Blueprints | Laying The Foundation For Healthy Families

Series: Blueprints: God’s Design for Church and Family   Last week: The family is God’s blueprint for human flourishing Immediate Family God’s Family of Redeemed Humanity (CHURCH) As the family goes, so goes the culture Place of Societal Stability The enemy Hates the Family Because it is a blessing from God God used marriage and family as a METAPHOR for his relationship with His Church Bride of Christ God has and is redeeming the concept of the family   This leads us to… LAYING THE FOUNDATION FOR HEALTHY FAMILIES   What are values? Values: Ideas and behaviors that are important to a person or group of people Values demonstrate who we are We ALL value something Culture is a combination of values The highway that leads us to flourish or decay Jesus teaches about values in this way… Matthew 7 24 “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain fell, the rivers rose, and the winds blew and pounded that house. Yet it didn’t collapse, because its foundation was on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and doesn’t act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 The rain fell, the rivers rose, the winds blew and pounded that house, and it collapsed. It collapsed with a great crash.”   Jesus teaches that all values ARE NOT created equal   Our culture currently operates from a… Desire Driven Values: Desire creates my truth from within myself; thus, everyone around me must align to MY values Emotions driven by desire lead to the truth that governs my life   The values of our SECULAR Culture Individuality: How we view identity and personal value I am my own authority I choose who and what I am The individual overrides the collective Moral autonomy: How we view shame and repentance I do as I choose and cannot be judged The only one who can make me feel shame is myself Shame is an abuse of the power of others over my life and is harmful to me Power Projection: How we view protection and authority Race, wealth, government, sexes, individual communities) The “oppressed now has the right to oppress the oppressor) Victim mentality gives power Might makes right   How do these things work themselves out? Galatians 5 19 Now the works of the flesh are obvious: (aka… Values of secular Culture) sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, 21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I am warning you about these things—as I warned you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Do these values lead to FLOURISHING in the following examples? For mom and dad? For kids? Friends? This leads to decay… NOT flourishing   Christian Family Values (Blueprint) Spirit & Truth Driven Values: Objective truth is outside of myself; thus, I must align my life with its values Within the boundaries of God, our Lord and Creator What are some Christian values? Galatians 5 22 But the fruit of the Spirit (Spirit & Truth Values) is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.   Do these values lead to FLOURISHING in the following examples? For mom and dad? For kids? Friends? This leads to FLOURISHING and BLESSINGS… NOT Decay/brokenness They can help put broken things back together   2 major problems when it comes to values… Problem #1: Assuming values   Parents assuming that you knew something you didn’t A tradition A rule Assuming is one of the BIGGEST enemies of teaching VALUES where there is uncertainty, there is confusion Problem #2: Situational Values Lying is bad unless I need to do it Gossiping is bad about me unless I know something you need to Speeding is wrong unless it’s I’m in a hurry Sex outside of marriage is wrong… unless you’ve been married before Being generous is good unless I don’t think they deserve it The values we typically possess are the ones that are most convenient for us at a specific moment If that are, then they are NOT Biblical Values   Losing the “moral high ground” with your kids because of your decisions Divorce and dating with kids How do we make sure the correct values are being valued? 1: Values are TAUGHT and MODELED Proverbs 22:6 6 Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it.   Family Values Teaching the next generation the challenges and values of the culture vs the values of the kingdom Parents to kids, mentors Taught at home, Church is a reinforcement of those values We often overprotect our kids in real life and underprotect them online Set up safeguards so that you are not battling outside values before your child is ready The POWER of a mentor Kids can brush off their parents, but the power of an outside agent giving the same information is a powerful resource Single Parents Values are Reinforced in COMMUNITY Why church is so important You and your kids will value the values of their most CONSISTENT CONTACTS “Show me your friends, I’ll show you your future”   2: Values are REINFORCED Through Discipline   Starting a new job Value stated = Respecting one another Value demonstrated = Gossip, taking credit for others work, lying The values that are reinforced are the REAL VALUES Discipline is the reinforcement of our values Discipline (Tough Love)   Hebrews 12 3 For consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that you won’t grow weary and give up. 4 In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, 6 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. 7 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.   Healthy discipline is ALWAYS from a place of love Discipline is training   Proverbs 13:24 The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.   Parental Discipline Consistency Raising kids you actually like Outside influence (community) Having a GOAL for your kid’s behaviors   Church Discipline Much “church hurt” was actually “church discipline” Discipline for Adults Kids who were never disciplined can’t handle healthy discipline when grown   Christian Discipline is gentle, clear, and consistent Without discipline, there can be no restoration, humility, forgiveness   Discipline vs Punishment Correction vs Condemnation Conviction vs Condemnation Condemnation leads to the dark; Conviction leads to the light   Family Ministries at Cornerstone Teaches values that you may not know You want them there for their own sake Healthy discipline is a practice of humility On the part of the one receiving discipline On the part of the one GIVING discipline Mentorship = Investment into the next generation Mentorship and Discipline Values Form the Foundation for us: Individually Collectively As Christians   Let’s make sure the values we have are CHRISTIAN FAMILY VALUES