We'll be right back. And mothers, there's plenty of work to do. Always something. But you know what mom's going to do first before we get to the mother's day?
She's going to eat some chips and salsa today. Yes, girl, it's Cinco de Mayo today. I know. So do you love Mexican food?
Yes, we eat it a lot. I'm going to ask you that because we both love Mexican food together. We both love Mexican food. So today's a good day to grab some.
And I believe mom is going to eat probably a few tacos. She may eat some chips and queso. We don't know what mom's going to eat. But we want her to enjoy the whole week because we're focusing on mom.
Now, let's take a little different twist on mom today. We can kind of insert women in some of these. It doesn't necessarily have to be mothers for all of them. But, you know, modern moms want to do it all.
And I am looking at one that tries to do it all. Okay? And sometimes that pushes modern limits. And there's a lot of feelings that go into any of us when we push our limits.
You know, we get lonely and tired and anxious and all these things. But, you know, many times people will blame hormones. Whenever we finally just, like, go off or we say, look, I can't do it anymore. What do you say?
Oh, her hormones are acting. Oh, yeah. And that's not always like, hey, sometimes you just haven't reached your limit. You're maxed out.
Exactly. Because, you know, there's a push to have it all and be it all. Think about everything that the model mother has to do. Obviously, she's a wonderful mother.
We know that. But she's also got the other things. Yeah, you know, they fix it all. They're the potentially doting wife.
Yeah, you got to be the model employee. You know, you go to work every day. You volunteer your time. Yeah, you got to volunteer.
When they say we need PTA people, we need volunteers to paint the scenery for the school play, you know, mom needs to be there. Like the chauffeur, the homework person. Gotta get them there. It's in dinner.
Yep. She's talking to the church, you know, church youth group. So, mom's all over the place. So, in the beginning, we hear about postpartum depression.
We think about mom's mental health in the beginning. Because we say, oh, the baby blues, you know, that's what they call them. But it's postpartum depression. But after that, as kids grow up, we don't think about mom's mental health anymore.
No, and we need to. We need to be supportive of all women and all mothers. Because, you know, taking care of other people, it's a challenge. It's a challenge.
Well, that is mental health. It's mental health awareness month. So, we think this is a good time to talk about moms. And we're going to dedicate this to moms.
So, quickly, we're just going to talk about some challenges of the modern moms. And I bet if you're listening, and you're a mom or just a woman that takes care of some people, you're a wife, anybody, you may relate to some of these. So, there's mom guilt. It's a real thing.
There is mom guilt. And it starts even before you give birth. Well, and let's be real, Tenille. There's so much outside pressure now in the world of, we live in a world of social media, constant news.
You know, there's a lot of stuff in your head that lives rent-free, like what I think I need to be. So, oftentimes women, we set ourselves up, think that we've got to be this perfect X, Y, and Z. And that's a hard act to follow, you know. And it's not reality.
It's not. It's not. But you're hearing stuff, like you said, on the news, you're seeing it on social media, friends and family. Okay, you shouldn't be doing this.
You shouldn't be doing this. You shouldn't do this. You should only breastfeed for this long. Your kids should only watch this many minutes of television.
They need this many minutes of physical activity. And I mean, honestly, we push some of that stuff. We do. We do.
We talk about some of it. Some of it's research-based. But what about when it doesn't happen in your house? Yeah, then it seems to be easy for moms.
You bailed. Yeah, to pick up. I'm like, well, I messed up. I bailed.
Pick up that guilt. So, it is a real thing. But we need to kind of check ourselves when we start feeling that and realize, you know what? Are these kids fed?
Are they clean? Are they happy? They may not be happy in this moment. Happy-ish.
Yeah, they may be let down by something. But in general, they're happy. Do they have their needs met? Do they have a place to live?
Yeah. And then tomorrow, is this even going to matter? No, probably not. So, let some of that go.
Yeah. And sometimes we do think, you know, you might let your child watch TV for the rest of the night just because you've had enough and you can't take another second. Tomorrow's going to do that. Right.
You know, get back on your routine of what you know you're supposed to do and do that then. You know, and then sometimes there are the nots. That's what I call the nots. The things that you don't do.
Yeah. Like, for example, you send your kids to school and they don't have pajamas and you drive up and you realize it's a pajama day. My bad. Oh, you didn't do it.
You know, maybe your child didn't get into their top college choice. And you're thinking, okay, I've done this. I really should have made them, you know, do more homework or go to the advanced, you know, whatever. You know, we find a way to feel like, yes, us.
Right. And it's not. You know, or, you know, I have one child, you know, Will, that will do everything. Yes.
But I have got to tell that child, we just can't right now. Yeah. You know, you get to do a lot. You say, slow down a bit.
Yes. Right now, like, the child's old enough to understand, like, financially, I cannot do this right now. Yes. But you have gotten to do and are doing these other things.
Right. Right. So we just can't do everything. Well, let me challenge this mom guilt.
Do we have dad guilt? Does anybody ever say dad guilt? I've never heard that before. The child didn't have a pajama at school today.
Dad should have known better. The dad in my house would be like, oh, well. Yeah. It's like, oh, well.
So why can't moms kind of pick that up? I don't know. We need to. Because, you know, mental health, we need to reserve our mental health.
And I'm sure, you know, our dads do feel guilty about some stuff. We don't pressure them the same way. But of course they do. And then many times, there are a lot of good dads and good husbands that support the mom's mental health.
Oh, yes. You know, when she's feeling bad and she comes to him and says, you know, oh, you know, I didn't realize today was pajama day. Or, oh, I forgot to sign the report card before I sent it back. And he's like, you know, look, you're juggling a million things.
It's okay. It's okay. Yeah. And that's a good part of when that happens.
So what's another challenge? Another one is sleep deprivation. And you and I both know. Oh, gosh.
So we know sleep deprivation is dangerous for anyone's mental health. Yes, it is. Also, their physical health. Yes, it is.
Because, you know, for our young moms out there, our new moms, they may be feeling this like for the first time because you are bringing home this young baby, little baby, and you're going to be up. Right. You know, there's no solid sleeping anymore. You got to feed and change diapers and all that.
And then shifting to kind of where I am, teens and, you know, teenagers really, like that doesn't mean I sleep better, especially with my driver. You know, when he, I don't think, I don't go to sleep until he gets home for curfew. Right. I want to know that he's there.
And then there's other things that keep you up at night, like worrying about their future. Oh, I mean, that doesn't stop. I still, you know, lose sleep. Yes, he's a young adult, but I still lose sleep at night thinking about, you know, what's going on with him and what the consequences might be and what his future looks like.
And so it never stops. Right. You're going to lose sleep. Right.
And even if you're not a mother, you're an aunt or you've got some children that you love and you think about and you care about. Right. And you focus on. Right.
And we do. You know, sometimes it's hard to turn that off. Sleep deprivation is something that is a challenge for most mothers. It doesn't stop with kids.
Mothers are the ones that lose sleep about bills. Sometimes Thanksgiving meals. Oh, girl. Is a dad laying there awake thinking, okay, now what time does the castle roll need to go in the store?
You know, the turkey needs this all. We take this out. Just all the events and things of life. Like mom, I do feel like it's like the calendar.
Yes. Yes. She's having Christmas. I mean, she is having Christmas because the presents get wrapped in.
You know, all these things happen. The treats get made because mom. Right. And like you said, most dads are very supportive of all this.
Yes. But mom's the one making it. I have said this to my mother. I said this to her last year and the year before.
I said, I now realize at this stage in my life that all this magic that I thought was Christmas was actually a mother who loved me very much. Right. Because it's exhausting. Yeah.
Yes. Most moms want to do that for our family. 68% of those have at least one person employed, which, I mean, you need to pay the bills. This was in 2024.
And in 67% of those families, both parents had a job. Well, and I'm thinking about like my family and my friend circle. Both parents had a job in my house. Yeah.
Us too. I grew up with two parents working. We are two parents working. You are.
And most of the people in my circle are. Right. Right. Thankfully, we are a good village of people that help each other out.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a really good thought there that, you know, that people have.
Yeah. Basically, like employers and just the culture that we live in in general, expect women to raise families as if they don't have careers and work as if they don't have children. And that's true. Because you need 100% to give at home.
We need another 100% to give at work. Yeah. And that's exhausting too. We're at it.
I do feel like, and I don't know, maybe you and I could be working in the same, you know, field. I do feel like that the work-life balance is actually talked about more now and in a better viewpoint than in the past. In the past, there wasn't much leeway from that. But I feel like we, I do feel like it's changing.
Things have evolved and they are changing. You know, a lot of parents in that percentage, they work from home. Some people have work from home exclusively jobs. Right.
And, you know, that puts them in a better position, you know, to maybe manage the home a little bit easier or manage the family a little bit easier. But, and then, you know, we have a job that's very, you know, friendly to that. Yeah. And not everyone does.
But I feel like that is kind of a shift in the workplace for a positive way. Yeah. That definitely benefits mental health. Yeah.
Yeah. So, you know, mom always has to be the primary caregiver. And we both deal with this. When the kids get sick at school, who are they going to ring?
Probably. They're going to start with mom. They're going to start with mom. But if they can't find her, then they're going to start moving on.
But, or if it's time to bring snacks for the class, you know, party or trip or whatever, that's on mom. Or if school's out today for some random reason, it's not even a holiday, mom's got to figure out what's going to happen with the kids. Yeah. And also, too, we talk about the sandwich generation, you know, but like mom sometimes is caring for older family members, too, while caring for younger kids.
So, you know, you and I, thankfully, you know, our parents are still functioning right now and doing their own thing. But we have both had times in our lives when older family members needed help. And we're still parents and kids at home, but we're also having to do some stuff for the older people outside the home in our families as well. And thankfully, we both have partners that jump in and help.
Yes. But that is a stressor. This messes with your mental health. Now, I'll tell you what, it's a messes with your mental health.
Because, you know, I hear the word snapback. They talk about a pregnant woman and how, oh, she had her body snapback, she snapback. That means that, well, no, they might have not said that about you. But what I meant was, you know, that means that you've lost your weight really quickly and you've got the same figure back.
And why, who cares? Like, that's not the, like, you know what, I'm doing the best I can do right now. Body shaming. And you know what, it's a, I want to call it passive shaming.
Because nobody's saying anything to you about the way you look, but you're seeing other people that don't look the way you look and you feel body shamed by this happening. It's passive. You're definitely right. It's passive.
Yeah, because nobody's saying anything. And so, you know, you see fit bodies. They don't have any stretch marks. They don't have anything wrong with them.
They've got on expensive clothes. They're doing fabulous things. And here you are at home, a new mom with, you know, baby sit-up on you. And look, the reality is we don't really know what those people's real lives look like.
We don't. But in the moment, if we're not feeling good about ourselves and we're seeing that, then it's like, you know, you could easily compare yourself very negatively to that. But ladies, don't do that. No, no.
Because we see the highlight reel. And some of those people get paid for this kind of thing. All it's going to do is lead to depression. It's going to mess with your mental health.
So, you know, some people end up eating disorders, you know, trying to get to a certain size, excessive debt, whether they're trying to buy what they see or buy the body that they see. You can end up in debt and have elective surgeries and all these things. So, just, you know, appreciate who you are. And for those of you that are, you know, supporting the moms and the women, you know, make sure that you appreciate what they look like and let them know that they are valued the way that they are.
Oh, I agree. That's an important one. You know, another, we're talking about mental health. Another thing to consider is like just that mental load that females carry.
I know we're focusing on moms specifically right now, but I think it's so true. Like I'm not, in the back of my mind, the running calendar. Like, okay, this week, we've got, I've already told you today. We've already talked about where we've got to be in, we're in.
Every day, every night, night. We know what we've talked about. Yes. So, like, but I can do that for probably the next three weeks.
Most moms can. Yes. They know what's going on. I've got to have the mental calendar going because I've got to be able to make sure that certain things are done for those.
Who's got to be where? How are we getting there? Yeah. All that kind of stuff.
You know, and then throw in fixing groceries when it's like the groceries is so expensive. You know, oh my gosh, we're down to one roll of toilet paper. I've got to stop by the store and pick up a pack of toilet paper. I mean, there's just always a running list.
There's a running list. There's always something to be done. And again, if you don't take time to just, you know, let your mind relax a little bit, you know, that's too much. Yeah.
Too much. And fix your mental health. But, you know, if mom also works outside of home, she's nearly giving up that stuff. Because you're thinking about your work calendar as well, you know, what I have to do at work tomorrow.
What's going on next week at work? Oh, next month, I've got this coming up. You know, so we're also thinking about that. A hundred percent.
That's too much on your mind. It's a lot. So what can we say to just affirm moms and let them know they're not alone, but what can they do to help their mental health? Well, number one, realize that to-do list is never going to be a hundred percent checked off and be okay with that, right?
Meet the needs you got to right now. And look, pause and stop and enjoy your family. You're never going to get this day back. What do they say?
Babies don't keep? And they don't. As you and I don't know. They don't keep.
They grow up. You know, or if you're like, when my teenage son comes home and he's like, mom, hey, do you want to go do X, Y, and Z with me? No, I'm washing the dishes. Yeah, I'm going.
I mean, dishes or do something else. I mean, that's not a hard one, but yeah, I get what you're saying. So some of that stuff can wait, you know, so pause and don't feel like you guys stick to that list of to-do lists. Like stop and be, I guess, spontaneous sometimes and enjoy your people.
Yeah, and spend time by yourself, with yourself. Still moments. You may not have days that you can be by yourself. You may have two hours that you can be by yourself.
Enjoy it. Do you want to watch a movie? Do you want to take a nap? Do you want to paint your nails?
What do you want to do? Right. But do it for yourself. You don't have to go in there and pick your kids' toys off the floor.
You don't have to. Don't do any of that. Just spend it on yourself. I like that.
Spend it on yourself. And if it becomes too much mental health, you know, ask for professional support. You know, it's good to vent to our friends. I enjoy, you know, when we have our vent sessions and talk about things.
But sometimes it's more than what, you know, our friends can help us all. Yeah, and we may not always be 100% sharing what's actually going on. That's right. That's right.
So I encourage that for sure. Yes, professional help is always. So moms, aunts, grandmas, stepmoms, whatever you are. Like, go love on your people.
Yeah, go grab some chips and salsa and just chill out a little bit. I mean, I forgot about the chips and salsa. We're not in this alone. You know, find your job, vent it out, do what you can do, and then let some of it go.
Everybody's dealing with some of the same things. So thank you for joining us on this episode. This was kind of encouraging, I think. But in the words of Bob Marley, live the life you love.
And love the life you live. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. And Sarah, you're a really good mother. Thanks, dear.
So are you. Yes, we are. Thank you. And we'll see you all next week.
Bye.