Can My Marriage Be a “Happily Ever After”?

It would seem that most entering into marriage do so with high expectations of a life of happiness, fulfillment and companionship. Unfortunately for far too many, these expectations are foreign to their reality. Excluding marriages that end in divorce, how many are truly happy and fulfilled, and how many are simply going along to get along? These are hard things to look at. In order to do so in a positive and growth-oriented way, we need to establish two basic truths for our conversation. First, let’s understand that “Happily ever after” is a fairy tale ending. The feelings it ignites of an everyday bliss-filled life are unfair and not real. Second, let’s understand that our marriages CAN be happy, fulfilled and full of companionship, IF we know what we’re striving for and are willing to put in the effort! Every genuinely successful marriage has a few things in common. With each of these things, there is always a continual need to focus and refocus as life can relentlessly get in the way. Let’s start with the one thing that most of us think of as obvious – love. We “fall in love” and develop a powerful connection. We cannot imagine that connection ever changing or waning, as it is so strong and binding. We get married. Maybe we have kids. Maybe we have demanding careers. Maybe we have trauma or family issues or sickness or loss. Maybe we grow apart from one another. We wake up one day and realize that our once seemingly indestructible connection is blurred or foggy. Are we done? Is it over? Can perspective help? It certainly doesn’t have to be, as there are MANY things we can do to rebuild, revive and reconnect. One principle to begin with is perspective. As we observe what has happened or is happening in our marriage, we need to realize we have the power to set our perspective. Most often we feel the pain or sorrow or regret or confusion of what is happening, and those emotions drive our conclusions. This natural and emotional approach can easily end in disaster. However, there is another way. We absolutely need to feel what we feel, but it is important to ask ourselves one important question. This question can open the door to strong, revitalizing possibilities. How am I seeing my marriage challenges? Is the glass “half empty” or is the glass “half full”? The fact is, when we see any situation as a “glass half empty” scenario, we are framing it as a loss. Studies have shown that once we frame something this way, it is very hard to reframe it as a gain, as a “glass half full” conclusion. Understanding this simple life equation can change everything. Check out our February 12, 2024 podcast, “Can Marriage be a Happily Ever After?” for more. We delve into the power of perspective and apply it to the foundational building blocks of marriage. Join us for answers – real practical and marriage-enhancing answers!