Chair Wars

Greetings, bonjour what’s happening Another week, yes indeed. So I’ve been home most of this week, ostensibly because of the rail-strikes but then I went and got COVID, again. Yea, COVID, who remembers that? I must have a mild-form of it because, touchwood, it’s not been too bad, just a bit tired and throaty; bit of a headache. Seemingly spent a large of chunk of yesterday keeping an unsociable distance from my wife and scrolling on my phone. I’m not much of a scroller, normally more of a YouTube Video-Clicker-type. Seems a lot of people I vaguely know are at Glastonbury, having a decent time of it. Anyway, felt pretty unhealthy after a good-day of doing that and it reminded me how easily I succumb to unstructured behaviour and how it makes me feel; rarely good. A couple of emails I needed to reply too and this little blog, was enough motivation for me to get off my arse and do something. There’s a fair amount going on right now, which requires my attention and sweeping it under the rug because of a bit of COVID is not going to do me any favours and it’s not like I’m doing any back-breaking labour. But self-care, Paul? Relax, I might have a Twix. Speaking of labour and work, I had to cancel two of my regular gigs this week due to the train-strike, which I don’t get paid for but I’m happy to forgo that. Large-up the strikers; from what I gather striking is a last resort, best of luck to them. I’ve been enjoying seeing clips of Mick Lynch talking on the telly. A lot of modern, mainstream-politics, seems to me to just rely on window-dressing via tokenistic policies and meaningless platitudes. It’s refreshing to see a bit of genuine pushback, with someone that doesn’t sound like a PR auto-bot, with real-world-results. A timely reminder to Labour, perhaps, about who they’ve been ignoring, for the last thirty years or so? But we crack on. Amidst price hikes, wars and stagnating wages, we crack on. What else do we do? Sit on our blowers, mindlessly scrolling? No Thanks. So this weeks writing-offering is the piece I mentioned last week about chairs. I like a good chair It’s in slightly better shape than it was but I’m still sure not sure about it, so I welcome any feedback. I’ve also tagged on a song at the end. Something that I recorded with my good pal Conrad Murray about ten years ago, who produced it. If this blog was partly about me pushing myself, I should be including music in that. I’ve been making music for a long time now but aside from that theatre stuff and the odd gig, I’ve largely kept it separate. Mainly because I overthink how people will react to it, as if there’s not enough overlap between the two worlds and they’ll think it’s weird; when really, who cares? Silly, I know. Fear of other people’s opinions is something that’s always held me back. Be brave, clench fists, as Mike Skinner said. All this is in preparation for an EP that I’ve entirely self-produced; that I hope to have released by the autumn. I plan to start drip-feeding some of the music into this. One of the tracks is already out, you can hear it here. Because, Why not? The song is called Another Day, you can stream it on HERE So that’s it for this week, bit long-winded I know. Despite these turbulent times, I hope you all have a decent weekend Peas and taters Paul CHAIR WARS The set up for our form-tutor was three rows. Single-desk-row on the sides Double desk-row in the middle Our little firm hugged the first four desks on the Right-hand-side if you were facing the front of the class, where Mrs Khan sat, our tutor Kells and Luko held the front desk Me and Gary the second Ram and Rhino sat behind Shane and Danny at the back We held it down during registration and the other random tutor group things we occasionally had to do like PSHE, whatever that was This and PE were probably the only time mixed ability kids, actually mixed gearing us up for the future Mrs Kahn was the form tutor Fairly stern but liked a calm class, with the occasional giggle There was never any set places for anyone to sit at No formalised desk plan, we were year 11’s With a gnat’s eyelash of independence Technically, you could sit where you wanted, technically The whole tutor-group seemed to tick to have their preferred spots and stuck to them The prime real estate was the bottom left Back of the class you had the windows for a good-look-out I liked a good-look-out the window The back unit which you could lean on Or leave your bag on It was a sweet-spot This highly value piece of land was held by a crew of girls who were legion about 8 of them in any other lesson they wouldn’t be sat at the back of the class They were all nice girls and high-achievers Back of the class was for tough kids And nobs, like me Who weren’t tough but Still mucked about Until we got told off But occasionally gave a bit of Lip back to teachers. I wasn’t happy about these unwritten rules No where was it stated that we had a seating plan Mrs Khan didn’t roll like that She valued that gnat’s eyelash of independence we Were afforded, as did we, as did I Technically, you could sit where you wanted, technically Yet we all fell into line I’ve always questioned things I’m an ideas guy I felt it unfair the girls had a monopoly on that timeshare It was only fair that us boys should share it Share and share alike and Maybe don’t give it back Once obtained It was out time Action needed to be taken I called it on I said’ listen boys, we should take that space’ ‘Tomorrow, we’ll get into class early’ ‘And claim it as ours’ So when the girls arrive, we’ll already be camped-out Firmed up, having changed the locks, like squatters but With the impact of revolutionaries but importantly Done legally, we’d just be asserting our rights Because, technically, you could sit where you wanted, technically Next morning I arrived nervous but cocky but scared and ultimately unsure what I was doing pretty-much a default position for me at any point during my life counting on the support of my peers but not guaranteed of it Just another day Gary arrives he held a lot more weight than me People respected him more He wore Kickers and a Kappa puffa-jacket I had imitation Kickers and an Esinegger jacket Barely respectable But sometimes Gary listened to me, sometimes The girls-group all travelled in from the same place Their bus was nearly always late So we had time on our side Me and Gary nodded heads picked up our bags We made our move knowing that when the other boys arrive The takeover would be complete Bowled over like heroes that No-one had noticed Plonked my backback on the back shelf unit Had a good gawp out the window The world looked a grey sheen of fine Put my feet up on the chair next to me Breathed the air tasted the moment It tasted good but It didn’t feel right Butterflies? Felt wrong But what was wrong? Technically, you could sit anywhere you wanted, technically We got a couple of looks from the other people in the class No one said nothing though Probably because Gary was there But we held it down It was ours Rhino and Ramo arrive in the door They clock us, then looked away And sat in their usual seats I felt a feeling rise within that wasn’t t nice Like I‘d been dis-respected A familiar feeling I casually smiled like I hadn’t noticed it Just butterflies Just butterflies ‘pussies’ I said ‘Don’t worry Gary they’ll be over in a minute’ Gary looked non-plussed either way I think he was just enjoying something different Kells and Luko arrived People were scared of Kells He wasn’t scared of teachers Often disruptive Didn’t care much for order He was cerited to join the ranks he looked at us, then looked away Kells. How?! Like the other two I called him a pussy But kept it to myself My sense of fairness didn’t extend to mates who Could chin-me The girls arrived in the door The moment of reckoning Stay strong They came in force and stormed The bottom corner of the class outraged kicking off straight away One of them tried to grab my bag I pulled it to my chest and retreated my legs from the back unit ‘ can see sit where we want’, I said ‘Free country’ without any understanding of What that meant One of the other girls was pulling on the sleevs of Gary’s puffa He no longer looked amused with it all With just one scowl the girl then backed-off Then they turned their attention to me I tried a Gary-like-scowl Pretty sure that girl I aimed it at laughed I could feel myself wilting Held on They then deployed their greatest weapon and protested to Mrs Kahn with the fervour of student activists with the right accent and vocabulary Mrs Kahn looked up at us Then back down at her register Sighed And ordered us back to our seats I protested to Mrs Khan Asserting some reason ‘Technically, we can sit where we want. Technically’ ‘It’s not fair miss’ Mrs Khan waved away my pathetic protest My dignity, my human right to free expression And the right to sit where I wanted in the tutor group With a casual authoritarian override No one coming to my rescue Though deep down I was sure they all agreed ‘Na, I’m not going’ I said Even though I knew I was going Mrs Kahn stands up ‘Stop wasting my bloody time, you silly boys’ My face goes red Picked up my bag, pushed further into my chest I took one last look out of that glorious window And trudged back to my usual desk The other boys looking at me I smiled to hide the humiliation Kells grinned at me, turned to Luko and made a wanker sign Ram and Rhino said nothing Our revolution was short-lived Gary looks at me, ‘you nob, that Was never gonna work’ he says Bu technically, you can sit anywhere, technically ‘just shut-up man’ he says Mrs Kahn calls the register I put my head on my bag Deflated Kells turns round and laughs at me ‘You wanker’ he says I never was a leader I had the ideas but lacked the execution but a permanent point to prove like a car, a destination but no driving skills I had drive, though Just a shame it was all as useful As that cheap pencil with a forever Breaking-tip, that sat in the inside-pocket of My school blazer This is a public episode. 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