This is a Global Player original podcast. in that situation and being so vulnerable and so honest about all the stuff that's gone wrong in your life. Can I just make a point? Can I just make a point?
Can I just make a point? Um, I mean, we are recording a podcast which by the way we're lucky enough to have listeners but we do listen to this. But it's you and me really. It's just you and me and a padded soul ultimately.
Isn't it? And that's what it feels like. So when I overshare with you it feels like two mates doing it. Can I, I just sit down at hand but you've done therapy.
You've done coaching. What is that? What's it like being in that situation? I certainly felt like I had to unpack a lot of the emotional baggage that went around my ADHD before I could get to a place of doing coaching.
So for me it was, you know, I needed therapy and I went to therapy and that was, as I said, sort of looking at what was going on for me, changing behaviours, changing habits. Coaching is more about being effective and sort of overcoming the day-to-day difficulty of ADHD. I don't think I got the best out of my coaching as I said. I think maybe I was too set in my ways to sort of be challenged and that's what I was going to ask you.
But that's the sound. don't you throw this back on me just yet. We're not finished with you. That tendency to say no.
Is that what was going on in that space, do you think? Do you know, it was just a sense that it was hard work. It's like, okay, make a plan for this week. Okay, fine, let's make a plan.
We'll be doing this. This sounds good. I'll do that. Yeah.
And when you walked out, forget it. So why? What was going wrong? For me, I think it was about the need to change.
You know, when I was at Bryce's point, when I went for therapy, there was a need to change. I think part of, you know what, I think part of the struggle with a lot of this is that I have ways to manage my ADHD. I have ways to muddle through life. I get through life.
I'm not in a crisis. So the idea of unpicking that and finding a way that could be better isn't always attractive. Because it's complicated. Because it's complicated and it takes hard work and you think, well, actually, do you know what?
I can get through life today. You're fine. I might not. I might forget to have lunch today but I'll be all right.
And I think what we're actually talking about, particularly with coaching, is not just getting by. It's making life better. It's being more effective. It's perhaps finding ways where maybe even we can be happier about things.
So for whatever reason, you didn't get the best out of your coaching relationship last time, would you be open to having another go at it, because we get love emails from people about how important it's been for you to share that story is the issue. A bit about what I just said. It's not about sharing a story. It's that somebody might challenge you to do things differently.
Yeah, it is. It's about having to actually implement some of the solutions that we might come up with in that coaching session. I don't know. I don't know.
Am I capable of it, actually? No, that's a good idea. No, no, no. Jamie, Jamie, I'm being honest.
I'm being honest. I wonder if there's a fear of whether I'm not I'm actually able to do that. Actually able to change. That's fair enough, yeah.
I think I can totally recognise that because there's still a bit of you with ADHD where we go this is the way it's always been so can I do it differently? It's hard work and I've failed at stuff in the past. You know, the knitting for a week every year that I always laugh about. That's not really that funny.
I would really like to be somebody who knitted a whole item of clothing just once in a while and we laugh about it and it's that part of me that my husband finds endearing but actually it's kind of annoying for me that I'm not able to see it through and I think I do worry that I'd be challenged to make changes that I wouldn't see through that I might see them through for three weeks and then actually fall at the hurdle and I just don't want to put myself through that. Okay, but it's not necessarily about changing who we are I mean, bloody hell the flipping rolls are reversed here it's me and Mr. Positive ADHD but no, look it's not necessarily about changing who we are we have ADHD that isn't going to change and honestly I'd love to play the piano I'm probably never going to because honestly I can't be bothered so what? But maybe it's about identifying things which are important and honestly as much as you'd like to knit maybe it's not knitting maybe there are things in your life which are important you would like to change it's not about you being told to change it's not about someone coming along saying you need to be different you need to be a different person you need to change it's about you identifying the things that you want to do and finding ways you're absolutely right that is the key thing about coaching and that's why it's so good that's why it's so beneficial because it's about the individual who's being coached getting stuck into working out what it is that they think are the goals that they're reaching for rather than the thing that the ADHDers hate which has been told by the teacher, the parent, the employer whoever it is you just need to do this you just need to do this to be better it's about the coach helping that person to find what it is that they want to do that's why it's so successful as a form of treatment because ultimately it's allowing the ADHDer to find the way through themselves and not pushing them or pulling them but letting them take the steps they need to take at the speed that they want to take them but it's so interesting what she said as well wasn't it about some of her clients getting stuck in the weeds that's such a great phrase stuck in the weeds I can see that happening to me and I wonder if that's what happened to you when she talked about getting stuck in the weeds of the processes I thought of you because you are somebody who's become so emotionally tied to how you do things because that keeps you together it's a house of cards actually it's a house of cards and if you pull one away the whole thing comes something down and maybe that's a little bit what you were worried about yeah I do that's what you said earlier can I do it what happens if I what happens if I unpick this and try and let's use a concrete example I try and be more organised about my day for example and I'm making myself get out of bed early I'm making myself do exercise I'm making myself eat food and actually I have some sort of breakdown because I can't cope with it but again I think that's about setting goals that you want rather than unrealistic goals I don't think it's like I'm going to be a different person I'm suddenly going to go to the gym five days a week it's realistic but what would I like to do and what are those goals that I can put in front of me as something that I want to do I struggle to do and hang on a minute here's someone who can help me do it and on that basis I mean off air we're talking to Stephanie and she is very keen to work with you I don't want you to say yes or no now but is it something you would consider yeah it is something I would consider because I'd be a fool not to frankly obviously Stephanie's great she's fantastic and I can see that but I've also seen the benefit of coaching from my son so I absolutely know how amazing ADHD specific coaching is as a form of treatment for what we have and I'd be a fool not to think about doing that I really would be I mean I'd really have a problem if I said no to that but I can still feel myself rejecting it I can still feel myself kind of feeling tight and obstreverous go back to that word that feeling of I don't want to be told I don't want to be told what to do but that's not what coaching is do you know what I have that feeling when we do the podcast sometimes about certain topics I know there are certain things when I talk about this I can see it in your eyes it's alright I'm here and I and I focus it out of you and I always appreciate that but I do think also the other thing about Stephanie she gave some really concrete examples and I thought that was really important because look we talk people about life coaching and ADHD coaching and I think there is sometimes a perception that maybe it's a bit wishy-washy maybe it's not therapy it's not psychiatry so what is it and I think her giving some concrete examples explaining about being certified making sure that there are clear goals to work towards I just think that was really helpful there to ask you how to solve it rather than giving you advice about it there's no advice in coaching it's about finding ways and systems that you find yourself because in doing that you find a system that works for you you're always going to find something that works for you because you suggested it whereas if you're sitting over a complete stranger and they give you advice on it you're never going to do that so that's why coaching particularly for ADHD is so effective because it's about sitting in the ADHD space and finding solutions from that individual's point of view and I completely understand why that works yeah I do too and I think it comes back to something we've talked about several times before which is it's not positive thinking but it's changing your attitude to it in a sense of saying I'm not being told to do this I want to do it if you can bridge that gap it's a massive step towards being able to manage your ADHD that's everything from us to today you can listen to You're Wrong About ADHD for free on Global Player download it from the app store or go to globalplayer.com see you next time this is a Global Player original podcast