Choosing the Harder Door: From Childhood Shame to Federal Prison

Some secrets get handed to us before we are old enough to know what to do with them. Ranae was a preteen in a small Minnesota town when she was sexually abused by boys she had known her whole life. The instruction that followed- stay quiet, or people will think you are bad- became the quiet architecture of everything she built afterward. For decades that belief ran the show. It showed up as people pleasing, as quitting good jobs before anyone could find out she was not good enough, as a kind of disappearing she did inside her own mind without ever naming it. Eventually it led her into a scheme that spiraled into wire and mail fraud, and one morning, into a bathroom mirror where she gave herself exactly two ways out. She chose to turn herself in. She served fifty-one months in federal prison, and she will tell you plainly that walking through those doors is the day her healing actually began. This conversation is about shame, about the stories we are told to keep, and about what becomes possible once we finally put one down. What You'll Hear: How a childhood secret in a town of 572 people shaped three decades of choices The moment Ranae faced two options in front of a mirror, and chose the harder one Why she says her healing began the day she walked into federal prison The prison psychologist who refused to let her settle for halfway What it felt like to walk out the doors and feel free for the first time How Connecting to Cope, named after her dog, became her life's second purpose Guest Bio: Ranae Van Roekel is a mother, grandmother, wife, dog lover—and someone whose life was forever changed by the consequences of her choices. After committing a crime that harmed people both close to her and unknown to her, Ranae served 36 months in federal prison. What she once thought could never be part of her story—being labeled a felon—became a defining chapter in her journey. Through incarceration, Ranae came to understand how deeply unresolved trauma had shaped her actions and decisions. This realization became the catalyst for years of healing and recovery. She has since dedicated herself to self-care, education, and advocacy, using her lived experience to help others—regardless of their histories or hardships—discover coping skills and pathways toward healing. Today, Ranae is a passionate advocate for justice reform, working to create a system that acknowledges the humanity of every individual and addresses the root causes of crime, including trauma, stress, and mental health struggles. Through her platform, Connecting to Cope, she shares her story, insights, and strategies with others navigating personal or professional challenges. Her mission is clear: to empower people to face their pain, embrace healing, and move toward thriving lives. Social Channels https://www.facebook.com/connectingtocope/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/connecting-to-cope/ https://www.instagram.com/connectingtocope/ https://connectingtocope.com/ --- Listen and follow: www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com/follow Subscribe to the newsletter: https://thelifeshiftpodcast.beehiiv.com/ --- childhood sexual abuse, shame and secrecy, people pleasing, federal prison, healing in prison, trauma and choices, white collar crime, family forgiveness, finding worth, prison reform advocacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices