Caregiver Stories: Choosing Love Through the Unexpected Journey of Motherhood with Valerie Probstfeld

Every mother begins with expectations. Few of us imagine how deeply motherhood will transform our identity. In this episode of Inchstones, Sarah Kernion sits down with author and nurse practitioner Valerie Probstfeld, creator of To Mom Is to Love, for a heartfelt conversation about caregiver stories, neurodivergent parenting, grief, identity, and learning to choose love when life unfolds differently than expected. Valerie shares the experience of becoming a mother in the NICU, where losing control forced her to rethink what motherhood truly means. Together, she and Sarah explore how unexpected diagnoses, profound autism, medical trauma, and unmet expectations reshape caregivers—and why healing often begins by releasing the illusion of control. From autism parenting advice and caregiver emotional support to the role of nature, community, and nervous system regulation, this conversation reminds every parent that growth is rarely linear. Whether you’re raising a child with autism, navigating a difficult diagnosis, or simply learning to trust yourself again, this episode offers encouragement to recognize the sacredness hidden inside ordinary moments. In this episode: 02:10 — Becoming “Mom” and the unexpected identity shift of motherhood 06:10 — Why unmet expectations can feel more painful than reality itself 10:20 — Medical trauma, grief, and feeling unseen as a caregiver 13:10 — Releasing the illusion of control through motherhood 15:00 — Nature, resilience, and why growth is never linear 18:00 — Water, nervous system regulation, and profound autism 21:15 — Why caregivers need community more than ever 24:00 — Choosing love over fear in everyday parenting 27:00 — Finding meaning through the smallest inchstones of motherhood Resources Learn more here about Valerie Probstfeld and her book To Mom Is to Love. Subscribe to the Inchstones Podcast for more conversations about autism advocacy, caregiver stories, neurodivergent parenting, and practical encouragement for families raising autistic children. Read Sarah’s caregiver essays on the Inchstones Substack. Chapters (00:00:00) - To Mom Is To Love(00:00:54) - To Mom Is To Love(00:05:08) - In the Elevator With Motherhood(00:05:55) - Why Did I Give Birth With an Autism Child?(00:12:04) - The Illusion of Control(00:15:25) - Autism moms on the dangers of water(00:19:14) - Mental health: Trust the Process(00:25:11) - Valerie Jones on her Inchstones Book