when I was a little kid and we played a few gigs and then I moved to America to be a pro skateboarder I was like sorry guys like because that was pretty like we were okay but it was I was a way better skateboarder than I was a heavy metal singer and everybody else in the band was we already hated it we already were fighting and Jason then go cunts just on the verge of getting sorry that would have been a better name than what we have was at Hellhounds and Thundercats were the two names that we had there was a terrible band but we did a band I used to make fun of the bands because I used to be on faction as a music channel and I had to play bands that I don't like which is almost every band if it's not Metallica or AC DC at that particular time in my life there was only five bands that I liked so everything they played I hated so I'd say this bands the worst that bands the worst and then my boss was like you know you can't say that like go on my space and like look at him so you have something else to say and I was like this guy looks like you know me and I'm standing out making fun of the way they look and the way they sound and he's like dude this is the worst and then you know a few people were like well you couldn't do that and I was like yes I could do that and then we made a song making fun of Blink 182 where it was apple juice and I was like hey man you got a flower and did like that kind of voice as well I was like I can even do his voice and then a band came in with a record label and the record label guy was like hey do you guys want a record deal and I was like you're you've lost your balls right like you don't make no sense no but yeah because that's hilarious and then there was another guy that worked at Sirius who was way more musically inclined than all of this like he could actually make an album and he had a home studio so we was between the three of us and then there's other other co-host who had less musical ability than all of us but he was a very funny guy and willing to go for it he was like our muse just take a shirt off and stand there what you play I play guitar he was in a proper band before he was that serious so he the other guys had been in real bands I was more of a skateboard singer I like I played it a little bit but not really like I'm being reality based no that he was really in a band and so was the other guy Christian they were proper musicians so when we did the band we made an album like the first song that we played everybody loved it on Sirius and all the fans were like dude this is the sickest thing ever and then my boss at the time is like we don't want you to play that anymore and I was like why not he's like because it doesn't fit the channel if you do a song that's like and I was like well I don't like the music on the channel and he's like well if you do a song that's like up to what's going on in the world today then I guess we could play that so then we write a new song and we just did all the things in the news and the the chorus is can I shoot a load on your face with the rest of the lyrics that are about what was happening in the news that day and I was like fran there you go that's relevant so that you're we didn't start the fire but it was on the billboard charts you were like we were like right up there and I was like maybe make money and because the record label made all the money and we didn't get any then we were like oh screw that we quit the label started our own band our label changed the name so we were taint stick at the very first we were Tony Hawk's taint stick and then Tony's manager called me and said did you know Tony sells things at Coles and I was like yeah I do why and she was like just think about it for a second and I was like gotcha oh you're right with me okay yeah we took the name off and then and then when we quit taint stick and started Death Eye and Death Eye was on the on iTunes it was one to 14 like because I call it was the show we used to be big and I was like we got a new album out and if you guys get it it'll help us like try to we wanted to see if one of them would make it into the top 10 every song made it all the way from what like Old North America hard rock everything he's gonna come sail on and show it yeah we ruled the Canadian charts for like a week did you do live gigs yeah we did the rocks eat the rainbow I'm surprised that you do have more of an itch I mean do like I mean these balls are fucking nuts they're crazy wow I feel like he's all thing the room right now yeah I mean those are fantastic those are people balls those are those are great not they're pretty fun is it bad if I touch it but I'm surprised I'm surprised that you just because I will say just the only experience I really have with singing in front of a live crowd are being like the front of a band is when doing the comedy jamie I never know I'm gonna go balls he's a fantastic nuts I'm a bit envious I mean in the cat feels like a nut yeah you gotta you gotta feel that feel that not Jay getting it oh wow that's the that's the fantastic everybody loves your balls are mobile band you're a huge hit he balls are anyway yeah so it's made of balls entirely pretty much it's entirely balls skin I was surprised that you didn't like pursue that was I feel like the the best comedy set never feels or looks as awesome as performing music I think I never took myself serious the same as fighting like I can fight but I know people that are real fighters like I'm a real fighter I'm a real C class fighter like I end up but I train with a class fighters so to me because I'm an aclet a class skateboarder I don't I refuse to give myself props for that like if Logan Paul comes in goes I find him I do you're a bum I'll beat your ass and I will beat his ass but he's on TV God I may whether I'm like you suck because I know real fighters out there that can destroy those guys same with music like yeah was I in a band did we play like dude the guy from Aussie Blasco he was he played bass when we did a crazy train like when we hammered it out yeah the whole source mate it was like you guys are freaking awesome I love you guys like we were we were good but I'm not I'm not a real musician like I know me I'm not glad you quit fighting though because I'm 50 and I've got brain damage I've been knocked out like 50 times yeah and then I had Tony Hawk and Andrew you know Andrew Huberman that brain scientist guy I'm friends with him and he those two tournaments that you know all the concussions you've had he's like you can keep skating because I get knocked out skating still he's like you can't keep getting knocked out fighting so the only person I fight is Lewis because I know he can't knock me out but to have a real fight again it's just like I don't want to fight to be to have a record to to tell people that I'm you know five and all whatever I wanted to fight because I wanted to see how tough I was in the last fight the last pro fight I had I got almost knocked out in the first round and almost second round and then I broke the dude's arm in the last round and I was like how much more do I need to test myself I know that if you you to beat me you better kill me and I wasn't sure now I know I'm good I don't need to be like my tough guy I know I'm tough I don't need to know anymore and I don't need anyone else to know anymore I'm fine well you would have a lot did you grow up in a lot of street fights not really I got beat up a lot of school I got beat up I never was a person that it's funny one of my my tight coaches it's like you're a bully when you're a kid huh I was like no he's like you want I'm like no you just think I am right because I got a bunch of tattoos I'm like I'm a terrified child I made this to keep you away from me I'm not a tough guy I hate confrontation I'm not into like street if you push a lady over yeah I'll sleep you for sure but it's got to be for that reason if it's like hey man you're a fag I'm like yeah I am so what's like just like justice yeah they're not they're not going like a bunch of dudes are trying to jump you oh god it's an interesting thing you just like this also the same like my tattoos are not fully indicative of my personality at all this is built I built this thing it's like the people looking goes like that's a big scary guy because actually I'm pretty jolly yeah you're a friendly guy so am I I'm just I think I'm I act tough because I'm so scared that's what I think it really is that's why I got into fighting because I was like okay you've been acting tough for a long time man it might be like how tough are you and then when I train with all these dudes that are in the UFC and like pro boxes and stuff yeah like I know I know like I thought I've spotted like Dan Henderson and Keith Jardin I'm not that good you know like I've had guys like I'm giving them everything and they're like whack and I'm like oh and they're like keep it going man keep it going I'm like you're treating me like a child you're like you're like look at work like I've hit somebody with every I've got I've got good job man and I'm like good job that was everything I've got like Stan Henderson once congratulated me for landing in over here and right on his face he was like oh nice one I'm like everybody else ever hit is snoring with that you gave me a thumbs up I serious like that's why I know there's levels and I don't want to pretend to be that what do you what's your take I'm sure you said this on stuff already what's your take on the Logan or Jake Paul Tyson do you think I got to have like a weird if it's if it's real Tyson probably will catch him but if it but Tyson doesn't catch him really I think Jake Paul's gonna just like take him a distance and like win on like a points or something I mean you never know because I first of all I think all the fighters what do you thought MMA guys I think it was rigged I think they got paid to go the distance yeah I think Anderson Silver Beach Jake Paul when I see Jake Paul's spar when I see him shadow box he's not as good as me he's he's more amateur than I know if he can't when he hit Woodley that wasn't a real KI dude if you paid me two million dollars you think I want to take that shot I'll take I'll take it for a hundred grand you give me a thousand I think that you can't keep going but they but they I think that people don't realize they're MMA flight like I did this before Jake Paul I beat UFC fighters in a boxing fight because MMA fighters can't box and if you don't let them kick you and elbow you and grapple you and you've been boxing straight for three years and they've been doing grappling and MMA and the jiu-jitsu and knees and kicks you be surprised how it's not so much how like they can still hit hard they just have bad habits it's kind of like if you shoot and then you get tactical training and you've been shooting for a couple years versus someone that's not shot at all and they get tactical training there's they don't have any bad habits so like when you throw a punch your hand comes back to a certain spot MMA guys push their front hand out there's a moi tie thing they do where they'll circle off and put their hand out in boxing you do not do that you cannot do that because you leave yourself over yeah and there's like inside game there's like little footwork things and foot patterns that the boxers know that MMA guys it's almost like their ego refuses to learn it you know like they're just like I do you know who I beat up and it's like yeah you have beat up a lot of people but if you go against the guy that has good boxing fundamentals he's gonna catch you but you think Mayweather like took a dive to Logan Paul I think Mayweather didn't give a shit about that fight Mayweather didn't get hurt either and he definitely won that fight he got flurried at the start I was like good for you dude but when you think about a guy that weighs that much more going ape shit on you and you don't get hurt that means he doesn't care and then at the end if you wanted to go he could have I like to me I saw him go all right you're getting tired I'm gonna land some shots but he didn't come in and try kill him like if you see him spar at his gym against other dudes he would he didn't look like that he could kill that guy you know he says that easy so all this Jake Paul stuff is just thunderlips and rocky it really like to me it's Tyson is like I'm 52 man and I if I'm now that I don't smoke weed and I don't do any of the things that I used to do Tyson's obviously a different kind of animal than me but he is older than me but his background in boxing his head movement and his foot patterns and you don't lose your power when you get older like I can tell when I see all these new pad hitting things he's slower he's way slower than he used to be but like he slips and then both feet slip out to the side and there's only a few there's nobody in the heavyweight world still does that like he's the only person that can do that but when you do it as a little bit slower it's nowhere near as dangerous as it used to be like there used to be ones where he would move and you'd look over there and he'd move back over here and he's behind you so by the time you turn around he's already punching you. Hey everybody this episode is brought to you by Blue Choo in future of erections I'm Jason Alice and I'm packing and sometimes I mean I need extra blood down there so that I can flick my cat over the fence and I'm capable of doing anything with once I chew one of these bad boys and I'll never give him up I have him in my butt bag I have him in my closet I have him in socks I have him you never know I have one in my socks sometimes I pull it out like a weapon like 007 times where I pull it out and chew on it and then kick a goal if you know what I mean if you went to prison you'd probably sneak a couple in on your butt and I'd be a huge hit there literally right Blue Choo wants to help you have better sex yeah discover your options at bluechoo.com chew it in literally we got a special deal for you our listeners try Blue Choo Free when you use our promo code free Michael try Blue Choo Free yes that's what I said are you listening everybody free bonus free aren't you tired of overpriced boners yeah get Blue Choo Free when you use our promo code Alice at checkout you're just gonna pay five dollars shipping that's bluechoo.com promo code Alice to receive your first month free visit bluechoo.com for more details and important safety information and we thank Blue Choo for sponsoring the podcast. Oh I'm a cheese about one of my favorite I can only find it in one of the documentaries about him it's the speed that he's going under he was a kid yeah he's going on the rope to the middle of the road to the rope and the upper coast that's a training thing that everybody does watch anybody else in the heavyweight division do that it's not that impressive he had a move though he did it like he was a 150 pounder that slip and move was his thing right there was I mean it was it's custom autos custom autos thing but but nobody because he was 220 but he was so short and compact that his body could do it like a 180 or like a 150 even right but when I spoke little guys little pro boxes that's the most humiliating sparring I've ever had in my life like I've survived heavy weights before where they'll crack me and I'm like okay that sucks but it's a fish I see it a little bit at least I've survived like 160 pound guys that are pro boxers where I'll throw a punch and I'll see that they're already behind me and if I'm trained like when I was younger I'd be like what the and then he punched me like now if I see it I just run away but there's guys that I've supplied before where they just bob up and down and I'm like and I'm like dude I'll turn think and then I'll throw and then they're back under there and then I'll turn think and I'm like this is fucking humiliating dude like I look like an idiot I'm not even doing any boxing anymore I'm just going pick a booboo big pick a booboo big and I'm like what are these things I'm even doing anymore I'm just like here here I don't even I don't see where it stops me in the a bunch of comics used to box every like three times a week we go to boxing you know this looks like it's been hit a lot when I was a kid I used to get beat up a lot but we used to go to boxing classes and then I got so cocky I was like I want a spar yeah and he put me in the ring with a Filipino woman and she fucking tatted he knew it yeah she fought I mean and it sucks yeah when you get hit in the head yeah there's something your brain's like oh I don't want to do this you just got to catch her one student it's not that's your biggest mistake where you're like it's coming it's coming and it doesn't you just get tired and she keeps punching you in the face I think if they play the room five I think you're going to be on the China I got to hear this angle they play the room five payphone yeah was what I learned to I probably beat the shit out of it well that was the most most dangerous sentence I've ever heard anybody say in my life everybody everybody do you have Maroon five right now because I'm ready for war what if it did work it up just like I got a lot of it what if it did entrance music for fighting is I am blown away by hell all over the place it is you think it would be if nothing else a bunch of genre any genre but like aggressive hype oh I know you come to the cheesy I mean you know why Mickey Gower was like he was coming out to hey Mickey I'm like because you can you amp up yeah but you can't that's the if I used to think about I learned this if you get pumped up music and you're a person that doesn't control your emotions well you're gonna you're gonna blow your load before you fight yeah you get super pumped before the fight to me one of my coaches Justin Fortun who was like he fought Lennox Lewis like he was a proper heavyweight boxer and he was like you're having fun you're looking at the crowd you can high five everybody when the bell goes it's time to kill somebody do not flick that switch until it is the last second because when they face off and you look at him he's looking at you and you got some killer eyes and you're breathing heavy it's like what for you're not allowed to punch him yet you can smile at him be happy walk out the corner when I hit that bell fucking kill him didn't they say that about not they wired the one he fought fury all that shit coming in that big mask he had on by the time he got to the rent he was exhausted he said that yeah I seen BJ Penn do it too where I because I've done this you rage out like when you're coming towards a ring and you're like this is I've been training my whole life for this I'm gonna kill this guy I've been thinking about killing this guy for three months and I saw BJ tear up like but not like sad tears tears of rage and I was like oh my god dude like he is tearing up in rage like this is rage tears he's gonna kill this guy and he got destroyed because he'd already like blown half he's loaded on the way to the cage got fired up talking to his ancestors he's like that's what he did you just smelling salty you wake up you go what happened the last thing I remember was losing myself to the music and I owned it I just I just heard my sermon five and I was a dulcun temporary rock I went out to market Anthony for my last five because I was like just gonna dance and feel salsa beats it because I'm like if I'm bad at salsa and I have to think to make my feet do salsa dancing and it's like I'm just gonna like think about my foot doing salsa dancing because I don't want to think about the fight there's no way out of it we're walking to the ring it's gonna happen save it I think Anderson Silva was the perfect one the ain't no sunshine DMX song that's the perfect kind of energy for that see he was another he was the he stayed calm in the fight yeah but I mean dance while he beat you I also like when things come from like he tells him from another country where things get popular later like I mean the union is coming out to I the tiger by Katie Perry you're like little on the nose new yes dude the worst one is junior dos Santos came out to Rocky Balboa and like have you ever enjoyed a song in your life like you even I feel like he's so not musical that he was like I don't know what's a good fight song rock he's gonna fight it right like I need to see like somebody like don't nobody plays that before I'm fine I do I guess everybody gets the crown part of them like you sucked it really sucked McGregor what he had a seanado conno that was actually McGregor has yeah like he can make you a star you know not only can you make him a star he's he'd be a great agent you know like he's like you gotta do your make first away they short that they say I can't go to news like like whatever he tells you to do whatever watch he tells you to wear you should do it because he's a genius yeah kind of Gregor yeah he's coming back now right yeah is that gonna be bullshit or what I mean he has a chance to win because the guy's fighting is not that good and he and the guy that he's fighting likes the brawl and kind of a pinpoint striker so he could land a shot and knock him out for sure yeah big kind of stuff yeah like the thing that made kind of people don't get it man can't try to like look at a photo conno when he had two belts his head was twice the size of his body because he was starving yeah he was not a 145 pound man like the guy walks around 200 pounds now so now he's fighting people where if he lands that pinpoint shot you're landing against a guy who's big and bigger dudes don't go down on that shot he's just a great just to ruin my favorite movie remake he did not care for roadhouse I hated it yeah I was so upset with it it well it's a perfect movie it didn't need to be remade especially like okay I agree to me I don't see it as anything to do with the first one it sure isn't it's just it's like you know when the wwe has movies now where they got they got like John Cena in a movie this is the UFC movie it's just like look everybody your favorite UFC fighter is the Hollywood actor that movie was I mean it was tna it was sex it was chicks the first one yeah it's like this is unimaginable like as an actor yeah and he was a cooler he was cool he was just the most just the plate the location i mean i thought i heard and the problems involved here you have to keep the original one was essentially a mafia guy who was running and taking like a taste of everybody's money all over the town controlling town in this bum fuck place in Missouri this one was about a mean man who's trying to build a resort on the florida keys and this lady and her shit hole is holding up the building like why don't you just take the buyout move a mile down and rebuild your bar yeah it was nothing about it made the concert made those sense no well you may never tired you a safe i did kill the guy at the u.s.a. also made no sense yeah why did he kill him because he if he gets hit too much he rages out and he can kill anybody when he rages out like i said doesn't make sense now why also said the thing that he's living with this which they didn't make it seem like he's living with that much guilt for killing the guy in the ring i still that's a 95 it's not a hundred percent referee's mistake it's a referee's issue this is on her dean this is on her dean i mean he tried to get him off but he just couldn't do a good job he didn't do a good job he didn't do a good job he didn't take any of the money at the end this guy had no cash here i didn't have a drug addiction or anything so like where did the money go that when you were like a championship you have seen fodder what you spend it on like dirty t-shirts it seemed like it seemed like he never had like a bad habit any heels quicker than anybody he got stabbed twice yeah and he's just bought that's why it duct type is like everybody knows that works yeah it works it was just i said everyone they've done i haven't liked one of the my childhood movie remake they did flatliners they did what they did they did flatliners doesn't need to be remade because it was a cast it was not a great movie it was a great cast of like the people that time and the point break they redid oh yeah that was terrible it's sweeter than the way through it how could you if that's swazy kiana reaves and uh gary busey yeah which is crazy because he sucked in that movie but in such an awesome way yeah like he was so good but when i watch it i still cringe jonnie you talk yeah what he does the sir you mean these bangworms are surfer it's not like please don't do that please don't say like that oh the concept want to goes well you're gonna have to immerse yourself in the surf world now so just go to the local social but parents got to play crash i just totally want to get bob dude you know what i'm saying you're going undercover as a parisailer he may as well you pay officer you saw how do you feel about going into covers in a adrenaline junkie well i did used to play football you know and then i know they know that he's a pro it wasn't almost a pro football player whatever happened to you man well i mean i did become a police officer and then when i was in the fbi but obviously no connection anymore yeah whole movie is deep on by google yeah civil google is not good this guy's not good says here you're a cop and you won't put it on anything well they didn't have it so it was no internet back then that was i was it was funny watching a movie have to go through or a show have to go through this change that's super natural that's what i watched over quarantine all 15 seasons within that show it came from times where they had to be like you know they had flip phones and it was like we have to go back to the hotel and hop on the computer and look up this old haunted place or whatever to buy the season 11 of the show everything was like you never explained that they didn't have to have other locations which is on iPhones they just watched the technology change that what's next that window it's crazy the streaming services i'm gonna die on the hill that they basically have not made one good movie between them collectively like i have a child is growing up in a world where he will grow up thinking movies aren't actually supposed to be good or they make movies now like tiktok you know the way they're making movies is because kids aren't consumed we used to be able to sit through scarface so carlitos way we'd sit and watch a movie and at some points it would be born you know they're telling a story now they're just trying to have quick yeah like tiktok social media moments for these kids so all these movies are the story is second it's like get to it get to it get to it because attention spans it works i think it's the kids today expect because this is what they're being given movies that it's more like a theme park right it's like you sit down you experience it you say i just had fun for an hour and a half i don't expect to like go home and we got everybody's got to go say to the same to the same thing it's epic anymore either because now they have to have everybody has to be represented even in roadhouse it's like all right it's a black girl that owns the bar okay and then it's a lesbian and then there's a gay guy and then there's and it's like listen roadhouse was hot launch chicks yeah it's people fucking you know i mean it was a bar i thought you could have that would take you out of it when they did uh i watched greased live and they did what they did greased live on tv a couple years back from every other thing every once a year they were doing like one of the big plays live on tv i do and same thing they're trying to get everybody involved in this and one of the pink ladies was rizzo i think rizzo was black uh it's a stalker channy but not but yeah that character yeah was black in his play like in a wheelchair yeah she's like in the principal's office like with her feet up on the desk with dominating his office talking shit to the principal and i was like when he walked i was watching like pristine we were just laughing as soon as he walked in and she was like hey principal buss on some and i like get your fucking feet off my leg wait no you just came out you know eight shit and was like not weird look at this the 50s you like get your goddamn feet off my desk yeah right and get the fuck out of my you get to go to the school do they give do they beat children at school anymore no no you can't get the cane or the belt no it's ridiculous but no those are great times kids are actually beating t-shirt yeah yeah and they're really okay i'm fucking a million views it's a tough thing with kids they're they know right now they're a phone call away from ruining any adult's life it seems like a kid will beat up a teacher and then the teacher will punch him and deck him and then the teacher's in trouble and it's like dude i got assaulted like 25 times before i hit that kid yeah is it still my fault well they used to just generally be this assumption that the teachers knew what they were doing so the teacher called the parent was like here's the issue with your kid the parents were like right you're probably correct yeah so let me team up with you and fix my child but everybody so many people not everybody obviously instinctively takes the child side and the parents like am i gonna risk my job for parents that are not interested in taking my advice so cool your kid's perfect there's here's your straight a i'll try again with the next person you're not busy that i don't do it much the average age of a nun in america is like 82 years old down here you can't punch a nun what do you think the youth would punch a nun i do i don't think they give a shit yeah there you go i used to get hit i was in procreate school when i used to get hit i got hit i was like a ruler yeah it's swappened in the knuckles for this kid with a belt on the belt buckle would like bruise you when it would whip around the inside of your leg yeah i got books on my head i got hit with books one day nosh yeah sister patricia what a bitch i kid next to me pete's pants when we sit on the floor for book reading and i started laughing and she just wrapped me on the head with the books and i got in trouble you know it's fun it's for my entertainment like i prefer to see things that are like uncensored and you know kind of well aware why you like to watch yeah yeah uncensored stuff and things that go like kind of that way i'm so stoned and i start just forgetting now you threw me off at that line none speeding the crap uncensored stuff you like to watch oh yes but i do think that that's solid co-hosts because we're together right because everything is like yeah because everything is so like everything's going to compete now so nbc shows and stuff like that and fun have gotten like they're significantly dirtier yeah then when we were kids and what i think now is like the changing of i would bet in most high school classrooms if the kids curse when they're talking not at the teacher necessarily but just like it sounds like george washington was a real fucking asshole i don't even trouble for that i don't think i think they even think of anymore i'm just like there's a small bit like declines in like like civility is it's kind of nerve-wracking i think it depends on what school you go to this mucky got in trouble for the teacher cold once it said that your your son kind of a boy's neck and i was like whoo that's pretty serious how that happened he's like he choked him i was like well how'd he how'd he cut him choking him and he's like his nail caught him and i was like you mean scratched him and they're like well i get yeah and i'm like to eat call me and saying my son cut a man's not a neck mr so i'm giving me a columbian neck time as i said like it's like sometimes i get to trouble for stuff where i'm like i'm about to regulate you for what you've done and then i hear the teacher and i go don't worry about it yeah mike got trouble i'm competing kids up at school and i brought him home i'm like what'd you do it goes with his five kids that were gonna gang up on me and beat me up yeah i was like what happened he goes well i just looked out and i went you fuck off let's go yeah and he called them all on yeah and i go i push one down i push the other down and i was like you fucking i'll buy you something yeah that's what you did the right thing agree so to black belt and Jim Carter are you familiar with Jim Carter yeah my brain it's like i i remember his his grade having a group of kids after me and i would i would so scared i would hide under the stairs in school till like four o'clock yeah because they were waiting for me yeah but i took some similarities i got to be giving a quick and that's for a whole lunch break that was my first time i ever felt fame people knew me you know right because you got your ass kicked yeah yeah like you got the guy like i beat up in the quick and that's for a whole lunch break i'm like yeah man i am what's freaking it it's like uh batting cage okay credit all right i'll date you know did you get tattoos under age no none ever no 18 interesting in Amsterdam hanky panky did it and i remember coming back to Australia i was like i got metallic Italian my leg and my step i'm said you regret it well guess what all the get told some it's my favorite tattoo you remember your first one yep wow i've covered up my first one long time ago what i got because i was trying to hide it from my mom when i was 16 i got it and uh it was my name in old English letters i mean tiny up here yeah i thought my mom will never see it and i played best one next day more sleep with shirt and took off my sweatshirt in front of her and i'll ship i got just moved to this just moved to south jersey from thought off yeah new kid in school and i found out very quickly that there's this place you can go to the last questions yeah and like get them to bring a fake note from your parents yeah like they do it for you and i was like great i got it my mom and i remember having to convince her the punishment i was willing to take over her going i'm gonna go down to that tattoo parlor and have them shut down oh yeah wait wait i'm just making a new kid in school yeah i'm gonna get a school who got the place shut down that everyone well we used to be able to get tattoos with fucking yeah it's devastating that kid's mom ruined everyone's life my daughter did it she got tattooed before she was supposed to and i was like right we're getting it lase it off and then i tried to tell the lase it played people they like i put some cream on some numbing cream i was like no no numbing cream and they looked at me like you're gonna seriously do that to your daughter and i was like all right put some numbing because i felt like pressure you know me like all these ladies said i was like being a mean dad you were yeah but there's a lesson in that yeah but she giggled when they lase it it and i was like you bitches like you look at her she doesn't even care i didn't even hurt she goes i'm gonna do tattoo and get a laser off every month dude pain is the only way children really learn she'll throw it forward with her too we all know that come on my first tattoo i was on the road with patrisse on deal this guy vitty feathery though it was kind of a you know he fucked with young comix a lot but we were going down the gig and he went to coffee i was like yeah and he gave me his coffee and he put salt in it yeah he's like how's your coffee and i was like fucking great thanks like that type of guy and he's like what were you i was like 20 23 okay and we're all in filley on south street and uh we went and got a massage we did the show we got a massage is my first jerk off place yeah uh and i was like he should all get tattoos to remember the night and i was like fucking yeah we're into the place they're all you know looking at tattoos and i found mine i'm in the chair and i'm getting this fucking japanese anochi uh destiny no it's destiny life and faith but it didn't mean that i'm just sitting there it's of course didn't mean that i was sitting like this i'm like guys you pick up your tattoo and he's like when i get fucking tattooed i was like what now i get this fucking queer tattoo on my ankle got it right but that's a let that's a let that's that is a piece of shit but that is legendary i love those tattoos yeah all the ones about yeah i have uh i have the asian characters on my own dressy like i said i was like uh language just probably nothing but i went and got uh my girlfriend when i was younger her mom i'll cover that her family didn't like me and they go um and so i was like i'm gonna get her initials my girlfriend's initials yeah and that'll convince them that it's you're worth it yeah yeah initials was it because on this particular tattoo parlor it would be like this is an a in chinese this doesn't exist uh no no so i get a house i get cms my sherry mary and her last name uh that was her initials which she's always told me i know her name is uh shareline mary uh in her last name so she i got i got cms and we went back and wait to go show her mom 17 or something i go i'm like check it out like i got your daughter's initials and she goes that's not initials and i was like now i go it is it's in chinese whatever it's cms and her mom goes what's cms i go uh shareline mary she goes your middle name is not mary this girl was so she didn't know her own middle name she goes back to her name was shareline and then her last name so i have i just kept i've worked around it with all my tattoos i'm like leave it yeah i like the story because i can just spend a tattoo list to go over and make it even brighter it's it's it's it was wrong anyway and it was never that to begin with that is a badass tattoo that's i got some good tattoos but that one i haven't even seen it but i am a huge fan that kicks ass this is me and luish j gomez friendship uh quiz who knows who better whoever got ten wrong first loses i won i only got nine things wrong that's so adorable what i try to get rid of is ones that i got that i was like self-sad guy shit yeah i used to have uh i might have to wear zero oh my mark there but not escape all company no and then i'm a zero so then i tried yes jade how close was this to this matching pumpkins arrow too far away okay and then i had so i thought that would be funny on the other one i got in an alaska uh an alaskan club alesbian did this in the lobby of the club and it said hero because then it was the vanilla ice quote uh no zero and then you got a camera go over them yeah you got tattoos he's got your mom tattoos on he's on i got the heart with the scroll through it where it's supposed to say your girlfriend's name and instead it says your mom it's a fratat right there maybe you're my mom yeah it's everybody's mom that's the beauty of the thing yeah i'm planning to cover it up i'm waiting until my children i go hold on a second because whenever they've asked about it i go yeah i love your mom and i'm waiting for the day that they go hold on that doesn't add up at all and i'll put their names on it i don't know if i've ever asked you this have you ever watched for nostalgic sake china's pornography before she passed away nah and i even have i even have a joke about her because i tell people that i did hook up with her and i'm not lying this part of the joke is i never saw the poem where everyone said she's got to be clit she's got a sweet dick though i'll tell you that that's that's kind of my joke but i but i still didn't stay haven't typed in because i i really legitimately when i hooked up with her because i did everything with her and people like dude would you see that because that's where i got the joke from because i was like did you see big thing and i was like no i didn't but i think she i think she did have a big one but i didn't i was pretty busy man wasn't it i mean i assumed that i just kept freaking out on her lats that was a thing that was throwing me off but you liked it no she was still pretty jacked i thought i always wanted to have said somebody that i thought could defeat me like that's like a thing that i've always had i like that too i like muscle checks yeah me too and then at one point i was on top of her and she flipped me and i was on the back on the bottom all the sudden she go yay i was like oh wow like this is really happening you know but that was kind of as far as her power came kicked in but then when she was on top of me i did hold her on the lat area and i know that i know i've done gay stuff but i'm not that into it that got through me a little bit i like a muscle girl i like i like i honestly well no i'm not anymore like how how musly like the girls in the magazines yeah i it's jack does they come i like a jack check he fucks with me about all the time but there's something about just a shredded a powerful woman just shredded abs and the fucking arms yeah but i find i think china one as well as well as well as she's super jack when you're working she was like at one point she got so she was big but she got softer i mean i remember she got out of the bed in the morning in the lights around because her assistant came in that i didn't know was in the house the whole time and she gave her a phone said you're on with the morning news and she got up and immediately started talking to the news like oh you're brother or slam people and i remember going watch my birthday first and i remember going because you know at nighttime oh no that there was a she straddled me when i was driving down the freeway and she had a big frilly scarf on and when she straddled me i couldn't see i couldn't see the road i was like you gotta get off me like i we're gonna crash i cannot see the road and i remember thinking dang those shoulders were jock answer but when she got out of the bed in the morning i remember i was like okay she's still jacked but some way here and she was like a statue just out of the silhouette like this one yeah she was like the shoulder monster from the buns bike cartoon i feel bad because i i really liked her like i kind of felt bad because at first course we were you know like i was really talking to her and enjoying her company and i was like yeah i'm new newly divorced but i could date this person and then later on i was like oh man she drinks a lot you know and then afterwards i was like it's not for me and i remember feeling a bit guilty because i'm not like i'm not a uh i'm a whore but like like i'm controllable like i've got to control down because i'm sober but i never wanted to sleep with anybody and make them think that we're gonna date just to sleep with them right but when it after it all happened and finished i knew that i couldn't date her the next day and i felt bad about not wanting to hang out with her because she really was a sweet person like i felt like she was a sweet person and also felt like her friends when we went to dinner that's what i made her leave i was like let's get out of here without these people everybody there didn't love her and i could tell like she's talking about it's like hanging around they were all just like clinging just like living off whatever money she had left it was it was immediately sad i was doing a few times and it's pretty tragic especially because he just bashed her like everybody they just bashed her and i'm like you know she's rolling with it but she's rolling with it because she wants the attention and there's no other way to get it so she's like okay so if you go going to impersonate a guy this whole time while i'm here then then great but it's better than nothing yeah and now that i'm older and i kind of understand like the the way that the mind works when you go through things like that i'm like man i do feel bad about it how she died i think she had a she had a she had a she had a she had a she was a sweet person and a legend you know look you made some mistakes in the end but so would you if you got on drugs and alcohol it's not her it's the addiction you know it's also the fall from grace with that yeah when you're that big i mean she was in some big matches yeah and she kind of tried to stick up for herself and that's how she lost her job she's like oh you don't need more money or you know why don't you give me this given this guy that and if we're gonna win the world rumple first yeah it seemed like a lot of that like her boyfriend at one point was triple h and he kind of played her like people played her you know and she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed that doesn't that's not a crime and i and she but she paid for it you know yeah i think that happens sometimes i've been my theory with like britney spears a lot of people like the process of making yourself amazing a world-class talent is fueled in part by like you're a very very smart person so you're equipped it's somewhat to handle it but some people just get that thrust upon them and they just they don't have the tools but also chasing that fame again you know you can't when you chase it goes up and it comes down and it goes up and it comes down and it sometimes it does go as far up again but you're trying to get back to where you were yeah i know what that's why i speak in school sometimes and i say hey sometimes your headline in resomania sometimes you're getting butt fucked in a gangbang by the referee got and you gotta just find chutter within that gray area you're in that happiness in the gray area well say jay should tell me that a couple years ago it's pretty much the same size too so a little bit do you think that maybe it had changed size by the time you encountered it because she was no longer on steroids yeah i don't know the science behind it i know that if you do a lot of tests because i've got some trans friends go that are now guys that i watch their thing get bigger and then there's then i know some other people that have been doing it for decades and their one is crazy it turns into a penis but there's no show it's a really great deal jay is a good friend of mine and she was doing hormones as a young trans girl yeah and her penis wasn't as big and then she stopped doing it and she her dick grew into what it got bigger yeah it grew into what her theory is that it actually grew to what it would have been yeah if she was just became a boy now she got a big wiener that was bigger than when i first started drinking off to it and but yeah it's uh and then she says too that if she gets off when she's on the hormone she wants to be fucked she wants to be a woman yeah but if she gets like she was like i went off hormones for like a year and i just became a fag and i just blew uber drivers old cuban guys for like a year also wanted to suck dick and so that that stuff that you're putting in you definitely affects you physically and i wonder if that happened with me with the weed in the cradle and the alcohol because i can't get out anymore you should do time left's photography on your friends growing clips though so it's like week one week two i don't hang out with people like that anymore no trans people in general adult entertainers ah gosh you got you what bad scene if you're trying to be sober it just um bad like uh positive people i can't i can't fix you i'm fixing myself so i can't bring you up right now i need to get up yeah and if i try to help somebody who's really low right now you might pull me back to you i know that sounds selfish but i got kids man like i need to get back on top and i mean not like financially oh that would be great too but i want to be clear and full of love and positivity and i've been so dark for so many so many areas where i've just like full of things i'm like that ain't fair dude you paid enough you don't need to think that about yourself like but you're a good person working hard like learn to love yourself and helping somebody who's in a really dark spot it's like if you're sobriety sure but if it's that stuff like i can tell you like get out but i'm not gonna pull you out of there i'm not gonna get in there and pull you out you gotta come out and see me yeah you gotta you gotta do it you gotta learn yourself and you know i did like you don't want it yourself i can't convince you i'm gonna be right love yourself that's good man i think that's fucking great man you're actually putting yourself before all the other bullshit yeah you know sometimes i'm happy which is good i'm doing a lot better man that's for sure you have to think if i get that if i can get there i'll be happy yeah if i can get this then i can be a good day i'll be a good good husband a good friend i just got to get there but you you're here it's this is it you can be there right you can feel that feeling anytime you want to feel it yeah i think little things man like i help uh Ian skateboard the other day like and he's the kind of guy that when he gets excited he's fun to be around me and when i got him skateboarding and doing stuff he thought he would never do and i saw his face turn into a 12 year old i was i told him i was like i'm good friends with Tony Hawk we skate all the time that dude loves skateboarding more than anybody i've ever met in my whole life you what you just did now what i just told you to do on this miniramp you love skateboarding more than Tony Hawk and you're more enjoyable to watch than Tony Hawk because it just brought like i was laughing my ass off dude because he was so pumped and he was really putting it on the line like he i was like you did this wrong i'm gonna be really sorry and he was like you think i know you can do it just you know like baby step it with me and then like now you're ready to go and he dropped in on this little miniramp and went over the pump pump thing and did a kick turn when he made the kick turn he like came flying over at me like like i'm his father or something it was so cool he just got hit by a bus and you're gonna skateboard so it was on a bike no sorry so try to put it on me it was on a bicycle you asked how to make it feel bad i love it i love it you weren't getting david tone of skateboarding i thought you'd jump in while he smokes Tony jumped him yeah yeah that was a way better idea that's great though yeah that was really hooked me up this is the big jump that i got he came on Hawk versus Wolf and was like so you're comedian and i was like hey i'm trying and he's like when you do a show with me tonight and i was like you're shitting me right yeah and then i did that show he's like man you really good you want to do one tomorrow yeah and then the next night did three nights with Dave Atel and then i flew to the coma and did a show with TJ Miller and i don't think i would have done anywhere near as good if i hadn't been thrown into that with that kind of encouragement did you get to watch him like you should know oh hell yeah and then he brought me up at the end of the show i don't even know like he's like what's up with your touch you look like what's up wait what's going on oh we're roasting each other i'm like dude i would have preferred a memo on that like i'm attacking david tell like i don't feel positive about this at all i can't tell you yeah he's like there he's once you and then if you play these little flutes well he's blazing me if you if you feel like good improv and then just look at me like oh shit i came up with one he was like you should have called me a fact i was like probably shit off yeah that's my favorite thing on stage with him you did with the recorder he go because i really set him up without knowing i go do you actually understand like the notes now the recorder do you read the notes and he was like yeah yeah watch he goes who f oh yeah i heard that song that's the greatest thing about comics though is that we are we're like we'll always bring somebody up yeah who who we're there for each other all the time i you know you see another guy trying to do it it's like yeah dude let's go you guys have done that for me like jay you've had me you were the first shot that i ever got like you were the first time i ever did it where i got in the green room and i was like okay i'm never stopping this like yeah go yeah where i know it was it was on terry on terry where the crowd i did the best i've ever done after that point and when i got in the green room i was like i'm high and i'm not on drugs i'm done i'm never getting out of this and then the very next time i went out i think it was like fang and i was like oh i'm like okay you're not where you thought you were i didn't even think about what i had to host the shows in on terry oh uh buddy mind who i think it's great i get he's one of these alternative comic to some degree uh mike mike kyronan she looks like you give me a shout out mike mike kyronan is very funny but he does this thing on stage he tells one lineers and he goes oh and he goes and jason's nerve you know he's new comic and he's nervous and the crowd's a good sized crowd he's with and he's watching this and watching jason's face like i'm going like isn't this the funniest and jason's like i don't know it's a dream yeah it's really happening on stage he took me a while to catch that this guy is the the most enjoyable part of this whole thing is jay watching him go boop bye and people go is he gonna keep doing that and every time we do it he's like yeah he did it again and i'm like what is wrong with jay and what is wrong with this guy and they're like you're up next and i'm like i don't want to show you i'm like what's what's this guy like what happens up there i still follow him he's a legend oh yeah my gosh he's a good guy i saw you at the store oh yeah we did a show together when you were nervous and i was like me too dude i'm fine you didn't sell it yeah every you were like me too dude frant i was like i did not get it i told it dude i was shit i i'm nervous every time i go on stage okay good every time i go up especially at the store too because that's not my club you know but even at the cellar i'm fucking nervous i get fucked up in my head and we did a show together and i got to go in some room and write things down he's oh you know he's nonchalant like he's a 50 people and hanging out and smoking and i'm in a room you know organizing my shit and i get fucked up all the time and i walked in there and i saw you it's almost like what's up dude you're a little nervous i'm like fucking yeah me too it makes me feel good yeah i need people like you were in i don't like this i saw he's like anyway i was at the other day i'm up next yeah all right you what you what you don't even you don't even you don't even he doesn't he was talking about some fat joke right before you went up you know what karaoke is the line between because there's both kinds of comics right i always remember david letterman saying the reason why he factually stopped doing stand-up is because he met the nerves never went away like my entire day sucks every day i need it i need that little yeah and you don't j obviously no i listen depends on the shows like i'm doing i'm not nervous tomorrow i'm doing the comedy store and it's micro i'm not nervous for that i'm doing the forum with burt the next night i'm like that i'm definitely nervous okay because i don't know if i'll get his audience with myself and then like good i hope you see yourself it feels the same way if you have to go all right it's a little dirty for a bird crown of the kids bro okay and if they kind of give like a oh you're like wow this is gonna get much better i mean fake like the energy you need to give to kind of get him back but right away you're like you know it's like the above water below water you know i mean where it's like you're going everyone else is like oh you guys i'm like that maybe like this one but inside you're like oh god please oh my god there's no way i've only done it in a half minutes oh man that makes me feel better though no i know you get never said just my promise i'm watching you guys i'm like i need a book of jokes everyone else i was going through their no cars and i'm like i don't want anything written down he has nothing written down he's about to i come off he's about to go on he's just like having a fucking regular conversation with luis yeah man pentera's coming in jerry okay man thanks yeah i was saying that and it just walks out kill sits down boom bang boom i can't i don't know how the fuck you do that no it's you i don't know the organization of it would make me like what we try to be nuts of it like i'm all like thinking if i fuck oh because then i feel like i give myself more like uh it's less space to go i flub that line and it's like yeah i'm like stuck in this thing yeah whereas i try to like not have that kind of like pressure on myself but so much pressure i'm like that's the least last pressure i need you need to do pressure you have those pressure show i say like the bird thing all so i'm doing that's why i do every summer i do this fully loaded toward bird it when i go out there like it's fun but i mean like every show you're like all right this isn't necessarily like a bulk my crowd at all you know i mean so it's like i'm gonna go out there and like i'm gonna have to win some of them it's gonna take an eye over think that a lot more at least the obe and anthony virus tour nightmare it's look like why why was it that it was uh the pressure it was 12 000 people that they did a tailgating for like six hours before so by the time the show it went from not light to night so it's like a three-hour show and you're going on after patrice billy vah i mean there's no there's no weak spot on the show right you know and you know that you can see that all right i'm going up after that i'm good i was like sagging on my rear right there yeah it was it was fucking nuts and we i used to pan and you plus you got some guy screaming and guys bombed on the show bombing in front of that many people and you're on the radio show it's just it was like this fucking pressure ever patrice i used to have to follow patrice it's like it did that right well now bill had the the pop bill bar's pop yeah his first pop came from that so they did that virus show to where there's grainy footage of it only so funny because it was like so flip phones right it's from my phone is really yeah is that really what it is it's grainy footage of bill but the audio is great and it's him and philadelphia yeah going up there the show had already been hours long we were we were sitting it was three hours away it's where he attacks the crowd well this is what happens that's his pop that's his pop that's his pop but he has a three-hour show and they were doing intermission for some stupid reason so people can get your own stuff here so he had to go up like after the intermission yeah which is like and then people already got my rarer bombed jimmy shuber bomb they're from philie yeah it's their fucking channel that's how fucked up philie is like all the tech the local and then billie i remember backstage and we all used to be like fucking like bat like fighters yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then like robert kelly poof what's up you fucking pieces of shit yeah and then you but he was back say i'm not fucking catering to these fucks fuck them i got a good to me say i'm doing my fucking set that i wanted to do i'm not fucking doing you know jokes i know i got this new bat where he went out and they turned on him but billie has a dossier on everybody yeah again his head yeah and he went out and fucking he did his top he's like i'm doing my bomb and he's like i'm doing my whole fucking set fuck you and then he just trashed philie yeah i mean he was like you guys fucking worship at a five-foot Italian fighter that didn't exist i mean i got a statue of rocky yeah joe frashers from here you don't even have a poster of him i mean he fucking laid out he trashed you know but then the problem he said what the tour was the next the next we were in cleveland purpose it was so epic it was such an epic moment it went viral before viral yeah and the next week we're in cleveland and they just booed him just to recreate him so trash us yeah and he was like fuck you i remember we were sharing a dressing room and i went back in it was trashed oh wow lamps broken and let me feel really good that sucked yeah but that thing that he is a legend he that that's what switched him he's like fuck i'm doing fuck you he stopped doing the tour he's like i'm just gonna do my thing and i'm doing it my way i'm not fucking which i respect it because you get to paint a lot of money you're on this tour yeah he tried to fight he was like i'm not fucking doing this anymore he walked away from it and he went and did his own thing and did his own core but it worked out and that's why i was just do filly though is classic i remember i had the joke about michael vick being in the dog fighting and how i you know i understand what people hate him but he says quarterback for the eagles now and uh you know for my for our team and that like you know i don't care and i'll throw him a dog and i'm tired of part like a werewolf in the end zone when he wins for my team or more or less the joke and i was like i did a joke it's great job it's great job so i got feel bad laughing at it so i'm going i didn't make him fess the metal tour they let me kind of host it uh that was like the corn rob zombie year and then the next year they hit me up like for the they go hey you want to do the last two weeks of the tour like you can jump on and filly with us and whatever and i talked about being nervous before a show that's not a comedy audience yeah and they also don't know who i am so it looks like a road he just grabbed a microphone starts like making fun of people and telling you know picking ball jokes so they were confused uh like by the whole thing and fucking up when i went back on this second time to do it we started in filly so i was okay i'm nervous but good i got this this joke about the eagles and Michael Vix this is gonna give me confidence when i go out there i hit that joke this is gonna be the winner and they go all right you're going out i'm going on before motorhead it's what and i go out there and i'm like yeah you know everybody guys uh i'm from phil you know i'm from philadelphia it's my first joke yeah it goes go birds right go eagles and like yeah i go you know uh i go i know michael vick a lot of people are pissed off in the world stuff he's he's our quarterback i do the joke and i go i'll throw him a dog and i'm tired of part like a werewolf in the end zone and it's an amphitheater and i'll tell you i don't know if anyone laughed it just sounds like deafening sounds to me and a guy stood foot on his chair and the other foot on the back of the chair if i don't he just goes no no no no i crawled off that stage and i literally i had to be convinced by lewis and dave and christine i was like i was gonna drive back to new york with you guys they came with me and they go no you gotta like come on you're on the tour for six years i'm like i want to go like it's gonna be like that every day that was horrible oh man i'm sorry i feel so much better when i get it's so good yeah i bombed last week dude i took a hot one really i was at the coming out that's the seller it's my show and the two guys going before me these young bucks that worked for me yeah the first guy bombed yeah there's a guy whatever the next guy goes up fucking eight is dick i'm like i'll get him didn't i walk off shaking there was a guy there friend of mine that came to see me i go i gotta go do a podcast i just lied i'm gonna go i was i was i was i was i was i feel sick laughing at it i'm trying to i didn't want anybody to see i was going back to my car that night and i had my hat i pulled it down because i didn't want to bump into somebody from the show this is recent dude it was last Tuesday i mean and i started doing i started doing oh like i bought a bit out i did i got my first album i was like maybe like this one and i it's really i'm 53 i can't act out shit i was like doing some moves and then just silence i was like you know things uh all right i was fucking watching the transition know from someone getting no laugh and they go exert themselves so much i remember comic doing that like he had some you dressed up for the show and like he was doing joke about dancing with chicks or something it's like yeah the dance moves these days are are crazy he ends up on the floor and it's just dead silence while he's like jerking around laying face down the floor and then it's one of my favorite comedy memories is him getting up and going so that's my thing with gloves yeah just the fun it was so that's my thing about try through uh i think that's Steve Byrne you know Steve Byrne very funny guy we used to do this thing at the uh beach is madhouse at the hardware i can't fake back in the day it was like epic two 2,500 people just sold out fucking rowdy and he had this thing that he would do to get them every week there's only like three or four comics that could get this crowd and he and me and him are on the show and i'm going up after him he goes what about you guys have feeling go what about this side this side's a little better well what about and he would get this place just fucking crazy and then he got too into it and he was like fucking around he ran out into the crowd all the way to the back but then they stopped because he's in the back of the room he had a i remember him walking through the crowd and just the crowd was looking at him because he didn't ever mike and it was dead silence it felt like 15 minutes but he had to walk and then he had to like throw himself back up on the stage of role and then goes all right guys and he went into his the greatest thing about comics dying it's the funniest thing for us man we i remember me and we used to make each other bomb at the cellar like how did he do that well me rich vos was on stage at the v1 i mean murdering yeah sucking jizz and all the fucking fucking killing mostly women we know rich vos had to go up afterwards okay so me and Keith went on either side of the room and as he's telling his jokes we just went oh no and he just took over the whole crowd not bad he didn't know we were doing it he just knocked the crowd turned on and he snapped she was like she was up here fucking guzzling jizzing fucking the only bad thing with the comedy seller is you have to walk through the room which is a very small room and just like whenever a comic would just walk through this purposely like if they're a spectacle walking through the room yeah it's why it sort of sucks to go even have to piss there because when you walk the comic it's gonna be like oh you know it's you just everyone sees it and just like when the comics were just like Patrice or Bobby and they just walk and only you can see them we always do i mean the whole crowd can see their body but oh you see their face front and says close as i am to you and they just walk by like yeah oh yeah you know joke when the show you're just shaking their head no it's like what because we because you want to make the person fall here's the winner every night it was seven nights a week you were there if you weren't on the road oh that's so it was like it didn't matter because you were like you're back that was the third show tonight and you're back tomorrow okay three more so it's nothing better they weren't that uh they weren't that sacred nothing better than you know we'd never watch each other if you're good but when you were bombing get downstairs and you look out in the hallway and all of them patrice norin be like find out nothing funny the most fun person to watch bomb because it wasn't a bomb was david tell because he would just get he would just turn it like he's he never changes his personality every guy the room doesn't change just keep doing it and i remember the line he said one time at the cellar like he was bombing hard and then he had one joke that got like a pretty good laugh and he goes thank you guys now imagine what that'll do and when it's performed not in a space-man full of broken toys put a champion oh man that's a long show right i think i over here we have to go thanks so much for doing this thank you for having us for listening to the best let's do it again yeah nice to meet you guys man where do we go to where's your website for tickets and all that stuff big j comedy dot com and punch up dot live slash robert kelly you guys dot com i just realized who i'm talking to he say that every show right yep we do we also do it off support ourselves yeah and uh the bonfire that's like yeah don't don't watch that don't die