Briony - Please, Can I Keep Him?

← Previous Chapter: Chapter 10 /|\ Next Chapter → Chapter 12After having lunch in Paris the next day and staying in Dijon overnight, we arrive in Switzerland early Sunday afternoon. By the time I pull into the quiet town at the base of the lush green mountains, the low hanging clouds that blanket the snow topped summit has already begun releasing a light drizzle of rain. Nick gently taps me on the leg, sending lightning straight to my stomach. I turn my head, although he comes in clearly through the comms. “Hey, love, is it alright if I take us up the mountain? It’s one of my favorite rides, and I haven’t done it in a while.” “Sure,” I say, looking around for a place to pull over. “I thought you’d never ask.” His deep chuckle reverberates through me, sending a shiver up my spine. “I was too busy enjoying the view. Oh, petrol station ahead to the right, love.” I smile as I pull in to the gas station and line up behind a truck at the pump. My body has been reacting to the silliest things lately, and, I know it’s because my imagination has run off with me. I dare anyone to try waking up next to the most charismatic and caring man they’ve ever met, and manage to not have their imagination run wild at the barest hint of interest. It was only once, but apparently, that’s all it takes. I was pretty stiff when we first set off, worried that the great internal battle over my emotions would be discovered as soon as I touched him. Yet, as the miles melted away with the beauty of green rolling hills and blue skies, I forgot to be nervous. I’m not sure my heart will ever beat the same after spending a few days with our arms wrapped around each other as we switched off riding through fields of wildflowers and gorgeous mountain passes that held crystal blue lakes. Still, I took the opportunity to enjoy it without feeling guilty about feeling up Evie’s brother. After all, when will this ever happen again? In fact, I may have gotten a bit too comfortable. Something I realized when I caught myself using his legs as arm rests and impromptu drum pads when a song I liked came on. Nick didn’t utter a single word of complaint, and in fact, he ended up returning the favor on his driving shifts. We have two different tastes in music, and that could have been a problem. However, we knew that before we started this trip, and we were able to find a compromise. Between Nick’s EDM and the wide range of R&B, Country, and Pop music that I like, we not only made it work, we found new people to listen to when we discovered crossover artists. Nick even convinced me to listen to one of his BBC Radio dramas, and while I can’t see myself listening to another one any time soon, it was an interesting way to pass the time. Time flew even more when we turned off the music and chatted about various interests. I think road trips on the back of a motorcycle might be my new favorite thing. That’s problematic since I can only see myself doing them with Nick. The same Nick who seems to be gearing up to date some woman that nobody knows about. I even messaged Evie about who the mystery woman could be, and was met with a shoulder shrug emoji and a purple heart emoji. What does that even mean? After pulling up to the pump, I get off the bike to stretch my legs as Nick pumps the gas, or petrol, as he likes to say. I take off my helmet a moment to readjust my satin bandana, and look up at Nick. Although I can’t see his face since his visor is still down, I can sense he’s watching me. I smile and give him a flirty wink before putting my helmet on and closing the visor, glad to cover up my reddening cheeks. I may regularly tease Nick, but actually flirting is a line I’ve never dreamed of crossing before. I can’t even blame this on Evie if it goes sideways. “Are you thirsty, love?” Nick’s warm voice comes over the comms, nearly causing me to collapse in a melted puddle on the pavement. “Wh-what?” I sputter, my heart beating a tattoo in my chest. There’s no way he’s flirting with me... Nick chuckles and taps Doris’ trunk with a gloved hand. “Would you like some water?” See. I knew it. I can calm down. “Oh!” I exhale. “I’m not thirsty, thanks.” His helmet tips to the side, and I can hear the smile in his voice as he asks, “Are you sure? Seemed as though you could use a drink…” I grin despite myself, oh sweet pecan buds, this man is flirting with me. I try to keep my heart from beating out of my chest, but it’s no use. I can’t handle it, and immediately chicken out. Still, my voice is breathy when I respond. “You know, I could always use a drink, but we’re almost there. I can wait until I’m able to drink my fill.” Nick hums in response, and as he replaces the nozzle and screws in the cap, I open my mouth to mime a scream. When Nick gets back on the bike, I climb on behind him, loosely threading my hands together around his middle, not wanting to make it weird. But, as Nick pulls out onto the street, his deep voice comes over the comms. “Only about 15 minutes now, love. Don’t forget to hang on as we ascend the mountain. The hairpin turns here can get a bit tricky, and I didn’t come this far to lose you now.” I wrap my arms tighter around him in response. “Don’t worry, I’m not letting go.” Nick hums, “Glad to hear it love,” and reaches down to pat my knee. It’s a new move that has never failed to please the butterflies that now rule my stomach. What I don’t expect is the wave of sadness that washes over me at the realization our little road trip is pretty much over. This has been one of my favorite trips, and if it weren’t for the paychecks regularly hitting my account, it would have felt more like a mini vacation than part of a work trip. Especially when we got to relax at a hotel after a long day of riding. Last night, I not only received another fantastic foot massage, I busted out my own masseur expertise from years spent working at a spa, before attending Le Cordon Bleu. Laying two towels end to end on the green carpeted floor in the living room of our two bedroom suite, I gestured for Nick to lay down. As he removed his shirt, I busied myself with the little jar of coconut oil I carry for my hair. I didn’t look up until he was laying face down. Not that it helped. His broad back is just as beautiful. Good grief. Nick may have started off teasing me about hidden talents, but after massaging in the oil and attacking his trap muscles, I was the one who had the last laugh. He definitely shed a few tears of joy in the process. “It’s absolutely sinful that your hands feel this wonderful, love. If I had known all this time what I’d been missing, I would have fired Alfie from his massage duties years ago,” he groaned. I chuckled as I worked my way between his shoulder blades. “You couldn’t have afforded me then.” His breath had caught as he sighed. “Oh? Why is that, love?” “Because the price of this massage is friendship. We only just cleared that up a couple of months ago.” He hummed as I worked my way down to his lower back, pausing to work out a knot. When he gripped his forearms I smiled. “Relax, Nicky babe. Just breathe.” He grunted a response before clearing his throat. “Do you…have a lot of friends you do this for?” I laughed quietly. “With the schedule you keep? It’s a small wonder my family still speaks to me.” After a moment of silence he thoughtfully said, “If you need more than six weeks vacation…” I smacked him in the shoulder. “You know what I’m saying, Nick. I have exactly the amount of time I need to keep up with loved ones. Outside of my family, Evie, and you, who else do I need to keep in contact with? Besides. Starting a business isn’t child’s play. The permits alone are driving me crazy.” Nick lifted his head then, resting his chin on his hands. “If you ever need help, I’m always here. All you need to do is ask, love.” I frowned, suddenly bothered by his casual use of endearments. It never bothered me before, but for some reason, it was starting to annoy me. How can he expect any woman to date him if he goes around offering darlings and loves to anyone he meets? If I were the one Nick was dating, I wouldn’t want him dropping them on every bagel girl or makeup artist he met. “Maybe you should save all of…that for the woman you’re planning to start a life with.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” He grunted. “You know, all of that ‘love’ business. I know you’re English, but you don’t want to give other people the wrong idea.” When he chuckled in response, I resisted the urge to pinch him, applying more pressure to release the knot instead. “Ow. What did I do to deserve that?” “Just breathe through it, love,” I replied sarcastically. I could only see his profile at that angle, as his ears reddened. “Is it bothering you that much?” I grumbled, “Not me, darling. Just helping you win the love of your life. How would she feel hearing you call every Jennifer, Annie and Louise, love?” Seeing his cheeks rise, I suspected he was smiling. “Do you hear me call just any woman, ‘love’?” “You call pretty much everyone….” My voice trails off as I realize, while there may be an abundance of darlings, and a handful of dears, I rarely hear him use love. In fact…did he only pick up this habit on this trip? Butterflies start to flutter. “Ok, maybe not ‘love,’ but the others for sure.” “And, it bothers you to hear me use that term of endearment with you?” I sputtered in surprise. “What? Well, no…not me, per se. Just a general observation. About using them with other people.” Silence. Ugh, what’s wrong me? I sounded like an idiot. I cleared my throat. “I mean, your future Mrs. Nicholas Bancroft, may not understand your generous use of the term. You wouldn’t want to run her off if she doesn’t understand you don’t mean it when you use it with people other than her.” Nick chuckled, “Oh, I mean it, love. But, I take your point. I won’t use them on anyone else anymore. Do you mind if I continue using them with you? It’s a rather difficult habit to break at this point.” Yes, I do mind, because it’s not for me. Not really. Still, I couldn’t deny I would miss it if it disappeared altogether. I sighed in frustration. “No, I don’t mind, Nick. I guess I’ll even write the future Mrs. Bancroft a letter of endorsement of your character. That should clear up any confusion.” Nick sighed before haltingly asking, “I can only hope for it, but how can you be so sure she’ll end up being my future Mrs.?” I chuckled despite myself. “No fishing for compliments now, Mr. Wonderful. To know you is to love you. As long as she gives you a fingernail worth of attention, you’ll worm your way into her heart t—”I broke off in shock. Did I just nearly admit that I— Nick lifted his head. “What do you mean…by…that..feels amazing, darling,” he sighed, as I massaged his neck, pushing through his thick blonde hair to reach his scalp. The distraction worked, and as he groaned in appreciation, I blew out a soft breath. Before long, Nick was softly snoring. Quietly stepping into my beige and green bedroom, I went straight to the matching bathroom, and dropped down on the side of the tall bathtub. What is happening? After I forced myself to take a few deep breaths, I stood up to look at myself in the mirror. Ok, be honest with yourself now, girl. There’s no one else here. There’s no judgment. Are you in love with Nick? The curly headed, wide eyed woman that stared back at me had no more of a response than I did. Maybe because I refused to answer. After another minute staring at myself, I splashed some water on my face, and gently slapped my cheeks. I was being absurd. I couldn’t be in love with Nick because…because..I’m busy. I have things! So many permits! So many vendors to consider! Ok, I just need to find one more vendor for cooking oil disposal, but still! So, busy! It sounded weak to my own ears. I blew out a breath. He has a person he likes already. Even if I had the time, what am I supposed to do here? Wave a white flag in front of his face? Tell him, ‘yoo-hoo, sorry, I’m actually over here?’ Watch him laugh his face off at my expense? Pulling the hair tie out of my hair, I pushed my hands through my curls. I needed to calm down. This was obviously a mistake. Some part of my nervous system was just anxious about striking out on my own. The newness of the venture, and now the possibility of losing Nick in a way that I wasn’t prepared for. We’re just friends. Very good friends. The kind that gives a person endless butterflies, and heart stopping stares, and electric brushing of fingers. Nothing more, nothing less…right. On a whim, I pulled my phone out of my purple lounge shorts, and sent a message to Evie. ‘Am I in love with Nick?’ What was I doing?! Before I could undo the send, Evie read the message. Oh no! ‘Kindly disregard last message,’ I rapidly shot off, but it was too late. My phone was ringing, and no amount of debate could save me. If I ignored the call, Evie would just call back until I picked up. Heaving a sigh, I didn’t bother to say hello when I answered. “Please tell me this is just part of my existential crisis from a couple of months ago. I’m just latching on to the first male around me that’s showing a modicum of love and care, but I can’t be in love with Nick. Tell me it’s fake, Evie!” Silence. Then, “Aunty Bri?” I blinked. “Parker?” Parker giggled sweetly, “Hi, Aunty! Mummy says she needs to grab her smelly salt.” I chuckled. He’s too, cute. “Oh, her smelling salts? Are you taking good care of Mummy and Daddy?” “Yes, and Braxie too!” He said with the lisp of a four year old. “Good job, babes. I can’t wait to see you again. We didn’t finish our pillow fight.” I heard some mumbling in the background before Parker grumbled, “Mummy says I have to go to bed. I love you, Aunty Bri!” I smiled in response. “I love you too, Sparky.” “Then stop giving me heart attacks over here, Bri!” Evie half shrieks into the phone. I quietly laughed as I stepped out of the bathroom, and threw myself across my bed. “You can just disregard that message, Evie. It was a brief moment of madness. I’m fine.” Evie sighed. “You aren’t fine, Bri. You’ve been working pretty much nonstop since last year. Between flying here and there with Nicky, and trying to get the truck going, you haven’t taken a single break.” I rolled over to stare at the ceiling through the sheer bed canopy. “I guess you’re right. I must be tired to come up with such an outrageous idea.” Evie’s laugh made my blood run cold. “Oh, no, darling. You’re absolutely right about being in love with Nicky. That much has been obvious for years.” “What?” I exclaimed, clapping a hand over my mouth as I remembered I left Nick napping just outside of my bedroom. Whispering into the phone, I shook my head. “You couldn’t be more wrong. It was just a moment of weakness, Evie. You’re right. I’m tired, and these past couple of months with Nick have been…different. Maybe this new character affected him, I don’t know. But I can’t be in love with Nick. We’re friends!” Evie scoffed. “And since when has friendship been a bad foundation for love?” I sputtered in denial. “What- you can’t be-it’s..no. We can’t.” Laughter filled my ears as my head started to throb. “Why is that, and who is ‘we’?” I rubbed at my throbbing temple and tried to formulate a reasonable response. “‘We’ is irrelevant. The point is we—I can’t be in love with Nick, because we’ve been friends, and want to keep being friends. And he’s in love with someone already. You should hear him talk about her, with this dreamy look in his eyes. It would make you sick, let me tell you.” “Is that how you felt, hearing about the woman he’s in love with?” I paused, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. “What an odd question to ask right now. Did you find out who she is?” “Between yesterday and today? I have no new information for you. But I do have a suggestion.” Raising a brow, I warily proceeeded. “This feels like a mistake, but..I’ll bite. What is it?” Evie paused. “Why don’t you pretend that you’re already dating Nick? There’s only a couple of months left. You don’t have to let him know what you’re doing. Just treat him like you would a boyfriend, and see where it goes. Worst case scenario is what? He’ll look at you and think, she’s been super nice in her last few months. I’ll give her a fantastic send off bonus. But best case?” Evie cackled, “You end up being Mrs. Nicholas Bancroft.” As my mouth dried at the prospect, I gave my head a firm shake, chuckling mirthlessly. It’s impossible. He’d take one look at me and know. “Ok,” I grunted. “I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m clearly not the one who’s suffering a mental breakdown. Just put Gene on the phone. I’ll help him find a facility near the city for you.” “I’m perfectly serious, Bri,” she scoffed. “You laugh now, but if you think about it, you’ll see I’m right. It’s the right move.” I close my eyes. “Why, because you think I’m in love with him?” There wasn’t a hint of humor in Evie’s voice when she responded. “No, because you already know you’re in love with him. That’s why you reached out to me.” She’s right. I inhaled sharply as I opened my eyes. Oh, brother. “And, it also doesn’t hurt that he’s in love with you,” Evie added. I bolted upright as a wave of shock zinged through me. “Evangeline Bancroft Downley. You need to stop.” The ensuing silence swallowed me, filling my lungs with panic. “We would know if we loved each other, beyond…friendship!” Evie snorted. “You both can be a bit slow-witted when it comes to these things.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’ve been accused of being a lot of things, Evie, but…” She tutted. “I’m sick of you both. Equally in denial. If he isn’t in love with you, why employ you as a full-time live-in chef?” “Ha!” I scoff. “He’s allergic to cooking. He tried to help me once, and burnt a pot of boiling water.” “Be serious, Bri. All he needed was a personal chef to come up with a weekly menu and meal prep for him. Before he hired you, Alfie traveled with him, and prepared his meals when away. When Alfie couldn’t be there, they hired a chef to follow the meal prep on location.” I sat, open mouthed, listening to this new revelation wondering why I never knew any of this. Thankfully, Evie was more than forthcoming. “When Nicky agreed to hire you as his personal chef, I begged him to help you find a place to live near his home, since commuting from Brooklyn would have been a nightmare every day. At the time, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he resisted so heavily at first. Yet, when you said you got to his house, and there was a cottage for you to move into, I just about collapsed.” My brows were reaching for the sky, but I silently listened as Evie unloaded. “Suddenly, you were his private chef, moved into a cottage that didn’t exist on his property before I asked him to hire you, and you would be traveling with him to provide all of his meals. Nicky is a lot of things, but sentimental is not one of them. Well, Mum and Dad and I have been waiting for years for the glad tidings, but neither of you seem to be able to clear the first hurdle. You even vacationed here in London at the same time. Do you still believe that’s a coincidence?” “It was Braxton’s graduation…of course we’d both be there..” “It was kindergarten!” Evie exclaimed. I opened my mouth to reply, before snapping it shut. No. It’s not a coincidence. “And what about you, Bri? If it isn’t a travel day, you’re cooking for him. Even on your nights off. You run lines with him, you dress in movie costumes to help him get in character. You not only eat together, the two of you go on excursions in your free time while on location. You have more memories and photos together than a couple who’s been married for the same length of time.” My brows rose as she plowed on. “And, don’t get me started in on the motorbike. Alfie already told me Nicky traded in his Suzuki for a Honda something or other, so that you would have a way around for the six months you’re here. That was before finding out you two have taken the motorbike touring to Switzerland.” I sat up with a start. “I had no idea he’d traded the Suzuki. I only found out just before we left that he owned the Honda, and I suggested driving the bike instead of shipping it to save money. Evie, I would never have your brother—” “I know, Bri, I know,” she soothed. “You’re my best friend. I know your character, darling. I’m merely pointing out that this isn’t fanciful thinking or some existential crisis. This is love.” I sighed wearily, flopping back into the pillows. “We’re just—” “Before you say, you’re friends again, just realize, you don’t treat any other man like this. I’ve seen you around other men, in school and out. It didn’t matter how gorgeous or successful they were, you had blinders on. Singularly focused on your plan to take over the food truck world. Yet, with Nicky, you aren’t just stopping and smelling the roses. You’re having sleepovers in a field of roses, drinking rose lemonade, all while wearing your rose colored glasses.” My brows shot up. If it weren’t so poetic, I’d be offended. “Friends? Ha!” she scoffed. “If you weren’t about to move on in a meaningful way, I’d be willing to bet Nicky would have never realized he’s in love with you. Now that he’s trying to figure out what to do with that knowledge, I bet you’re going to see a difference, if you haven’t already.” My heart began beating rapidly against my chest, and for the first time, a seed of hope was born. “Even if you’ve convinced me that my feelings run deeper than friendship, you haven’t convinced me that I’m the woman Nick was talking about.” Evie growled in frustration. “Fine. I was going to save this for my maid of honor speech, but here we are.” My phone pings as she says, “Have a look at this news article.” “What’s this?” I asked, brows furrowing. “What does it look like?” Evie ground out as I opened the message, my eyes widening as I took in the headline and skimmed the article. “The owner of the lucrative Savant Oblique skipped town, following allegations he owed millions of pounds to creditors. Antonov is ruined. He’ll never work in the culinary field again. And look who bought ownership in an auction. Oh, my. Is that the future Mr. Briony Sullivan?” All I could do was sit there with my mouth agape as I stared at a picture of Isaac Antonov, my former boss. The article was dated a month ago. Nearly a month after I told Nick about what happened at my former place of employment. I blinked in disbelief. “Why…?” “…would Nicky, a man who can’t boil water, run off a restaurateur and purchase said restaurateur’s former restaurant in Hyde Park? Oh, I don’t know. I wonder.” Evie’s normally throaty voice, is light as a feather. It’s broken my every argument. “It proves nothing and something at the same time. Let me ask you a question. You said Nicky offered to invest in your business if you stayed another year. Did he say how he would do so?” My brows slam down. “Well, yes, he said he’d fund my second food truck.” Evie pauses. “Did he say ‘food truck’ or something else.” I shake my head with a frown. “No, he said food…” I squinted as I thought back. “He said he’d fund…my second food venture.” Shaking my head, I bolted upright. “No. Evie. No! He wouldn’t do that. Why would he? He knows I’m starting a food truck empire!” “Only he knows the answer to that question. And maybe his future plans for the restaurant have nothing to do with your plans.” As much as I would love to agree I can’t. I know Nick. His sense of justice is a mile wide. I don’t doubt he was behind this. I closed my eyes. “Even if I’m willing to admit I have feelings for him, and that there’s a possibility that he has feeling for me, I work for him.” “Not for long!” Evie replied, voice full of glee. Warmth spread across my cheeks as I clapped a hand to my forehead. “And to think I gave him such a hard time over him calling me, love.” “What?” Evie exclaimed. “He called you what?” I grimace. “Love? I know y’all like your terms of endearments, b—” “Oh, my word!” She interjected. “It’s official! I have to have the boys fitted for their suits.” I frowned, but before I could say another another word, she excitedly began pelting me with words. “I once heard him tell Mum that he would never call a woman love, if she wasn’t his love. Nicky has always had a weird thing about words, because he knows the weight of them, and how they can move people. He only allows himself to use darling with strangers because it’s not something that can be easily mistaken for anything else. But ‘love’ is a different story.” My face is a mask of surprise as she gushes, “And you’re saying that he’s been calling you love? Babe, that’s it. He’s completely gone over you.” I smack my lips trying to work up enough saliva to respond. “Well, it certainly appears that way, Evie.” Evie cackles in delight. “And, just think. I got to hand pick my sister!” I chuckle uneasily. “Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. There’s a lot to figure out. There’s a reason why tragedies exist in the world…” “Not this time! Now you just listen to me, Briony. There’s only one way to deal with my brother, and that’s blunt force trauma.” “What?” I laugh. Evie is crazy when she starts planning, but I love her dearly. “That’s right, we’ll have to hit him over the head until there’s no doubt in his mind that you love him as much as he loves you…”← Previous Chapter: Chapter 10 /|\ Next Chapter → Chapter 12Subscribe for new posts every week! Get full access to I'm Just Here For BOOKS at everblueauthor.substack.com/subscribe