The Grief of What Should Have Been & The Loss of Not Being Truly Seen (Grief Recovery & Healing Series part 5) [252]

What if the loss you're carrying doesn't have a name — no death, no disaster, just a quiet, persistent ache that something was always missing? In this episode of Joy Lab, we'll look at Gate Four of our grief series: What We Expected But Did Not Receive. Drawing from Francis Weller's The Wild Edge of Sorrow, we'll explore the grief that comes from never being fully welcomed, seen, or celebrated for exactly who you are — a loss so subtle it often masquerades as personal failure. This episode offers a deeply compassionate and scientifically grounded look at why so many of us feel vaguely unfulfilled and how we can actually do something about it. Spoiler: it starts with grieving what you were owed. This episode is part of a 10-part series on grief. You can jump in here and circle back to Episode 248 when you're ready.   p.s. Find a Simple Joy practice for this episode right here at our blog.   About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program.   Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible).   Listen & follow the Joy Lab Podcast on your favorite listening app: Spotify | Apple | YouTube   Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram | LinkedIn   Watch on YouTube   Full transcript here   Sources and Notes for this full grief series: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life.  Grief Series: Why We're Doing a 10-Part Series on Grief (And Why You Need It) [part 1, ep 248] Everything We Love, We Will Lose: Navigating the First Gate of Grief[part 2, ep 249] Welcoming Back the Parts of You That Have Not Known Love [part 3, ep 250] Why You Can't Escape the Sorrows of the World (and why that's a good thing) [part 4, ep 251] Imposter phenomenon series: Imposter Syndrome is a Myth (ep. 175) What Imposter Syndrome Really Is (ep. 176)  Backdraft: When Being Good to Yourself Feels Bad (ep. 29) Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller  "Something magical happens when we bear witness to each other in grief. Something alchemical. It transmutes the lead of our devastation into the gold of connection. Our own compassion is activated. Our souls are soothed. The narrow circle of our private pain expands and we recognize that we belong to each other. We take our rightful place in the web of interbeing and find refuge." -Mirabai Starr Beckes & Sbarra, Social baseline theory: State of the science and new directions. Access here Beckes, et al. (2011). Social Baseline Theory: The Role of Social Proximity in Emotion and Economy of Action. Access here Bunea et al. (2017). Early-life adversity and cortisol response to social stress: a meta-analysis. Access here. Eisma, et al. (2019). No pain, no gain: cross-lagged analyses of posttraumatic growth and anxiety, depression, posttraumatic stress and prolonged grief symptoms after loss. Access here  Kamis, et al. (2024). Childhood maltreatment associated with adolescent peer networks: Withdrawal, avoidance, and fragmentation. Access here  Lehrner, et al. (2014). Maternal PTSD associates with greater glucocorticoid sensitivity in offspring of Holocaust survivors. Access here  Hirschberger G. (2018). Collective Trauma an d the Social Construction of Meaning. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1441. Access here  Sheehy, et al. (2019). An examination of the relationship between shame, guilt and self-harm: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Access here  Strathearn, et al. (2020). Long-term Cognitive, Psychological, and Health Outcomes Associated With Child Abuse and Neglect. Access here  Yehuda et al. (1998). Vulnerability to posttraumatic stress disorder in adult offspring of Holocaust survivors.  Access here. Yehuda, et al. (2018). Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: putative role of epigenetic mechanisms. Access here    Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at [email protected]. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.