Break Up With Your Identity Crisis

In this Podcast: How to let go of the identities we use to box ourselves in How to shift your mindset to make big changes The difference between finding short term happiness vs. fulfillment Meet Lynette Marie Hoyle - She's an online coach who recently switched from fitness coaching to business coaching.  - Outside of work, she's married to a relationship coach (@thesparkguy), loves true crime podcasts, cats, and social media and the online space. - At the heart of her brand she loves to see women win - Her journey is one of getting past disbelief and self doubt  Her Journey - Her identity has been tied to being the "chubby" girl and yo-yo dieting  - In college, she decided she wanted the "healthy girl" identity and started her health journey - She struggled to find a version of herself that she could believe in - She started doing bikini competitions and it brought her some confidence, but she saw herself trying to prove something but she didn't have her why - She had to think about who she is at her core and what she wants for her life long-term  - She thought about what failure really means, and realized that failure doesn't happen until we give up completely - She learned to break up with the identity she had boxed herself into  How'd she find her identity?  - She saw that when she was leaning hard on certain identities, she let her accomplishments define her - She would reach certain goals and benchmarks, but find the feeling underwhelming  - She evaluated her values and thought about what benchmarks she thought she should be meeting and why  - She asked herself what would bring fulfillment vs. what would bring momentary happiness?  If the internet went away, what are the things she would still value at the end of the day? - You are defined by the choices you make and how you take care of others, not about the benchmarks - We get stuck, but we need to just focus on the next choice What helped her when leveling up?  - Choices can feel so big and consequential, she needed to remind herself that "No matter what, you can handle it.  - Her Mindset: You can always make a new choice and change your mind, and not being afraid to leave things that don't serve you  What would you say to someone who's afraid to take a big step in their life? - She faced a lot of doubt when she wanted to pivot from fitness to business coaching - She felt stuck because it was what she was good at and it was her identity  - She felt that if she left the fitness industry, people wouldn't like her anymore  - Lynette reminded herself to do what she wants, and that whatever happens she can handle it. There's no growth without change.  - The people who don't support your changes aren't your people - The root of your brand is you, not what you specialize in  - In your 20's, it's hard to find your identity because you're trying to gain stature and notoriety and social media is so distracting. It's important to zoom out to see the bigger picture. - Practice thinking about what's important. At the end of the day when it's just you, what matters most? Let that become your benchmark.  - What does the happiest version of yourself look like?  Happiness vs. Fulfillment - The closest people get is short term happiness, happiness in the day and in the moment. - "Your chase of happiness is preventing you from your chase of fulfillment" - She wasn't fulfilled in fitness, but she was good at it. Loved getting the engagement and feeling that people cared about her. That made her feel good and safe, but not fulfilled.  - The switch was scary, but her ultimate happiness and fulfillment is more important than continuing the charade for people - If you're changing your decisions based on what other people think, it's not worth it - J.go What did she learn meant the most to her?  - High levels of success come with high levels of pressure - A lot people have probably been pretty mean to themselves for their entire lives - In this past year has made the commitment to stop being mean to herself. - No one can ever love and root for you like your own self.  - If you're constantly at war with yourself - that's an unhappy and un-peaceful way to live - She's been chasing that sense of peace and freedom. Letting herself be happy and satisfied. Taking time to be proud of herself.  What's something she's working towards that's uncomfortable?  - She's learning to be more comfortable talking about money online. She wants to normalize women talking about money. - As women, we're taught to diminish our accomplishments and continue to try to stay small.  The Go Retreat:  J.Go is hosting the Go Retreat, Sept 17-19, a women's Beach Retreat in Charleston.  Attendees will leave with a vision of what they want for their life and feeling empowered to accomplish their goals.  Do you feel like you need a more supportive environment? That you want to meet more supportive people? Are you feeling a calling to create change in your life but you don't know where to start - you need to be here at this event! www.jgofitlife.com/retreat  Share your biggest takeaway from this episode with Jordan @jgofitlife