Well, let's talk about that. But, okay, let's look at the words that we can elevate. We got, let's just start there. Okay, welcome to Tiger Bell, let's start there.
Okay, so we have all the racial terms. We have also adjectives. Actatives make racial, racial, Asian terms much funner. Which ones?
Well, instead of saying, gook, you say pan-faced, gook. Oh, right, yeah. You add extra flavors to it. You elevate it.
You elevate it, you know what I mean? Are any of them offensive to you? No, not even a little bit. Now are all gooks pan-faced, doubt it.
That's also, that's true. Yeah. I think I'm gonna have some good shape. Who?
Gilbert. Gilbert does. Gilbert has a good, between me and John. I wanna do an experiment.
John, honestly, every time I see him. Don't say it because I don't wanna hurt a few. And the Joker just came out. But I think about it when I see him every time.
I'm like, I'm always nice. I always smile at him because I think one day on the way out, he's gonna be like, I see you and I'm like, I see you, John. I get so nervous with John. He's the scariest guy on planet Earth.
He scares me so fucking much. Oh, man. The last couple of months I need him around. I kept saying.
Yeah. He's the fucking dark shadow. The dark shadow. The untrusty, worthy one.
He's got that sweat hat thing where that hat's been, it's got the sweat marks from like fucking three, four, five years of like sadness and loneliness. Yeah. You know that hat? You know where that sweat comes from?
Eating in your car alone. Right. Right. And those are the same hats that if you see any Godzilla movie.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are little kids, right?
You can't style a hat. The flab, yeah. Right. And you can't get that at normal stores.
You have to go to like, you know, Googzara, or a chinkware. You know what I mean? Where do you get in the clothes? I want to go there.
Oh, look. We'll create a line of clothing for him. That would sell really well. Yeah.
I'm greasy hats like that. What else? Greasy hats and the same pair of shoes. His whole life.
Like he wore those when he was a kind of mill where when he's not 18. Yeah. His nutsack. I've never seen him.
But they seem like to me that there is Chernobyl hair on the sack where it's smooth like he went to chemotherapy, but then there's a chunk of wild. Yeah. Right. Right.
But they're sporadic. So it looks sick. Patches. That's right.
That's right. That's right. No, that's good. No, no, you're okay.
You know, Eric Griffin and my first Steve called Kala last week. Oh my God. Now you're going to throw me on the mic right here. I'm not supposed to be relaying this information back to you.
You fucked up. You did, babe. To you, my brother. I love you.
And I coddled you in my womb and I will take care of you for the rest of your fucking life because without you, there is no me. But watch your fucking mouth. You know, when it's dark at night and you look at the sky and it's endless. It's black, black, black, sky.
Right. I only think of one person. You know what I see in that one, look at the sky. Gigantic glasses.
I look at the sky. I see floating gigantic glasses. The size of nine satellites. Oh, come on, Bobby.
Just kidding. I love it. I love it. I love it.
You know, if you look at my text thread, oh, my phone's out here. He's, um, what did he say? What did he say? I want to know what he said to Kala.
What did he say to you? He said something or... Where's the eye? Bobby was at the comedy store and he must have been acting, you know, a little off because both Eric and his brother asked me like, hey, is he okay?
That's all he said. No, my brother got in my car. He goes, Bob, how you been doing this guy? And I go, I created a portal.
And that freaked him out. He goes, Portal, what do you mean? Like he, what he, I'm going to say something to you right now, Andrew. He's only fun of me.
I won't. Because I want to be vulnerable in front of you. Okay, let me hold on. Then hold on.
Dude, this is real. Just hold on. And I know how you get to get to that thing. Okay.
I'm good. I'm not going to say something. I thought about your fake finger. I honestly had to think about your fake finger real fast.
Why? Because I had to laugh that out because maybe if you were going to say something vulnerable and I saw your fake finger flash in front of your face, I would have fucking lost it. Show people that you put on a fake finger. Fuck you.
I put a fake finger because my finger is not fall off. And it looks real. And if I was a magician, you wouldn't notice. Okay, so.
Okay, tell me now. It's gone. Okay, so here we go. I said to my brother, I go, I'm good.
I created a portal. And he goes, Bob, what is that? And I don't know if I believe this or not, but I think I do. You do.
I have the new one, the old one. Let me go. I'm not going to tell you what happened before. But I felt like it was a black hole.
I created the energy vortex created a black hole. And now do I believe that that happened? No. But I told that to Steve.
And as he when I dropped him off, he called. He got nervous. He's going to a portal. I'm worried about Calamby.
He's going to keep his portals. What did you say? I said, no, it's just classic Messiah complex. He thinks he's a god.
Easy. That's easy. Do you not think that's true? Do you not think that that's true?
When Carlos Mancia one day he comes up. Hey, bro. What's up? You go.
Your car receives live. Oh, Carlos. Yeah. Carlos, is that you?
Carlos, is that you? Hey, bro, hey, bro. I'm going to tell you what happened, bro. He was a guy in a coma, bro.
You're doing so way too much, Jolo. He doesn't talk like that. He's a coma, bro. Yeah, but I'm doing it that way for the story.
OK, OK, you're doing like, hey, Zou's Trejo doing a character of Carlos Mancilla. That's impressive. I do normal voice. Normal voice.
Yeah, normal voice. Hey, bro. No, I'll just do it. I just do it on my normal voice.
Do your normal voice. Characters, apparently. No, no, no, you can't. Hey.
It wasn't coming for a while. I got, huh? And he goes to sister. We put on.
Carlos Mancilla. Which album? No. Which one really saved lives?
Well, I know one. Paul Mooney's one. Can I show you? Can I show you a clip?
Can everybody see a clip at home? Uh oh. He's a man. He shared this with me.
Yeah, but he's a friend of mine. So I just want to show this. This is a clip. We love you, man.
I just want to show this clip. That's funny. That was funny. That was funny.
That was funny. That was funny. That was funny. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
That is so funny. Close to that. Who did? He did.
Ned Dez. Yes. But with all this stuff cut out. That is the very video from his Instagram.
I thought someone was trolling. He did that. Oh, he posted. Wow.
Not like the funniest thing he's posted. It was very funny. Yeah. I don't know if he was being subversive.
Okay. So that's real. Yeah. Okay.
I have to talk to him. I think I don't know him. I didn't know if that was a big. You've never met him.
Never met him. Ever. No. A guy that I'm friends with and him have a weird history.
And he's not a vegan. Who's bad? They have a weird. I don't know the whole story.
I don't know the whole story. But what I was told is, this is what I'm saying. I've been told. Carlos.
I've been told. Carlos and Joe were hanging out. Yeah. Joe and Carlos have extremely similar briefcases.
They went to dinner. And like in a movie, Carlos took Joe's briefcase and walked home with it, and used the contents inside, like it was his own. Everything inside the briefcase. Calculator.
No pads, clothes, clothes. And Joe called him out on saying, you stole my briefcase and everyone got so mad because people hold briefcases pretty sacred. That's what happened. That's what I was told.
I love the specifics of it. But can I tell you something? I know nothing about it. Can I tell you something?
When you were saying that? It's funny because one day... Oh, here's the crazy part. Hold on.
It wasn't even his briefcase. Somebody else's... That's what the dilemma was. A lot of other people's briefcases.
Anyway... But Ned told me when you were saying that, he goes, Dude, I'm going to do the cack. Yeah, do that. I'm going to fucking kill it.
Dude, yeah. Hey, dude. I feel like I'm making fun of the guy. He's your friend!
Yeah, but it's like already as it is. What are we talking about before? Comedians make fun of each other. It's comedians can't take a joke.
Why are you a comedian? Yeah, but... Is it mean? What you're about to say?
It's just because of the whole direction of what we're talking about, it's something the reason why I haven't asked Ned to be on the show, because when all that went down Between Rogan and Ned. I was the briefcase incident. I was in the middle of it And what we and what what in terms of like the videos when Brian redband put out a video I remember remember that you remember that he did steal jokes. I don't know there was a camera on me I want to say I just say yeah, he stole a joke.
He's talking to me. I was just kidding kind of Right, I was just you know how you talk in front of comic you whether you're a no camera You just think saying shit. He didn't want to at that time He didn't want to bite the hand that fed him for so long. That's right.
You don't pick sides Well, Carlos Mica gave him a car when he was an upcoming comic gave him a job Give him a lot of things I wouldn't have an agent without him I met that Matt Blake through Ned he did a lot of good things for you I'm a car now you still talk to him. I do text him back his wife texting last. That's a funny thing You that is such a Bobby. Do you hear that?
He was I do text him back? That's a big deal for me I trust me I fucking know you don't initiate that means you text it that means you respond sometimes to him So every time either him or Amy Texas me I respond to that there's only one other person he responds to besides me And I guess Ned is Paul Banks from Interpol. No, I know of course you would you know what I do to you Don't call when he texts me in the middle of the night. I always answer do you know Paul only through through through internet?
Yeah, we're internet buds, but he did text me about two thirty in the morning and guess what? What do you? I don't attack fucking I don't attack Orange County San Diego are they the same place? But you ever see me in a melee defense San Diego you talk like it's a you talk like it's a part of your life It's got to fit best weather on planet earth.
What are the first four? What are the first four? Probably somewhere along the equator. You don't know any No, no, also the equator is hotter.
Yeah, you would hate that. Yes, you're wrong There you have a lot of rain is You want to just ask a little of the best four places aren't in chill do it with the four places big I'm guessing somewhere right in line with California. So anywhere of like the Mediterranean climates, right? Yeah, yeah, so any four of those places.
Okay. I hate when Aristotle gives notes direction notes I want to know what he just said. What is it? Aristotle?
What is the direction notes? Okay? You know, um, do you want to know what he really said? It's not only that you know, I'll tell you tell me he's not working Wise he goes can he get out of the shot?
He's taking up a lot of space back there. I know but why don't you just get an iMac so you could cover up his whole fucking face Why am I just gonna? What you're fixing to put in post but um, you know how I feel about him, right? Bob, do you think you're one of the funniest people on earth?
I mean genuine Do you really think you're one of the funniest people on earth in the top what five? Do you think you're one of the funniest people on earth the top 10,000? Yes, that's it. Don't be annoying on planet earth I've ever lived I feel like I'm in the top 10,000 of all the funny people that you know You have to do is that we're probably very funny No, first of all most if not all the funny people are in either the United States or in parts of Europe And that's got to be almost it as far as professional comedians go, okay But in terms of natural instinct of being funny that's a a natural you think you're one of the best stand up comedians of right now Do you think you're one of the best?
I think that no you don't think so no But I do believe that I there is I know what I do and I know what I serve and I know that I'm that I'm relevant in that way So you know, you're one of the most beloved comedians right now. I know that I culture right now I know you're fucking mind in comedy culture I'm gonna blow up your spot right now until you this is your second house You have two houses right now. That's true. Okay, so don't even try it.
Oh, man. He got you He did get me killed her but because you're because you're very beloved and you know that you're good Go ahead. Why don't you want to put out a comedy special? Oh, that's what it is.
That's great. You thought about that Huh, very clever. Why don't you want to put out a comedy special? I mean, that's a I'm gonna have to do the next the thing that I did last time.
I think you've recreated I'm gonna have to create what did last time what I'll give you an example. Will you see I don't need a copy whatever you did I want to be Similar size yeah round soft especially when it's hot you get softer Now imagine me this Right, right, right, right? What's the pen for? What's my interpretation of what you just saw the more Bobby takes on the more he just falls to pieces the more That's on you the more you just and just shit the bed.
No the point I wanted to make is that if you did if you did Every do a special would you take your clothes off? No? Why do you do it now then to kill time? You genuinely you pull out your penis because you're like that's it.
I got nothing left. What can I say this? I'm gonna open it. Huh?
That's any my openers. I don't talk to your owners That's fine. No, sir. I don't know opens for you.
I'm closing bit. It destroys The penis tuck go to the vortex. Yeah The dick tuck it on the stool goes to the vortex does just right pretty good laugh. What do you mean?
What do you you don't close with your dick every time? No? No? Do you get permission from the club?
No? They're not allowed to get me notes. No, no, that's not a note. That's not it's a legal thing No, I go.
What are the legalities of the city? I mean, I go in and say what the laws are you think certain races were allowed to get naked on stage like Asians Everyone's like sure that's what I that's why I do it. I feel like it doesn't apply to me opposite on Instagram because let's say for Instance divo can put as many naked pictures of himself Bobby does even one that might suggest nudity It's out and you get straight and you get a striking answer. I have two strikes right now One of them was me naked, but my girlfriend covering my penis.
Mm-hmm that flagged the ain't but then I see like not Steve Oh, but other comics on yeah, Eric Andre full on dick shot. He put his dick out. Yeah, but it's dick on Instagram He was fine. I screenshot it in right.
You have it. You still have it for my member somewhere. Yeah, but um It's a very nice dick. Well, then you should be able to post it That's why I'm saying like if you have a nice penis you should be able to show I think if you if you here's the difference you either have a really nice penis you should be able to show it a free will or you have Your kind of penis and you're able to show it a free will if you have a regular penis nobody wants to see what's my kind of penis the opposite of a really Penis your penis it works.
It's a bit Your penis is a bit you want me to say it your penis is a bit I have a regular run of the mill penis your penis is a little type It's hilarious. It's a little type it. It's not small. It's just funny.
You have a funny penis I'm not demeaning I'm not demeaning you think honestly you have a funny penis. It's not small It's funny things to make it funnier you do yeah, it's more wrinkly the sack by the way the hairier your pubes yet And the more defined your little nut sack yet. Yeah, I mean it looks like you know how statues have very like bushy You know like a you know like a you know like they have very bushy pubes and very smooth nuts and a smooth little penis a little tiny head Yeah, it's perfect. You have a perfect little funny penis.
Wow. That's it. It's a funny penis And you should be proud that's better than you saying that I'm funny you are funny No, but that's a nice compliment. Thank you.
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I haven't lately I forget you should I know the worst is my pool Because in Portland the last time I was there. I was never was banned forever because the pool What are you talking about you put you I put all over the green room all over the green room because I really what's up? Hi That's what he does that's what he pulls that camera look at you pull look at us get out here close the door I want to talk about this guy close the door with the air so yeah, yeah, okay good. This is gonna get good You see gonna kill something Great, you know, you know I talked nice about Aristotle recently on a popular podcast.
Yeah, did you hear it? Yeah? You did I did talk very nice about him. I don't think he gets I don't think he gets enough love both from just just a side thing talking about other comics There's a whole host of New York girls their comics that hit me in J.
Caterpillar. They hate you and Jade why? Because when I was in Chicago Schomburg. Yeah, I had an MC who was a woman who was it?
I can't tell you what it is, but she's now living in LA and she's killing it, okay, and she I know it is Okay, I bet I know Chicago. I know what it is a good home to nice girl. I know who it is Okay, and she on a Saturday night came in in a ballroom gown Shut up Imagine her being in a beautiful like a kind of like a Cinderella a ballroom gong like she went to a fucking dinner before like she went into a What a carriage and a pumpkin. Yeah, was it Halloween?
No, but that's what she looked like she came out of a carriage And she missing a slipper like the story, okay, so I just looked at her Because I you know, I'm not like a headliner that that audience is my people right it's you 95% I would even belong more almost They're from either target belly matt TV there the about tickets to see me the whole crime is your show And if my one of my openers is saying grandma rape jokes as an MC. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna come up to him I don't want that yeah, you can do that I don't want you to wear that. Oh the wearing the wear things hard.
Yeah, yeah They're body body possession I don't want you to say this kind of material because it's not what I like and it's not my audience, but the wearing thing unless it's fucking Like it's like it's like a swastika shirt. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm like this What if I'm doing a play yeah, I wrote yeah, and I want a character to wear that You didn't like you can hire your own character You didn't the club hired her I should bring your own then into either right to fire Of course you do but that's what I'm saying is that I told her that if you can wear one But then you're not on the show as you can plant that's fucked up though Bobby coming from a woman to tell me what to how I should present myself on stage let's suppose cuz you don't say it sounds so wrong I Really got to fight it. I feel like a win.
I'm running it right. Yeah, yeah Here's what you should have done first of all listen to what she just said did you hear what she just said? You didn't pay attention say it again. I heard what she said that to me before oh she has Yeah, he tells us the way all the time and every time like yeah What you did you cannot tell you can't you can't do that you can't and on top of that if you felt uncomfortable with her clothing choices You could just tell the club.
I don't want to work with that person anymore That's the end of it you made it about the clothes you should have just been like I don't like revived No, let me say something to you. I found out that I without saying yeah, well giving her shot She knows now I know but if I would have went to the manager without even saying anything said you know I don't like I don't like I don't want to show and he'd be like what do you mean? Like she's going up on a gun and I you know I want to say don't even get there I just don't like revive I don't like her comedy doesn't align with what I'm trying to present to my crowd if you Think that was you have to I feel like now we should get around the show and because I've been stuck on I bet MC step on What's your name I forgot? Yeah, okay, I would be great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, have you ever said anything face to face she when she moved to town She came out to get the store. I'm here now. Let's try cordial. Oh that she really hates you Yeah, that is you don't I go okay?
To say that at the main room in the in the comedy store is fucking crazy policy and I like that yeah, I suppose she's balled I like that about it because she's confident and she's real and I get it dude You know the times have changed I probably was in the wrong at the time I thought was right and I guess no one sees it on my side I just think that like if Morrissey's headlining and a band before him is doing something or even wearing like swastika's or You would just like fire the bike. He would fire the band. He wouldn't say anything like hey Just don't wear that and do your show we love you and also think that matters you that much Then what he said you don't just bring an opener bring an MC. Yeah, you should I'm gonna do for now What's her name?
Yeah, I'm sorry at the time you know in my head. I'm like I don't like what she's wearing I should have not said anything okay, I learned I guess you know my point of view right now is I'm sorry I'll never do that again, and I was in the wrong. You know what I love about you There it is the one thing I love about you is you're very coachable athlete. Yeah, you really are you really know how to take you really Know how to take something think about it and then really go I couldn't find it and I'm the wrong and I fucked up.
You're not in the wrong. She hates me I can tell I bet you she doesn't hate you her friends. I'm gonna talk to me who were her friends I don't like you. You know her number.
I think you construct these things in your head more than anything all right Go try but when you text her. Yeah, don't say that you're near me. Just say do you hate Bobby Lee Yeah, go ahead. You know I was thinking about something about you know big day.
Would you work with Bobby Lee? I don't have a number You know, I don't know I'm not close like that, but I don't I know her so here we go I'm just gonna I'm just gonna hit her up on Instagram. Okay. Hey Okay, hey, it's 65.
Oh here. I have a number right here. Oops never used it. I go hold on copy here We go and if she ever responses really deep and like long and personal obviously we're gonna hear that Do we have to this is like the time when Russell Peters like no this guy's in hate you like no Oh, you know him right now right now.
That's what I was so confident. Yeah, people hate me bro That one me 10. Hey, it's Santino. Okay.
Yeah, we go Bobby Lee's Fred I trust you know, why would I why would I hide it from you? That's true. It says hey, it's antino when she hits me back I shouldn't have said hey, let me remove the hey on Instagram. So funny what you're doing isn't it so cool that you can get rid of a message?
Oh, yeah, I like errors really I like when people fuck up cuz I'm like, oh, they're human yeah But if I made a mistake if I mean if I said the wrong thing to you like I don't want to ever Sometimes I say things to be a lie to me go. I don't need to say I don't need to tell them that or say that and then I have to I want to get rid of it You should have that in text as well. Yeah, imagine if Bobby could unsend what he did a mega If I could have unsend the gown thing I said sort of face Saying what if you could unsend a face that thing yeah, there's probably 50 unsends. I wish I'd take back.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you know what I do now When I text I'm really doing it wait a minute before I send it I read it over think about it Especially if somebody's like Rogan or someone I'm like, you know a little bit more political about I think about it Who do he has a meeting with me and he runs the text past me? Does this sound comments? I also um posts I always run past her.
That's very smart because he has a problem with could of yeah It's could of with an apostrophe VE not could of It's could so funny because it's funny. It's funny. I'll tell you why it's funny because I have Insecurities and I'm not perfect at everything and the one thing that I'm not good at is a full grasp of the English language me neither I understand that and sometimes I feel the immigrant Yeah, you were born here, but here's what I learned over the years when you flub a line What this is what I used to do if I was talking to a young lady or my boss at Panican He's working at coffee shop, you know Which one the panican right by the compound comment from La Jolla used to work there for years morning What I would put the biscuits out there in the morning and coffee and stuff. Oh my god I also worked at the restaurant in the and the cove for years as a waiter.
Did you ever have any menial jobs? Not me. No, I mean, you know jobs. That one's gonna hurt you Peasant jobs I had so many I go good worker very I never look at me say this I've never I never not had a job.
I had a job my whole life me too My parents never supported me financially like that. So yeah, I had a 15 years old. I was McDonald's I was it before when I got Work as permit before I could even drive I had to be dropped off. I worked at the YMCA is a lifeguard and a swim instructor I was a babysitter.
I did tutoring. I did I Sold window-washing power washing and got a cleaners. Oh, yeah, I learned from you. You know what word I learned from you Huh?
Mary and at look at I still haven't got a text back from her by the way. This says two things She doesn't like you or me. Did you see my name in the text? No I just said hey, it's Santino which hurts me more because I didn't mention you should I say I'm with Bobby Lee no No, no, no, no, why that's bearing the lead.
Yeah, you know anybody that doesn't like you Well your hands really out there George. I mean grabby grab Yeah, why grabby grab a lot of privilege over. We can do it. We can do it.
Okay. We can do it tonight. We can do it Oh, let's get the store. Thanks for coming by.
I think this is gonna work. Thank you for doing this You know, I fucking at yesterday. I won't even say this is not but no it doesn't matter Irish go by it yesterday I didn't want to be wrapped out. You know how they wrap you out.
Oh on satin you mean He's bound and the way so you were your last scene and usually the assistant director goes that was uh, and it's You know last season wrap and Santino Clap and the other actors come up to you and I was really good to meet working with you man It's like Andrew whatever don't don't don't start this right now Andrew there it is And Randy Adam Bob. Yeah Don't do it. So what I'm saying is it so they said rap and then you stayed longer No, what happened was is I went up to the 80 and I said to the executive producer I said do you mind not giving me a rap applause? I don't really make me uncomfortable.
I don't like really Hmm, so then what do you walk away? I went individually up to everybody and I thank them and I hug them And I said it was great working with you and what in the scene is done. I've got to go I just want to say thank you. Oh, wow, you know what I do, but I don't but I don't like that thing.
I bow Oh my god, I do a bow and I want to love it I want a second clap you love the I try to get a second clap like an encore performance I want the guy to say it again. You love the attention. I love it. Yeah, I don't want it It feels good.
I see number one on the call she stand up. I don't want to call over Hudson stand up Is that show back on it's never coming back Wow? Nagnum, baby, but you made good money on it They were good, but two years they money to yours. Isn't that fun?
Yeah, I think I'm gonna sell a shot I'll pick something you're gonna sell show really a couple things going on I feel good guys. I need an update on what's going on are we getting a Santino Bobby podcast or not Bobby announced it I think Andrew anything I know Andrew and I are gonna do a podcast and we're gonna do it in January 2020 2020 Yeah, we're gonna be guest driven guest driven we should have gas yeah, but it's gonna be you and I to begin with let's Do a couple with just you and I yeah, okay, you know we did last time where we didn't mock ones Mm-hmm. This will kind of feel like that to this one right here. Yeah, but I think we should do a couple of those two Yeah, we just spend in a room and we'll just figure it out and we'll let our wheels up with a name You know that stuff, but we'll go 50-50 on it.
I think we good. I think people people the black sky said yes As long as black sky says yes, I'm good. Do you know why he said yes? Yeah, I threatened him not only that He wants to do one with her.
I know I heard but I haven't agreed. I know she's gonna What else what else you need a fight? Show it show it You should take your shirt off. I was going on with your body as a boy Because there's pudge going on in all the wrong places.
It was just chestpudge Like in the chest you get pudge in the chest. That's that's what packs. Oh, he works out. He works out.
Yes. He does Don't react Bob don't react don't react don't react. Let's be natural organic. Okay, go ahead It's a good movie you love it.
It's so Korean cans and what it cans it's it's a word to wear cans So James con he invented you know that right? Oh, yes, it's a stamp. It's not yes. It is Okay, if it is if it is if it is I will apologize everybody James father if there's a far away yes It is Bob con yes, it is.
It's not spelled the same way. I know like how I'm spelled how No Can no No, no C A and C a and N. Yes, thank you. Fuck you.
No, but James. I'm saying it's but they had to make it Fine, right? Yeah, anyway, it's cream movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't see it.
You love it But do I need to see it? Yes, so funny because you liked it. It was like how to what it is It's when you're watching it. You think it's not gonna be what you think it's gonna be like a weird drama It is surprisingly light and funny really there's so many scenes in it that kalai line I push pause and we laughed there's a scene where a man is Una couple this couple sleeping right?
He's not supposed to be in the house. He's underneath a couch So he decides to in the morning. It's time. They have a move in three hours So he starts crawling from the bottom of the couch right to the door But then one of them wakes up.
He doesn't know what to do so he just freezes like a worm like a worm He just lays there they don't see him, but you could see in the shot him his legs to kill Wide it's so wait just they just missed it in editing. No, it just made it. It's funny. What do you mean?
It's supposed to be like that. Yeah, he's upset. That sounds so dumb I have to visually see it because I'm lost. I thought you're saying that was an accident You're an accident.
This is an accident. I'm an accident. Let's move on time. You do how much time you do All right, how much time you do?
No, I'm literally I swear to God. Everyone's room. You want to get serious? You want to talk about it?
Yeah, I'll fucking talk about it. Okay ask me the fucking question How much time you do on stage? Depends on what show but you're not lying on the road when I head on the road is generally 42 minutes when do you can you do an Hour I have why don't you do an hour because the times of the hours is I didn't know what time it was Like I was on stage. I was I kind of like in some improvised you could ask them to give you a light at 50 I can't never know when it is.
I can't tell okay Do you think I can't like it like I can't tell do you think it crowds deserve an hour? I mean when I leave the show people say generally that's the greatest that we've ever seen or we've seen that same act Ten times you didn't remember single joke. We'll watch it for the rest of our lives So if they say so when they say stuff like that and they keep coming back and everyone is sold out I say to myself. There's something going on that I'm doing that's right But if they say I've seen the jokes before why don't you try to write new stuff?
So the next time they see you have new shit, but what's the point aside from doing a special? What's the point? Well, there's a lot of points aside from you special I want to hear them because writing new jokes even though they're tough when they work and it's joyful It's something magic is that's the satisfaction of sand Sunday? I did a joke and I got a huge laugh and I it was a longer bit and I couldn't believe I got a laugh because it was one of Them thinking about for three years every day and you finally let it out and went to the comedy store and I just Anyways, that it was a little bit huge more than last than any other my other job So how come because it took three years for me to think about that fucking bit to do it?
Why do you think it's taking you three years to think about a new bit because when I'm following um, you know me The Lee are you you know packed or our main room and I'm going oh fuck Gene McCarthy and her people are here. They're not they're families. They don't they definitely aren't there I promise not that's interesting casin actors are not there on a Tuesday night That's interesting because I've seen Allison Jones there nine times and she knows you extremely well It's not saying my point though is is that if you're saying the castor tres don't go there is silly They barely go there and if they do they already know you're funny, so you've already won the race So that's not a thing you should be worried about so what are you really right? What are you worried about failing failing?
I don't like bombing you're not why I don't like I don't like trying because when I try New jokes I bomb every time and I'm not sure you never see it. I know you don't do enough That's about if you saw it and you saw me do it you would say oh I get what he's doing and it's a mess So you're saying you would rather have a room that's 20 30 40 people I can go in every night and try 10 15 20 minutes a new material Without any pressure. Okay, I'll give you a better example before kalala you remember before kalala Yeah, do you remember how like searching for someone that you wanted to really like Not even just love maybe somebody you wanted to like hang with and have a relationship with was difficult And you thought I don't know if I fucking want to hang out with someone all the time and be with someone or even move in with someone I mean fuck that right Right? Yeah, okay So then when you met kalala And it worked and you went through a couple of struggles internally and with her about problems in the relationship Moving in together growing as a couple buying shit together deciding on schedule and timing molding becoming one person And the satisfaction was way better than when you didn't have it right yes, okay, it's the same thing It's hard, but good things are fucking hard fucking all right you fucking fuck fuck fuck Well don't do it You're gonna lose her you're gonna hit stuff right now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it You hit the nail in the nail And it's gonna that thing's gonna open That should be the name No, it's never gonna open I get it all right and I agree with you. I'm sorry for the rage there. No, it was a little bit of a rage there Even even when you get mad.
It's funny. That's so fucking fucking right see Right, so I gotta perform yeah, we gotta go I gotta go but um do this thing all right. We'll do it quick one helpful advice with time out Yeah Because just I like cutting off people cut you off during that point all the time especially he hates it I want you for one time because I'm here in front of me Instead of just throwing it to him like do the thing just lead him in a nice way Give him like a nice hit the nail on the nail I want the nail the nail one time when he rages out like that. Yeah, is there ever a point where you ever feel threatened?
Not not threatened, but I but I get scared for everyone involved Hold on. It's great. I will do it and you hit the nail nail and that's never gonna open I mean when I look at you now, Bobby. Yeah, I can't even imagine what you'd be like on meth You've done muted meth for so long like what was that even like what could that have been like miracles?
No, I was it You like things built from it from hand you become a handyman I'm the kind of guy will build like little like figurines or human figurines out of the scabs So you're mad at his um Oh, okay. Don't throw a hole. I don't know throw ball I know So my left foot right has um mold and fungi apparently from the doctor said that so um you know He gave me um I went to the place, you know the pharmacy. I got the ointment the stuff and it worked But I stopped taking it because I realized I like the itch So I right yeah, so Really good company though the the medicine works and the company should keep going because the medicine tends to work.
That's what it's there for. So um And I miss the itch and um what I used to do and my right foot is pure pure I could be a foot model with my right foot. The left foot is um swampy It's a little swampy. Okay.
Yeah, but what I used to do is um when I used to date my girlfriend Christine Portillo She used to go. Why is there a bowl In the path of oh filled with all that dust Man I don't like my I think you're gonna go somewhere. Oh, they do. Oh, I'm a bad.
All right. Can I finish the story? I don't want people's faces to do that because it makes me feel calm. No, I'm not sorry So but so and then she says why are the razors?
Mm-hmm. So what I I'm not gonna hear this and you know what? I don't know why you're dating. I have that fear of the fear of the fear of the fear of the The worst kind you're not the worst.
I've seen no no no there's way worse. There's way worse. Thank you So I stick the razor. I would scrape the bottom of my left foot and I would get dead skin with it And you would peel it from the bottom, right?
I'm gonna throw up a good and I was taking a bowl Three years It's like you know what you know what? Gold when they did the gold panning for gold. That's what I do with it. Yes.
Mm-hmm. Get the fungi the real fungi. It's gone, right? No, I'm waiting.
That's the gold No I want to see what I do was and I thought you know I'm my obsession with look over there too. No, I don't know look behind you Please I won't finish him. Let you look behind you. What you see there glue?
Why do I? I'll tell you So what I did was you go together not just glue together what I did was I'm bored. I'm bored of this bowl of dead left Let's get mmm-hmm not being used for anything. You know me creative, right?
So I wonder I just took a bunch of glue I just poured it in there Mm-hmm and I made a ball and it was so compact it was a compact full of left dead skin ball It was like a um a truffle truffle Look at some like a truffle Right No, yeah, but what happened was over the years get this a science it's science over the years I just added to it it became a ball like this thick like it's a solid skin Left foot a left foot ball No, the one that you got was a smaller version of the big one I had by sliced it in half Oh like a tree oh you know you can't reach it and you can receive the rings Yeah, you can literally see fungi rings and it smelled deeper as it went to the center of the miracle science You know what? Yeah On erase that text from that lady Chicago lady. I don't think she's gonna watch it What did she say? But I did that where's the ball?
I'm looking for a photograph Well, my mom and I uncovered it when you were trying to move to the new place That's true There were two balls remaining Thank you And um I took a picture of it and I tossed it out because there's no way in hell and bring that demon over to the new place But a service of the center for disease control If you would like to continue in English P-day 20 I think a lemochram thought the best was Limiting a flute Or about when to start Okay, so now turn it off If you're 50 to 74 years old I'm sorry Your response was not understood Please try again I'm saying it off a second If you are a medical or healthcare professional Turn it off Press 1 if the call is urgent It's not a good question Please hold while your call is routed to the CDC emergency operation center Your call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance Turn it off I hope they record it Turn it up How many years? How many years? How many years? I'm about 17 No, the ball No, hold on, 48 How many years?
10 Officer Lewis, I have just an honest question for you I'm being very genuine A friend of mine A friend of mine has collected Foot skin Foot skin in a ball I know this is an unusual thing It's a hobby I'm very genuine I'm being honest in this question He has collected dead skin cells For years For almost five years He has them in his home I'm concerned about his health and safety Is this something that could have bacteria and or disease in it That could potentially be fatal to himself or friends and family I know this is an extremely obscure question But it's a dead serious I'm asking you, I have no idea Because it's dead skin cells and bacteria And fungus growing in his bathroom in his home And I'm genuinely concerned Okay, so that is no way for that to spread or create a new disease Or like a like patient zero type of thing Or that's a new thing that spreads because of him Is that not possible? I'm not this is not a **** Okay Thank you It's good to know that the government doesn't give a **** We're all gonna die from it By the way, she treated that Like it was Because it was a joke partially But let's say that that did have bacteria that spread like was fatal to your family and friends Didn't care You know what? You I'm guessing they get a lot of hypo-con-dryical people Calling in and asking really So it's just like that But isn't that how crazy things start? Wait fungus?
No, no diseases can start from that Because no one's ever done that in the history of the world And it should never happen again No, it should And that's what makes me creative and different That's basically a special Okay My thought processes Okay We need to switch subjects You need to Alright, I'm gonna go So I'm gonna go So the polar opposite of those two balls of glue Those two balls of glue remind me of depravity Sadness It reminds me of cockroach insect Like just bottom blowing Behavior And the other half of the polar opposite of that Is the light, correct? Yeah God Yes I think in my head that embodies that Is my very good friend Kilburg Wow And I say this because when he does the countdown for the Unhuffle advice? Yeah It's like It's like You love it I love it Wow And on the piece of the other side So I'm thinking Will you please be the owner? The owner would be all mindset Wow Yes The owner On his knees Praying?
The owner would be all mindset If you could please do Please be generous And do the introduction for the Unhuffle advice I beg of you please I love you Just by some Unhuffle advice With Bobby Colala And Andrew Santino Wow Yeah Here's a quick one, is that three-parter? First of all my boyfriend I love you guys Main question What's the best unhelpful advice you can give To a long distance relationship? Please don't say break up Second question How do I make my boyfriend comfortable with me Eating his ass? Any tips?
Part three Can you say happy birthday to Nick? It's his birthday in November 7th Happy birthday Nick Move on Fuck this lady Hey Ahhh I'm kidding I'm kidding Mike How do you make a long distance relationship work? Without waking up I think that if you don't have a long-term plan to eventually be together It's not going to work So if you're just going day by day Let's grow it I would side with you And I would also say it's extremely age dependent That's true If these are 23 year olds It's fucking never going to last If these people are in their late 30s or 40s And they've been through relationships before It's going to last You can work it out much easier I would put my entire bank account on somebody's sub 25 Doing a long distance Not working I bet my bank account Every day of the week Even someone 30 and younger I do probably 75% of my bank account You've got a 75% chance of it not working 30 younger Over 30 I'll change my perspective Get odds are way different I would have magazine a quote saying It's a fact Probably I don't know But it says that People are compatible with 42 billion other people in the world But that's how some people think I feel like You're in a situation where she was God made him for you This is what's really scary about your psyche Is that you've repeated this lie over and over again And then admitted to saying You made that fact up At least 11 times on the top of the show Wait, what did I make up? That 42 billion thing I made that up Yeah Do you even know that there's not 42 billion people on earth?
No, I lie on the top of the show Look at me in the face And guess how many billions people do you think are on planet earth? 12 billion No No They're trying out of the billions It's pretty good for me Well, do you know how many a billion is? No How many people do you think are in the United States of America? 300 million How about a little higher?
150 million How do you know that? You looked at it up recently I think you're supposed to know that Fact in elementary school fifth grade right? He thought there was 42 billion humans on planet earth Yeah, there's 7 billion Get over here Bob There's 7 Bob, we have to finish I think that it could work out long distance I know many long distance relationships that work out Sometimes you just find somebody that just isn't That is what I used to have intentional long distance relationships Because you because you wanted you ultimately couldn't commit I wanted a thrill of the muffin top Ooh I only wanted to eat the muffin top for so long I didn't care about anything else That initial feeling of like a big burst of emotion Yes You love love? Just the top of the muffin Yeah But now you have a muffin top No, she's over my love Her new look She told me today What did I say?
Because I think I'm into like Buff for bigger dudes That's not what I said Dude Bob I actually this what he said You know what you said You know I'm in okay shape Listen to me That's silly I'm just being a Never fucker That's silly What do you mean never? Never fuck If we were both blacked out Party and having a good time Yeah, I probably do that with your I have a question I have a question You know how it would say like That's crazy right? No Would I blow your dad? Party?
Yes You would blow my dad out with party I would I would I would Alright let's move on Great job Give me another one Whatever one Alright I'll summarize this There's Hi Vazlight on this decision for years I am seeking your perversity at wise insights I'm an athletic 50 year old half Asian father Not considering performing Importing Importing In porn My cock is 8 by 8 Meaning 8 inches long and 8 inches In to conference Jesus No bullshit I think that puts me in the bottom Third of the male industry size wise But I am no expert I don't even watch porn I think it's bad for the soul And don't enjoy performing for men Or unattractive women This fucking guy But I feel But I do think But he just wanted to tell us he has a big dick But I do think that the industry Should be doing a better job of representing Asian men in porn So I feel like I should step up I'm willing to take one for the team And then he goes into thinking Like should he do it? No he doesn't want to He has a kid Well my child thinks Oh God he's got a savior complex There is a new Asian guy He's thinking Andrew's thinking Well I think what he was doing was Extremely divisive Right? I don't think he wants it to be in porn at all I think he knows it's a hot topic And he knows that He might be well endowed Or he could be a liar And just wants to get on the show But even more so I have known a few people that work in the section industry That are porn stars Or people that work in porn Literally none of them Have those debates Yeah they just do it And they've never gone well Well they just are in it or you're not Sorry but I'm proficient in auto When it comes to porn I will say Yeah we know And I saw an Asian man Like you know I Googled in Pornhub Asian man with hot chick And I saw something That gave me an inspiration Oh God look This Asian guy Okay He grabbed her Okay so stand up it Oh no No we're not gonna actually do it but stand up What he did Stand up This one just says He grabbed her like this Right? I think he had her hand I like And he started Just sit back down there No that we stood it we know Is this it Is this it And he was just From standing his foot Right right Ripping And I was so proud of him He's so good Is this the one Asian Good This one's called Asian guy fucks a girl Is that it?
That's not it No No Turn it off Hold on And I just want to quickly defend myself When I said that I missed being around buff dudes That's because he opened with I think I think I want to fuck Fetchix again Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Okay I know what I'm saying Yeah but I had I had I heard my feelings And I said No because I said get more pudge I need more pudge I'm just not working out I go I want pudge Because I'm getting into Fetchix again Is that what you're very body Consciously for? You commented about bodies What's going on with you And your head with other people's bodies You commented about sta-doll His body Yeah you're always thinking about bodies a lot right now I have I don't know why though I never really thought about what the real is She texted me back by the way Do you understand? Yes do it now What would you like me to say? Say hey um I know this is weird No just say this I'm with Bobbie Lee Okay I'm with Bobbie Lee And he feels Bobbie Lee And we were talking We had talked about what he did Do not apologize through him though That's what we're going to do You have to do it in person In Chicago Yeah Like you told me the story about Chicago Yeah What what About when you went open for him How about this?
I just did a podcast Bye bye I love you Mike With Bobbie Lee And he told me all the story about Chicago I never heard it I imagine You're not a fan But you have to say that I was apologetic Hold on here If you don't put that in there then I gotta do it like a fucking thing Well how do I want to say this? Bobbie Lee told me to start about the Chicago Can I do it? Feels bad Will you trust me? He feels bad Yeah do you hate him?
He feels bad Yeah do you hate him I gotta know Do you hate him? Do you hate him? Yeah Awkward smiley face Where's awkward smile What's awkward smile can you show him some quarts That's fine Oh okay Yeah I like that I like that I like that Here's an emoji babe That's you don't have to do it Oh you don't Oh you don't He walks up there Sorry I'm not a vice Yeah Oh no do we gotta go? We're all day long I'll be there all day long Well let's sign off with this Let's sign it off Let's sign off with this This is very special Very edited episode Andrew you and I can't go wrong ever No it's so much fucking fun I have one real question Genuinely Yeah Oh I want you three to look at me right now Okay ready?
Don't say so we should hear you Who is that? We don't generally talk We did at one point in life Recognizing We recognize him There were some problems Is he supposed family? Okay And we resolved it It's getting better Don't He's waving I love him You know that You're back I love him Yeah Price is back Give him a round Price is back everybody Do you know what Bryce is? You know what Bryce is?
What? Bryce is George without Oh George is Bryce with a little more confidence Bryce is George with a few more Instagram followers Do you know what I mean? True actually George is Bryce George is Bryce when he got like a couple of DMs Do you know what I mean? But Bryce Is better looking Cool More than a lot of them More than a lot of them Right Right Bryce is a cool looking babe kind of guy George is like If diarrhea was a person Yeah But also he would have been an actor in the 50s Like Jimmy Stewartie They loved you Love dudes that look like that Okay well yeah Yeah yeah Very handsome Yeah no no Yeah the suit No I said nothing I was shooting on him Yeah no I know He would never in any time era Would never be He knows I love him But you know that in any time era He was never considered to be Handsome in any time Like in medieval times Not even playing In the plague And people who formed He didn't even have Moat digger Moat digger Moat digger Not even just moat digger Moat cleaner Moat cleaner Right You're like it's like cool with you You have a pool thing You're getting all the leaves Yeah they're like clean Dude fucking moat That thing is made out of fire too Because we put it on fire They make me do it I thought so While this guy's in the house He's in the castle Yeah yeah he's in the castle He's courting one of the why Yeah fuck you George No Go Go End it Whoo we did it Thanks for listening It's 1890 dates Any shows I love you Any date shows for us When are you guys When is this coming out Probably in two weeks Okay great So this weekend I'm in San Francisco at Cobb's Ooh Yeah come see me at Cobb's And then next we got him at Helium and Indianapolis I go Cobb's San Francisco Indianapolis and then I do Brea and the ice house Are my only shows in December Right now I do The ice house in Brea California Come see me baby Go to the website Go to the website I'm going to do one night And you're going to come by Come by Let's do a show together Let's do it You guys You all do imagine Can we wrap that?
We can imagine If we do do a podcast For a year Hello sleepers of this left kingdom We'd like to thank our sponsors Support them So You can support our show We have Honey Butcher Box Go and ShipStation Honey can help Make sure you're getting the best Price for whatever you're buying Get Honey for free And join Honey.com Now is the perfect time to get Butcher Box to try Sign up today and get a free turkey Not a paid one But a free turkey Plus 20 hours off your first box Just go to butcherbox.com And check out Find your perfect 100% Of the sneakretco.com Be like Bobby And get that Nike shoe And conjuncture With Kobe Bryant Oh I heard about that one now And take the hassle out And take out the hassle out Of the holiday shipping this year Let's ShipStation Help you handle it With all these I don't know why I said it that way Just use our offer code Belly to get a 60 day free trial And get your tickets to see this Lepting Live Bobby will be in Cleveland, Ohio And California San Francisco Clues to California, Irvine And many other places So to check out those dates And purchase those tickets Before they're gone Go to bobbylive.com And get your question on Tiger Belly emailing us at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com We're looking for Interesting, unusual, non-typical problems And we need your help as much as you want ours That's adviceunhelpful at gmail.com And if you already have not purchased Get some merch Guys go to our website TheTigerBelly.com And grab a couple shirts And some stickers And some mugs So that you guys Have your holiday gifts For all your loved ones Guys you can follow Everything Colila at Calam BK Dorg at Dorg.org Dorg.com Everything Bobby Lee And Bobby Lee Live And check out some Gilbit stuff At Gilbits We love you Follows on Instagram and Tiger Bell Happy with you