Can I say no and be positive about it? This is the Daily Disturbance Podcast with Anthony Pangin. Jonathan. Tone is the hardest part of saying no.
Tone. In other words, it's not saying no that's the real problem. It's how we say no that messes up everything. I can say no, or I can say, I'd love to, but I can't.
Or I can say, oh, that's not as filled, but I can give you options to choose from if you don't mind. It's not saying no. It's how we say no that matters. I mean, seriously, saying no is an art and skill.
An art and skill is learned over time, with practice and perseverance. Welcome, Bibi Guy. And I'm still relearning it daily. Sadly, we spend more time worrying about saying no.
What if? Should I apologizing for having done so and feeling annoyed? Right. Or guilty about it?
Come on. No to all that. Earlier on in our marriage, Barisa and I were taught his parents to not just say no, but to give out a yes, but with conditions. For example, yes, you can watch that television show after you finish your dinner.
Oh, yes, you can visit the neighbor. Just complete your chores. Of course, you can take the dessert. Just finish your vegetables.
So, yes, we can always say no in a more positive way, but no. Can I clarify this? Not all will look and feel positive each time we choose to say no. Negative, right?
A no to an opportunity and offer a request. Have you heard of kids going on tantrums? They're not allowed to buy a particular toy. Come on.
Maybe you were like that. I think I was when I was younger. But know this. You are not responsible for all the consequences of your choices in life.
Huh? Let me clarify. You are responsible for the benefits and the consequences of your life, of what you say yes to, what you say no to. But others will have to face the impact of your choices in their own lives.
You can be mindful, right? You can be empathetic. You can be supportive. But ultimately, you can't be accountable for how someone else will receive or welcome your choice in life.
Real freedom. Amit Kalantri said this is saying no without giving a reason. Somebody else said this. No can be a sentence with a period, right?
Which means it's complete in itself. Matthew 5:37. Let what you say I love this. Be simply yes or no.
Anything more than this comes from evil. Oh, and here's a tip. Don't say maybe if you will eventually say no. You know how we don't want to Disappoint.
But actually, in your mind, you already know, right, that you will say no. You just can't say it in front, face to face. Actually, that's even worse, right, for the other party than an outright rejection, right? When a sibling said no to me, a sibling of mine, to an invitation that I gave to a financial investment in a new business I was setting up, he, she, I would say, who was not responsible for how that no right made me feel.
Neither was my sibling accountable for what eventually happened to my startup. I mean, truth to tell, on countless occasions, I mean, thinking about it now, in hindsight, I saw God's approval behind them many times. I was disapproved by others, ignored, declined, even rejected. Ever heard of how God allowed a whale to stop Jonah from going the wrong direction?
So yes, yes, we can say no, go back to that in a more positive way. But no, we can't completely be positive when it's time to be negative. At least not for the time being. There will always be that awkwardness, disappointment, pain, possibly even that sense of betrayal when someone says no to someone else.
In that sense, that negative sense might last for a moment. Others, for an extended period of time. Again, Amika Lancia, what did she say? Saying no to small things means saying yes to big things.
Maybe that can be our perspective. One of the most powerful responses. Okay, our international president, Culture Rescue, which is an anti human trafficking ngo. One of the most powerful responses that Doc Cindy Romine taught hundreds, if not thousands of kids in our country through our online and on site awareness programs in schools and communities was for kids to raise their arms and gesture as if to push away a potential abuser while screaming no, no, no.
Why? Because studies show as much as nine out of 10 abusers will stop abusing that actual act. They will step back if only the kid or kids will say no. And why?
Because they didn't expect the kid to say no. So for these kids, in a moment of an ongoing abuse, saying no saves their lives. But a no now does not always mean a door closed forever. Though, of course, when one is slammed on your face, right, that is short term pain, maybe even surgery.
But in some cases, the pain of saying or being told no can last for a long time. If only to remind us to be more mindful of how we ask or why we should avoid certain situations of compromise or it doesn't pay to reject someone else the way we did. Sometimes we win. Robert Yasaki.
Sometimes we learn. Sometimes we say yes and rejoice. Sometimes we say no. And learn in the long run, then there can be a positive outcome to saying no, if not yet.
So if you sense it from the core of your being that you should say no now, don't hold back. Venture into that space right of putting your foot down and enter a whole new world, a whole new level of life. Dr. Paulette, Dale, and I quote, get so far out of your comfort zone you can't find your way back.
A final thought. Do consider saying no with passion, with conviction to anything that will rob you of hope and positivity in life. Fear not, for I am with you. That's a command.
Isaiah spoke on behalf of God in Isaiah 41:10. In other words, say no to fear and discouragement. Further, the prophet adds, and I quote, be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you.
Be not dismayed. That's another no. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Now say enough, Tamanatini. Say no to listening further. And as you do, say no. Say no without guilt.
Say no only with pure joy.