Can People Change? (Fathers, Father Figures, and the Role of God) | Healing from Father Wounds (Daddy Issues Ep.39)

Can people really change? And when it comes to our fathers—or father figures—who may have hurt us, what is our role in that change, and what is God’s?Beloved, this is one of the most tender questions many of us carry. When you’ve been hurt by a father or father figure, the desire for change often runs deep. We long for reconciliation. We long to be seen, heard, and loved in the ways we missed.But what happens when change doesn’t come? What’s our responsibility—and what belongs only to God?Today’s reflection will walk us through:* What real change looks like* Our role vs. God’s role* How to release expectations without giving up hope* How to keep healing even if change never comesReflection1. What Real Change Looks LikeChange isn’t just saying sorry or behaving better for a short time. Real transformation requires:* Facing truth honestly* Walking in accountability* Allowing God’s grace to renew the heartEzekiel 36:26 – “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”True change flows from God—it goes deeper than willpower.2. Our Role: What We Can DoHere’s what we often forget: you cannot force change. You cannot heal what someone refuses to face. You cannot play the role of the Holy Spirit.But you can:* Set boundaries that protect your peace* Pray for their healing and salvation* Forgive when you’re ready—not to excuse, but to release yourself* Choose wisely how much access they have to your lifeRomans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”You are only responsible for your part.3. God’s Role: The One Who TransformsGod alone changes hearts. He convicts where we cannot, reveals truth in ways we cannot, and carries the work to completion.Philippians 1:6 – “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”That means you can release the pressure. The burden is not yours to carry.4. The Hard Truth: When Change Doesn’t HappenSometimes, no matter how much we hope or pray, fathers do not change. This doesn’t mean God has failed. It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. And it doesn’t mean your healing is impossible.Psalm 27:10 – “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”Your healing is secure in God, even without their transformation.5. Holding Hope Without Losing YourselfIt’s okay to hope. But hope must be balanced with wisdom. Otherwise, you may end up stuck—waiting for their change before stepping into your own freedom.Pray for them. Hold space for reconciliation. But don’t freeze your healing while you wait. God can redeem relationships, but He can also redeem you apart from them.Journaling Prompts* Am I waiting for someone else’s change before I feel free to heal?* Where am I carrying responsibility that actually belongs to God?* How can I release my father into God’s hands today, while still keeping healthy boundaries?Affirmation“I am not responsible for anyone else’s transformation. I release control and trust God with the hearts of those who hurt me. My healing is not dependent on their change—it is secure in God.”Today’s Key Bible VerseEzekiel 36:26 – “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”If God can do this in us, He can do it in them too—but it’s His work, not ours.Beloved, here’s the truth: you are not defined by someone else’s choices. You are defined by God’s love. Your healing is secure in Him, no matter what others choose.If today’s reflection spoke to you, share it with a friend who might need encouragement. And if you’d like to go deeper, subscribe here on Substack for weekly reflections, journaling prompts, and resources to support your healing journey.Beloved with Cherise Rochelle is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Until next time, stay rooted in truth, wrapped in grace, and never forget—you are beloved. 💛 Get full access to Beloved with Cherise Rochelle at cheriserochelle.substack.com/subscribe