What is up daddy gang it is your founding father Alex Cooper Daddy gang welcome back to another episode of call her daddy. I am so excited. I decided it's another solo week I feel not refreshed. I was about to see I feel great.
I don't feel fucking great. I'm so hungover I have an ear infection I'm fucked up because I just got back from celebrating my birthday in Miami and when I got back I'm not home actually I'll explain that in a minute. Where the fuck am I? I was just in Miami celebrating my birthday.
I had Too much fun, and I know I've said everybody that keeps their birthday going for a week. I fucking hate you I hate myself too. It just so happened that people I was seeing different people throughout the week and we were having different parties And it was very fun. I had some old friends with me actually one of them is in the room pan to my right Lauren is here I just don't want to go home Call her daddy is brought to you by Dove Have you guys heard that Dove just dropped a dove reimagined version of the classic don't cha to launch their new alcohol free whole body Deodorant a true 90s baby throwback moment the best part is that doves new whole body deodorant is alcohol and aluminum free combining 72 hour odor control with nourishing skin care It's gentle anywhere you apply it which keeps you feeling hot not burned for external use only the new Dove whole body deodorant Alcohol and aluminum free learn more at Dove dot CA So Lauren and I are still together, but we had a wild time I went to 11 for the first time in my life if you guys have never been to 11 neither Have I okay, and I had a full experience I show up and it's basically a full club and strip club If that makes sense so we show up and the first person that comes up to me works there and she's like daddy like I'm such a big Fan I love the show.
Can I give you a massage? It's so cool you guys these women give people massages and I'm like oh my god I have chronic neck pain like I'm like such a loser I'm like oh sorry I've chronic neck pain her knee at a disc like you don't want to touch my back And I see Lauren in the corner just like taking shots I'm like but my friend Lauren would like a fucking massage so Lauren sits her ass down and starts getting the most sexual massage They're like going down her body oil on me. I don't know about it. I put oil on me So Lauren is literally saying like this oh and I'm watching Lauren having the time of her life to which then I turn to the girl We how much is gonna be I had no cash on me and she goes oh every 15 minutes is a hundred dollars I'm like get up Lauren Let's go I handle like a 50 bucks and I'm like that will be enough for Lauren Lauren Lauren got a nice little massage I love strip clubs are a great time and it overall was a really good birthday I will say the one really there's a lot of incredible things about being engaged The one really incredible thing about being engaged is like you can get so drunk and blackout and when you get home You can essentially make a fool of yourself or do the craziest shit You can possibly think when you enter that bedroom and I'm gonna usually wake up and Matt's gonna still left me I get I stayed at the club for an hour longer than Matt's like babe.
I gotta go I gotta go I totally get it like I'm one with the strippers I get home and Matt is kind of half asleep and I walk into which he describes as a rageful beast and now when I look back So one of my friends that works would be Jordan goes I heard you leave in the club saying to Matt on the phone. I need three things when I get home. What was it a? tampon a I'm like Matt I need a tampon a vibrator and water classic.
Matt's like okay, baby like I got you I'll see you soon I come home. I rip my clothes off like it's not even sexy I rip my clothes off and I'm like let's fuck Matt throws me on the bed He's like okay, this is fun. Whatever we start having sex and the minute his penis enters my vaginal walls I start screaming like just so not cute like this is not cute. It's dramatic I get it and that's like what what I'm like I definitely have a tampon and like you need to take it out first Like I don't want to get toxic shocks and I'm like Lauren always has tampons fucking fucking stomach She's always like it was one time it was one time Lauren I remember the story Lawrence like something's not right something's going on and I will never forget Lauren Teaching me the lesson of like you better not fuck with a tampon and because that's even worse than it just like getting stuck up there That dick is gonna shove that shit up until your titties, okay?
I don't recommend it So I like have this like really big fear and there's just like I just have a big fear of it who wouldn't okay So I start screaming at and he I'm like put your fingers in there He's like what I shove my fingers up. I start trying to get my tampon out. I feel nothing I'm like Matt I open my legs as if I'm in the gynecologist office and I'm like Matt Get in there and that's like I really don't see anything I didn't even feel anything with my dick I'm gonna get in there Matt starts putting his fingers inside of my vagina fishing around But it's not like cute. I'm like do you feel it?
He's like no like do you feel it? I say get your phone turn on your flashlight app and inspect it inspect your gadget find the tampon So Matt's like Jesus fucking Christ. He gets the phone full flashlight legs up in the air I'm like do you see anything like what's going on out there? He's like it looks beautiful like I don't see anything by this is TMI so finally Matt claims that he doesn't My clay I think about mom Matt's mom watching this like just like drinking for morning coffee being like alright We're done.
Don't watch it this week Um, so Matt finally doesn't find a tampon in me We proceed to have sex and I find myself in very acrobatic situations when I'm feeling drunk like I with Matt usually have like my three go-to sex positions I see that right there. What are they? Lauren's so creepy in the corner. Oh, any for me?
Am I boyfriend? No very classics Usually it's gonna be him off the bed me from behind something doggy style I love the from the side spooting position But like him up on his knees if that makes sense like not him spooning me But him on his knees me spooning and then another one it could possibly be like me with my legs over his shoulders Just visualize it get turned on get your pointer because this isn't hot actually so I do the position I'm sweating already. I personally do the position where my legs are over his shoulders and in this moment to just you guys understand like Yeah, for sure Matt and I will have some kinky sex here and there and then like well normal sex and all of kinky sex Leaving a strip club the inspiration was flowing Do you know what I mean? Like we got in there and there were these two women specifically just like AI looking women They had a Star Wars helmet on their body and like just beautiful breast and body I'm so creepy, but I couldn't stop staring I was waiting for like a lightsaber to come out and then the other women were like twirling obviously on the pole I'm like a lot of women were giving lap dances where their legs were going over men's heads and shoulders and all the things like kind of Like circus to lay but like stripper vibes just like hottest buck So when I got back when I'm telling you guys I chose to do the legs over the shoulders It wasn't the classic legs over the shoulders.
It was giving I'm gonna ramp it up velocity 500 Like I'm gonna like twist and turn them around it's not gonna like try to take my toe and like Like I'm pulling out all the stops Like how can I get in the crevice of that ear canal and like how can I like wipe his forehead and like my shin is like Giving his cheek a crossing with shots I was trying my best to really lean into the acrobatic things that I saw at 11 And so I have my legs around him in the position that I really like but again at that Lastly ramping it up to do a little extra kinks and because I was really focused on my limbs Not only my vagina and my body I was giving it all and because I was so focused on that my legs were really flailing like around and then all of a sudden little Did I know we were backing up further and further and further towards the edge of the bed Which then what I didn't remember is the so-how's has this thing? We're like the board on the outside of the mattress is not directly on the mattress It's like six inches out so like your phone can drop through like your socks like my retainers You know you guys were retainers too, right? And so I wasn't thinking and I'm I'm flailing. I'm moving I'm giving the acrobatic.
I am stripper I'm one with the dick and all of a sudden he thrust too hard my my my legs my legs flip over my body and my head Smashes on the wood board and my legs flip some result back over and I'm laying directly on the floor as I'm basically concuss And I'm out I didn't get concussed, but I do have like a little bruise on my head Matt. Oh, maybe this camera could show It's like this I'm out and I wasn't out because I can cush I was like I'm going to sleep if you know me Which you guys do but you don't know me in like a sexual way. Um, I who are you? I guess you do now at this point.
I'm one where wherever I land after sex when I'm drunk. I'm sad I'm done. Don't touch me. Let me go.
Let me live This is too much to you my but like here we are as I fling off the bed Matt's coming and going oh Alex Alex and I'm fully on the floor Matt is coming and checking if I'm like okay, and or if I'm deceased and his ejaculation is sprinkling onto me Like picture Matt fully just like oh my god So if you are in spot usually we come on here to get inspired like Alex like give us that sexual energy again Like teach us how to do those sex moves. This is more of like what not to do for your birthday But I did have a lot of fun It's a good story to tell so just be careful helmets next time and just like keep it 100 on your birthday What else happened to Miami wait? What's the gene shorts and when K Bailey fully fucking got me not allowed to get into my Live for whatever 11 Let's bring it up. So Some of my work with K Bailey.
I love my publicist, but she is a lovely bitch How do we say it Kate you are the loveliest bitch? I know Kate and I like to play pranks on each other Kate And I have a very interesting relationship. I'm sweating. I need to take this off before I tell the story You guys met Kate in Milan.
She is my publicist my pimple pot for she's all the good things But in this moment, she's a fucking cunt Okay, so we're all drinking at dinner before we go to 11 Miami and Kate is like you're gonna love this place You're gonna have so much fun at this place. I can't wait for you to go I hate that there's video footage of this but we're gonna do it So we show up in two different cars Kate's in a car with a bunch of our friends And then I'm gonna car with a bunch of my friends And I show up and I'm waiting for Kate because she's the one that organized the table We're standing outside of 11 and finally Kate goes to the front of the line where like the table people are and she's like Oh a table for us and these men look at me up and down from my toes to my eyeballs And they say she's not allowed in And like I'm drunk, okay, I'm like wait why and they're like Guys, I'm still a little wounded so if I'm coming off bitter, it's gonna be up So I'm standing there and I'm like wait why and they're like You can't come in with that size Sounds so weird now that thing you can't come inside the club with with that size denim short are those your boyfriends to give you guys context I will put up a photo I was wearing trying to be trendy trying to switch it up from fucking body suits and jeans I was wearing the like a long gene short like over my knee But like and also baggy like a baggy gene short like a little top like it looked cute you guys. I promise like it looks cute Okay, anyways, I'll post a photo so he's like yeah, your shorts are so big. We can't let you in with those denim big shorts There's video footage I will play and I want to die.
This is me when he says that Really? I'm down at my shorts like so insecure please show me the video so I can remember what I'm doing. It's so embarrassing I'm sorry Oh, so you're basically saying I don't look sexy enough in these like you want me to take my pants off and start objectifying me Okay, and I'm like what if they were just baggy like pants and like it's just the short and I'm like so then Oh, I think there's a point where I rolled them up past my kneecap and I'm like is it hotter if you see my knee And so I then I'm like it's okay, you guys go in and I'm like so sad I'm like really want to go in the strip club like okay, you guys go in and then Kate Bailey looks at me and she goes It's a joke It's a joke it's a joke. I Wasn't in the headspace for a joke because I was already insecure about the shorts Okay, I was trying to be a fashion girlie in that moment I was already in here about the shorts and Kate is wheezing and all my friends are there wheezing laughing and I turned to Matt Of course poor Matt and I'm like this And I'm like did you know?
No, no, I'm like you must have known and like poor Matt is like no I didn't know like I should be bare Matt at one point. I was like let's fucking go like who's a fuck let's go fuck Like I'm over this place anyways, let's go and I'm like no I want to go see the strippers and finally Matt's like no I didn't know but I could tell once Kate started laughing and filming you then I knew and I was too drunk I didn't notice I thought she was filming it so we could like upload it and be like they discriminate against make sure I'm like you know how I take talk people up with things where it's like we will show you 11 Miami that like my big shorts are cool and fuck you for not letting me in so I thought she was documenting on my side Little did I know this fucking whore was just using me for her content. So I said to Kate I said Kate Watch your back. I said now.
It's on you prank me I'm gonna prank you and you at least expect it and we agree that our pranks can go like this if you're the last one that prank You can't just keep pranking so it's my turn bitch. So if you're watching this Did you hear that knock at your door? Wonder who it is no um Kate it's on so now that we've gotten my big the pants saga is done or the shorts on the shorts Where am I? Call her daddy is brought to you by dove Have you guys heard that dove just dropped a dove reimagined version of the classic don'tcha to launch their new alcohol free whole body deodorant A true 90s baby throwback moment the best part is that doves new whole body deodorant is alcohol and aluminum free combining 72 hour odor control With nourishing skincare it's gentle anywhere you apply it which keeps you feeling hot not burned for external use only the new dove whole body deodorant Alcohol and aluminum free learn more at dove.ca.
This is the last episode of season two. Okay, and what is the point of season two versus season three? I just make it up. You know what I mean when I signed with spotify I had season one was year one season two is year two and season three is my final like year of like my first deal with spotify So I figured like why not just make it fun and more like a tv show and I hope each season you guys feel It gets better season one premiere was I gluck to my way to the top such so much dick to get to where i am today glock luck my Thousand season two premiered with haley beaver which was fucking insane broke every possible record it could break and now season three I am in an undisclosed location, which you'll soon find out in two weeks I am recording with someone that is going to be the guest of season three premiere how I can describe seasons though to you guys because in my brain There's a lot of things that change but for you guys every season I like to change my cover art I like to change a little bit of like the vibe of the studio maybe a little bit of the color changes But my cover art for season two It's gonna be a no for me dog.
It's gonna be a I couldn't have looked worse I don't know what the debby ryan face is but apparently everyone was annihilating me on the internet being like You literally are doing the debby ryan face and so everyone was roasting me and I was gonna reshoot my cover art daddy But this is the thing You know I am busy like I can't just be like oh i'm gonna do another cover art so like i'll just wait And so season two the content was great the cover art was so fucking shit unembarrassed I look like i'm an untastled realtor I'm giving i'm giving like take the blazer off you fucking whore you are still in your 20s You can like still put your tits out and like have a good time But for some reason it's just giving nothing so season three I will have a new cover art and I think it's gonna be I have no idea what it's gonna be but it's gonna be better than season two. What was season one? Oh season all my seasons up here Well, you season three will be a question mark season one Season two, okay, you guys. I'm just currently editing this and I'm sitting here and I'm like I am a dumbass because it's not season three It's season four.
I have been completely off on my seasons not that any of you really give a shit But it does help me keep time. I am just completely neglecting the fact that I had season one was still with bar So when I started doing this show solo so we have season one cover art here Season two cover here season three cover art here, which is the one that I'm like What was going on there? What was going on and in season four? Well, that's not revealed yet Oh my god, look at Henry if you guys are watching this episode.
There you go. Oh my god So I'm about to say so season three is coming it's season four But you know what you don't want to say anyway, so just pretend I never said it season four is coming when i'm referring to season three at season Four and it doesn't matter, but yeah, okay. Goodbye. Ignore me.
So season three is coming new cover art and the first episode What can I give you guys? There's a tiny tiny tiny little hint about season three first episode who is the guest? Let's just say and I'm gonna believe it out if this gives it away, but I am exhausted from trying to keep up with this person, okay? That's all I'll say Call her daddy is brought to you by dove Have you guys heard that dove just dropped a dove reimagined version of the classic don't cha to launch their new alcohol free whole body deodorant?
A true 90s baby throwback moment the best part is that doves new whole body deodorant is alcohol and aluminum free combining 72 hour odor control With nourishing skin care it's gentle anywhere you apply it which keeps you feeling hot not burned for external use only the new dove whole body deodorant Alcohol and aluminum free learn more at dove.ca Hi daddy gang, so we're back. I want to just hang out with you guys and like I said, this is the last episode of season two It really means nothing for you guys. It's just for me creatively I just like to like change things a little bit like I said but I want to spend it with you guys alone today So I well, I guess Lawrence your own what am I? You are I'm your most your kid guess of season two.
It's true It's so fucking true and Lauren when I say I'm alone I'm not alone like you learn here, but like you guys get it like it's like we're together we're alone We're here for emotional support. Yeah, it's a logistical support. Yes, so I'm gonna have Lauren read some of your questions daddy gang because I Figured it's sometimes nice for me to not fully see them before so I gave Lauren my phone She screenshotted a bunch of your DMS and I want to like actually because sometimes I like read through them I think about it, but I just want to generally react as if it's like I'm your friend I'm hearing it for the first time what comes to mind. Let's get into it I'm not gonna do the whole thing because I will start sweating but quench don't love the motherfucking week Let's go.
Larry daddy gang's first question go Question one. I've gotten super close with one of my guy friends over the past few months We always have the best time together and I genuinely love being around him But lately the guys have been getting really flirty and he's been making jokes about us hooking up I'm conflicted. I'm kind of into it, but I'm also worried that if we do anything I'll totally ruin our friendship What should I do? Okay, this is like The worst Question ever because I feel like there's only one answer always when it comes to hooking up with a friend or best friend specifically This is your best guy friend is like if you're gonna do it The goal is you guys end up getting married, right?
It's like it worked. We were both in love I found love with my best friend, but for the most part, it's like it usually doesn't end great because the feelings have to be so fucking mutual And if you're such good friends, I feel like a lot of the times one party is usually so happy with that friendship My only concern is that he has been joking saying like we should hook up and that leads me to believe He could be testing the waters because I don't think he would say that unless he actually genuinely meant that clearly since you guys are friends So my question back to you is how do you feel about him? Are you sexually attracted to him? Do you like him?
I think the topic of hooking up with your best friend is always I get it written so often daddy gang And I guess the only thing I can say is like just know it will never be the same again again Goal is sure you both fall in love and you're married But for the most part of everything I've seen my experience is like one person is way more invested And if you tell that person you have feelings for them or you go for it or you fuck one night and you wake up It's never gonna be the same and you have to be okay with that So I have people right and saying I'm so in love with my best friend. I need to tell them I need to act on it Totally But just recognize that you can't be then upset by the repercussions because that also does put someone else in an uncomfortable position If they have no feelings for you the relationship is gonna be different, right? I mean, what do you think Lauren? I've never been in love with any of my guy friends neither It's just too much of a sticky situation where like I think sometimes like especially depending on your age Which I always hate using age But like if you're in college I think sometimes people just like want are like more reactive with like their like physical emotions I'm just like oh, I'm horny like he is hot She is hot like I kind of want to go for it and you just have to really pause and think like if this is like you're in your 30s This is your best friend He's your only friend or she's your only friend and San Francisco you guys live there together You have your lives are entangled but like and this would be like someone you want to marry one day like I just I don't know I do have a thought actually I think the circumstances can be a factor like if you are in a phase of dating and like you're in a rut right now You've gone on like a string of bad dates and like you're in that phase You're just like going on those painful first dates and you're having awkward conversation And then like maybe you're leaving that bad date with a guy and you're going to talk to like meeting up with your guy friend And you're having easy conversation I think taking the circumstances into like fact like into consideration like am I kind of looking for something that's already familiar and comfortable?
Because I'm feeling bad about striking out in other places And just because you can have good conversation with someone doesn't necessarily mean like you should go for that I love that and I also think like sometimes when you I agree if you're single and you just like are in that rut Friends can start to look real good or if like you saw them get with someone that's hot And you're like maybe I haven't been seeing them the right way like you didn't make sure you're not clouded by your horniness And you're just like you're desperate Autobi like which I've always been and I'm like people start looking real good Like the guy started looking up with my junior year college It was like where was I I was desperate and he just started looking good because he lived down the hall and I was like oh Yeah, me his name wasn't dermy, but you know who you are it just shouldn't have well hopefully you don't watch this It should never happen But I guess take the shot if you want but I love you and daddy gang just know I personally think it's always better to not act on it than to act on it Unless you're 100% sure that you're like I cannot live my life unless I tell this person I love them so much and I'm okay with our friendship ends because it's so painful to me to be in a relationship With this person as a friend if I we can't have more than I have to get away because I can't something about them If it's not that dire than like come on. There's other dick around let's let's move on next question You know when like you read in like class and you're like I'm a good reader and like I know how to read like you're reading for class Like I forget what like I was my first language My best friend is still hooked on a guy that broke up with her four years ago She constantly compares every single guy that she gets with or even has potential with to her ex she's very fragile So I don't know how to approach the situation, but she's closed herself off to new opportunities And I want her to be happy. How do I tell her it's time to move the fuck on you don't you don't I? Totally hear you it's so fucking annoying if you have a friend that's still not over that ex and they go on the date And they're like it was good and like what was bad about it nothing He just like he's not like Jake and you're like Jake literally broke your heart four years ago Never like do you fucking whore move on but it's like I think sometimes everyone has to figure it out on their own And I think let's play it out.
So what are you gonna do you could let's roleplay you could be like listen I feel like I keep seeing you trying so hard to go on dates and you're always comparing them to Jake And I love you so much you deserve so much better like think about it like he broke your heart You don't want someone like him like you deserve so much better You can only do so many of those pep talks daddy gang you can of course you should at one point hype your friend up remind them They're better than that last ex but I also think when people are heartbroken You kind of just have to let them figure it out for themselves And I feel like a lot of times the only way for them to actually get over that person that they were so in love with Is when they find someone new so I would say for your friendship be her hype man I get it's annoying as fuck that she probably is like another bad date and you're like I don't want to hear about it and you're like close your door because you're like I bet what he's not as good as Jake I also think there's just like block her out support her like oh, I'm sorry Well, you'll get the next one like keep trying girl like because what then you're just gonna be the friend that's like you really need to get over him Like he's not shit like no you're not gonna be the one that helps your friend feel like be there for her But I think sometimes girls we have this like frustration when a friend can't get over it Bitch you'll be there in two fucking months when Brad breaks up with you You're gonna be crying about Brad for the next fucking six years until you find the next right person So let everyone grieve in their own timeline I think sometimes it makes it even worse in the beginning when you're trying to start dating And you can't help but compare the comfort of an axe even if they were fucking asshole at least they were predictable and you knew who they were So just give her some fucking time. Okay. I know you said it was four years ago, but it makes you like four days for her Okay, she's on the struggle bus let her ride it until she's done next question I just got out of a long-term relationship and I'm starting to get back into dating It's been years since I've had sex with someone who isn't my boyfriend and I'm so nervous How do I begin having sex with new people? Oh, it's so hard because I feel like unless you are someone that like goes out immediately and bucks Someone and you're like who I got back on the horse like I'm ready You do overthink it and you have to try to not but I also think you should give yourself some grace of like No matter again if the relationship was toxic or healthy It's not easy to be intimate with someone again, especially if you were in a long-term relationship You get so used to the sex that you have with your partner, you know each other's bodies You know you know how to make out like we were talking about this the other day Lauren and I were like how weird when you do start hooking up with someone new how Annoying it is to go in for those first you date makeouts because like you're like are they going up or live lower Like how much tongue do they fucking use like there's a lot of room for air and makeouts like I think sex is almost easier Yes, like making out is like fucking awkward at first because oh my god I remember when I met some shady I was like I have to teach him I have to teach this man how to make out because he's clawing at my face He's biting me.
He doesn't use tongue his lips are this wide open and I'm like let me in there Like you got to work it So I would say when you're getting back out there be a patient because you're gonna overthink and you just have to realize like it's gonna come But I think it's actually being just faking your confidence like every they're feeling the same way too They're figuring out your body just go for it if you start overthinking things You're also gonna like prohibit yourself from just getting out there have a couple bad fucks have a couple bad makeouts have a couple bad kisses It's okay. Who cares what they're gonna judge you. It's okay. You're gonna be fine.
It doesn't really matter something Kind of like hot and like comforting that someone said to me It was one of the first few people that I had sex with after getting out of my seven-year relationship And he was like that sex was so great and I can't wait for the next time and the next time when we get to know each other and we'll be like more Yes, and I was like yes, that's what's crazy It's like I feel like the first time you fuck with someone like Unless there are those moments where you're like whoa that was like one and that was wild and holy shit But a lot of times if you know weirdly like you're going on dates and you're talking this person It's not like out at the club. There's like this like feral energy where you're like I need to fuck this person is gonna be insane When you're going on dates and you're talking It's almost like you put more pressure when you get to know the person a little bit because you care what they think of you So if you're putting yourself back out there, just remember it's going to feel a little weird at first But once you get back on that fucking horse and get it up smooth sailing don't overthink it It's not all on you baby girl. Okay, you could just lay there And I was just gonna say if all starts going south just lay there and be like go downstairs go downstairs Do a little like hip movement hump his face a little bit. You're gonna be good.
Okay next next question One of my friends has turned into a total cock-block every time you go out She tries to get in the way of me talking to guys So either interrupt me or drag me away to a different part of the bar when I do end up going home with someone She gets mad at me for ruining girls night. I don't think I'm ruining anything I want her to have fun. Obviously, but to me part of fun is flirting with guys. How do I talk to her about this?
Okay, that's like a red flag. Sorry, but like I'm trying to like be empathetic and come from her perspective. My one thought is like Maybe she's jealous of you in terms of like are you the person that's always going home with the guy and like what's her social life or like Her dating like like is she kind of in that right where like I could see her being like I never got to go home with anyone so if I can't nobody does that's just a bad mentality, but like I'm just thinking maybe that's why I would say number two Which could be controversial but like she could be in love with you Like I have seen people do that where it's like they're so fixated on the person's dating life and they're so obsessed and blah blah blah And it's like well, they're obsessed with you. They love you and like they're jealous But let's pretend that's not the case the one thing that I don't fuck with is her verbalizing to you that you're ruining girls nights It's like it's one thing for you to see like she's trying to like keep you at the bar and then you go and then she drops it But to say in the morning like yeah, you're just like ruining our girls nights because you always leave It's one thing don't you agree larn if you're sitting at a girl's Wine night you're always hanging out in apartments You're kind of like having nights like that and she's constantly leaving the nights where it's supposed to be more chill and she's like gotta go get that dick I think yeah, you're fucking dick rider You need to fucking give your vagina like a night on ice and fucking chill for a second You fucking whore like you can stay with the girls for one night But if you guys are going out, that's the fun of going out when you're single and like finding guys finding girls I'm a couple of I guess you could just approach her and say one thing like hey, I love going out together I think our group is thriving recently we have so much fun, but I do want to bring up to you that I feel like recently You've made a couple comments to me in the morning afters of just like me ruining girls night and stuff And I just want to kind of clear the air because obviously that kind of statement makes me feel a little icky And I love you and I want to make sure we're good of like What's going on like obviously like I love hanging out and then like if I find a guy like I'm so excited Like I want to like end the night on like a fun note and try to hook up with someone and find someone like Can we just talk about this and then kind of put it on her and see what she says She's like yeah, I just feel like you're like always stitching the girls for guys It's like well I like love hooking up with people and I'm there the whole night and then at the end Becky we're not going in bed together and like licking each other's glitz like I need I need Kyle getting down and dirty on me or I need Samantha that I'm at the bar getting down and dirty like We're not doing that together.
So I am trying to get my nut like respectfully like I know you love your vibrator But like I want to go dick or another vagina, but you're not leaving 30 minutes in I used to hate my friends sometimes I was gonna say like if it's like an hour in and you're like inviting the guys over It's like an hour in and so you're like I gotta go that ruins the vibe like I could get that I guess timing is important here like if you're have a small group of girls too If it's like four of you and one of you 30 minutes in bounces with a dude It's like oh fuck like that does kind of ruin the vibe because you need that group energy that you plan to go out with so just um Yeah, but I think a cockblocker is usually a sign of insecurity or jealousy and I think you can dip it in the butt Like it's not that fucking deep like let's all have fun Let's all get ours and like yeah, I may be getting more frequently I'll help you let me win man you you can't cockblock me if I'm trying to get a fucking dick shut up your asshole like let's go Come on the girls like taking notes and do they I'll get you a dick up your asshole. Okay. Yeah, let me go talk through about that It'll feel great just do a little double P together Oh, three next time you're leaving me like I know you want to come let's go and you just bring her in Fun Next question my friend keeps flirting with my boyfriend in front of me It's super obvious and makes me and him so uncomfortable. I don't want her to think I'm accusing her of anything But how do I tell her to stop girl?
Girl we got to talk that's not a friend if my friend was flirting with my boyfriend That is just not a girl's girl. That is like someone that's like intentionally That'd be like you learn we were living together like walking out like your little thong booty shorts And be like, oh, not like I didn't know you were gonna be here and like it's just giving like Fucked up and like not being a good friend. I would say it's giving trying to put you down and I just need his attention And like trying to like intentionally which is crazy that she's not that she's doing in front of you Which like I was gonna say is there any chance that they've booked and then I was thinking for a second No, because I feel like if they fucked they would be so skittish and like awkward around each other because I don't know you don't learn anything from Sandoval Oh, you're so right. Mm-hmm.
Like her jumping on his back. Mm-hmm. Okay. This is what I would say I think the first conversation actually could be with your boyfriend Because I've already established this girl's not really your friend.
Sorry, but like if your friend is flirting flirting with your boyfriend in front of you There's like no respect unless it's just like, you know actually take it back when people like she's just a flirting person I don't care that's just you have to have self-awareness or why would you want to be friends with someone that's like so once I'm Where cuz in that is someone that fucks your boyfriend. I would have a conversation with your boyfriend being like babe I know obviously like I trust you but no, we actually don't trust fucking anyone You're right. Scandival told us everything we need to know you're gonna be like imagine you do it in front of both of them She goes to flirt with him pause pause. Nope pause.
What was that? What was that? Are you trying to fuck Ben? Wait, let's get real realistic here.
Okay. Let's imagine me you and Matt. Okay. I Oh my gosh, they can like cringe thinking about like fighting with Matt I like put my knee my hand on Matt's knee and I'm like Matt.
He looks looks so good tonight Alex doesn't that look like amazing tonight. What would you say in that moment if I did that? Lauren can I talk to you for a second privately? Lauren can I talk to you for a second privately I would pull you side me like listen I love you and I love our relationship so much But this isn't working for me and you'd like what I haven't said anything because obviously I'm always trying to give you the benefit of the doubt I love you you're my best friend but like you're blatantly flirting with my boyfriend in front of me And that's not really cool because I would never disrespect you like that and it is giving full disrespect And then say can you please explain?
What is your intention here? What's your intention? And she's like oh my gosh, Alex like babe No, and she's just like gaslighting all her little energy into your face You remove yourself from the situation if it doesn't stop if she's like I am so fucking sorry I'm so awfully single and I will just admit I flirt with everything that has a pulse and this is so fucking embarrassing And I promise you this will never happen again I'm so embarrassed and I apologize if you get that response it never happens again I guess let's give her the better the doubt but if she's like babe Why oh my god, I'm so sorry like no like I think you're reading into it. No cutter cutter I'm like triggered over here in the corner.
The only other thing you could do is I Personally would never date someone that also wouldn't stand up for a relationship Like if that was happening to Matt and I addressed it with him like I would say to Matt privately every single time She flirts with you I need you to verbally say something back to her and if you don't it just makes me look like an idiot and it looks like you Isn't it more on you look that your friend is but it's also the respect of like Matt can also is in a relationship He can also stand up and he can make really feel a little uncomfortable like so why are you saying that? Yeah, like hey, I'm sorry that makes me really uncomfortable that makes Alex and I very uncomfortable Please don't make those comments like something like that and then just don't hang out with this fucking cunt anymore I'm sorry, but like people that just go like there's so much fucking dick on this planet It's like everywhere you can't get away from penises like go find a fucking other one And if you can't not my fucking problem, but you don't hold me hop onto my boyfriend's fucking dick Thank you next people being deviant this week. We got fucking girls cock walking girls We got girls trying to fucking fuck other girls boyfriends. Yeah daddy gang I kind of want to make funny guys my housekeeper Diego is the most amazing man in the world and every time Diego comes in clean He's like he's like oh I always have to like make sure all your sex toys are cleaned and I was like Diego what and so he says to the person that I working with Alex and all her toys I'm always cleaning up her toys and I was like what and he was like oh yeah Like you know Diego like he doesn't leave one fucking part of the house like unscathed like he is scrubbing every corner like Diego's fully like scrubbing the butt pelts like scrubbing the vibrators and he's so happy to do it and he like puts them in order Like make some look all beautiful for Matt and I just like Diego I didn't realize I've been fully cleaning my sex toys if you think your housekeeper is better than mine try again Okay, daddy gang that is it for not only this week's episode, but this season when I look back on this season I'm Overwhelmed I think with how many different like formats and things that happened and musical artists are coming on We had our first musical artists sing and now we have people that come on and like perform on the show to this day I can't think you guys enough because I literally wouldn't be able to sit and meet some of these people and have conversations with them But it wasn't for you.
So just know that season three. We're only getting better. We're only getting bigger and it's because of you So thank you for listening to my ass every week on Wednesdays hanging out with me looking forward to things because truly I know I've now been doing this for five years, oh my god, I started in 2018. I've now been doing this solo for This is going on my fourth year and it literally feels like yesterday.
I started this thing like it's just getting better I love doing this for you guys. I love doing it for myself. This is so fucking fun I feel like I have the dream job and I can't thank you guys enough for holding it down with me going through my crazy fucking transitions of Life and content and all the things you really are the best I could ever fucking ask for daddy gang truly the strongest fucking I don't want to say podcast gang in the world. Well, the gang does give a negative We are the strongest gang in the United States.
No, we are the strongest gang in the world. Um, it's giving You know what I'm saying. Um, we are a solid gang members together We are the strongest fucking gang I truly could not ask for better fans followers listeners all the fucking things you guys are the mother fucking shit And I will not see you fuckers next Wednesday I will see you fuckers in two Wednesdays for the season premiere of season three. Let me just be clear You are not fucking ready.
I love you guys. Goodbye