BW 027: Grief and the New Normal: Living with "and" not "or"

Today’s episode covers why grief and the new normal is so tough.  We know it’s hard, living this new life without our person, but we don’t always think about all the little things that feed into that.   Grief is about embracing the concept of AND not OR.   You now live a life with an evident and strange duality… The past two weeks have been incredibly challenging for me.  I’ve experienced some real highs and lows, which painfully remind me how much grief changes every little thing about our lives.   As we experience grief, we no longer are naive to the fragility of life.  That everything can be snatched away from us and changed in an instant.  Our hopes, our dreams, our plans… all gone.   We value the little things more, may be less easily offended or annoyed, and focus on the bigger picture of things.    Challenges with grief and the new normal examples:   Secondary grief  Another death of a loved one/significant loss Happy and sad  Happy during positive events and milestone moments while sad  Kids band concert on Tuesday Accomplished a major life goal - obituary for mom Weekend Dallas trip Be strong and minimize expectations  Trip to the Emergency Department Spring break reschedules Losing water/flooded in- asking to use someone’s shower Driving back from Dallas and car overheats Loving one person and being able to love someone else People think you’ve forgotten that person Think you can’t love both Monday, 3/13: Feeling ill most of the day  Learned my mother had died unexpectedly Her death was similar to Nathan's, bringing up a lot of mixed emotions   Tuesday: Felt better physically, just out of it A busy day with errands Band concert performed by the kids at school (yay) Sad Nathan wasn't there The loss of my mom was in the back of my mind   Wednesday: Accomplished a major life goal Sad Nathan wasn't there - it felt strange Wrote the obituary for my mom Took the kids on a road trip to watch Hamilton (cried) Got home at 1 am and was exhausted   Thursday: Downtime (finally) Rested most of the day Picked up groceries and made dinner   Friday: Helped my son pick up some furniture and set it up Packed for a weekend trip (already planned) Drove 5 hours with my daughter to Dallas Had the best dream/conversation I've had with Nathan to date    Saturday/Sunday: Activities with my daughter   Monday (3/20): Stopped by a few stores in Dallas Drove 4 hours home Car engine overheated and had to leave it at a repair shop an hour away Son picked us up and brought us home Wednesday: Trip to the Emergency Department Had to reschedule kids’ activities for Thursday/Friday Thursday: Gentle, fun day with the kids Friday: Thunderstorms and torrential rain all day Flooded in Lost running water after 5 pm Without water for 3 days